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Old November 18 2010, 02:49 PM   #1
Nerdius Maximus
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My grandmother died yesterday.

Maybe it sounds cold, but the primary emotion this has evoked in me is relief. She'd been in the final stages of Alzheimer's for a couple of years now, and she'd been very confused and disoriented, almost in a state of panic most of the time. I saw her on Saturday, and she was unconscious, but flailing her arms around and moaning. That wasn't her, the person she once was. She was someone who greatly valued dignity, and for her to end up like that, wearing a diaper and everything, well that just sucks, and I'm very grateful that her suffering has finally ended. I choose to treat this as a blessing rather than a sorrowful event.
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Old November 18 2010, 03:32 PM   #2
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Re: My grandmother died yesterday.

It doesn't sound cold at all, Nerdius. It sounds like someone who values the dignity of life very highly, and is sorrowful that his Grandmother's illness appeared to take some of that away from her. I'm sorry to hear that these last few years have been so difficult. Alzheimers' is a very distressing illness, and I think your reaction is quite common to those unlucky enough to have loved ones suffer it. I'm sure I speak for us all when I say our thoughts are with you.
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Old November 18 2010, 03:38 PM   #3
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Re: My grandmother died yesterday.

I am very sorry to hear that, though I do understand as well, that you feel relief. When my aunt, uncle and grandfather died last year and this year I felt relief as well, because it was torture for them in the end (cancer).
Sometimes death, even sad for he ones who stay behind, is release for the one going. I think, that you feel the way you feel shows that you cared for her.

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Old November 18 2010, 03:38 PM   #4
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Re: My grandmother died yesterday.

Nerdius Maximus wrote: View Post
Maybe it sounds cold, but the primary emotion this has evoked in me is relief. She'd been in the final stages of Alzheimer's for a couple of years now, and she'd been very confused and disoriented, almost in a state of panic most of the time. I saw her on Saturday, and she was unconscious, but flailing her arms around and moaning. That wasn't her, the person she once was. She was someone who greatly valued dignity, and for her to end up like that, wearing a diaper and everything, well that just sucks, and I'm very grateful that her suffering has finally ended. I choose to treat this as a blessing rather than a sorrowful event.
Sorry. My grandfather went through the same exact thing. At the end, he didn't know us and behaved similarly. Was hard, but still a blessing.
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Old November 18 2010, 03:50 PM   #5
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Re: My grandmother died yesterday.

I kind of felt that way when my grandfather died. He'd suffered with emphysema for 6 years and it was just a long, slow decline. He was clearly miserable but too stubborn to just give up. I think it was a bit of a relief to everyone when he finally passed.
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Old November 18 2010, 07:00 PM   #6
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Re: My grandmother died yesterday.

Both of my grandmothers died within 12 hours of each other in 1992. The first was 66 years old, and was the one who along with my mom (her daughter) raised me. We were very close, but I had been expecting her passing for some time by then. She had breast cancer that quickly spread to her liver and brain. I was sad, but glad she wasn't suffering anymore.

The second was 87 years old (my dad's mom) and had been hospitalized since she suffered a stroke in 1985. We weren't as close, but her death was still sad, and oddly, much more of a surprise than grandma's was.
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Old November 18 2010, 07:23 PM   #7
Spaceman Spiff
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Re: My grandmother died yesterday.

I agree that it doesn't sound cold. There's nothing wrong with relief over the end of her suffering.

I'm sorry for your loss.
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Old November 18 2010, 08:51 PM   #8
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Re: My grandmother died yesterday.

my grandma has Alzheimers too. Im so sorry.
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Old November 18 2010, 09:23 PM   #9
Davros
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Re: My grandmother died yesterday.

It sucks to see those you love dwindleing away before you. My best wishes to you in this time of loss.
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Old November 18 2010, 09:25 PM   #10
Yeoman Randi
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Re: My grandmother died yesterday.

My deepest condolences to you. And like everyone else has said, i don't think you sound cold at all.
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Old November 18 2010, 10:38 PM   #11
Nerdius Maximus
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Re: My grandmother died yesterday.

melancholymecha wrote: View Post
my grandma has Alzheimers too. Im so sorry.
Sorry to hear about yours as well. Hang in there.
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Old November 18 2010, 11:28 PM   #12
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Re: My grandmother died yesterday.

Sorry to hear that - nothing wrong with the way you're feeling under the circumstances: I think you're as much relieved *for* her as anything else...
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Old November 18 2010, 11:49 PM   #13
RJDiogenes
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Re: My grandmother died yesterday.

My condolences to you and your family, NM.

My Grandmother went into the hospital for a simple throat operation, but there were complications. She spent the next year being transferred from hospital to rehab and back again, getting sicker and weaker all the time. By the end, she was too weak to even speak. She died without ever going home again. When it was over, I felt the same relief that you feel; she had been miserable and there was no hope of her ever getting better.
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Old November 19 2010, 01:08 AM   #14
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Re: My grandmother died yesterday.

You've got my deepest condolences.
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Old November 19 2010, 01:36 AM   #15
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Re: My grandmother died yesterday.

melancholymecha wrote: View Post
my grandma has Alzheimers too. Im so sorry.
Ditto. I'm sorry to hear of your loss, and I sympathize with your reaction under the circumstances.
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