The Caregivers' Thread

[Peach Wookiee]

Hello, everyone and welcome to the thread for caregivers. Are you a childcare caregiver? Do you take care of an older family member? Need to talk? You're welcome to talk here.

I'm opening this thread because I'm a caregiver too.

[Miss Chicken]

I sort of care for my second son (who is 32 years old). He has an intellectual disability that means he has trouble living independently. He cannot manage his finances at all. For example if he has $300 he is unable to work out how much how would have left if he spent $70.

In the last few years I have tried to help him be more independent. I have encouraged him to arrange for certain things to be done around the house such as removal of old furniture etc He can now use the Yellow Pages with a little bit of help.

However, he is also a caregiver to me. He does the housework I cannot do as long as I tell him it needs to be done. If I am sick he makes simple meals for me (usually toasted sandwiches or a salad). He makes my bed when I am unable to do it.

[Peach Wookiee]

I'm my mother's partial caregiver. When my dad's at work, I'm at home with my mom. She can no longer walk and possibly has diabetic vascular dementia. I say possibly because of how quickly she deteriorated and because we don't have a solid diagnosis yet. I'm glad to help and yet it's draining.

[RJDiogenes]

^^ I'm sorry to hear that, peach. I have another friend who is caregiver to her father, who is very old (I think he's in his late 80s) and has multiple health problems. He has a hard time getting around and suffers from dementia, among other things. He is also very cranky and abusive to her. She is with him nearly 24/7, as she has next to no relatives to help and has not been able to get any outside assistance. Unfortunately, she's not a member of TrekBBS, so she won't be posting in this thread, but I can probably put you two in touch if you'd like.

[SmoothieX]

Yeah, been down that road before. Managed to take care of the dying parent and the living parent at the same time from 3 states away. That sucked pretty bad.

Today I care for a dog with real fucked up joints, knees, etc. despite being only three and coming from a reputable breeder. It is what it is.

[macloudt]

My youngest child is 12 and is on the autistic spectrum. He's come a long way since his toddler years regarding his sensory issues, but I doubt he'll ever be able to live fully independently.

Peach, I wish you strength for looking after your mother. I've worked with dementia patients and know how exhausting it can be to look after them. You're doing an awesome thing.

[Peach Wookiee]

^Thanks, macloudt, RJ and SmoothieX. Say a prayer and/or send good thoughts for my dad too. He works and does the night shift with Mom, as well as the morning stuff when I go get my niece/s.

I know a little about autism as well and that isn't easy either. Smoothie, what breed of dog do you have?

[Miss Chicken]

I guess I was lucky as far as my parents went. Though they both died of cancer and they were able to care for themselves almost to end.

Dad only lived for three weeks after his cancer was diagnosed though the doctors had told us he had months to live.

Mum had lung cancer and emphysema. She was only given a few months but managed to live almost three years staying in her own house right up to the day she died.

The only time I had to look after her was when she broke her hip about 6 years ago. I stayed with her for 2 months doing her housework, her shopping and cooking meals.

I can't imagine how I would have coped with a parent with dementia. I can't think of anyone in the family who has had it (maybe because the cancers seem to get us first).

[teacake]

When my father married a woman 17 years younger than him my first thought was, "YES now he has someone to take care of him when he is old."

[Peach Wookiee]

^Was she really nice, teacake? I hope she fit well into your family.

[teacake]

We don't live in the same country at the moment but yes she's quite nice and they've been married for a long time now. He started going out with her when I was 15. He is 82 and still refers to her as "my bride".

[Peach Wookiee]

^Aww, that's wonderful! I'm glad it worked out well.

[SmoothieX]

Peach Wookiee wrote:

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I know a little about autism as well and that isn't easy either. Smoothie, what breed of dog do you have?

Good thoughts beaming your way...

I have a black Lab. Labs are notorious for having bad hips/knees. A dog jumped on her at the park one day a while back and it blew out the doggy equivalent of her ACL. The other back knee and her hips are getting arthritic despite her only being 3. I think she is developing a luxating patella, and she sounds like a bowl of rice krispies when she walks from all the popping and cracking noises.

[Peach Wookiee]

^Oooh, poor thing! Have you given her glucosamine treats? They might help a little. My brother did it with his Golden Lab.

[SmoothieX]

It hasn't helped much. I just give her Rimadyl after exercise to keep it from tightening up and swelling.