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Old September 16 2010, 10:58 PM   #1
You_Will_Fail
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My Star Trek story ideas- New and Fresh Edition!

So I previously wrote a thread asking people to critique my Star Trek story ideas and the feedback can mostly be summed up as "derivative" which I can totally agree with with regards to most of the episodes. They were generally a story idea that had been done but with only a new twist.

But I've spent a while in the past couple of weeks thinking up unique story ideas for Star Trek- Deep Space Nine and Voyager stories really and am really excited about them. If they are in any way similar to any novels or fan fiction, its totally a coincidence!
I would love your feedback, it would be really good if you could give feedback on both the concept itself as well as the execution of the idea laid out in the extension.

Hollow Image, Voyager
An ensign in engineering successfully replicates the Doctor’s mobile emitter which he uses to secretly create a hologram of his girlfriend who died 6 months previously and attempts to reintroduce her to the crew as the real article.


During an engineering shift, the crew are shocked to see their lost crewmate Ensign Sonya Knight appear for duty. She appears dazed and confused and says she doesn’t remember much about the last 6 months other than being abducted and undergoing some experiments.
An initial medical examination by the Doctor assisted by her boyfriend Ensign Michael Rhodes shows that she is indeed the same Sonya Knight who disappeared on an away mission 6 months ago. Sonya is eager to reintegrate into the crew and reunite with Ensign Rhodes. Soon, small suspicions begin to form regarding Sonya as she refuses point blank to work on a project involving long wave cyclophasic radiation- a field in which she is talented, and appears to have suddenly forgotten some things about her time on Voyager.
An accident in Engineering is attended by the Doctor when suddenly a bust of the cyclophasic radiation destablisizes his matrix and the mobile emitter drops to the ground. Later on in engineering another mobile emitter is discovered and when activated Torres discovers that it is Ensign Knight.
Rhodes is brought to Janeway’s ready room to be told when he admits that he had spent the last 6 months making a replica of the holo-emitter in the hope that he could recreate her by using her extensive logs and the logs of the entire Voyager crew. He further admits that Knight does not know she is a hologram and it could cause her program to self destruct if she finds out.
The discovery that Rhodes had successfully created another mobile emitter sparks a debate among the crew. Ensign Rhodes argues that with Knight’s memories, the hologram is still her but only in another form, while other members of the crew have a more spiritual view of the situation.
The crew also begin to discuss the possibilities and ethics behind creating new sentient holograms to assist Voyager in its journey to get home .
Soon however the holo-emitter of Ensign Knight begins to degrade and Ensign Rhodes must once again lose his love.
Notes
-Holograms and the ethics and philosophy behind holographic life is still a well that keeps on giving within Trek and there is much to be explored. The idea that crewmembers of Voyager would create loved ones as holograms to help adjust to an emotionally difficult situation has always interested me.
-I don’t ever feel the ethical implication of even creating the EMH’s were discussed, is it ethical to create a computer program with sentience and simply use him as a tool as most EMH’s are used? The opportunity for the Voyager crew to make even more mobile holograms brings this issue out.
-I previously came up with an episode idea where the B story had Neelix creating a holographic version of Kes in a recreation of early Voyager to help ease his loneliness but the A story didn’t work so I ditched it.



Looming Shadows, Voyager
On an away mission to a planet where they hope obtain vital supplies from a technologically advanced civilization, Seven, Harry, B’Ellana and the Doctor must evade capture and escape the Borg when dozens of borg cubes arrive to assimilate the planet.


The show opens with Seven, Harry, B’Ellana and the Doctor attempting to barter with an engineer in a busy alien market for supplies, we discover that Voyager is adrift 60 lightyears away after an ion storm seriously damaged the nacelles and shuttles were sent in all directions in order to try and find the materials needed to repair them.
While nearing the end of their negotiations with the trader shadows form overhead and upon looking up the crew see dozens of borg cubes. We also see this from the perspective of other people around the planet.
Seven informs the crew that attempting to escape in the shuttle back to Voyager would be too dangerous and that hiding on the planet would be a safter option. They must safety to the other side of the planet where Seven believes there is a crystalline formation underground that can shield them from Borg sensors and they will be able to wait until the cubes depart. Flying towards their destination, their shuttle crashes and is destroyed near a village, there they must race against time to repair an old shuttlecraft belonging to a villager in order to reach safety.
Notes
-The idea for this episode really excites me because we’ve never seen the mass panic that comes with an armada of borg spheres arriving at a planet to assimilate it. I definitely see this episode as like a disaster movie but the desperation and emotion of the crewmembers and the villagers would make for a really meaty episode.


A Fresh Perspective, Deep Space Nine
A civilization at war with the Dominion in the Gamma Quadrant sends a delegation to DS9 to request assistance from the Federation.


The Noratii Republic is an advanced gamma quadrant civilization at war with the Dominion. Having heard about ships with cloaking technology in the alpha quadrant, they sent a diplomatic envoy to DS9 to request that Sisko use the Defiant to help them destroy a military installation currently under construction behind enemy lines that, if completed, could mean victory for the Dominion.
The Noratii delegation reveal they are on the verge of developing a new weapon that could severely weaken the Dominion and that the outbreak of war between the Dominion and the Alpha quadrant civilizations allowed them time to re-strengthen their defenses and further develop the weapon. The Federation, seeing possibilities for gathering more intelligence on the Dominion and gaining a gamma quadrant ally approves of the mission and the Defiant goes through the wormhole. On the way to the military instalment co-ordinates under cloak, members of the Noratii share information regarding the Dominion and the political situation of the Gamma quadrant with members of DS9. Once the military installation has been successfully destroyed in a sneak attack, Sisko exchanges their cloaking technology with the Noratii in exchange for weaponry that is more effective against the Dominion.
Notes
Some of what we discover in this episode includes
-The Dominion are facing a war on at least 3 fronts. They are fighting a mysterious “cybernetic species” on their eastern border about which the Noratii know very little about and attempts to send delegations have failed, as well as the Noratii themselves and the Alpha Quadrant civilizations.
-There was, until recently, a strong resistance movement within the Dominion that was crushed ruthlessly by the founders.
-The Dominion usually “culls” the population of each planet by around 25% it conquers to decrease resistance.
-During their 10 year war with the Dominion, their 4 allies have all fallen and the Noratii are the only warp capable species within 100 lightyears.
-I think it would be not only interesting to know more about the shifts in the balance of power the discovery of the wormhole created.
-Another option for the story was that the Noratii would actually be on their last legs and were planning to steal the Defiant but then it occured to me that there's no reason they couldn't just have a technological exchange. The trying to steal the Defiant stuff seemed too unoriginal.


Into the Fold, Voyager
Kes must work with a telepathic species bent on enslaving and destroying non-telepaths in order to try and save the captured crew of Voyager from almost certain death.


Voyager enters a region of space when it begins to detect a large number of planets that have experienced cataclysmic events and at the same time Kes begins to be affected by telepathic imprints that show destruction on a massive scale carried out by telepathic humanoids.
Kes insists that Voyager reverse course immediately and Janeway agrees but before they can fully clear the space, all of the crew except Kes is disabled by the telepaths and abducted. Meanwhile Kes is taken to the leader of the telepathic race known as the Rokani and is told that she is special and could hold the key to helping the Rokani subdue their most powerful enemy the Mesoans. They give her the option between working with them or being imprisoned along with the rest of the Voyager crew. Kes agrees to work with the Rokani in the hope that she can somehow use her new position to save them.
She must work amongst the Rokani in attempting to subdue a powerful enemy while hiding her true motives to get Voyager home, but it soon becomes difficult for Kes to resist the power with which telepathic bonding with the Rokani brings and she edges closer and closer to helping them to carry out their plan before her love for the Voyager crew finally triumphs and she turns their own telepathic weapon against them and saves Voyager.
Notes:
-A species that uses telepathy as their main weapon has for the longest time been my idea for a Star Trek episode, I believe the idea really works here.
- The idea I have for the Rokani is a species that uses telepathy as their main weapon, their society would be separated into certain castes and the most powerful telepaths would link together to unleash telepathic energy on ships and planets – disabling or destroying depending on their numbers.
I have a powerful image of a group of telepaths simply linking hands in a circle and closing their eyes to focus their telepathic energy into a destructive force.
-The caste system idea for their society would reinforce their belief that non-telepathic species are lower forms of life that do not deserve to be treated equally and are to be treated with disdain.
-Touch telepaths like Vulcans would be of little interest to the Rokani and while they may be treated better than the rest of the Voyager crew, they would not be given the treatment and opportunity of Kes.
-While the Rokani are aware that Kes would be wanting to get the Voyager crew back the entire time, they are arrogant enough to believe that the power with which the Rokani’s telepathic bonding would bring Kes would be enough to make her forget…and she nearly does.
-The reason Kes has the power to turn their telepathic weapon against them is that the unique powers the Rokani see lying within Kes allow her to act as a conduit that can amplify their own telepathic powers, she is therefore able to control that force when she remembers Voyager..


Re-Emergence, Deep Space Nine
After an accident causes the Dax symbiont to shut down, the full personality of Jadzia emerges and claims Dax took full control after joining leaving her a prisoner in her own body.


While exploring an abandoned colony in the Gamma Quadrant, Jadzia Dax is hit by a burst of cyloplasmic radiation from an unknown source. She falls into a coma and when she awakens, reveals that the Dax symbiont has shut down, allowing her consciousness to re-emerge for the first time since before she was joined. Jadzia reveals that after joining, the Dax symbiont completely took over her body and it was not a joining of two consciousnesses meaning she has been trapped behind her own eyes for over 4 years.
She remains adamant that no measures be taken to reawaken Dax and refuses to return to the Symbiosis institute in fear they may extract or reawaken the Dax symbiont. After returning to her duties on DS9, the crew must get used to a new Jadzia who is radically different from the one they knew. While most of the crew reluctantly but slowly accept the new Jadzia, Julian and Quark are suspicious and, after Jadzia repeatedly brushes off his requests to perform some particularly time consuming medical scans, Julian abducts her and covertly performs the scan while she is anaesthetised and in co-operation with the Symbiosis institute discovers “Jadzia” has been lying and that the body of Jadzia has in fact been possessed by a non-corporeal lifeform. After being confronted, the lifeform attempts to escape through the wormhole in a shuttle but the crew of DS9 quickly recapture it. The lifeform reveals that it was trapped on the planet and possessing Jadzia was its first chance to leave in decades, it also reveals that the only way to now extract the lifeform from Jadzia is to kill it, allow it to enter another body or re-enter the energy matrix on the planet. It opts to allow the DS9 crew to euthanize it in fear of being trapped once again on the planet.
Notes:
-I know what you’re wondering, why does it go through the whole ruse of saying the Dax symbiont is shut down? The reason is because the corporeal lifeform can only inhabit the host and draw on their memories, and so would be unable to assume the personality of Jadzia Dax, only Jadzia.
-While I think it would fascinating if it was actually the case for joined trills that the symbiont takes over completely and only pretends to join with the host, it would be too disruptive to the Trill mythology and the character of Dax, so this is a good alternative and a safer pitch.
-I considered using an anaphasic lifeform as seen in “Sub Rosa” but I think its probably to go with a different type of lifeform to make it fresher.



---I'm working on a story idea about a civilization that worships the Borg that I am REALLY excited about but its not finished yet, this stuff is enough for now!---

Last edited by You_Will_Fail; September 16 2010 at 11:08 PM.
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Old September 16 2010, 11:19 PM   #2
JB2005
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Re: My Star Trek story ideas- New and Fresh Edition!


---I'm working on a story idea about a civilization that worships the Borg that I am REALLY excited about but its not finished yet, this stuff is enough for now!---
it's been done, see VOY: Unworthy
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Old September 16 2010, 11:59 PM   #3
You_Will_Fail
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Re: My Star Trek story ideas- New and Fresh Edition!

JB2005 wrote: View Post

---I'm working on a story idea about a civilization that worships the Borg that I am REALLY excited about but its not finished yet, this stuff is enough for now!---
it's been done, see VOY: Unworthy
Really? I just read the synopsis of the book and couldn't make head nor tail of it! What exactly does it have in it where a civilization is worshipping the Borg?
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Old September 17 2010, 01:53 PM   #4
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Re: My Star Trek story ideas- New and Fresh Edition!

You_Will_Fail wrote: View Post
Hollow Image, Voyager
An ensign in engineering successfully replicates the Doctor’s mobile emitter which he uses to secretly create a hologram of his girlfriend who died 6 months previously and attempts to reintroduce her to the crew as the real article.


He further admits that Knight does not know she is a hologram and it could cause her program to self destruct if she finds out.
Not quite "been there done that," but it is similar to a TNG episode. Now, thats not automatically a bad thing. Most stories are, in some small way, inspired by what came before. No, I think this is enough of a surface similarity that it would work quite nicely.

Looming Shadows, Voyager
On an away mission to a planet where they hope obtain vital supplies from a technologically advanced civilization, Seven, Harry, B’Ellana and the Doctor must evade capture and escape the Borg when dozens of borg cubes arrive to assimilate the planet.
Yes, I like it. Put some terror back into the collective.
A Fresh Perspective, Deep Space Nine
A civilization at war with the Dominion in the Gamma Quadrant sends a delegation to DS9 to request assistance from the Federation.
Could be interesting. During the course of the show I did wonder what was going on in the Gamma Quadrant, although they never really touched on it.

Into the Fold, Voyager
Kes must work with a telepathic species bent on enslaving and destroying non-telepaths in order to try and save the captured crew of Voyager from almost certain death.
Temptation has been something Kes had to deal with. Although not quite on this scale. This could be very good indeed.
Re-Emergence, Deep Space Nine
After an accident causes the Dax symbiont to shut down, the full personality of Jadzia emerges and claims Dax took full control after joining leaving her a prisoner in her own body.
This one could be good, but tricky. Dax and Jadzia have been cut off from each other before, literally in fact. And all Jadzia could talk about was wanting her slug back. The entity would have to be extremely convincing.
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Old September 17 2010, 06:16 PM   #5
You_Will_Fail
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Re: My Star Trek story ideas- New and Fresh Edition!

What TNG is that episode similar to Kaziarl? And when was Jadzia separated from Dax?
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Old September 17 2010, 06:27 PM   #6
JB2005
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Re: My Star Trek story ideas- New and Fresh Edition!

You_Will_Fail wrote: View Post
JB2005 wrote: View Post

---I'm working on a story idea about a civilization that worships the Borg that I am REALLY excited about but its not finished yet, this stuff is enough for now!---
it's been done, see VOY: Unworthy
Really? I just read the synopsis of the book and couldn't make head nor tail of it! What exactly does it have in it where a civilization is worshipping the Borg?
Er...well for one it has a civilization which worships the borg as a fairly major plot point...
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Old September 17 2010, 07:04 PM   #7
Kaziarl
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Re: My Star Trek story ideas- New and Fresh Edition!

You_Will_Fail wrote: View Post
What TNG is that episode similar to Kaziarl? And when was Jadzia separated from Dax?
The TNG episode with Data's Mother. When the human woman died, Soong created a duplicate of her as an android. Real emotions, sensations, all of it. Catch was, if she ever found out her positronic net would fuse.

And a couple of times. 1, when she met were her past hosts, although that was only 1 at a time. 2, when that other trill stole Dax, leaving Jadzia to nearly die because of it. And 3, when her suppressed past host, the killer, was resurfacing, she was loosing touch with dax because the (insert name of alien hormone that escapes me at the moment here) levels in her body were too low. That time, they both almost died.
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Old September 17 2010, 07:19 PM   #8
You_Will_Fail
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Re: My Star Trek story ideas- New and Fresh Edition!

Kaziarl wrote: View Post
You_Will_Fail wrote: View Post
What TNG is that episode similar to Kaziarl? And when was Jadzia separated from Dax?
The TNG episode with Data's Mother. When the human woman died, Soong created a duplicate of her as an android. Real emotions, sensations, all of it. Catch was, if she ever found out her positronic net would fuse.

And a couple of times. 1, when she met were her past hosts, although that was only 1 at a time. 2, when that other trill stole Dax, leaving Jadzia to nearly die because of it. And 3, when her suppressed past host, the killer, was resurfacing, she was loosing touch with dax because the (insert name of alien hormone that escapes me at the moment here) levels in her body were too low. That time, they both almost died.
Ah, I forgot about those episodes! Well then I guess "Re-emergence" doesn't really work unless it was placed before "Invasive procedures".
And I think "Hollow Image" is different enough from "Inheritance" as you said.

As for the Borg worshippers, damnit! I was excited about that idea, but overlaps are bound to happen. I'll write up the idea anyway, I hope it will be different enough.
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Old September 17 2010, 07:49 PM   #9
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Well, it still might work. Just would be tricky, as I said. Maybe the entity makes her tell them that the "need" to reconnect with the symbiot is the result of a chemical dependency the symbiot leaves behind when it's removed. Only now, since it's in a coma and not dying, or removed entirely, she's ok. And technically thats a believable cover for the entity since, once joined, the host truly is dependent on the symbiot for survival.

I do like the Hollow Image idea though.
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Old September 22 2010, 02:59 AM   #10
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Re: My Star Trek story ideas- New and Fresh Edition!

You_Will_Fail wrote: View Post
Hollow Image, Voyager
An ensign in engineering successfully replicates the Doctor’s mobile emitter which he uses to secretly create a hologram of his girlfriend who died 6 months previously and attempts to reintroduce her to the crew as the real article.

During an engineering shift, the crew are shocked to see their lost crewmate Ensign Sonya Knight appear for duty. She appears dazed and confused and says she doesn’t remember much about the last 6 months other than being abducted and undergoing some experiments.
An initial medical examination by the Doctor assisted by her boyfriend Ensign Michael Rhodes shows that she is indeed the same Sonya Knight who disappeared on an away mission 6 months ago. Sonya is eager to reintegrate into the crew and reunite with Ensign Rhodes. Soon, small suspicions begin to form regarding Sonya as she refuses point blank to work on a project involving long wave cyclophasic radiation- a field in which she is talented, and appears to have suddenly forgotten some things about her time on Voyager.
An accident in Engineering is attended by the Doctor when suddenly a bust of the cyclophasic radiation destablisizes his matrix and the mobile emitter drops to the ground. Later on in engineering another mobile emitter is discovered and when activated Torres discovers that it is Ensign Knight.
Rhodes is brought to Janeway’s ready room to be told when he admits that he had spent the last 6 months making a replica of the holo-emitter in the hope that he could recreate her by using her extensive logs and the logs of the entire Voyager crew. He further admits that Knight does not know she is a hologram and it could cause her program to self destruct if she finds out.
The discovery that Rhodes had successfully created another mobile emitter sparks a debate among the crew. Ensign Rhodes argues that with Knight’s memories, the hologram is still her but only in another form, while other members of the crew have a more spiritual view of the situation.
The crew also begin to discuss the possibilities and ethics behind creating new sentient holograms to assist Voyager in its journey to get home .
Soon however the holo-emitter of Ensign Knight begins to degrade and Ensign Rhodes must once again lose his love.
Notes
-Holograms and the ethics and philosophy behind holographic life is still a well that keeps on giving within Trek and there is much to be explored. The idea that crewmembers of Voyager would create loved ones as holograms to help adjust to an emotionally difficult situation has always interested me.
-I don’t ever feel the ethical implication of even creating the EMH’s were discussed, is it ethical to create a computer program with sentience and simply use him as a tool as most EMH’s are used? The opportunity for the Voyager crew to make even more mobile holograms brings this issue out.
-I previously came up with an episode idea where the B story had Neelix creating a holographic version of Kes in a recreation of early Voyager to help ease his loneliness but the A story didn’t work so I ditched it.
Excellent. Simply excellent.

I kinda understand why you didn't keep it Neelix and Kes...the fans would kill you for making him the protagonist.

Looming Shadows, Voyager
On an away mission to a planet where they hope obtain vital supplies from a technologically advanced civilization, Seven, Harry, B’Ellana and the Doctor must evade capture and escape the Borg when dozens of borg cubes arrive to assimilate the planet.


The show opens with Seven, Harry, B’Ellana and the Doctor attempting to barter with an engineer in a busy alien market for supplies, we discover that Voyager is adrift 60 lightyears away after an ion storm seriously damaged the nacelles and shuttles were sent in all directions in order to try and find the materials needed to repair them.
While nearing the end of their negotiations with the trader shadows form overhead and upon looking up the crew see dozens of borg cubes. We also see this from the perspective of other people around the planet.
Seven informs the crew that attempting to escape in the shuttle back to Voyager would be too dangerous and that hiding on the planet would be a safter option. They must safety to the other side of the planet where Seven believes there is a crystalline formation underground that can shield them from Borg sensors and they will be able to wait until the cubes depart. Flying towards their destination, their shuttle crashes and is destroyed near a village, there they must race against time to repair an old shuttlecraft belonging to a villager in order to reach safety.
Notes
-The idea for this episode really excites me because we’ve never seen the mass panic that comes with an armada of borg spheres arriving at a planet to assimilate it. I definitely see this episode as like a disaster movie but the desperation and emotion of the crewmembers and the villagers would make for a really meaty episode.
Nice! However...wouldn't the Borg detect the flying shuttlecraft?

A Fresh Perspective, Deep Space Nine
A civilization at war with the Dominion in the Gamma Quadrant sends a delegation to DS9 to request assistance from the Federation.

The Noratii Republic is an advanced gamma quadrant civilization at war with the Dominion. Having heard about ships with cloaking technology in the alpha quadrant, they sent a diplomatic envoy to DS9 to request that Sisko use the Defiant to help them destroy a military installation currently under construction behind enemy lines that, if completed, could mean victory for the Dominion.
The Noratii delegation reveal they are on the verge of developing a new weapon that could severely weaken the Dominion and that the outbreak of war between the Dominion and the Alpha quadrant civilizations allowed them time to re-strengthen their defenses and further develop the weapon. The Federation, seeing possibilities for gathering more intelligence on the Dominion and gaining a gamma quadrant ally approves of the mission and the Defiant goes through the wormhole. On the way to the military instalment co-ordinates under cloak, members of the Noratii share information regarding the Dominion and the political situation of the Gamma quadrant with members of DS9. Once the military installation has been successfully destroyed in a sneak attack, Sisko exchanges their cloaking technology with the Noratii in exchange for weaponry that is more effective against the Dominion.
Notes
Some of what we discover in this episode includes
-The Dominion are facing a war on at least 3 fronts. They are fighting a mysterious “cybernetic species” on their eastern border about which the Noratii know very little about and attempts to send delegations have failed, as well as the Noratii themselves and the Alpha Quadrant civilizations.
-There was, until recently, a strong resistance movement within the Dominion that was crushed ruthlessly by the founders.
-The Dominion usually “culls” the population of each planet by around 25% it conquers to decrease resistance.
-During their 10 year war with the Dominion, their 4 allies have all fallen and the Noratii are the only warp capable species within 100 lightyears.
-I think it would be not only interesting to know more about the shifts in the balance of power the discovery of the wormhole created.
-Another option for the story was that the Noratii would actually be on their last legs and were planning to steal the Defiant but then it occured to me that there's no reason they couldn't just have a technological exchange. The trying to steal the Defiant stuff seemed too unoriginal.
Good conept--BUT--there's no conflict. It's a little too straightforward. There must be some challenge for Sisko--and the new allies--in order for the tale to hold our interest.

Into the Fold, Voyager
Kes must work with a telepathic species bent on enslaving and destroying non-telepaths in order to try and save the captured crew of Voyager from almost certain death.

Voyager enters a region of space when it begins to detect a large number of planets that have experienced cataclysmic events and at the same time Kes begins to be affected by telepathic imprints that show destruction on a massive scale carried out by telepathic humanoids.
Kes insists that Voyager reverse course immediately and Janeway agrees but before they can fully clear the space, all of the crew except Kes is disabled by the telepaths and abducted. Meanwhile Kes is taken to the leader of the telepathic race known as the Rokani and is told that she is special and could hold the key to helping the Rokani subdue their most powerful enemy the Mesoans. They give her the option between working with them or being imprisoned along with the rest of the Voyager crew. Kes agrees to work with the Rokani in the hope that she can somehow use her new position to save them.
She must work amongst the Rokani in attempting to subdue a powerful enemy while hiding her true motives to get Voyager home, but it soon becomes difficult for Kes to resist the power with which telepathic bonding with the Rokani brings and she edges closer and closer to helping them to carry out their plan before her love for the Voyager crew finally triumphs and she turns their own telepathic weapon against them and saves Voyager.
Notes:
-A species that uses telepathy as their main weapon has for the longest time been my idea for a Star Trek episode, I believe the idea really works here.
- The idea I have for the Rokani is a species that uses telepathy as their main weapon, their society would be separated into certain castes and the most powerful telepaths would link together to unleash telepathic energy on ships and planets – disabling or destroying depending on their numbers.
I have a powerful image of a group of telepaths simply linking hands in a circle and closing their eyes to focus their telepathic energy into a destructive force.
-The caste system idea for their society would reinforce their belief that non-telepathic species are lower forms of life that do not deserve to be treated equally and are to be treated with disdain.
-Touch telepaths like Vulcans would be of little interest to the Rokani and while they may be treated better than the rest of the Voyager crew, they would not be given the treatment and opportunity of Kes.
-While the Rokani are aware that Kes would be wanting to get the Voyager crew back the entire time, they are arrogant enough to believe that the power with which the Rokani’s telepathic bonding would bring Kes would be enough to make her forget…and she nearly does.
-The reason Kes has the power to turn their telepathic weapon against them is that the unique powers the Rokani see lying within Kes allow her to act as a conduit that can amplify their own telepathic powers, she is therefore able to control that force when she remembers Voyager..
Good, as far as it goes. Nice as a "typical" stand-alone.

Re-Emergence, Deep Space Nine
After an accident causes the Dax symbiont to shut down, the full personality of Jadzia emerges and claims Dax took full control after joining leaving her a prisoner in her own body.

While exploring an abandoned colony in the Gamma Quadrant, Jadzia Dax is hit by a burst of cyloplasmic radiation from an unknown source. She falls into a coma and when she awakens, reveals that the Dax symbiont has shut down, allowing her consciousness to re-emerge for the first time since before she was joined. Jadzia reveals that after joining, the Dax symbiont completely took over her body and it was not a joining of two consciousnesses meaning she has been trapped behind her own eyes for over 4 years.
She remains adamant that no measures be taken to reawaken Dax and refuses to return to the Symbiosis institute in fear they may extract or reawaken the Dax symbiont. After returning to her duties on DS9, the crew must get used to a new Jadzia who is radically different from the one they knew. While most of the crew reluctantly but slowly accept the new Jadzia, Julian and Quark are suspicious and, after Jadzia repeatedly brushes off his requests to perform some particularly time consuming medical scans, Julian abducts her and covertly performs the scan while she is anaesthetised and in co-operation with the Symbiosis institute discovers “Jadzia” has been lying and that the body of Jadzia has in fact been possessed by a non-corporeal lifeform. After being confronted, the lifeform attempts to escape through the wormhole in a shuttle but the crew of DS9 quickly recapture it. The lifeform reveals that it was trapped on the planet and possessing Jadzia was its first chance to leave in decades, it also reveals that the only way to now extract the lifeform from Jadzia is to kill it, allow it to enter another body or re-enter the energy matrix on the planet. It opts to allow the DS9 crew to euthanize it in fear of being trapped once again on the planet.
Notes:
-I know what you’re wondering, why does it go through the whole ruse of saying the Dax symbiont is shut down? The reason is because the corporeal lifeform can only inhabit the host and draw on their memories, and so would be unable to assume the personality of Jadzia Dax, only Jadzia.
-While I think it would fascinating if it was actually the case for joined trills that the symbiont takes over completely and only pretends to join with the host, it would be too disruptive to the Trill mythology and the character of Dax, so this is a good alternative and a safer pitch.
-I considered using an anaphasic lifeform as seen in “Sub Rosa” but I think its probably to go with a different type of lifeform to make it fresher.
This seems kinda derivative. (Sorry. ) See the TNG episode "Power Play".

Still, if you work with it, I could see you distancing the tale from this.

---I'm working on a story idea about a civilization that worships the Borg that I am REALLY excited about but its not finished yet, this stuff is enough for now!---
Looking forward to it.
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Old September 22 2010, 04:20 AM   #11
You_Will_Fail
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Re: My Star Trek story ideas- New and Fresh Edition!

Thanks for the feedback.
I had real trouble sketching out the idea for Jadzia's symbiont story and when I ran into a brickwall, I sort of just said "let's have her be possessed", I think that idea is dead.
And I share your concerns about the lack of conflict in "Fresh Perspective".
I was originally going to have it be some sort of "alien race pretends to be friendly to take advantage of crew" story but felt that it seemed too typical.
I do believe I can insert some sort of conflict in, whether it be a dilemma (by for example making the Noratii a somewhat devious civilization themselves) or having their plan have alterior motives.
But on the other hand, a straight forward story isn't always a bad thing and there could easily be enough action and information to make it interesting. Like "The Sound of Her Voice".
I could also attach a B story, I toyed with one where Quark orders a mail-order Ferengi bride who is actually a spy for Brunt but thought I'd drop it since it would be quite jarring along side the B plot.

As for the Borg not detecting a flying shuttlecraft, there's no limit to the number of ways that could be explained. That's what so wonderful about having Seven around with her insider knowledge. Using the technology see in "Dark Frontier" would be one way.
And I see the planet as having a low resistance quotient, meaning that only 20 or so Borg cubes are sent- causing a sort of rolling assimilating of the plant, taking it a chunk at a time - giving our heroes some time. I actually imagined the rolling assimilation coinciding with time, so that as day approaches, so do the borg.
And there wouldn't really be shadows, since the Borg wouldn't be so low down, so I'll probably scrap the title.

Currently I'm working on a script for "Hollow Image" as I believe its the most promising idea, I'll see how it goes. Thanks for the feedback!
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Old September 22 2010, 07:56 PM   #12
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Re: My Star Trek story ideas- New and Fresh Edition!

You_Will_Fail wrote: View Post
So I previously wrote a thread asking people to critique my Star Trek story ideas and the feedback can mostly be summed up as "derivative" which I can totally agree with with regards to most of the episodes. They were generally a story idea that had been done but with only a new twist.

But I've spent a while in the past couple of weeks thinking up unique story ideas for Star Trek- Deep Space Nine and Voyager stories really and am really excited about them. If they are in any way similar to any novels or fan fiction, its totally a coincidence!
I would love your feedback, it would be really good if you could give feedback on both the concept itself as well as the execution of the idea laid out in the extension.
I will say "Do" or "Don't" and my reasons.


Hollow Image, Voyager
An ensign in engineering successfully replicates the Doctor’s mobile emitter which he uses to secretly create a hologram of his girlfriend who died 6 months previously and attempts to reintroduce her to the crew as the real article.
Don't. First of all, the emmitter's supposed to be technology from a couple centuries further in the future, right? B'Elanna usually had the dangdest time maintaining and programming the thing. To think that some noob in ENG is going to haul off one day and do something she's incapable of doing - replicating the whole thing - is the teensiest bit unbelivable.

And even if he should pull off this miracle, the Doctor's emmitter worked by attaching it to the outside of his image, so unless the ensign plans to image his girlfriend nekkid and have her wear normal clothes over the device he's not going to fool anybody into thinking she's flesh and blood for very long. And even then, there's that whole maintenance issue again. And think about it: I'm pretty sure the Doctor's going to want to find out why someone he probably declared dead himself is up and walking around. Will the illusion be detailed enough to fool all of his equipment?


Looming Shadows, Voyager
On an away mission to a planet where they hope obtain vital supplies from a technologically advanced civilization, Seven, Harry, B’Ellana and the Doctor must evade capture and escape the Borg when dozens of borg cubes arrive to assimilate the planet.
Don't, but mainly because I'm sick to death of the Borg. They've become the go-to villain in Trek fanfiction alongside Q, who I'm also sick to death of. The rest of the story concept is fine. I'd just pick another villain.


A Fresh Perspective, Deep Space Nine
A civilization at war with the Dominion in the Gamma Quadrant sends a delegation to DS9 to request assistance from the Federation.

The Noratii Republic is an advanced gamma quadrant civilization at war with the Dominion. Having heard about ships with cloaking technology in the alpha quadrant, they sent a diplomatic envoy to DS9 to request that Sisko use the Defiant to help them destroy a military installation currently under construction behind enemy lines that, if completed, could mean victory for the Dominion.
The Noratii delegation reveal they are on the verge of developing a new weapon that could severely weaken the Dominion and that the outbreak of war between the Dominion and the Alpha quadrant civilizations allowed them time to re-strengthen their defenses and further develop the weapon. The Federation, seeing possibilities for gathering more intelligence on the Dominion and gaining a gamma quadrant ally approves of the mission and the Defiant goes through the wormhole. On the way to the military instalment co-ordinates under cloak, members of the Noratii share information regarding the Dominion and the political situation of the Gamma quadrant with members of DS9. Once the military installation has been successfully destroyed in a sneak attack, Sisko exchanges their cloaking technology with the Noratii in exchange for weaponry that is more effective against the Dominion.
Notes
Some of what we discover in this episode includes
-The Dominion are facing a war on at least 3 fronts. They are fighting a mysterious “cybernetic species” on their eastern border about which the Noratii know very little about and attempts to send delegations have failed, as well as the Noratii themselves and the Alpha Quadrant civilizations.
-There was, until recently, a strong resistance movement within the Dominion that was crushed ruthlessly by the founders.
-The Dominion usually “culls” the population of each planet by around 25% it conquers to decrease resistance.
-During their 10 year war with the Dominion, their 4 allies have all fallen and the Noratii are the only warp capable species within 100 lightyears.
-I think it would be not only interesting to know more about the shifts in the balance of power the discovery of the wormhole created.
-Another option for the story was that the Noratii would actually be on their last legs and were planning to steal the Defiant but then it occured to me that there's no reason they couldn't just have a technological exchange. The trying to steal the Defiant stuff seemed too unoriginal.
See you and El Rushborg lost me here on how this story wouldn't have any conflict or challenge. Seriously? It's a pure war story, with the potential for like @$$loads of conflict, material and otherwise. If it's set during the Federation-Dominion war, consider two facts:

-Throughout the Dominion War, neither side controlled both ends of the Wormhole. The Federation controlled the Alpha Quadrant end and the Dominion, presumably, controlled the Gamma Quadrant end.

-The Founders already have information on the cloaking technology used by the Defiant, because it's Romulan, and the Romulans had already failed spectacularly to use it effectively against the Founders in the Tal Shiar's preemptive strike.

This means that the Noratii start out fighting a major battle just getting the delegation to the Alpha Quadrant. They have to fight through their lines with the Dominion Forces, get to the Wormhole and through whatever garrison of ships the Dominion has there, and not get blowed up by the self-replicating mines blockading the wormhole on the Alpha Quadrant side before they can contact Sisko. And then, presuming they manage all this, Sisko and the Noratii have to reverse the process to get the Defiant back to the Gamma Quadrant. Thus the challenge, because Sisko's only got two options: Go in uncloaked and end up with Dominion ships all over him like stink on crap, or go in cloaked, and have the same thing happen just a little later (you can't disguise entry into the quandrant because TPTB made sure a wormhole opening was very bright and pretty and could be seen for astronomical units.) Then, Sisko's supposed to give them the cloaking tech, and there's your political conflict right there, cause that's arguably a violation of the Prime Directive, even with a formal agreement.

I'm saying Do cause everybody needs to do a good war story at least once.

Into the Fold, Voyager
Kes must work with a telepathic species bent on enslaving and destroying non-telepaths in order to try and save the captured crew of Voyager from almost certain death.
The morality of the piece and ending would be typical Star Trek, but it could be good typical Star Trek. Do.

Re-Emergence, Deep Space Nine
After an accident causes the Dax symbiont to shut down, the full personality of Jadzia emerges and claims Dax took full control after joining leaving her a prisoner in her own body.
I can't beat the comments already made about this one. Don't.

---I'm working on a story idea about a civilization that worships the Borg that I am REALLY excited about but its not finished yet, this stuff is enough for now!---
Again Borg. Again don't.
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Old September 22 2010, 08:29 PM   #13
You_Will_Fail
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Re: My Star Trek story ideas- New and Fresh Edition!

Admiral2 wrote: View Post
Don't. First of all, the emmitter's supposed to be technology from a couple centuries further in the future, right? B'Elanna usually had the dangdest time maintaining and programming the thing. To think that some noob in ENG is going to haul off one day and do something she's incapable of doing - replicating the whole thing - is the teensiest bit unbelivable.
The idea is that this Ensign actually has a real motive and drive to try and replicate the mobile emitter. There's already a scene written in my script where the Doctor berates B'Ellana for seemingly giving up on the mobile emitter.
There's also a linked in side story about Voyager using a newly discovered element to power the warp drive instead of dilithium crystals.
This is the very element that allows the Ensign to make a replica. And don't forget the emitter eventually breaks down in the end!

Admiral2 wrote: View Post
And even if he should pull off this miracle, the Doctor's emmitter worked by attaching it to the outside of his image, so unless the ensign plans to image his girlfriend nekkid and have her wear normal clothes over the device he's not going to fool anybody into thinking she's flesh and blood for very long.
I guess you've forgotten "Renaissance Man", the holo-emitter can easy project a hologram over itself to hide it. And even if we'd never seen it in show, there's no plausible reason he couldn't do it.

Admiral2 wrote: View Post
And even then, there's that whole maintenance issue again. And think about it: I'm pretty sure the Doctor's going to want to find out why someone he probably declared dead himself is up and walking around. Will the illusion be detailed enough to fool all of his equipment?
I began thinking about that when I began my script, initially Ensign Rhodes was to simply have fooled the Doctor's scans (in the synopsis it mentions Rhodes performs the examination with him). But instead, Rhodes will use the Doctor's emitter to host a replica of his program while the other Doctor is kept in the computer- we'll see several clues throughout this episode that something isn't right with the Doctor. And if that doesn't turn out well, I can just have Rhodes reprogram the Doctor, he's clearly talented enough.

You_Will_Fail wrote: View Post
Rhodes kisses Knight goodbye and leaves sickbay. As she is about to leave, B’Ellana turns towards the Doctor noticing that he is wearing the mobile emitter.

B’ELLANA
Doctor, why are you wearing your mobile emitter in sickbay?

DOCTOR
(Worked up)
Well, why shouldn’t I? Is it fair that I must upload myself to this device every time I step out these doors? What if sickbay gets hits by a torpedo and I don’t have time to transfer my program? I’ll be destroyed, lost forever! And what if we’re boarded and...

B’ELLANA
(Interrupting)
Doctor, you know we’re still not sure how your mobile emitter works exactly. For now it’s best if we try and limit usage of the emitter until we know more about it.

DOCTOR
(Irritated)
Well maybe if you spent less time tinkering about with Phoridium and the deflector dish and plasma..(stuttering)manifold dilithium collectors, then you’d have more time to devote to ensuring the only medical officer on the entire ship remains intact, or do you not place importance on the crew surviving for the rest of the trip?

B’ELLANA
(Sighing)
At the moment doctor, all I’m concerned with is making sure we can get this phoridium to work or there may be no “rest of the trip”.

Admiral2 wrote: View Post
-The Founders already have information on the cloaking technology used by the Defiant, because it's Romulan, and the Romulans had already failed spectacularly to use it effectively against the Founders in the Tal Shiar's preemptive strike.
Cloaking technology still works in hiding ships from the Dominions's sensors, the reason the pre-emptive strike failed was nothing to do with the cloaks.

Admiral2 wrote: View Post
This means that the Noratii start out fighting a major battle just getting the delegation to the Alpha Quadrant.
The borders of the Dominion were never fully made clear. It can easily be written that the Noratii manage to send a delegation.
Its clear that the area around the wormhole was not core Dominion territory or we would have encountered them much sooner.

Admiral2 wrote: View Post
not get blowed up by the self-replicating mines blockading the wormhole on the Alpha Quadrant side before they can contact Sisko.
Come on now, obviously the episode would not be set during the time when the wormhole was mined! The Feds didn't even own the wormhole then.

Admiral2 wrote: View Post
(you can't disguise entry into the quandrant because TPTB made sure a wormhole opening was very bright and pretty and could be seen for astronomical units.)
Just because you can't disguise entry doesn't mean you can't disguise your location. A cloak is a cloak! And they're very effective against the Dominion as we've seen on numerous occasions.

Admiral2 wrote: View Post
Then, Sisko's supposed to give them the cloaking tech, and there's your political conflict right there, cause that's arguably a violation of the Prime Directive, even with a formal agreement.
Technological exchanges between warp capable civilizations don't breach the prime directive, especially not between war allies.

Again Borg. Again don't.
I think the Borg could be made scary again with some good stories!

Thanks for the feedback still.
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Old September 22 2010, 09:27 PM   #14
St. William Of Levittown
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Re: My Star Trek story ideas- New and Fresh Edition!

Yeah. As you've no doubt noticed...Admiral2 can be a bit...demanding.
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Old September 22 2010, 09:40 PM   #15
Admiral2
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Re: My Star Trek story ideas- New and Fresh Edition!

You_Will_Fail wrote: View Post
The idea is that this Ensign actually has a real motive and drive to try and replicate the mobile emitter.
If you say so. I mean, I have a real motive and drive to make Megan Fox my love-slave, but just having motive and drive doesn't mean I'd succeed in making her that if I tried. But, whatever...

I guess you've forgotten "Renaissance Man",
I probably never saw it at all. I never watched Voyager regularly.

the holo-emitter can easy project a hologram over itself to hide it. And even if we'd never seen it in show, there's no plausible reason he couldn't do it.
Fair enough. I stand corrected.


I began thinking about that when I began my script, initially Ensign Rhodes was to simply have fooled the Doctor's scans (in the synopsis it mentions Rhodes performs the examination with him). But instead, Rhodes will use the Doctor's emitter to host a replica of his program while the other Doctor is kept in the computer- we'll see several clues throughout this episode that something isn't right with the Doctor. And if that doesn't turn out well, I can just have Rhodes reprogram the Doctor, he's clearly talented enough.
Seriously, if this ensign's so technologically bad-ass why isn't he the Chief Engineer? You're building a Harry Stu.


Cloaking technology still works in hiding ships from the Dominions's sensors,

But no stealth technology is fool-proof, and compensations can be made if the enemy is given enough advanced warning, which leads us to...

the reason the pre-emptive strike failed was nothing to do with the cloaks.
Right. It had mainly to do with the fact that the Founders were better at intelligence and counterintelligence than the Tal Shiar. That didn't stop the Tal Shiar from approaching under cloak. It just didn't help.


The borders of the Dominion were never fully made clear. It can easily be written that the Noratii manage to send a delegation.
Its clear that the area around the wormhole was not core Dominion territory or we would have encountered them much sooner.
And that would remain true as long as there was never any conflict. During the conflict, the wormhole became a natural choke point. In war, you try control both sides of a choke point. If you can't, you damn well try to control your own side, which the Federation did. The Dominion would have been idiots not to control their side as well, whether it was in their space or not, because it was their only route to the battlefield on the Federation front.



Come on now, obviously the episode would not be set during the time when the wormhole was mined! The Feds didn't even own the wormhole then.
Oh...well then, you and El Rushborg are right. There would be no conflict or challenge and the story would be boring as dirt, so I'm changing my recce from "Do" to "Don't".



Just because you can't disguise entry doesn't mean you can't disguise your location. A cloak is a cloak! And they're very effective against the Dominion as we've seen on numerous occasions.
Now you're forgetting how the Founders stopped the Tal Shiar. They know where any Federation ship has to come in. If they know the Noratii's plans, then they know where a Fed ship has to go when it enters the quadrant. They don't have to see the Defiant in order to blockade the Noratii homeworld or the station with mines of their own. A cloak only protects you from a gunsight. Something that explodes as you try to pass it only has to brush up against you. (and before anyone says it, Defiant's was not a phasing cloak.)

Technological exchanges between warp capable civilizations don't breach the prime directive, especially not between war allies.
Fair enough.

I think the Borg could be made scary again with some good stories!
And I think I'm not going to endorse the three-thousandth rehash of Star Trek: The Evil Cyborg Zombies From Delta Space. You want to write it, fine. If you want my opinion, it's DON'T.

Thanks for the feedback still.
You're welcome.
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