Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter produced by Tim Burton in the works

[stj]

All those scenes of Walker playing with his axe are silly, so silly one wishes for John Wilkes Booth to show up and pull out a gun a la Indiana Jones in Raiders of the Lost Ark. Our American Cousin would finally get the punch line it deserves.

The fucking axe is being treated like Wolverine's claws. Just as Wolvie's little soldiers have to keep erecting themselves, to thrill and delight the audience, Lincoln's axe has to keep rising to the occasion...over and over and over and over. Wolverine's sexiness would be at an end if the claws weren't retractable. Lincoln's axe wouldn't be so thrilling if it just chopped. The way the studio tries to sell this tripe with a clown waving a phallic symbol around is quite annoying because it really does insult our intelligence.

Getting all excited about getting called on it is certainly one's prerogative. What isn't one's prerogative is thinking no one has a right to get annoyed by the smell of shit, which, lest we forget, is precisely what this trailer dumped out onto our screens. Who knew pixels had an odor? We live in an age of miracles. But it merely takes a simple douche to get all self-righteous about not liking a damn commercial.

Covertly counterposing sexy masculinity to (unspoken subtext=unmasculine, to put it generously) prettiness has far more to do with sexual ideology than sexual preference, straight, gay or bisexual.

[Kestrel]

Is that you, Gaith?

[Chemahkuu]

Kestrel wrote:

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Is that you, Gaith?

Ninja'd

It's a civil war movie depicting the POTUS as a vampire hunter, but the minor details of the actual slaying process are "unrealistic"? unfuckingbelievable

[Praetor_Shinzon]

Chemahkuu wrote:

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It's a civil war movie depicting the POTUS as a vampire hunter, but the minor details of the actual slaying process are "unrealistic"? unfuckingbelievable

[Dorian Thompson]

The fucking axe is being treated like Wolverine's claws. Just as Wolvie's little soldiers have to keep erecting themselves, to thrill and delight the audience, Lincoln's axe has to keep rising to the occasion...over and over and over and over. Wolverine's sexiness would be at an end if the claws weren't retractable. Lincoln's axe wouldn't be so thrilling if it just chopped. The way the studio tries to sell this tripe with a clown waving a phallic symbol around is quite annoying because it really does insult our intelligence.

That's what has your knickers in a twist? The axe???
Huh. I'll be damned. That it was a phallic symbol hadn't even crossed my mind. What got me about the trailer was that shot of Walker's eyes as he looked up. That's really all it was. I thought he had the most stunning eyes. Struck me like a bell ringing.

It's not just the axe, stj. Women like their action heroes with emotional vulnerability. The kind that makes men gag a little bit. Wolverine's tough, he has claws, but he's got that vulnerable shit going on that we chicks like. There. You can "call me out on that," as if liking a movie trailer is committing an offense. That Lincoln can also kill vampires is what keeps him from being a Twilight character aka a pussy. I wish I knew why the trailer angers you. There's a difference between something in entertainment that makes you roll your eyes and something that makes you so angry.

[Set Harth]

stj wrote:

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What isn't one's prerogative is thinking no one has a right to get annoyed by the smell of shit, which, lest we forget, is precisely what this trailer dumped out onto our screens. Who knew pixels had an odor?

They don't ( at least not yet ). I'll go out on a limb here and suggest that maybe someone pooped themselves in your local theater.

[timothy]

heah decapitation is the best way to kill anything especially vampires.
I am so looking forward to this movie espacially after seeing the darks shadows trailer. but I am going to see both of them.

lincoln is one of my favorite presidents if booth had'nt shot him the south would be in a better postion today.

[stj]

Set Harth wrote:

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They don't ( at least not yet ). I'll go out on a limb here and suggest that maybe someone pooped themselves in your local theater.

Ah, the perp gives himself away!

The axe really is the aggressively stupid part of the trailer, the part that makes you feel stupid for putting up with it.

But the accents are also still wrong, the settings are also still wrong, the narration is still moronic, the scenes of real battle mixed in with this horseshit are still horribly jarring, etc.

Given the millions of people who still deny that the Civil War was about slavery, a movie that says the real problem with the South really wasn't slavery has horrible problems from the get go. The horrible problems being vampires may be relentlessly stupid, but the trailer makes it repellently obvious that the movie's going to treat this shit with reverent solemnity. There's absolutely nothing wrong with criticizing a movie for starting with a backward and reactionary "idea." But there is a great deal wrong with refusing on principle to countenance the mere existence of such criticism.

In the first X-Men movie, Wolverine stabs Mystique and wins her love. In the second, Wolverine kills the girl with the needle claws and Jean Grey sacrifices herself for him. In the third, Jean Grey says no, but makes sure to let Wolverine walk towards her to stick it to her, instead of being hung in midair like Professor X. Wolverine's emotional vulnerability? The Wolverine movie if I recall has emotional vulnerability but less "claws" plowing into women. But then, it wasn't such a success, was it?

As for the "pussies" in Twilight, if ever there was a property aimed at females, it was the Twilight series (and I say this with absolute confidence having read a few paragraphs.)

The Civil War isn't about slavery? Sexiness isn't about pussiness or prettiness but he-manliness?

PS The War Boys was mentioned, so I checked it out on Netflix. Walker did indeed come across as sexual, despite having an ordinary body and imperfect appearance. The character had no emotional vulnerability to speak of in that movie, though. I can see how remembering that movie might make the trailer play differently.

[Chemahkuu]

It's called a film, it comes from a magical place called "imagination", things happen there that don't happen in real life. I'm afraid someone else should have sat you down and had this talk a long time ago.

[Kestrel]

You really are Gaith!

[Admiral_Young]

Yep. These are basically the same points Gaith made last year lol.

[Gaith]

Kestrel wrote:

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Is that you, Gaith?

Nope. I put in my two cents and left this thread a long time ago.

Admiral_Young wrote:

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Yep. These are basically the same points Gaith made last year lol.

I don't recall deconstructing the movie based on its sexual mores...

[Admiral_Young]

Not that part sorry

[Dorian Thompson]

Hey, I'm still embarrassed that I was gushing over Ben Walker's incredible eyes and I didn't realize that his axe was supposed to be his dick. Silly me, missing the subtext. Is my face red or what?

[Chemahkuu]

Pretty sure it would hurt pouring molten silver onto it, unless that's a metaphor for lube now or something.