''Schindler's List'' Special Remastered Edition, Colorized and 3-D

[foxhot]

The theatrical re-re-release is April 27th in selected theatres. This will include six extra minutes of previously unseen footage of co-star Embeth Davidtz's ARMY OF DARKNESS outtakes, as that film came out the same year. Spielberg says it was better to colorize the entire SCHINDLER film rather than to decolorize DARKNESS, which he privately admitted he enjoyed much more. (The memorable moment of the girl in red will still be equally memorable since she is now glowing radioactive green in the new version.)

''I'm removing all the guns this time and replacing them with walkie-talkies,'' he explained yesterday to reporter Archibald Halloran. ''This way we can get a PG-13 rating for the 20th anniversary edition, AND raise our grosses substantially. If this works I'll consider repeating the process for MUNICH, JAWS and SAVING PRIVATE RYAN.''

As for the 3-D, Spielberg just added, ''Now audiences can see the film as it was meant to be seen. And the remastering will improve on Ben Kingsley's booger shots, as well as Ralph Fiennes's. I'm totally satisfied with this version, though I could never admit so until there was actually a second version.''

There is also a completely new score by John Williams which is more action-oriented, as well as an ending credits anthem by Lady Gaga and Enimem. ''This way, SCHINDLER can be more accessible and relevant to today's questionable society. We'll also be including an Amon Goeth gag reel, but we'll save that for the DVD release on April 29th.''

[FPAlpha]

Weak attempt to be honest

[Robert Maxwell]

This is just in incredibly poor taste.

-2.1/10

[Praetor_Shinzon]

Robert Maxwell wrote:

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This is just in incredibly poor taste.

agreed

[the G-man]

Praetor_Shinzon wrote:

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agreed

...not for an April Fools' joke, IMO. It kind of reminded me of Berke Breathed's old gag in "Bloom County" about a "To Kill a Mockingbird" sequel.

[Flying Spaghetti Monster]

Let's go easy here. There's a lot of humor that find itself technically in poor taste. That's what humor does... it challenges our sensibilities. If the poor-taste humor actually works than we laugh before considering it's context as being of poor taste. The fact that the actual joke here isn't that funny drawn everyone right to the poor taste aspect right away like a magnet. If the joke was shorter... like just a colorization of the film, then we might second-guess. Go easy on the originally poster.

[Admiral Buzzkill]

Flying Spaghetti Monster wrote:

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Let's go easy here.

All right.

This is really weak. It's far too long, and would be too long at half its length. It's not funny. It's not witty. It's not clever. The only thing it "challenges" is one's patience.

[Squiggy]

It reads as if it were written by a 9 year old using rehashed Jay Leno jokes that flopped 10 years ago.

[foxhot]

It can read several different ways, depending on how you read it. I'll spoon-feed it in the near future, should it come to that, but I think Flying Spaghetti Monster and perhaps the G-man see what is being attempted.

Of all the celebrity washouts mentioned, it had to be Jay Leno. To compare my post to Jay Leno in any way (at least post-1992) is as insulting as it is laughable. How many nine-year-olds concern themselves with Amon Goeth? Would Jay Leno even approach that level?

Unmitigated mule fritters, they would. And nobody even mentioned the most obvious error in the post. I'm not bothering to correct it because I have zero respect for Eminem.

Lastly, if we've come to the point that two paragraphs is too long, God help us as a country. It may be too late to recommend ''A Modest Proposal.'' It's well over 140 characters.

[lurok]

Flying Spaghetti Monster wrote:

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If the joke was shorter... like just a colorization of the film, then we might second-guess.

But that wouldn't have been a joke (albeit an interesting discussion about aesthetics). Either way, it's unfunny.

[foxhot]

Fair enough. Let me laser in on the Embeth Davidtz segement. In 1993 she co-starred in ARMY OF DARKNESS and SCHINDLER'S LIST. Appearing in two such polar opposite films in the same year blew my mind at the time. Sure, not everybody is going to know or follow the trajectories of every supporting actor out there, but did anybody else find this as wild as I did? Or did it happen with any other actor from your perspectives? Relax, Length Police, it's only one paragraph.

[Pingfah]

I thought the notion of colourising a film that was deliberately shot in B&W was pretty amusing. The rest of it needed work though.

[foxhot]

Spielberg did the black-and-white route for SCHINDLER for artistic reasons, and also possibly to make its horrific violence just slightly more variable by not drowning us in crimson blood. SAVING PRIVATE RYAN of course was totally in color. It makes you wonder how far it would have financially grossed without the color, since the only major black-and-white film since 1965 just might be SIN CITY.

Colorizing the black-and-white classics went on far too long from 1985 to the mid-nineties. So I basically threw that color-insult in to add to the 3-D aspect without truly thinking about it. A mini-mental cookie of sorts. ROBIN HOOD from 1939 looks colorized (in a good way), but it always was originally so.

[ArcherNX01]

They are making a parody called "Schindlers Fist" - it's about this jerk who goes around punching random Jews.

[Atticus]

foxhot wrote:

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It makes you wonder how far it would have financially grossed without the color, since the only major black-and-white film since 1965 just might be SIN CITY.

The Artist?