TNG Caption This! 288: Loads of fun!

[shivkala]

Picard: Oh, Lwaxana, oh, show me your sacred chalice again!
Troi: Sir, could you please not re-enact your sexual fantasies about my mother while you're de-briefing me?


Data: I believe it was called, "Gangnam Style."


Riker and Argyle were known to do re-creations of Home Improvement episodes, which became quite popular with the crew.


Picard: Damn it, Data, if anyone is going to woo a woman by singing Barry White on my bridge, it's going to be me!


Data: Sir, we just lost contact with the away team, what are your orders?
Picard: Who did we send down, again?
Data: MacDougal, Argyle, Logan, and Lynch.
Picard: Oh, so no big deal, then. Mr. LaForge, break orbit and report to engineering, you're the new Chief Engineer. And just remember, when I say I want warp power, NOW, I mean it. Let this last away team serve as a warning to you, you don't toe the line, and well, there's plenty of others dying to take your position as Chief Engineer.

[Herkimer Jitty]

Riker: "Hold it, mister. I do the self-conscious posing around here."



Data: "Signal from their leader. They implore you to go fuck yourself."

Picard: "Numbah One... what's your opinion on General Order 24?"

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD: Mr. Riker, have a yeoman bring me another box of pencils.

[Triskelion]

^



Argyle: So? Is the Captain ready to debrief me?
Crewman: Um...not literally, sir.

[Ln X]

The suggestion of recycling old paperback books went way beyond Picard's head...


Data: The crew quarter surveillance channel is at your disposal commander.
Riker: Hmm... There's a certain red-haired ensign I've mean meaning to check out.


Bearded guy: (thinking) Damn uniform! My moobs are chafing!


Data: Anal fisting...
Picard: What was that Mr Data?
Data: Nothing sir...


Picard: If you must know we've had the viewscreen retrofitted, you would never believe it but a few months ago, a planet like this would be nothing more than a greenish blob with streaks of brown and blue!

[R. Star]

Thanks for the win!



Picard: I really don't have time to deal with this. Tell Lwaxana I'm launching a deep space probe. She'll understand.



Riker: Do you think the captain knows?
Data: Forensic analysis indicates the photographs could be photoshopped.
LaForge: We'd better let him know Lwaxana has changed her facebook status to married... with pictures.



Argyle: A fat Scotsman was good enough for the first Enterprise... damned affirmative action costing me my job!



Data: Most intruging... may I... touch them?
-turbolift opens-
Troi: Perhaps now's not the good time. The captain gets territorial about me and his chair.



Data: Signal from Starfleet command, sir. Admiral Nechayev orders you to stop fucking around and get some shit done.
Picard: The bitch... everyone thinks I turned down promotion because I wanted to explore... I just didn't want to work with her every day.

[Jonas Grumby]

Picard: "Oops! Sorry, Bev! I didn't realize you were so ticklish there!"

[Trekker4747]

Picard: "I once caught a fish..."



Geordi: I don't get it, it's chocolate ice cream, isn't it?
Riker: That's not what they're implying.
Data: Fascinating...



Argyle: Look at what you did! Bad boy!



Data: And the the second girl too the cup and...



There you go, Geordi. A nice low-levels squeaker for you.

[Triskelion]

Picard: Come out to the Neutral Zone, we'll get together, have a few laughs.... Never again I think, Tomalak!



Riker: Now switch to subdermal scan of the ambassador's party.
Geordi: Ewwwwww!
Data: Commander, it's been centuries and no one has ever found another explosive sneaker. Can we stop now?
Riker: <rolls eyes furtively at Geordi> Deploy the uteran probes, Commander.
Geordi: Ewwwwww!




Argyle: Alright, let's do this. Before we start you should know I was three-year Pec-Twitching champion of the Academy!

Riker: You're going down, McGuillicutty!



Troi: I sense someone is coming.
Data: I would love to get my hands on whatever you've got on Picard that keeps you aboard this ship.
Troi: Let's just call it...an aversion to explosive decompression, Commander Think-Too-Much.



Picard: Captain's log, supplemental. I'm still trying to decide which station will still have a job at the end of the day: Ops or Helm.
Geordi: Loser gets a new cranial hatch with a hacksaw.
Data: I agree to those terms.

[Nerys Myk]

DATE: Then he threatens his spouse saying "one of these days, Alice. Pow. Zoom Right to the Moon!" I fail understand how the blow could send her to the Moon. "Ralph" is a large man, but I doubt a blow from his fist could cause "Alice" to break free of the Earth's gravity and be sent on a trajectory to the Moon.

[Finn]

Picard: Computer, locate Wesley Crusher

Computer: *Majel's voice* Wesley Crusher is in Science Lab 4

Picard: Mr. Worf, lock on Wesley and transport him to that big lake with some camping supplies immediately!

Worf: Uh...Yes, Sir.... Done!

Picard: Ensign, get us the hell out of here before Wesley uses his camping supplies to get back up here, maximum warp!

Geordi: Aye, Sir!

[Isis]

Troi: "Hey, could you put a kibbosh on the fistbumps? Yes, I admit I prefer the full functionality of an android, but I don't want Will...or Worf........................................or Jean-Luc or Tasha to know."

<brief pause>

Troi: "They're right behind us, aren't they?"





Picard: "Are you gentleman finally convinced?"

Data: "About what, Sir?"

Picard: "That next to me, Numbah One's poses are those of a rank amateur."

[Isis]

Crewman: "OK, Argyle, you're out. I didn't say 'Simon says.'"

[Isis]

Few knew that when things got slow on the Enterprise, Captain Picard took up juggling, albeit unsuccessfully.

[Finn]

O'Brien: *over comm* My apologizes, sir! I forgot to to finish the transporter adjusters before beaming up the doctor. My readings said she beamed midair in your ready room. Is she okay?

Picard: Perfect. Just perfect, Chief....