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Old August 31 2010, 04:33 AM   #1
JiNX-01
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Short Attention Span Theater

I'm borrowing this idea from another Trek forum I belong to.

This Ain't The Valentine

Opening teaser: NX-01 Bridge
Ensign Sato: The captain is so humble. He won't even take credit for founding the Federation.
Ensign Mayweather: Yeah, humble.
Lt. Reed: That's enough out of you, Mr. Mayweather!
Surgeon General Phlox (over the comm): I heard he isn't even taking credit for writing his speech!
Riker: This is bull****. I'm outta here.

NX-01 Bridge: CAPTAIN Archer enters.
Ensign Sato: Captain, you're being hailed.
Capt. Archer: I TOLD you I'm not taking credit for founding the Federation!
Ensign Sato: Sir, it's Admiral Shran. He wants to meet with you.
Capt. Archer: He's an admiral?!
Ensign Sato: He was promoted years ago.

NX-01: Ready room.
Capt. Archer: Shran, I thought you were dead!
Admiral Shran: NOT. DEAD. Just hiding. My daughter has been kidnapped by my former partners in crime. They think I've stolen the Jewel of the Nile.
Capt. Archer: We'll use the protein resequencer to make a phony jewel and trade it for your daughter.
Admiral Shran: That's it? That's the entire plot? For a series finale?!! I wanna talk to Braga!
Commodore Troi: No, that's not the entire plot. After you save your kid, Trip will kill himself trying to save Captain Archer.
Admiral Shran: Just Archer? Shouldn't he at least be saving the ship or a planet or an orphan trapped in a burning building? I wanna see Braga!
Lt. Porthos: Braga's working on "Threshold."

Rigil Kent X: Cantina
Chief Petty Officer Jahmel: Daddy! You came to save me!
Admiral Shran: I want you to go with the nice Vulcan lady.
Kidnapper: It's faaaaake!!!!
Archer (from catwalk): Set weapons on stun. FIRE! (Lots of shooting). We won't see them again! Now I have to get back to my speech.

NCC-1701-D
Riker (viewing pictures of dead Pegasus crew): I'm so sad. My friends are dead. And Supreme Ruler Pressman is forcing me to lie to my captain, because I don't have any Free Will. Hee. No pun intended. ... So, Deana, you up for dinner?
Commodore Troi: I'm dating Reg and he's the jealous type.
Riker: I thought you were dating Worf.
Troi: Nope, Barclay ran him off.

Ship's Mess Hall:
Captain Archer: To The Next Generation. If it hadn't been for the incredible success of that series, we wouldn't be here.
Commander Tucker: That's true. We be in a finale written for us.
(Over the comm): Reed alert! Reed alert! All security personnel and MACOs are confined to quarters!
Captain Archer: Guess we'll have to handle this one. Hope I have time to rehearse my speech!
Commander Tucker: Shall we stop by the armory?
Captain Archer: Nah. We can handle it.

Sickbay:
Surgeon General Phlox: His lungs have been completely cooked.
Captain Archer: Well, I guess it's time to break out "Bartlett's Famous Cliches."

Trip's quarters:
Subcommander T'Pol: Trip said I wouldn't miss my mother so much after a few years.
Captain Archer: Time heals all wounds. So you up for some dinner? I'll read my speech to you.
Subcommander T'Pol: I would, but Trip is the jealous type.
Captain Archer: Uh, Trip is dead.
Subcommander T'Pol: I got an advance copy of "The Good That Men Do." Trip is NOT. DEAD.
Captain Archer: Sorry to hear that,
(T'Pol storms out of the room).
Captain Archer: Damn. Did I say that out loud?
Lt. Porthos: Yes.

Galley:
Chef Riker: So what do you all think of Trip?
Hoshi: He was an ignoramous who could barely speak English. And he learned about engines by working on engines.
Malcolm: When I met him I thought he was a hick. Now I realize he was bumpkin.
Phlox: He spurned my second wife. He's a puritanical nitwit.
Travis:
T'Pol: He is awesome in bed. And the sex is great, too!
Archer: Bummer.
Lt. Porthos: Frankly, I liked Sim.

At Charter signing:
Reed: Our seats suck! Archer is going have his pick of assignments. I plan to follow him like a crazed stalker wherever he ends up.
Hoshi: I'm just grateful to be here.
Travis:

Riker: Deana, I know what to do now. When Enterprise is trapped by the Romulans inside the asteroid, I'll tell Capt. Picard that we have a way out using the cloaking device from the Pegasus.
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Old August 31 2010, 04:40 AM   #2
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Re: Short Attention Span Theater

Poor Richard had it right, "Neither a borrower nor a lender be."
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Old August 31 2010, 05:43 AM   #3
sojourner
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Re: Short Attention Span Theater

I don't get it!?!
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Old August 31 2010, 05:45 AM   #4
Mr. Laser Beam
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Re: Short Attention Span Theater

"Lt. Porthos"
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Old August 31 2010, 05:49 AM   #5
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Re: Short Attention Span Theater

Made me laugh. You captured the pith of the episode (better than the episode).
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Old August 31 2010, 11:46 AM   #6
Nardpuncher
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Re: Short Attention Span Theater

sojourner wrote: View Post
I don't get it!?!
You don't get it?!!? What about me!?!?!?
No, seriously, I don't get it either.
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Old August 31 2010, 01:12 PM   #7
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Re: Short Attention Span Theater

JiNX-01 wrote: View Post
Travis:

[...]

Travis:


Reminiscent of http://www.fiveminute.net/
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Old September 1 2010, 12:29 AM   #8
TiberiusMaximus
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Re: Short Attention Span Theater

I liked Travis' part best.

sojourner wrote: View Post
I don't get it!?!
This sorta thing is kinda like Monty Python. Either you laugh, or you don't.
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Old September 1 2010, 12:45 AM   #9
M'Sharak
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Re: Short Attention Span Theater

SPCTRE wrote: View Post
JiNX-01 wrote: View Post
Travis:

[...]

Travis:


Reminiscent of http://www.fiveminute.net/
More than a little, yes.
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Old September 1 2010, 03:41 AM   #10
JiNX-01
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Re: Short Attention Span Theater

My apologies. I should have explained: The idea is to take a Trek episode and write a a truncated version while having fun with the plot.
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Old September 1 2010, 06:00 PM   #11
RandyS
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Re: Short Attention Span Theater

sojourner wrote: View Post
I don't get it!?!
Your attention span is too short.
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Old September 3 2010, 05:04 PM   #12
Nardpuncher
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Re: Short Attention Span Theater

RandyS wrote: View Post
sojourner wrote: View Post
I don't get it!?!
Your attention span is too short.
Or not short enough!
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Old September 3 2010, 06:43 PM   #13
Gary7
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Re: Short Attention Span Theater

TiberiusMaximus wrote: View Post
This sorta thing is kinda like Monty Python. Either you laugh, or you don't.
That's a good way of putting it.

It had some funny moments.
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Old September 4 2010, 01:21 AM   #14
The Wormhole
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Re: Short Attention Span Theater

There were parts where I chuckled. Though here's what I don't get: if this comes from another Trek forum, why does it have the "Not. Dead" gag? Didn't that originate here on Trek BBS?
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Old September 5 2010, 03:11 PM   #15
barnaclelapse
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Re: Short Attention Span Theater

Heh. Funny stuff.
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