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Old October 19 2013, 02:58 AM   #1
An Officer
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Location: Reality & Other Falsehoods
Uninvited visitor...

Trek BBS, I need your advice!

So, I met a friend on a mutual interest website, we talked for a few weeks, the connection wasn't really there, she wasn't really on my wavelength after all, and we ended up clashing quite often, so I politely broached the subject that we call it a day... this is after I discovered a couple of rather disturbing things - for example, she has a history of falling out with friends quite quickly, then proceeded to bad mouth all of them to me by calling them really awful names... she sounded very bitter and angry whilst doing this... as though she truly hated them.

Then came the day when she noticed I was delicately trying to wrap things up, and she sent me a very very disturbing message... which I won't detail to you here, but suffice to say it was definitely malicious.

That was some weeks ago... well, the other night, I'm walking home, and guess who I see sitting outside my favourite local store... the bizarre thing about this is, she doesn't even live on the same continent, we went to lunch and dinner together once when she was on a "European tour", so I know her appearance pretty well, plus it is such a distinctive appearance, it would be tough to duplicate - she is six feet, blonde, and has a distinctive haircut and eyes. Plus, she looked away in an awkward way when she saw me coming. I just kept walking right on by, pretending I hadn't seen her. I didn't want to deal with the situation right then...

I'm about 98% sure it was her... but I suppose there is always the weird off chance there may be an incredible doppelganger!

The thing is, she doesn't know where I live, only the general area, and one of the few details she had about me is that this is my favourite shop, because she saw me going in there the day we met.

I'm sort of nervous leaving home and coming in again... not sure how I should handle the situation if it happens again... I'm not sure what her intentions are, if it's in fact really her, are... It's such a bizarre situation I can hardly believe, let alone understand it.

Advice? Thank you TBBS!
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Old October 19 2013, 03:08 AM   #2
Melakon
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Re: Uninvited visitor...

If she starts showing up at places you normally go, take discreet photographs. If it is her, she might be trying to find out where you work or live, and legal action may become necessary.
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Old October 19 2013, 03:11 AM   #3
Mr. Laser Beam
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Re: Uninvited visitor...

If it happens again, then try varying your daily routine a bit. Go to different places to eat/shop, take a different route home, etc. Also try to stay with large crowds as often as you can.

If she seems to be going out of her way to follow you, you could try notifying the police or something like that. I definitely would not recommend confronting her directly - no telling what she might do (at the very least, she just seems to be an insufferable jackass who wants attention - so like any schoolyard bully, you should deprive her of that attention).

As you say, she doesn't know where you live, so that's a plus, I think.
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Old October 19 2013, 03:36 AM   #4
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Re: Uninvited visitor...

The other thing is, she was literally right next to the door of this shop, so I wouldn't miss her if I was going in or coming out... so that doesn't sound as though she meant to be covert in any way... that's perhaps a little more reassuring than someone hiding in the shadows...

Also, this is the kind of shop that does not interest her one little bit from what I knew of her!

If she wanted to say "hi" though, and it was all natural and normal, why not do so as I walked by? Instead, she was crouching by a bike "fiddling/fixing" it, wearing a glow in the dark yellow cyclist jacket - and yes, I knew her to be a cycling enthusiast.

What I can't understand is, what's wrong with emailing or calling? What's the possible rationale behind something like this!

The curiousity was killing me, so I did message her this evening, to say, a strange thing happened and "I saw your doppelganger"! The reason I did that, is I wanted to first, gauge her reaction, and second, let her understand that yes, I did see her, and there was nothing covert about her intrusion. And she neither confirmed nor denied it. Another red flag. My phone indicated that she had read my message, but she took an absolute age to respond to it (out of character), and when she did, it was a non committal answer. Well, I did walk by only about a meter's distance from her, I suppose that would be difficult to deny!

What freaks me out yet again, is she is an accomplished martial artist, I wouldn't normally be too concerned about a female stalker, because I'm neither small nor weak, but this woman is an amazon. Help! Lol.

Melakon, if this IS a regular thing, and she's showing up in places, then it might be difficult to photograph her unawares, do you suggest I walk right over and do it anyway?
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Last edited by An Officer; October 19 2013 at 03:49 AM.
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Old October 19 2013, 03:50 AM   #5
Melakon
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Re: Uninvited visitor...

An Officer wrote: View Post
The curiousity was killing me, so I did message her this evening, to say, a strange thing happened and "I saw your doppelganger"! The reason I did that, is I wanted to first, gauge her reaction, and second, let her understand that yes, I did see her, and there was nothing covert about her intrusion. And she neither confirmed nor denied it. Another red flag.
Possible responses:

"That wasn't me."
"You're imagining things."
"Are you still thinking about me?"
"Yeah? So?"
"What's a doppelganger?"
"I've never even been there."
"You're crazy!"
"Who is this?"
"Oh sure, like I'm going to be hanging around your hick neighborhood waiting for you to show up."

Would you believe any of those responses in your present state of mind?

I once had a similar "was that her?" situation a few months after my divorce. I saw a woman who seemed to resemble my ex-wife, when I was in a small office supply store, but couldn't tell if it was her. We never made eye contact, and she never looked at me. We'd never gone in there before, and I eventually decided the woman was too tall to be her and the hair wasn't right. My mind was just playing tricks on me.

Maybe you should send her to me, I haven't had a date in years.
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Old October 19 2013, 03:58 AM   #6
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Re: Uninvited visitor...

^ I was expecting any one of those responses! If she had said that, it certainly would have helped me dismiss the situation as one of life's weird coincidences. I found it rather odd she chose to side step the topic entirely.

I'll give her your number. Lol.

Did you notice the edit I added on to the previous message, I would feel a bit odd sticking a camera in someone's face, but I would do it if I had to... if I see her again, I will simply call a relative of mine who is police and have her questioned by my relative's colleagues, the funny thing is, she knows I can do that. I hope she remembers!
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Old October 19 2013, 04:30 AM   #7
Melakon
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Re: Uninvited visitor...

That's why I suggested a discreet photo and not something more obvious. Don't shoot her in the face, as much as you might like to.
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Old October 19 2013, 02:16 PM   #8
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Re: Uninvited visitor...

I bet she bangs like a howler monkey in heat. Don't miss the chance.
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Old October 19 2013, 02:26 PM   #9
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Re: Uninvited visitor...

Sounds odd, but if she doesn't live on this continent, she'll have to leave eventually. I would suggest keeping an eye out and making sure you aren't being followed home, but, otherwise, don't worry about it too much. Some people are just weird.
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Old October 19 2013, 05:38 PM   #10
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Re: Uninvited visitor...



If she shows up at the shop again, take her picture from a distance as suggested and document her physical and biographical details (as much as you know) in a note on your phone in case there's any future confrontation that warrants contacting the police. That way you'll have all the info you need at hand without having to try and remember it when you're anxious from an incident.

Apart from that, there's not much else you can do except avoid the area around the shop or if you continue to go there speak to her in person (preferably with other people around) and find out what's up if she shows up again.
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Old October 19 2013, 06:12 PM   #11
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Re: Uninvited visitor...

Are you sure you haven't seen a person who looks a bit like her and doing things which to be fair, plenty of people do and you've filled in the blanks and came to this conclusion?
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Old October 19 2013, 06:50 PM   #12
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Re: Uninvited visitor...

I also wonder about her being on your continent. Did you have any knowledge of her traveling at this time? What's her everyday life like? Does she have a home, job, family? Do you think she's on another European tour? Do you think she came specifically to see you? Do you think she moved into the area? Do you believe in astral projection? Was there some specific event or interaction between you that could conceivably result in any of the above?

If she's a stalker, that's bad. If she's a stalker that traverses continents, that's very bad. Be careful. If you run into her again, report in to a nearby friend, especially if she asks you to go anywhere with her.
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Old October 19 2013, 07:07 PM   #13
Melakon
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Re: Uninvited visitor...

If it was only one brief sighting, I'm inclined to think it was a case of mistaken identity. But since he already contacted the girl he did know, she likely now believes he's Loony Tunes.
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Old October 19 2013, 09:20 PM   #14
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Re: Uninvited visitor...

When you were regularly corresponding with this person, did she ever mention the movie Play Misty for Me? Or Fatal Attraction?
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Old October 20 2013, 04:10 AM   #15
An Officer
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Re: Uninvited visitor...

Melakon wrote: View Post
Don't shoot her in the face, as much as you might like to.
Shhh. Don't put me on blast!

Alidar Jarok wrote: View Post
Sounds odd, but if she doesn't live on this continent, she'll have to leave eventually.
She did mention once that she might be offered a job in London in the future... let's hope this wasn't the case! That was just one option out of a number though.

Some people are just weird.
You're telling me!

Im N Ur Childhoodz wrote: View Post
...or if you continue to go there speak to her in person (preferably with other people around) and find out what's up if she shows up again.
I'm not sure about that! That may be exactly what she wanted!

Dimesdan wrote: View Post
Are you sure you haven't seen a person who looks a bit like her and doing things which to be fair, plenty of people do and you've filled in the blanks and came to this conclusion?
I hope it was all a figment of my over-active imagination, that would be the best possible outcome!

RJDemonicus wrote: View Post
I also wonder about her being on your continent. Did you have any knowledge of her traveling at this time? What's her everyday life like? Does she have a home, job, family? Do you think she's on another European tour? Do you think she came specifically to see you? Do you think she moved into the area? Do you believe in astral projection? Was there some specific event or interaction between you that could conceivably result in any of the above?

If she's a stalker, that's bad. If she's a stalker that traverses continents, that's very bad. Be careful. If you run into her again, report in to a nearby friend, especially if she asks you to go anywhere with her.
She had lots of free time and means to travel when I knew her, and she intended to use it... the last days I had heard from her though, she had apparently accepted a new job in her country, but I don't know how permanent that was...

Her daily life was bored and lonely, and somewhat depressed, although this was well disguised at the beginning, and she had told me some stories about having overstepped the mark with others before... although that's not exactly how she saw it of course... history of obsessive, unkind behaviour.

Her life with her family was distant and strained, with only a couple of friends, who she rarely saw, and complained often and bitterly about their avoidance of her at times.

She may possibly be on another visit... she was here before when we met, and she did say she loved the area... but also, that time, it was a surprise uninvited visit then, too, timed for my birthday, and she apparently just happened to stay in the area which I said I lived (I didn't think that was sensitive information at the time, considering she was in another continent!)... this was without warning, and it's a very small area, only about half a mile squared, considering the size of London and all the possible places to stay... at the time, I just thought she was being spontaneous and a sweet friend to want to time her London visit to coincide with my birthday... and perhaps feeling a bit shy about telling me she wanted to stay close by... what I did find a bit odd at the time, was that she insisted her finding a rental in my exact area was a coincidence, as though she had forgotten I'd mentioned where I live... and was supposedly completely unaware that postcode was considered right smack in my own area. I didn't over-think it at the time and thought what does it matter, she lives halfway around the world and is leaving soon anyway.

Further alarms had started to ring when I said I wasn't available on my birthday, but could meet her the day after... she was very stroppy, and I only met her to make sure she didn't feel she had come all that way for nothing, even though she insisted she was here because of the love of the city...

I don't know if she came specifically to see me this time or just liked the area, all I know for definite was that there was nothing in that shop she could possibly be interested in!

"Moved into the area..." Please, God, NOOOO! That's one neighbour I definitely do not need. She freaked me out enough back then for me to be quite happy never to see nor hear from her again. The main nail in the coffin being the malicious message being sent to me... before that, I had sympathized with her as a troubled person...

Melakon wrote: View Post
If it was only one brief sighting, I'm inclined to think it was a case of mistaken identity. But since he already contacted the girl he did know, she likely now believes he's Loony Tunes.
If she believes I'm a Loony Tunes and this guarantees I don't have to revisit this topic, I shall be over the moon! Instead of answering my doppelganger query... she banged on about how happy and settled she now was... it all sounded somewhat defensive to me, but I suppose if she were innocent, she may have every reason to sound defensive...

Jonas Grumby wrote: View Post
When you were regularly corresponding with this person, did she ever mention the movie Play Misty for Me? Or Fatal Attraction?
Not the poor bunny rabbit!
She mentioned things similar enough that I wanted to get out of dodge, let's put it that way!
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Last edited by An Officer; October 20 2013 at 04:27 AM.
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