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Old September 10 2013, 03:07 AM   #1
SamhainLikeYou
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Down in the Dumps

I'm generally a cheerful person. I'm fairly content with my life, and although it could be much better, I consider myself lucky enough to have my family and friends, good health (I'm diabetic but it's under control), and a stable career in the government sector while enjoying a positive work relationship with others.

Although I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety eight years ago, I've managed my condition pretty well with the help of medication and by exercising regularly and trying to eat a healthful diet--and mostly with the support of people who are close to me.

These past few days, however, I've been feeling down. I don't know what it is. Maybe it's the changing of the season. Maybe it's because I didn't get to travel this summer as I did in previous years. Not only do I get this feeling of lack of excitement in my life, but also I'm reminded of what I don't have or what I haven't done in life (like traveling), and there's a feeling of sad emptiness that comes with it. I start to think, "If only I were a better person physically, mentally, and emotionally, things would've been different and I would be a much happier person."

A friend suggested that perhaps I should get into a relationship. Being gay/bi, I have always been content with being single and have enjoyed the company of friends and family. It's been ages since I was last in a relationship with a woman back in my early 20s (my "straight" years). And to be honest, I've never been physically intimate with anyone.

Part of me is daunted by the very idea of being in a relationship. That's mostly because I like my independence--to do whatever I want, go wherever and whenever I want to, without being bound by the demands of a partner. Yet when I go out by myself, I see all these happy couples enjoying their dinner and a movie date. I've never really envied people in a relationship, at least not until recently.

So anyway, I just thought I'd share my thoughts ...
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Old September 10 2013, 04:21 AM   #2
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Re: Down in the Dumps

I can only speak for myself, but seeking out a relationship just to have one is a bad idea. I've seen too many friends base their life/self-worth around their partner and it seldom seems to end well. Being open to a relationship though, that's another story...asking out someone you find interesting and attractive don't cost a thing.
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Old September 10 2013, 04:51 AM   #3
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Re: Down in the Dumps

And that's pretty much how I've felt all these years. I have friends who are single, in a relationship, married, or divorced, and most of them at least seem content with the status quo. I don't feel bad or lonely on Valentine's Day or any other time of the year. But what my friend said recently has got me thinking that it wouldn't be so bad to date or see someone. At the moment, I don't actively seek out a partner, and I wouldn't know where to begin anyway.

Edit:

Or maybe I'm just bored due to a lack of good TV shows. The new fall TV season is just around the corner.
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Old September 10 2013, 04:59 AM   #4
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Re: Down in the Dumps

I feel pretty much exactly the way you do. Good family. Good friends. Good job. I am content. Unfortunately, I am growing complacent with being content, and it's been bumming me out a lot the last couple months. My life needs to be shaken up!
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Old September 10 2013, 05:29 AM   #5
SamhainLikeYou
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Re: Down in the Dumps

Wanna hook up? I jest, I jest!

But you're still young, Rojo. You've got your whole life ahead of you.
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Old September 10 2013, 06:01 AM   #6
wissaboo
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Re: Down in the Dumps

I have a history of depression as well. Sometimes I can feel myself slipping back down. Usually getting some exercise outside will right the chemicals in my brain again.
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Old September 10 2013, 07:12 AM   #7
Collingwood Nick
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Re: Down in the Dumps

I'm in a similar position to you Gryffindorian, been feeling down a bit lately and for the same sort of reasons. But I've recently had to move to a different city; new job, new university, new friends, etc and that's probably just starting to sink in.
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Old September 10 2013, 07:51 AM   #8
teacock
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Re: Down in the Dumps

That sounds potentially exciting Collingwood Nick.
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Old September 10 2013, 08:04 AM   #9
MacLeod
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Re: Down in the Dumps

I suspect many of us have those days were we feel a little blue, we can be perfectly happy for 99% of the year but there can be that 1% were for whatever reason we feel down.
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Old September 10 2013, 08:35 AM   #10
Death of Rats
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Re: Down in the Dumps

I've been single for the best part of the last 20 years and have to admit that it can get on one's nerves. Having a partner is quite nice when you are depressed. There's always someone who can hold you in his/her arms and comfort you.
The feeling of being chained to someone is a risk but it always depends on the person. While some tend to choke you or try to control your every step, others give you the freedom you need. The ideal partner should be like a safety net and be there to catch you when you fall but otherwise not get in your way. In my experience only few people can do that. Older ones and those who have been single for a long time are more likely to give you some rope while young and insecure people tend to get too tight. But there are of course exceptions to this general rule.

I'd suggest you keep your eyes open and give it a try. And don't give up if it doesn't work with the first person. Or the second or third or - well, you get what I mean.

And in the meantime, if you need a hug or a shoulder to lean on, we'll always be there for you
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Old September 10 2013, 01:22 PM   #11
Collingwood Nick
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Re: Down in the Dumps

teacake wrote: View Post
That sounds potentially exciting Collingwood Nick.
Is. I'm sure I'll be right in time
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Old September 11 2013, 12:14 AM   #12
SamhainLikeYou
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Re: Down in the Dumps

wissaboo wrote: View Post
I have a history of depression as well. Sometimes I can feel myself slipping back down. Usually getting some exercise outside will right the chemicals in my brain again.
This is very true. When I was first diagnosed, my doctor recommended regular exercise on most days. Of course, I already did that at the time, but it's good to help those endorphines going.

Collingwood Nick wrote: View Post
I'm in a similar position to you Gryffindorian, been feeling down a bit lately and for the same sort of reasons. But I've recently had to move to a different city; new job, new university, new friends, etc and that's probably just starting to sink in.

MacLeod wrote: View Post
I suspect many of us have those days were we feel a little blue, we can be perfectly happy for 99% of the year but there can be that 1% were for whatever reason we feel down.
Apparently, I'm not the only one. Maybe it's just a phase I'm going through. In any case, I NEED some excitement in my life.

Rhubarbodendron wrote: View Post
I've been single for the best part of the last 20 years and have to admit that it can get on one's nerves. Having a partner is quite nice when you are depressed. There's always someone who can hold you in his/her arms and comfort you.
The feeling of being chained to someone is a risk but it always depends on the person. While some tend to choke you or try to control your every step, others give you the freedom you need. The ideal partner should be like a safety net and be there to catch you when you fall but otherwise not get in your way. In my experience only few people can do that. Older ones and those who have been single for a long time are more likely to give you some rope while young and insecure people tend to get too tight. But there are of course exceptions to this general rule.

I'd suggest you keep your eyes open and give it a try. And don't give up if it doesn't work with the first person. Or the second or third or - well, you get what I mean.

And in the meantime, if you need a hug or a shoulder to lean on, we'll always be there for you
Great advice, and thank you all for listening and sharing your experiences as well. My friend suggested that I should probably get some counseling if I'm having anxiety about relationships. I don't think I'm relationship-phobic, and it would certainly be nice to eventually find someone to grow old with.
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Old September 11 2013, 12:32 AM   #13
jazzstick
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Re: Down in the Dumps

Gryffindorian wrote: View Post
I'm generally a cheerful person. I'm fairly content with my life, and although it could be much better, I consider myself lucky enough to have my family and friends, good health (I'm diabetic but it's under control), and a stable career in the government sector while enjoying a positive work relationship with others.

Although I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety eight years ago, I've managed my condition pretty well with the help of medication and by exercising regularly and trying to eat a healthful diet--and mostly with the support of people who are close to me.

These past few days, however, I've been feeling down. I don't know what it is. Maybe it's the changing of the season. Maybe it's because I didn't get to travel this summer as I did in previous years. Not only do I get this feeling of lack of excitement in my life, but also I'm reminded of what I don't have or what I haven't done in life (like traveling), and there's a feeling of sad emptiness that comes with it. I start to think, "If only I were a better person physically, mentally, and emotionally, things would've been different and I would be a much happier person."

A friend suggested that perhaps I should get into a relationship. Being gay/bi, I have always been content with being single and have enjoyed the company of friends and family. It's been ages since I was last in a relationship with a woman back in my early 20s (my "straight" years). And to be honest, I've never been physically intimate with anyone.

Part of me is daunted by the very idea of being in a relationship. That's mostly because I like my independence--to do whatever I want, go wherever and whenever I want to, without being bound by the demands of a partner. Yet when I go out by myself, I see all these happy couples enjoying their dinner and a movie date. I've never really envied people in a relationship, at least not until recently.

So anyway, I just thought I'd share my thoughts ...
Boy, this sounds all too familier...

I've suffered from depression for the last 21 years of my life (I'm 31 now) and have learned how to control it as you have with diet, medication and exersize but when it comes to living life, in my experince, for what it's worth, its definilty best shared! Nothing wrong with being independant, in fact its very importantant to be a good partner to someone but as General Martok said:

"We Klingons often tout our prowess in battle, our desire for glory and honor above all else. But how hollow is the sound of victory without someone to share it with. Honor gives little comfort to a man alone in his home... and in his heart..."


We all long for that connection, it's what makes us human, but I feel if you feel the need to be with someone, you should look within yourself and see what is missing and make sure its really a need to connect and not other issues that you not another person can only fix!

I myself went throught a relathionship that lasted a year and ended abruptly 18 months ago and looking back I can see some of the reasons why I stayed with someone who treated me so badly, and once I did, I got on that shit and fixed it but it all started because of that same longing and loneliness!! I wanted to be a better partner and a healthier person and never have a repeat of getting my heart ripped out and stomped on! If you have a need to travel and explore I can't possibly imagine it would hard to find someone who share's your love of the world! Besides the right person will never stand in your way! The right person will give you wings!


Keep your heart open and the people you are meant to have in your life will come to you!


You are not alone...you are never alone!

Also...Star Trek helps, lots and lots of Star Trek!
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Old September 11 2013, 02:03 AM   #14
SamhainLikeYou
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Re: Down in the Dumps

Interesting perspective. I like the Trek quote. I have a couple of very good older friends I mentioned before: one's a divorced lady in her late 60s and the other's a 70-something gentleman who has never married his entire life. They're both very dear to me, and I've always looked up to them and admired them for their independence and wisdom. I often think that someday--if I never get married or find a partner--I hope to be just as happy as these two friends of mine.
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Old September 11 2013, 09:04 AM   #15
BennieGamali
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Re: Down in the Dumps

I'm in the middle of losing a very close friend (or person I'm a bit obsessed with), so I can relate to the down in the dumpishness!
Things are a bit weird, he's leaving because he's obsessed with someone who might or might not be me. But I don't want to ask him about it or tell him how I feel because I know a relationship like we would have couldn't work, and I couldn't make him happy. It's terribly sad and difficult to let him go, but it's the right thing to do.
In other words, I do not advise getting into a relationship unless it's because YOU personally want one and because you are in love. Your partner shouldn't be a happy pill or a crutch. Getting into a relationship as a means to "fight" depression usually just makes you feel even worse.
That being said! I am certain this is very very opinionated. I am sure a lot of people see this in a different way than me.
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Last edited by BennieGamali; September 11 2013 at 09:18 AM.
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