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Go Back   The Trek BBS > Star Trek Movies > Star Trek Movies XI+

Star Trek Movies XI+ Discuss J.J. Abrams' rebooted Star Trek here.

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Old May 16 2013, 06:51 PM   #1
FatherRob
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Rewriting Star Trek Into Darkness (Spoilers)

Okay... so I have seen the film... formed my own opinions, and read some thoughtful reviews to solidify my thoughts on how STID could have been significantly improved. I am trying to retain as much of the film, and as many significant VFX concepts as I can...

TEASER:

On a mission to a primitive planet, Kirk and McCoy have been undercover, learning about the natives. As dusk falls, Kirk grabs a religious scroll, incurring the wrath of the natives. As he and McCoy are attempting to escape, Spock, Sulu, and Uhura are working to try to stabilize a volcano that threatens to wipe out the nascient civilization. Spock is lowered into the volcano with his 'ice cube' to chill the volcano off. The shuttlecraft is damaged by the volcano and misses its check-in with the ship.

The Enterprise, which has been in hiding behind the planetary moon appears over the limb of the moon, with Scotty in command. When the shuttle makes contact, they reveal Spock is stuck and they are going to ditch. Kirk and McCoy have their problems too. Kirk orders Scott to bring the Enterprise into orbit and rescue the crew. With Kirk, McCoy, Sulu, and Uhura safely aboard, the transporters cannot lock on to Spock because of the volcano. Scotty says they need to get closer. Kirk, weighing the options, chooses to take the Enterprise into the atmosphere and, flying low, rescues Spock and escapes.

OPENING TITLE

I CAN SAVE HER - I could see leaving this alone.

KIRK, PIKE, SPOCK CONFAB - I can see leaving this alone, with a few exceptions: The interference with the volcano was Spock's idea, and executed by him. He gets demoted to Lt.Cdr. (homage to TOS season 1). Kirk, as commander, is threatened with court martial.

BIG BOOM IN LONDON - Leave it alone

TRACKING KIRK - Kirk is in a seedy bar, Pike comes to visit. He's persuaded Admiral Marcus, the Sector Commander, to assign Kirk to Pike as Enterprise XO. Kirk opines that he isn't interested in the job, to which Pike responds he needs to learn more than an ounce of humility, and that he will take the job or Pike will go back and ask Marcus to court martial him. Pike's communicator goes off, he gets the message about the meeting, and he tells Kirk he has 10 minutes to make up his mind, because they are going to see Marcus at a meeting.

MEETING HALL - Essentially as filmed.

INVESTIGATION - Drop the transwarp beaming bit. Instead, Harrison beamed out to coordinates in earth orbit. When a shuttle investigates, nothing is left behind except a bomb which damages the shuttle.

MARCUS' OFFICE - Marcus reveals the existence of S31 to Kirk, and discloses that Harrison is a shadow operative for the group. He cannot ask his own to go after Harrison because many are sympathetic to his cause. He asks Kirk to covertly do some bloodhounding while the Enterprise is completing repairs.

NEW MONTAGE SCENE - A few weeks pass in the montage... Harrison meets people covertly, trading things, and leaving breadcrumbs. Kirk meets some of the same people, some are helpful, others are not. Finally Kirk gets a hold of some kind of evidence that shows he is in hiding on a remote Klingon outpost.

NEW MARCUS OFFICE SCENE - Kirk presents his evidence, and asks Marcus to pursue Harrison. Marcus grants the request. He offers Kirk some advanced weaponry too... weaponry that would be untraceable by the Klingons if employed in their space.

SHUTTLE TO ENTERPRISE SCENE - Leave mostly alone, but drop the intro of Carol.

ON ENTERPRISE - Scotty is gone. He refused to sign for the ordnance, so Marcus replaced him with Carol Wallace, a weapons specialist. The ship heads out for the Klingon border.

ON THE KLINGON OUTPOST - Harrison is up to something. No idea what, but he is up to something.

ON ENTERPRISE - A briefing room scene where Harrison's dossier is reviewed, highlighting various identities he has had while working for S31. All this is compliments of Marcus. The bridge calls, and the border is ahead. Kirk and co. take a 'borrowed' vehicle for plasuable deniability's sake.

ON THE OUTPOST - Kirk evades the Klingon patrols and finds Harrison. Landing, he and Harrison have a tearse exchange, bordering on violent, when the Klingons find them and assault. Harrison virtually single-handedly fights them off, with some advanced weaponry and hand to hand combat. He specifically saves Kirk from being decapitated by a bat'leth. Afterwards, in a moment of two-dimensional thinking, Harrison turns his back to Kirk to pontificate, at which time he picks up the bat'leth and whacks Harrison on the back of the head with the blunt end. Harrison is taken into custody.

MARCUS' OFFICE - Marcus receives a report about Harrison's capture. He leaves for the Vengeance.

ENTERPRISE - The ship is about to leave the border when she looses power. Something is wrong in Engineering. Kirk calls Carol who says she thinks that it is a coolant leak, but that it will take time to track down. Spock goes to assist her. She makes several subtle mistakes in her processes that Spock has to fix. A lengthy repair estimate comes back. On his way back to the bridge, Spock ducks into a conference room and pulls up some data on the new engineer.

KLINGON SECTOR COMMAND - The Enterprise, her power failed, is revealed.. and the Klingons are going to strike.

BRIG - Kirk goes to confront Harrison alone. Harrison reveals his true identity as Joachim, right hand man to Khan Noonien Singh. Khan died because his discoverers didn't include a doctor. Joachim was revived later, at Starfleet. The Botany Bay was found on its course by a survey mission, and was taken back to Earth. When Starfleet figured out who they were, Marcus decided to start reviving them. War is inevitable, Marcus wants an advantage. Joachim is his best hope.... but Joachim speaks of Marcus as a traitor, and Kirk won't hear of it. Just as he prepares to storm out of the brig, the Klingons attack.

ATTACK SEQUENCE - Culminates in the USS Vengeance rescuing the Enterprise under Marcus' watchful gaze. Marcus wants Joachim, and is disappointed that Kirk has listened to him. He tractors the Enterprise, and heads back for earth.

That's all the time I have for now... will finish up later.
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Old May 16 2013, 08:04 PM   #2
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Re: Rewriting Star Trek Into Darkness (Spoilers)

The film is what it is my friend.
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Old May 16 2013, 08:28 PM   #3
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Re: Rewriting Star Trek Into Darkness (Spoilers)

I'd keep the shot of the Enterprise rising out the ocean, it was an amazing scene.

Also Khan, it makes the reveal better if it is actually Khan and not his XO.

I also like the idea that Admiral Marcus is the actual villain. The Federation has lost Vulcan, one of their founding planets, and almost lost Earth. Having an Admiral become paranoid and start pushing to do whatever it takes to protect the Federation makes sense.
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Old May 16 2013, 08:31 PM   #4
Admiral Buzzkill
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Re: Rewriting Star Trek Into Darkness (Spoilers)

Awesome Possum wrote: View Post
I'd keep the shot of the Enterprise rising out the ocean, it was an amazing scene.
Well, yeah. That was awesome.
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Old May 17 2013, 03:53 PM   #5
lawman
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Re: Rewriting Star Trek Into Darkness (Spoilers)

As variations go, I kinda like it so far. It keeps the same basic story structure while avoiding some of the cheap and obvious "writers' shortcuts" in the plotting and characterization.
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Old May 17 2013, 03:57 PM   #6
anh165
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Re: Rewriting Star Trek Into Darkness (Spoilers)

Why stop at swapping out Khan? Lets swap out Kirk for Picard, Spock for Data.

Threads like this should be fanfic surely?
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Old May 17 2013, 04:13 PM   #7
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Re: Rewriting Star Trek Into Darkness (Spoilers)

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Old May 17 2013, 04:18 PM   #8
Admiral Buzzkill
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Re: Rewriting Star Trek Into Darkness (Spoilers)

I can't get interested in a Khan-less version of this story.
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Old May 17 2013, 06:44 PM   #9
FatherRob
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Re: Rewriting Star Trek Into Darkness (Spoilers)

anh165 wrote: View Post
Why stop at swapping out Khan? Lets swap out Kirk for Picard, Spock for Data.

Threads like this should be fanfic surely?
Well, perhaps... but I feel that some simple variations could have occured with what we got to make the story feel less like a riff on Space Seed / TWOK and its own unique tale. I am simply exploring some of those possibilities here.

Rob+
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Old May 17 2013, 09:45 PM   #10
Cinema Geekly
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Re: Rewriting Star Trek Into Darkness (Spoilers)

FatherRob wrote: View Post
anh165 wrote: View Post
Why stop at swapping out Khan? Lets swap out Kirk for Picard, Spock for Data.

Threads like this should be fanfic surely?
Well, perhaps... but I feel that some simple variations could have occured with what we got to make the story feel less like a riff on Space Seed / TWOK and its own unique tale. I am simply exploring some of those possibilities here.

Rob+
I don't think it feels like Space Seed or TWOK at all. Sure it has a moment or two and of course the one scene (done as good as in WOK) and the one line (done better than in WOK). But outside of that this movie clearly seemed like its own story that also featured a piece of destiny that just couldn't be escaped (a common theme in Bad Robot type films and shows).

Largely I think the people wanting to swap out Khan or saying Khan wasn't needed are either missing the broader point or are simply being stubborn about anyone walking where only Mr. Montalban had walked before.

Anyone else would be a let down. Imagine if the baddie in The Dark Knight was Harley Quinn instead of Joker. Sure you'd get fanboys interested no matter what but the casuals who buy most of the tickets aren't going to see Khan's sidekick they want to see the big bad guy.

Admr. Marcus to me was not the big baddie. He was the idiot bad guy who thought he controlled the real bad guy but had no idea what he had gotten himself into, all of which was made pretty aparent when Khan crushed his skull with his bare hands.
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