After reading everyone else's criticism, I'd still have to say I prefer the original ending. But I would be the first in line to read the sequel no matter which ending you choose to build on. My only advice to you would be to stick with your guns. And follow through on the vision you have for the story going forward. Remember... They are your characters, it's your universe. The rest of us are just along for the ride.
I also have to vote for the original ending. I can see where the second version might leave you a bit more flexibility in the future but, to be honest, it just seems a bit too ... tame, if you will, for the story you told. If your Dahlgren wasn't who you portrayed him to be, this "gentler" ending would be fine, but I personally feel your original was more fitting for the story you told. Just my 2 cents worth. And I, too, will be looking forward to the sequel, regardless.
Okay, having now read both, I have to agree with the others who liked the original ending better. Mar’s dark ambition was cut off at the knees by Dahlgren, and justifiably so. I almost considered his threat to kill the ambassador to be going too far, but in the face of her threats to his children’s safety… that’s where the kid gloves come off. The original ending was truer to your characters, and I for one don’t think for a second that Mar isn’t still searching for some way to undermine Dahlgren’s reputation and that of Republic as a whole. This was a rollicking, swashbuckling tale of intrigue, adventure, and of tainted honor reclaimed though glorious deeds. Consider me onboard for the further missions of Captain Dahlgren and the good ship Republic!
All right, then. The original ending it shall be. Thank you all and I am glad that you enjoyed the tale. Master Arminas
Just a quick update: I have begun an outline for Star Trek: Republic (Book II: Blood Ties). First snippet/chapter/prologue (whatever) should be up by June 1. Master Arminas