RSS iconTwitter iconFacebook icon

The Trek BBS title image

The Trek BBS statistics

Threads: 147,635
Posts: 5,837,259
Members: 26,159
Currently online: 501
Newest member: Astena

TrekToday headlines

Retro Review: Elogium
By: Michelle Erica Green on Aug 28

Trek Swype Keyboard
By: T'Bonz on Aug 28

Meaney In Talks For McGuinness Role
By: T'Bonz on Aug 27

Stewart And Son To Act Together
By: T'Bonz on Aug 27

Quinto: If I Wasn’t An Actor…
By: T'Bonz on Aug 27

Star Trek Beyond Update
By: T'Bonz on Aug 27

Red Shirt Diaries Returns Next Month
By: T'Bonz on Aug 26

ISS Astronaut May Join Trek Fan Film
By: T'Bonz on Aug 26

Quinto Sports New Trek Uniform
By: T'Bonz on Aug 26

Star Trek: Renegades Released Early
By: T'Bonz on Aug 25


Welcome! The Trek BBS is the number one place to chat about Star Trek with like-minded fans. Please login to see our full range of forums as well as the ability to send and receive private messages, track your favourite topics and of course join in the discussions.

If you are a new visitor, join us for free. If you are an existing member please login below. Note: for members who joined under our old messageboard system, please login with your display name not your login name.


Go Back   The Trek BBS > Entertainment & Interests > Science Fiction & Fantasy

Science Fiction & Fantasy All your nerd stuff goes here.

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old May 29 2015, 09:18 AM   #1
Tulin
Vice Admiral
 
Location: With the most wonderful man in the world!
"San Andreas" Review Thread

It's the anti-"Mad Max" movie.

Every disaster film trope in the book. Clichéd, derivative, terrible acting and inappropriate line deliveries. I actually said lines of this film out loud before the characters did, right up to the end, "Now we re-build." I SWEAR I ACTUALLY said this line out loud, about two seconds before the Rock says it.



A police rescue chief who commandeers a helicopter and goes derelict of duty to go rescue his whiny wife and 35 year old looking "teenaged" daughter, when he could've saved HUNDREDS of other lives.

Just terrible. Awful.


Save your money and go see a REAL movie again - give your money to "Mad Max".
__________________
"A coughing robot named General .... 'GRIEVOUS' .... really?!? REALLY?!?!?!

- My wonderful partner with good taste
Tulin is offline   Reply With Quote
Old May 30 2015, 12:37 AM   #2
Tulin
Vice Admiral
 
Location: With the most wonderful man in the world!
Re: "San Andreas" Review Thread

I'm glad to see nobody else offering a review, which hopefully means you're heeding my advice.

Well done!


P.S. I'm assuming spoilers don't matter for his shitty movie so I'll add - at one point The Rock needs to do CPR on his daughter and it looks like it's not working. I was hoping he'd stand up, cock his eyebrow and jump on her with The People's Elbow, from his wrestling days!

This movie's so bad, I wouldn't have been surprised if he had!
__________________
"A coughing robot named General .... 'GRIEVOUS' .... really?!? REALLY?!?!?!

- My wonderful partner with good taste
Tulin is offline   Reply With Quote
Old May 30 2015, 12:42 AM   #3
Admiral2
Vice Admiral
 
Admiral2's Avatar
 
Location: Langley
Re: "San Andreas" Review Thread

I've already seen Mad Max. And Tomorrowland. There's nothing left this month.

Everything in the above review is true, except I enjoyed myself. It was like watching a Syfy channel disaster flick, only with good sfx!

It was especially nice of Carla Gugino and Alexandra Daddario to keep their tatas shaking even when there was no quake. That made it worth the price of a ticket.
__________________
"Understand, Commander: That torpedo did not self-destruct. You heard it hit the hull, and I was never here."

-Admiral James Greer
Admiral2 is online now   Reply With Quote
Old May 30 2015, 12:58 AM   #4
Sgt. Pepper
Lieutenant Commander
 
Re: "San Andreas" Review Thread

Tulin wrote: View Post
It's the anti-"Mad Max" movie.

Every disaster film trope in the book. Clichéd, derivative, terrible acting and inappropriate line deliveries. I actually said lines of this film out loud before the characters did, right up to the end, "Now we re-build." I SWEAR I ACTUALLY said this line out loud, about two seconds before the Rock says it.



A police rescue chief who commandeers a helicopter and goes derelict of duty to go rescue his whiny wife and 35 year old looking "teenaged" daughter, when he could've saved HUNDREDS of other lives.

Just terrible. Awful.


Save your money and go see a REAL movie again - give your money to "Mad Max".
I never intended to see this movie, so don't worry. I've seen this movie in several different forms, they're all the same.
Sgt. Pepper is offline   Reply With Quote
Old May 30 2015, 01:57 AM   #5
Tulin
Vice Admiral
 
Location: With the most wonderful man in the world!
Re: "San Andreas" Review Thread

There's a scene where The Rock and Threshold are driving along the highway, following a sequence of mass destruction. Bearing in mind their first daughter drowned years before, Threshold suddenly turns to Rock and says in this offhand voice,

"Do you ever wonder what it'd be like if our daughter never died?"

It's a TERRIBLE line with the WORST delivery you could imagine.

Imagine the kind of delivery you'd use if you were saying to your partner,

"Do you ever wonder what it'd be like if we used non-brand fabric softener?"

I simultaneously laughed and was appalled - it's FUCKING TERRIBLE.


Oh, but it gets worse.

The Rock is the chief of police rescue or something. They're driving down this highway and suddenly Threshold screams.

Why did she scream?

The Rock didn't notice it but just up ahead, there's a truck stop that's all but fallen into the now exposed San Andreas fault. If Threshold hadn't screamed for him to stop, The Rock would've just kept driving into the massive fissure in the Earth.

I'll repeat that for those not keeping score - The Rock didn't see THE FUCKING GAPING SAN ANDREAS FAULT just up ahead!!!!!!!


Six kinds of fucking stupid!

__________________
"A coughing robot named General .... 'GRIEVOUS' .... really?!? REALLY?!?!?!

- My wonderful partner with good taste
Tulin is offline   Reply With Quote
Old May 30 2015, 02:12 AM   #6
Doctorwhovian
Fleet Captain
 
Re: "San Andreas" Review Thread

The film's trailers kind of remind me of Mutha Nature, a fake movie trailer the Rock did.
Doctorwhovian is offline   Reply With Quote
Old May 30 2015, 06:02 AM   #7
Klaus
Vice Admiral
 
Klaus's Avatar
 
Location: Beach condo, Bay of Eldamar
View Klaus's Twitter Profile
Re: "San Andreas" Review Thread

The only way to watch this movie would be the way I watched 2012; used a free DVD rental, fast-forwarded literally anytime a character spoke and watched just the action sequences.
__________________
"Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on or by imbeciles who really mean it." - Mark Twain
t-shirts!
deviantArt
Klaus is online now   Reply With Quote
Old May 30 2015, 06:28 AM   #8
EnriqueH
Fleet Captain
 
EnriqueH's Avatar
 
Location: Miami
Re: "San Andreas" Review Thread

Ok, well, I enjoy---or have enjoyed---disaster movies a lot growing up.

I still *love* The Poseidon Adventure with Gene Hackman and The Towering Inferno.

I also remember enjoying, to a lesser degree, Dante's Inferno and Earthquake.

But I've also seen a lot of forgettable ones. Deep Impact and Armageddon both sucked as I recall. Volcano was mediocre.

The Poseidon remake was horrendous despite the presence of Kurt Russell and Richard Dreyfus, (I didn't see the made-for-tv-remake). And speaking of Poseidon, the 1979 sequel with Michael Caine was pretty bad, though there's a sort of so-bad-it's-almost-watchable quality to it, but it still took me SUPREME efforts to get through it.)

Wasn't there a disaster movie not too long ago featuring John Cusack?
__________________
Why do you say this to me? When you know I will kill you for it?
EnriqueH is offline   Reply With Quote
Old May 30 2015, 07:37 AM   #9
Lakenheath 72
Commander
 
Re: "San Andreas" Review Thread

I have seen the film.

Ray Gaines (Dwayne Johnson) was the head of the LAFD emergency aerial rescue section. He was taking a helicopter to a maintenance depot when the quake struck. It would have been good to have a scene where it shows him attempting to discover what happened to his comrades. This was a failure of the film.

There are several geographic errors in the film. Nob Hill is not the tallest point in the city - that is Mount Davidson, followed by the Twin Peaks. The TP, which are close to downtown, are 910 feet (280 meters) high. Nob Hill is 376 feet (115 meters) high.

I know San Francisco, and I would never go out onto the street where the skyscrapers are located during an earthquake. The glass falling from the skyscrapers might kill you. It's best to stay inside.

The sequence with the tsunami was questionable. The speedboat piloted by Ray I think would have been overturned by the wave, like the larger yacht next to it. And the cargo ship had immense proportions. It seemed overly large for a ship of this type. Furthermore, the tsunami would be slamming against the whole coastline of the peninsula and not just the city's shoreline and the GGB.

When Ray's boat was moving next to the boat, it felt like a video game I have played before, where I had to dodge items falling from a height which could kill me. I think it was one of the Call of Duty games - I was a soldier in Washington, DC and I had to dodge falling helicopters.

It seemed they attempted to minimize the damage done to SF, so that the main characters would survive. Under what was established in the film, and from knowning the city, none of them would have survived.

Another sequence that reminded me of a video game was when the wife's boyfriend was squashed by a container. In F.E.A.R.: Perseus Mandate, the character Gavin Morrison is squished by a truck. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8szATkFkkBI)

I think Mad Max has been the best summer film of this year, followed by Avengers: The Age of Ultron.
Lakenheath 72 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old May 31 2015, 12:46 AM   #10
AliciaD496
Fleet Captain
 
AliciaD496's Avatar
 
Location: Seattle, WA, USA
View AliciaD496's Twitter Profile
Re: "San Andreas" Review Thread

I dunno...I go to the movies to be entertained. Bang bang shoot 'em up movies with long sequences of violence and car chases (i.e. Furious 7, Mad Max) don't really entertain me personally and I wouldn't put my money towards them by seeing them in theaters.

While they may be thin on plot and characterization disaster movies like San Andreas do entertain me. I admit San Andreas was a bit...repetitive. It basically took elements of The Day After Tomorrow and 2012 and threw in The Rock as lead character. I don't think the science was all that accurate (wouldn't the magnetic signatures they used to track these pre-quake surges mess with any and all electronics in the area? That and the whole freakin' state getting hit at once...really?). I dunno, I know I was on the edge of my seat worried about what would happen to the characters (even if some of it was ridiculous...riding the tsunami out by cresting it first?). I definitely don't think it's the biggest, best movie of the summer (Age of Ultron holds that spot for me still) but it was a pleasant way to spend 2 hours yesterday morning.
AliciaD496 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old May 31 2015, 08:42 PM   #11
Mr Light
Admiral
 
Location: Pennsylvania
View Mr Light's Twitter Profile
Re: "San Andreas" Review Thread

I enjoy low brow cliched movies but DEAR GOD this was the cliched movie to top all others. It's particularly funny that The Rock is starring in it because he's the star of the parody of action movies in the Disaster ride at Universal Studios.

The only cliche they forgot to throw in was the asshole city official who refuses to listen to the scientist warning them about the eminent disaster
__________________
Z List Author. www.derekbeebe.com
Mr Light is offline   Reply With Quote
Old May 31 2015, 08:45 PM   #12
Mr. Laser Beam
Fleet Admiral
 
Mr. Laser Beam's Avatar
 
Location: The visitor's bullpen
View Mr. Laser Beam's Twitter Profile
Re: "San Andreas" Review Thread

Did anyone in the audience start bitching that the movie isn't about Grand Theft Auto?
__________________
Sweet dreams are made of cheese
Who am I to diss a Brie?
I Cheddar the world and the Feta cheese
Everybody's looking for Stilton
Mr. Laser Beam is offline   Reply With Quote
Old May 31 2015, 11:04 PM   #13
Locutus of Bored
The Mod Awakens
 
Locutus of Bored's Avatar
 
Location: A Galaxy Far, Far Away
Re: "San Andreas" Review Thread

Mr Light wrote: View Post
The only cliche they forgot to throw in was the asshole city official who refuses to listen to the scientist warning them about the eminent disaster
I call them the "You must suffer for your hubris" character, because they almost always wind up being gruesomely killed by the disaster they earlier denied later on in the film. Notable exceptions include the Vice President Dick Cheney analogue in The Day After Tomorrow.

I guess the closest thing here would be Mr. Fantastic, who was decent enough at first that it seemed like he might buck the trend of being the douchy new boyfriend who has to die in order for the "hero" to get back with his estranged wife (Gordon from 2012 almost survived till the end), until halfway through the movie when he just abandons her daughter completely, and therefore had a hug from a cargo container with his name on it later in the film.

As far as someone denying the seismologist's claims, I wonder if there wasn't a scene cut from the film, because after the Hoover Dam quake (seriously, Paul Giamatti had tons of time to grab his friend) Giamatti says they have to "warn everybody," but no warning goes out before the Big One hits LA. And then later, when the warning of an even bigger series of quakes hitting San Francisco happens, he decides to take matter into his own hands by having his students hack the news feed so he can get in contact with the reporters on the desk directly and get put on their air. So I'm wondering if there wasn't a missing scene earlier where a news director refused to put him on because he didn't believe he could predict the quakes or something (which is perfectly reasonable in the real world, but not in disaster-movie-land).

Mr. Laser Beam wrote: View Post
Did anyone in the audience start bitching that the movie isn't about Grand Theft Auto?
Well, the "hero" abandons his post as an LA Fire Rescue pilot during the biggest disaster in the city's history, steals and crashes an LAFD helicopter and doesn't rescue anyone but his wife in the process, and then loots a mini-mall and steals a car (albeit from other looters who had stolen it from a decent person), so it kind of is GTA: SA.
__________________
'First Contact' is the tale of a man who just wants to cash in on his creation so he can get wasted on an island full of naked women, but his fans keep insisting that he's a saintly visionary who has profoundly altered the world. AKA - 'I Don't Want to be a Statue: The Gene Roddenberry Story.'
Locutus of Bored is offline   Reply With Quote
Old May 31 2015, 11:27 PM   #14
Trekker4747
Out there, somewhere...
 
Trekker4747's Avatar
 
Location: Kansas City
Re: "San Andreas" Review Thread

Hoped to see this this weekend, won't until next week. Alas.
__________________
Just because it's futuristic doesn't mean it's practical.
Trekker4747 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old May 31 2015, 11:49 PM   #15
Mr Light
Admiral
 
Location: Pennsylvania
View Mr Light's Twitter Profile
Re: "San Andreas" Review Thread

I did find it hilarious the fire/rescue hero pilot, at the outset of a great disaster, promptly abandons his post and steals his helicopter, thus dooming dozens of people he would have saved to death just to save his ex-wife and daughter who isn't even in the same damn city.

And in the real world, can a person really set a helicopter to "hover" and leave it sitting perfectly level with no pilot at the helm?
__________________
Z List Author. www.derekbeebe.com
Mr Light is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump



All times are GMT +1. The time now is 04:17 AM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.6
Copyright ©2000 - 2015, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
FireFox 2+ or Internet Explorer 7+ highly recommended.