The Caregivers' Thread

[Captain Ice]

KimM wrote:

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His insistence on caring for her at home may be part of his grieving process. He now realizes how fragile she is. Giving her the best care he can is part of his telling her how much he loves her and dreads her leaving him. His inability to give her care to others may in part be an inability to let her go, whenever that may be. You will all be in my thoughts.

+1

Sector 7 wrote:

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I don't know your situation, so I cannot judge by any means. If you can even convince him to go out to eat or over to a friend's for a meal... that is a start and will give him that respite time. Perhaps he would let a family member take over for that short a time.

My brother doesn't realize how much it means when he calls to invite me over for a steak on the grill or out to eat. I've told him, but it hasn't sunken in yet.

Not a lot of people realize this. Every little bit helps, and he is also someone that you can bounce your fears and frustrations off of who will remember her in better times.

[Peach Wookiee]

I've learned another thing in all of this... being isolated from your family is a dreadful thing. In the past few years, our relationship with my mom's side of the family has deteriorated horribly. I've tried rebuilding things, but... Mom has built things up in her head so badly that Dad doesn't want to deal with her agitation. Further, when she first went into the hospital when the strokelike symptoms came (wasn't a stroke, though), Mom didn't want them to know or visit her.

[KimM]

That is awful. I do hope somehow that can be healed. It adds so much to an already difficult situation.

[Sector 7]

Thursday night we had snow... around here it's a big deal. School was closed Friday, so then and today we had a houseful of kids. Mom and I both love it, the girls were hanging out with her and the boys with me. While it can be hectic at times, who's kids aren't like that?

We got a lot of work done, and had so much fun. Our detached garage has become an extended storage closet. The boys want to realize my goal of turning it into an entertainment room for playing pool, watching TV, etc. Mom still remembers many recipes from her restaurant days, so the girls enjoy learning from her. The kids cooked hamburgers and french fries for lunch today... and cleaned it all up afterward, HONEST!

My point is that yesterday and today were RESPITE days for me... and for Mom! I feel much more refreshed and ready to do what needs to be done.

[stj]

Congratulations to all those caregivers who continue the struggle.

Caregiving includes things like taking over all the household functions the sick person handled, at least as best as one can. In addition to the difficulties in doing things you don't really know how to do to their satisfaction, there is the feeling of uselessness that they can suffer. All you can do is your best, then be as consoling as possible.

With chronic severe pain, there is disruption of sleep, both from the pain and any drugs used to ameliorate it. Trying to work full time can lead to week after week with insufficient sleep.

In situations like that, at home stuff you can do like reading and watching television and posting at peculiar hours might be the only respite you can afford.

But hard as it is, and as much it's not what you wanted for your life with that person, the alternative, an end to the caregiving, as frustrated and exhausted as you may get, really is not what you want, or need. Do your best to remember that.

[KimM]

Sector 7 wrote:

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Thursday night we had snow... around here it's a big deal. School was closed Friday, so then and today we had a houseful of kids. Mom and I both love it, the girls were hanging out with her and the boys with me. While it can be hectic at times, who's kids aren't like that?

We got a lot of work done, and had so much fun. Our detached garage has become an extended storage closet. The boys want to realize my goal of turning it into an entertainment room for playing pool, watching TV, etc. Mom still remembers many recipes from her restaurant days, so the girls enjoy learning from her. The kids cooked hamburgers and french fries for lunch today... and cleaned it all up afterward, HONEST!

My point is that yesterday and today were RESPITE days for me... and for Mom! I feel much more refreshed and ready to do what needs to be done.

I'm so glad you all had a chance to give each other your time and company. What a great gift!

[Peach Wookiee]

Dad took Mom out of the house today and I had a little time to myself. I did some relaxation baking.

[Tora Ziyal]

^Glad to hear it!

[Peach Wookiee]

Somehow, there's nothing better than baking and eating a fresh cookie from the deep-fryer. I made Norwegian Rosette cookies and plan to make krumkake tomorrow. It's for a babysitting client's family.

[Captain Ice]

Took Mom out for dinner with both of my best friends. One of them commented about how off she seems at the moment. It's disheartening that I'm forced to agree with him. Still not sure if it is the anxiety, the meds, or something else.

[Sector 7]

Captain Ice wrote:

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Took Mom out for dinner with both of my best friends. One of them commented about how off she seems at the moment. It's disheartening that I'm forced to agree with him. Still not sure if it is the anxiety, the meds, or something else.

Meds can cause such symptoms and more. Mom will sleep for awhile after taking her meds (after each meal). Often she is also awake once they wear off... even in the middle of the night/EARLY! morning. Other meds have made her grouchy/almost angry, snapping at things which would never have bothered her before. Antibiotics can cause her diabetes to flare with either very high or very low blood glucose readings.

Hopefully, sharing this information may help you understand that none of those changes were caused by you, but the meds. For a long time, I blamed myself for her behavioral changes. Now I know better.