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Star Trek - Original Series The one that started it all...

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Old March 25 2013, 06:01 AM   #1
The Illusive Man
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TOS Caption Contest #271: The Tholian Caption

Hello everyone, sorry about the delay, but hopefully now I'll be able to make this go one a every other week schedule now. *Fingers Crossed*




First up to the plate, we have the "Mutiny on a Budget" Award, going to:

Mistral wrote: View Post


Kirk: "Antibiotics?"

McCoy: "Cyanide. Spock paid me twenty bucks to make him the captain."
Next, we have the "Now, we DO expect Miracles, Scotty!" Award, going to:

BoredShipCapt'n wrote: View Post


Kirk: "Scotty! I know this doesn't make any sense, but... you've been elected Pope."

Scotty: "Borgias frat!"
Next, we have the "I smell a lawsuit coming...." Award, going to:

Jonas Grumby wrote: View Post


McCoy (sotto voce): "Nurse Chapel, could you nonchalantly walk back to Exam Bed 1 and see if you can subtly find out if Nurse Jones had a medical reason for removing Ensign Gately's pantyhose?"
Next, we have the "Spock's Prognosis" Award, going to:

Isis wrote: View Post


McCoy: "I hate to admit it, Spock, but you're right on both counts. He'll get over the Rigellian Fever... <brief pause> ...but he won't get over himself."
Next, we have the "Moe's Tavern" Award, going to:

The Laughing Vulcan wrote: View Post


Uhura: "Incoming transmission for a, Mike Hunt?"
McCoy chuckling: "That Spock's turned into a right japester."
Our Photoshop Award, goes to:

Triskelion wrote: View Post


Kirk: I don't remember posing for that!
Scotty: Well, you did!



Nerys Myk wrote: View Post


MCCOY: I'm gonna need a blood sample.

KIRK: Why's that?

MCCOY: You're either sick, a duplicate or under alien mind control.

KIRK: Huh?

MCCOY: Uhura's been talking with my new nurse for fifteen minutes and you've yet to go over and suggest a threesome.
Many thanks to everyone who participated on this one! Congratulations to our winners! I'm enjoying being the substitute on this contest, lets continue forward!











Enjoy!
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Old March 25 2013, 06:04 AM   #2
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Re: TOS Caption Contest #271: The Tholian Caption



Spock: Mister Sulu, please do not place passed out crewmembers on the helm controls.



Spock: I am sorry, but this evening's class on Prophecy has been cancelled due to Unforeseen Circumstances.



Kirk: What the hell are you two doing in my quarters?



Chekov: Uh-oh. That wasn't a dream...



McCoy: I've brought you gentlemen something that will help you start the day?

Spock: What is it called, Doctor?

McCoy: Screwdrivers.
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Old March 25 2013, 08:51 AM   #3
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Re: TOS Caption Contest #271: The Tholian Caption



BONES: I told you that wig was generating more heat than Chekov's brain could handle!




SPOCK: I never slept with that woman.




BONES: Figures, Jim's porn collection is of himself.




KOENING: I promise! I won't argue with Bill stealing my lines again!




SPOCK: You found an antidote.
BONES: I sure did. Tang! And Tang is good for you kids, too, and mmmm mmmm, Tangalicious!
SCOTTY: Borgas frat...new sponsor...
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Old March 25 2013, 02:42 PM   #4
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Re: TOS Caption Contest #271: The Tholian Caption

Thanks for the win LH!



Sulu: "Oh my God!"
Scott: "What is it?"
Sulu: "How the hell should I know? I'm just the helmsman, the Doctor's standing back there, bitching at Spock... again..."



Spock: "Excuse me while I whip this out."
women scream and faint



Spock: "Jim, does my butt look big in this?"



Chekov: "Nurse... Nurse! I'm ready for my sponge bath. Nurse!"



McCoy: "There's a tad too much unhealthiness aboard this ship. I'm prescribing orange juice for everyone."

...

...

"fermented and distilled..."

Scott: "Ah... make mine a double."
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Old March 25 2013, 03:38 PM   #5
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Re: TOS Caption Contest #271: The Tholian Caption



McCoy (o.s.): Chekov's medical treatment is proceeding well. Jazz Hands is clearly a sign of a full recovery.
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Old March 25 2013, 04:38 PM   #6
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Re: TOS Caption Contest #271: The Tholian Caption

No entry from me, just a friendly reminder to keep these captions in (relatively) good taste, please.

Thanks. Carry on.



PS: This comment was in regards to the last thread. This one is fine so far. Just so you know.

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Old March 25 2013, 05:24 PM   #7
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Re: TOS Caption Contest #271: The Tholian Caption

TFTW, LeadHead!



Uhura: "You had better be admiring my exquisite nail polish, scuzzball!"




Scotty: "Heh! I have to admit, Doctor, when ye invited me t' yer quarters for some "Tang," I wasn't quite sure what ye had in mind!"
Spock: "Yet you came anyway. Fascinating."
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Last edited by Jonas Grumby; March 26 2013 at 03:22 PM.
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Old March 26 2013, 08:24 AM   #8
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Re: TOS Caption Contest #271: The Tholian Caption



Bones: In the future Spock I suggest you hand your dead soldiers to the Yeoman for proper disposal.




Spock: Lieutenant, don't let my briefing interfere with your pursuit of space-HPV.




Spock: Zombies are illogical. Necrotic tissue cannot metabolize.
Kirk: It's a ridiculous premise. You never see them drinking water.
McCoy: I don't care. I'm putting it on. There's a chick with a samurai sword.




In Soviet Russia, HMO screws you! Ok, that vun is not so different.




Scotty: Screwdriver?
Bones: No, some nurse.
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Old March 26 2013, 02:39 PM   #9
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Re: TOS Caption Contest #271: The Tholian Caption



SPOCK: If you will all turn your hymnals to page thirty-two...

HARRISON: First officer, science officer and now Chaplain? This guy does everything, Uhura. Why are the rest of us here again?
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Last edited by Geoff Peterson; March 27 2013 at 12:40 AM.
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Old March 26 2013, 03:20 PM   #10
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Re: TOS Caption Contest #271: The Tholian Caption



Spock: "Welcome to the 'Enterprise Players' stage production of the classic tale 'Frankenstein Meets the Wolfman.' Just one announcement before we begin. Due to unforeseen circumstances, the part of 'Larry Talbot,' originally to be played by Benjamin Finney, will instead be portrayed by Pavel Chekov. Enjoy!"
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Old March 26 2013, 07:11 PM   #11
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Re: TOS Caption Contest #271: The Tholian Caption



McCoy: "Damnit, Spock! You can't simply reattach a man's head by placing it atop his body. There are all kinds of nerves and arteries and things that have to be surgically reattached."

Spock: "'Things'? Really doctor. You almost had me convinced until then."



Spock: "Furthermore, continued connecting of the waste disposal system to the spray tanning booths will not be tolerated."

Ensign Camisa-Roja: <barfs in Uhura's lap>



McCoy: "Spock, I think Jim's lost it. Orders or no orders, I'm not massaging a Klingon's prostate."

Kirk: "I can still see and hear you.



<off screen> McCoy: "Nurse, is Mr. Chekov here for a tonsillectomy or a vasectomy? Aw, screw it. We'll just do both."



Running with Jonas Grumby's idea...

Scotty: "Tranya? Ach, I thought you said you had 'trannies' in your quarters!"

Spock: "And yet you came anyway. Fascinating."
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Old March 26 2013, 08:14 PM   #12
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Re: TOS Caption Contest #271: The Tholian Caption



McCoy (sotto voce): "For God's sake, Scotty, if you're going to play pocket pool, at least sit in the back row!"
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Old March 26 2013, 10:17 PM   #13
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Re: TOS Caption Contest #271: The Tholian Caption



"Psst...Uhura. Is there *anyone* on the Bridge?"





"1. These are the shittiest restraints I've ever seen. Seriously, they're like the Chinese Finger-Puzzles of restraints.

2. Who changed my clothes and why?"
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Old March 27 2013, 01:03 AM   #14
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Re: TOS Caption Contest #271: The Tholian Caption



MCCOY: And one for my homies.
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Old March 27 2013, 04:05 AM   #15
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Re: TOS Caption Contest #271: The Tholian Caption



Sulu: I have a question? About our five year mission?
Spock: Proceed, Mister Sulu.
Sulu: Well some of us were wondering...Couldn't we change it to going boldly where no one has gone before?
Spock: Perhaps Lieutenant Uhura would care to discuss it with me over breakfast.
Ensign Akbar: It's a trap.
Uhura: Shut up, fool. I know what it is.




I don't mind the restraints. But could someone please bring me some man pants!
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