If you were on the Enterprise D, what would you do?

[Zreen]

First, I would nod slowly, pinching my lips together while thinking "yep, she drugged me".

Then I would explore, and do stuff.

[Captain Rob]

Distorted Humor wrote:

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I will not be able to maintain the ship, but the ship computer is worth it weight in gold.

Set up a patent holding company, and then start to release a steady stream of patents, medical (Yea, cure cancer), energy (working fusion reactors anyone?) Entertainment (Holosuite R' Us) Advanced materials, and so on. Most likely hold back some of the duel-use stuff that can be weaponized for now. From the revenue of such miracles, 10% tithe, and 10% to a charity that moves this new technology to the poorer nations of the world. the 80% is living money and investment money. Becme a swiss citizen. Prep the world to be more ready for alien contact when i let off those warp engines.

and in my free time. Holodeck. my own private one and with custom programs.

Get your mind out of the gutter...my mind is in the sewer .

This sounds suspiciously like a Voyager two-parter.

Mr. Starling I presume?

[Tiberius]

After making sure the ship wasn't about to explode or anything, I'd go to the holodeck and participate in numerous activities, each kinkier than the last.

[Tiberius]

Vito Corleone wrote:

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(The Transporters as portrayed in Star Trek won't work for numerous reasons, including the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle.)

lol, if you're going to claim that the transporters won't work due to our scientific knowledge, I guess you can scrap the entire ship for the same reason!

[Distorted Humor]

Captain Rob wrote:

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This sounds suspiciously like a Voyager two-parter.

Mr. Starling I presume?

Had to look him up on memory alpha since I have only watched the first season of Voy and a few post Jeri Ryan episodes.

I was thinking more of Rasmussen from TNG. A listing of the technology of the 24th century (assuming progress and not some dark ages) in the 21st century would be a massive jump forward. Of course, I would give the technology of say, AIDS and Cancer treatments away for free, just for the massive PR bonus and as a good human being.

much like if you got shifted back to 18th century with a listing of the current patents in the patent office you could upgrade the world technology rapidly.

[DonIago]

Ti-BOO!-rius wrote:

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lol, if you're going to claim that the transporters won't work due to our scientific knowledge, I guess you can scrap the entire ship for the same reason!

Besides, that's what the Heisenberg Compensator is for.

[Nerys Myk]

T'Girl wrote:

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Okay, but how did he get to be a Ensign with two posts?

He saved Earth from a crazed Romulan miner from the future. You're lucky they didn't make him a Captain.

[T'Girl]

Captain Rob wrote:

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Mr. Starling I presume?

For those of us who would bring the technology of the Enteprise to the modern world, the Starling route would be almost a necessity.

The more easily exploitable technology would be used to create wealth, which would then establish research labs. If you found the cure for AIDS and cancer on the Enterprise, but it was only a few vials in a storage box, what then? Episodes like Code of Honor and The Enemy show that the replicator has trouble reproducing certain medical treatments. You're going to have to reverse engineer a lot of things on the Enterprise to then mass manufacture them with 21st century technology.

It would be like if you were sent to the 17th century and knew how to make synthetic diamonds. Isn't that nice, because you can't produce them with 17th century tech.

[Captain McBain]

Assuming I was a guest, I'd take time to chat with each of the senior staff members, and also Chief O'Brien and Ro. Also Wesley, unless it was 'young Wes.' Then I'd probably point and laugh at him for getting stabbed during the events of "Hide and Q."

Then I'd spend some time on Holodeck 2, wondering how in the world, with a ship carrying over 1000 people, there isn't a line outside of each holodeck or at least a waiting list (or maybe there is).

[DonIago]

OP did say no people...

[Lt. LaForge]

Vito Corleone wrote:

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Oh, this list is gonna be long... And anything I do will be geared towards making the world's transition to a MUCH more peaceful/prosperous society at a manageable pace. Too much at once will leave society bewildered and unable to cope with its new abilities and the responsibilities that come with them. Also, I don't expect Humanity to ever achieve that seemingly Utopian society portrayed in Star Trek or solve all of its most pressing problems in my lifetime. This is just to get the ball rolling and give my successors in this mission a good head start.

I.) Initial practical concerns

A.) Figure out how I got there, if the ship is going to blow up/lose power/fall out of orbit sometime soon and make the necessary corrections.

B.) Figure out if it's just this one ship or if there's a fleet/bases/shipyards/support services to go along with it and then if I can control them too.

C.) Ask the computer if it knows what happened to the crew, assuming there was one at some time.

D.) Ask the computer if it knows why I was brought aboard and who's responsible.

E.) Raise the shields and go to Red Alert, just in case someone on Earth panics and decides to launch Nuclear Missiles at me.

F.) If there's a fleet and not just the one ship, start deploying the fleet's assets throughout the Solar System to set up defense perimeters. Just because I'm busy cleaning up a mess on Earth doesn't mean I can ignore the possibility of hostile aliens out there in the universe.

II.) Keeping Earth from panicking and doing something stupid...

A.) Contact various political authorities on Earth (especially the U.S. Government) via radio transmission. Either a text-based message or an audio transmission with a voice filter will be used, to ensure my anonymity. Let them know I'm Human, American, not a threat to them and NOT interested in sharing my technology with them for the foreseeable future. They will also be told that trying to board the ship/take the technology and hardware by force will have 'unfortunate' consequences.

B.) I'll also explain to them that I will NOT reveal my identity to them until at least the year 2020. After all, some of this technology is going to be VERY different from the show, simply due to real world physics. It will take some time to study the technology and become its master. (I won't tell people on Earth that little detail, though. It's best to let them think I'm already quite familiar with using the ship's technology, especially the weapons.) In the mean time, they can just refer to me by my radio handle, Captain Kirk.

C.) It will also be standing Starfleet policy that everyone commanding a ship named Enterprise in this fleet (assuming there is a fleet) will use 'Captain Kirk' as their name over any form of ship-to-ship or ship-to-shore transmission/communication. This allows for the Commanding Officer/Only crewmember to maintain anonymity and walk around on Earth without being mobbed by people. People deserve to have a private life.

Besides, if there's a ship named Enterprise, there has to be a Captain named James T. Kirk. It's too ingrained into people's minds by popular culture. Picard will never be as popular or as well-known, despite being a very good starship commander.

D.) Establish some kind of online presence for 'Captain Kirk' and the Enterprise via social media. This way, I can communicate with the world and let them know that I'm actually quite Human and personable, despite the fact that I have to keep my true identity a secret. It will also be a great way to keep them informed of all the good things that the Enterprise/Starfleet is doing for the world.

III.) Using the technology to make the world a better place and become *quite* rich...

Automotive/Transportation

A.) Use some of the shuttlecraft propulsion technology (or whatever else will do for this particular application) to replace the internal combustion engine in cars.

B.) Copyright the technology, lease said technology to the Automakers of my choice. Laugh at the ones I hate as they slowly go out of business and at the Arab countries that have just lost their huge profits from oil. (Good luck funding Terrorism now...)

Environmental Concerns

A.) The barrier islands and bayous of South Louisiana will be restored by whatever means are necessary/available to me. That region is VERY important to the U.S. (and world) economy and it must be protected from natural disasters like Hurricanes at all costs.

B.) Nuclear waste will be beamed into lead-lined containers orbiting the Earth and either vaporized with the ship's energy weapons (I'm not going to assume that they are called Phasers on a real-life version of the ship) or towed to a safe dumping site with no lifeforms, like the Sun or Jupiter's moon Io.

C.) Replace current methods of electricity generation with sustainable and safe nuclear fusion reactors. Place them in areas with low populations and where air-tight security can be maintained to ensure Terrorists can't easily attack these important facilities.

D.) Tell those idiots in Washington to use the food they buy through farm subsidies to feed starving people instead of letting it go to waste in grain silos. American farmers grow enough food every year to literally feed the world. Much of it goes to waste because of some bureaucratic government policy that was enacted in the Great Depression to artificially inflate farm prices. Not only is it wasteful, it never actually worked in its intended purpose to keep farmers in business. As far as I'm concerned, this practice is inhumane and downright sinful.

Healthcare

A.) Devise a machine that will infuse nanites pre-programmed to locate/destroy certain bacteriological/viral diseases and foreign objects in the body into a patient's bloodstream via IV. (AIDS, Cancer tumors, Influenza, Malaria, et al. could be cured/destroyed this way.)

B.) Introduce just enough genetic engineering knowledge/ability to the world to correct serious genetic disorders like Down Syndrome, Classical Autism, blindness, et al. Use of this technology on minors will be left to the parents. The technology will also be VERY strictly controlled to make damned sure we don't accidentally create a real-life Khan Noonien Singh.

C.) Prove to Jenny McCarthy once and for all that bad luck and various genetic triggers caused her son to be autistic, not vaccines with a mercury-based preservative.

IT and related Technological areas of the global economy, including entertainment...

A.) Use some of the ship's computer technology to develop workable/easy-to-use replacements for current (and easily hackable) operating systems like Windows and MacOS. Copyright the software and release to the public via retail for a nominal fee of no more than $50. Laugh as Microsoft and Apple become MUCH smaller companies and are actually forced to compete like everyone else.

B.) Sell my own Desktops/Laptops/Tablets, pre-loaded with the OS and other software at a reasonable price. Laugh as my competitors consistently FAIL to compete with me in any significant way, even though I made the OS x86 compatible and available for licensing like M$ did with DOS & Windows.

C.) Speaking of gaming... I think I'll be buying Nintendo with my new riches and using them to release new consoles that utilize VR tech, possibly even 'Holodecks for the Home' one day. When that happens, the eventual 'Atari Greatest Hits' package that will be released for the system (like every other system since the N64/PS1 generation has had) will be a program featuring a 1980's-era arcade with holodeck recreations of the actual arcade machines themselves.

D.) While I'm at it, I may as well buy Atari and have them produce some killer apps for the Nintendo consoles. The company that essentially created the Gaming business deserves to be better than what they are now. Same goes for SEGA, especially with the Sonic franchise.

E.) Release a digital music player like the iPod Touch but with MUCH more memory than anyone could reasonably use. It will also utilize a LOT more formats than just MP3 and AIFF. Good luck competing with that, Apple... (Assuming I didn't buy them out and release my music player under their brand name...)

F.) Purchase CBS & Paramount so that the TV & Film properties of the Star Trek universe are reunited. Then, bring the franchise back to Television once we have a good concept and cast with good chemistry. The mistakes that happened with Voyager and Enterprise will not be allowed to happen again. Since I happen to own CBS as well, I will make sure that the series gets a good slot in PrimeTime during a week night. None of this 'Fridays at 10' Non-sense will be tolerated.

G.) Invest the Trillions I'm sure to make into various charitable projects to improve environmental quality, education and living standards all over the world.

H.) Make sure at least a few Billion of those Dollars are left in a few Swiss Bank accounts that I can access and that Uncle Sam can't tax. That should ensure that I can always pay my bills and provide a comfortable living for my progeny.

IV.) Political Concerns...

This section is going to be a little Machiavellian but, that can't be avoided. Not everyone in the world is friendly and/or rational. After all, Diplomacy is the 'fine art of letting other people have your way'...

A.) Have the United States send two ambassadors of a sort, one civilian and one military, to the ship to personally confer with me on occasion.

They will bring written messages from the President to me via diplomatic bag and I will send responses to the POTUS the same way. These ambassadors will be people that I handpick myself and will not be forced to take the job if they don't want to participate. I've already got a long list of candidates in my head and know exactly who I'd pick. All of them are people I know personally and that can be trusted to keep their mouths shut about my identity. It will also NOT be revealed to Uncle Sam that these people actually knew me before I became the 'real-life Captain Kirk.' That could put them in an awkward (and dangerous) position. Their visits to the Enterprise will be on a monthly basis and limited to a few hours at most.

B.) Help the U.S. and NATO to eradicate terror groups wherever possible via transporting SpecOps units into certain regions of the world and extracting them again later.

This will be done via Shuttlecraft and whatever teleportation technology is available to me. (The Transporters as portrayed in Star Trek won't work for numerous reasons, including the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle.)

C.) Let ALL of the big shots in power all over the world know that I am watching them VERY closely and that misbehaving could be 'rather detrimental to their careers', to say the least.

After all, we want these politickin' crooks to be afraid of their citizens. That ensures they'll go out of their way to protect our Liberty and NOT try to grab power for themselves. Party affiliation and whether or not I voted for them won't be a consideration. They will all be treated the same.

D.) I'll strongly advise the Big Shots in Washington to straighten out the U.N. and SOON. That organization has become a Paper Tiger and a HUGE waste of the American people's taxpayer dollars.

V.) Space Exploration

A.) Provide opportunities for NASA to use a few of my Shuttlecraft for exploration missions inside the Solar System. If there's a fleet and not just the one ship, we might let them use a small science vessel instead. They will be strictly supervised and weapons will be disabled/removed from the vessels.

B.) Send a few probes out into Interstellar Space to replace/relieve the aging Pioneer and Voyager probes that NASA launched decades ago. Those probes will be recovered, have remaining nuclear fuel removed, cleaned up and put on display at the Smithsonian.

C.) Make plans for Interstellar Exploration and Terraforming Mars (if that's even possible) starting in 2020 when I finally reveal myself to the public, if I decide to reveal myself to them in some way.

My real name is liable to remain a secret forever. If there's a fleet, it will be a fleet heading out into the unknown. If all I have is the Enterprise, then it will be warp-capable shuttlecraft and the Stardrive section. The Saucer will remain at home to act as the enforcer of Starfleet policy on Earth. Even without Warp engines, it's still more than capable of carrying out all of the ship's usual missions. Hopefully, we'll find a few uninhabited/unclaimed Class-M planets to use for colonization and LOTS of natural resources for our civilization's consumption.

D.) Once Mars is Terraformed (or we find another Class-M planet somewhere), start moving some of Earth's overflowing population there. There's bound to be a LOT of volunteers since Mars will offer a fresh start and a chance to explore/build an all-new world. I'm still not sure how they would get there if all I had is the one ship. I'd probably have to work with Earth-bound Space Agencies to build colony ships that transport thousands at a time.

Sound good, so far?

In other words, you'd be a dictator...

[Darkwing]

The Greeks used to call them "tyrants". But that was when it was a good thing. Take charge, fix the mess, do whatever is necessary, and usurp any and all authority you need to do it, then get banished once you've solved everything.

Yeah, I don't see the problem. I'd handle things a little differently. No face to face, a lot less tech transfer, no beaming spec-ops types anywhere. I would beam up a bunch of my friends to help run the ship and to help with my ancillary projects.

After hiding the ship on the far side of Luna, I'd establish a cache with at least 2 shuttles, 2 replicators, a transporter, one of the ship's computer cores, and a fusion reactor to power it. Life support, shields, etc. - all replicated, not cannibalized. Then change all passwords. After all, when Picard and company find their way out of the dimensional prison or whatever and want their ship back, I want to have wiped the ship's memory of having shared all that stuff with me and installed a "don't see me" program in the computer so a sensor sweep doesn't let the cat out of the bag.

Also, when communicating with anyone on Earth, I'd have the call routed to the holodeck, to the bridge of the real Enterprise - no bloody A, B, C, or D! I'd have the holodeck mask me in a projection of Kirk, so I would not be recognized. I would however, require the president to personally call all surviving cast or family of cast from the original series to pass on a hello from the "real" Kirk!

I'd also engage in some geoengineering. Carve a canal from Death Valley to the Pacific and to Baja, creating an inland sea. Carve another from the Sahara to the Atlantic. Look at the possibility of relieving the pressure under Yellowstone. Widen the Suez and Panama canals. Make the Northwest Passage.

[Darkwing]

Forgot to add: rechristen the ship "Walloping Window Blind"

The Walloping Window Blind - Lyrics
A capital ship for an ocean trip
Was the Walloping Window Blind.
No wind that blew dismayed her crew,
Or troubled the captain's mind.
Chorus --
Then blow, ye winds, Heigh-ho! A-roving I will go!
I'll stay no more on England's shore,
So let the music play-ay-ay!
I'm off for the morning train!
I'll cross the raging main!
I'm off to my love with a boxing glove,
Ten thousand miles away!
The man at the wheel was made to feel
Contempt for the wildest blow-ow-ow
Tho' it often appeared when the gale had cleared,
That he'd been in his bunk below.
Chorus --

The bo' swain's mate was very sedate
Yet fond of amusement too;
He played hopscotch with the starboard watch
While the captain, he tickled the crew.
Chorus --

And the gunner we had was apparently mad,
For he sat on the afterrai-ai-ail,
And fired salutes With the captain's boots,
In the teeth of the blooming gale!
Chorus --

The captain sat on the commodore's hat
And dined in a royal way,
Off toasted pigs and pickles and figs
And gunnery bread each day.
Chorus --

And the cook was Dutch, and behaved as such,
For the diet he gave the crew-ew-ew
Was a number of tons of hot cross buns
Served up with sugar and glue.
Chorus --

We all felt ill as mariners will
On a diet that's cheap and rude,
And the poop deck shook when we dipped the cook
In a tub of his gluesome food.
Chorus --

All nautical pride we laid aside,
And we ran the vessel ashore
On the Gulliby Isles where the poo-poo smiles,
And the rubbly updugs roar.
Chorus --

And we set on the edge of a sandy ledge
And shot at the whistling bee-ee-ee;
And the cinnamon bats wore waterproof hats
As they dipped in the shining sea.
Chorus --

On rugbug bark from morn till dark,
We dined till we all had grown
Uncommonly shrunk when a Chinese junk
Came up from the Torribly Zone.
Chorus --

She was chubby and square, but we didn't much care
As we cheerily put to sea-ea-ea;
And we left all the crew of the junk to chew
On the bark of the rugbug tree.
Chorus --
Then blow, ye winds, Heigh-ho! A-roving I will go!
I'll stay no more on England's shore,
So let the music play-ay-ay!
I'm off for the morning train!
I'll cross the raging main!
I'm off to my love with a boxing glove,
Ten thousand miles away!

[Lord Lunacy]

Do what Picard does when things just don't seem right...scream, "Q!"

[JirinPanthosa]

Right, people have always had a lot of luck using superior technology to force their moral will on the rest of the world. That's never turned out bad for anyone, especially in the Star Trek universe.

Me, I'd just kinda replicate a lot of replicators and send them to all the needy parts in the world complete with the ability to replicate the cure for all known diseases. Then I'd probably just use the Enterprise to explore the universe and have fun. All you can do is give people the means to help themselves, you can't force them to do it, like the old cliche about the horse.

I guess I'd probably also transport all the people out of North Korea's camp 14 into South Korea, and free other political prisoners from tyrants as well. Everything I could do to help people without forcing my will on anyone.

With one exception. I'd transport a lot of money into the homes of David Lynch and other great directors who can't get funding.