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TV & Media Non-Trek television, movies, books, music, etc.

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Old March 29 2010, 07:07 PM   #1
RobertScorpio
Pariah
 
Location: San Diego
Ruin the Remake

A lot of movies get remade, rebooted, a sequel comes out, whatever; try your hardest to name a cast/director for a remake/sequel to a movie that would be so bad, it might get released directly on Mystery Science Theater...it doesn't have to be a SCIF movie!!


THE LAST STARFIGHT-2012
In this epic remake, the Oslen Twins (one slutty/one nice) are avid players of the famous video game; Last Starfighter. When an alien diva arrives, played by Rosane Barr, and takes the girls into space to fight on the side of good against the evil of the universe (a CGI creature voiced by Chris Rock), the theater audience will be taken on a laugh loaded ride of fun!!

Directed by Penny Marshall
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Old March 29 2010, 07:22 PM   #2
Brikar99
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Re: Ruin the Remake

"In this fast-paced action-adventure story, Seth Rogan plays Kane, the lone Federal Marshall left to fight off an army of ravenous thugs. Deserted by his friends, low on ammo as night falls, Kane must rely on his wits and training to fend off the assault and survive till help arrives at... HIGH NOON. Directed by Uwe Boll."
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Old March 29 2010, 08:00 PM   #3
RobertScorpio
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Re: Ruin the Remake

Brikar99 wrote: View Post
"In this fast-paced action-adventure story, Seth Rogan plays Kane, the lone Federal Marshall left to fight off an army of ravenous thugs. Deserted by his friends, low on ammo as night falls, Kane must rely on his wits and training to fend off the assault and survive till help arrives at... HIGH NOON. Directed by Uwe Boll."
LOL..that was pretty good!!!

JAWS;
When a young swimmer's half eaten body is found on the local shores, only Chief Brody (Zak Ephron), shark expert matt cooper (Martin Lawrence) and tough as nails shark hunter Quint (Nathen Lane) can save the day.

Directed by Linda Hamilton (in her major motion picture directing debut)
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Old March 29 2010, 08:04 PM   #4
Aragorn
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Re: Ruin the Remake

Citizen Kane: A Sled Called Rosebud

Starring Ashton Kutcher, Channing Tatum and Tara Reid.
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Old March 29 2010, 08:18 PM   #5
auntiehill
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Re: Ruin the Remake

The Casablanca Chronicles:
An older Rick (played by Ryan Reynolds) returns after years in the Resistance, now an expert in guerrilla warfare and hand-to-hand combat (he learned Kung Fu from a Chinese Master while in a prison camp). Angry and well-armed, he comes back to round up the last of the Nazis. He is well known for his catch phrase, "Here's looking at you, kid," just before delivering the fatal blow. As a side plot, he is determined to find Ilsa (Miley Cyrus) and steal her away from the once-noble-but-now-corrupt Victor.

The Casablanca Chronicles: You Must Remember....to Die!

In 3-D.
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Old March 29 2010, 08:40 PM   #6
RobertScorpio
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Re: Ruin the Remake

Ummm...I LIKE THIS idea auntiehill!!!! It actually sounds cool...

Rob
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Old March 29 2010, 10:18 PM   #7
JiNX-01
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Re: Ruin the Remake

RobertScorpio wrote: View Post
Ummm...I LIKE THIS idea auntiehill!!!! It actually sounds cool...

Rob
I'm with you. That is great.

But let's not forget the supporting cast:

Captain Louis Renaut Jr. (yup, his illegitimate son): Keanu Reeves

Ferrari: Pee Wee Herman

Sam: Wesley Snipes

Yvonne: Paris Hilton

Carl: Danny Devito

Sasha: Steven Segal
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Old March 29 2010, 10:21 PM   #8
twilitezoner
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Re: Ruin the Remake

RobertScorpio wrote: View Post
Brikar99 wrote: View Post
"In this fast-paced action-adventure story, Seth Rogan plays Kane, the lone Federal Marshall left to fight off an army of ravenous thugs. Deserted by his friends, low on ammo as night falls, Kane must rely on his wits and training to fend off the assault and survive till help arrives at... HIGH NOON. Directed by Uwe Boll."
LOL..that was pretty good!!!

JAWS;
When a young swimmer's half eaten body is found on the local shores, only Chief Brody (Zak Ephron), shark expert matt cooper (Martin Lawrence) and tough as nails shark hunter Quint (Nathen Lane) can save the day.

Directed by Linda Hamilton (in her major motion picture directing debut)
Please for the love of all that's holy may this never come to pass.
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Old March 29 2010, 10:36 PM   #9
auntiehill
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Re: Ruin the Remake

RobertScorpio wrote: View Post
Ummm...I LIKE THIS idea auntiehill!!!! It actually sounds cool...

Rob

You people frighten me.
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Old March 30 2010, 05:21 AM   #10
Brikar99
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Re: Ruin the Remake

auntiehill wrote: View Post
RobertScorpio wrote: View Post
Ummm...I LIKE THIS idea auntiehill!!!! It actually sounds cool...

Rob

You people frighten me.
It has potential if played for camp.
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Old March 30 2010, 05:47 AM   #11
DonIago
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Re: Ruin the Remake

I have this bizarre version of The Wizard of Oz in my head with Obama as Dorothy, Biden as Toto, Palin as the Wicked Witch...hm...superimpose Cheney's head on the flying monkeys? Hillary Clinton as Glinda?

Clearly I need sleep.
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Old March 30 2010, 07:14 AM   #12
RobertScorpio
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Re: Ruin the Remake

^^ or give us a hit on whatever you're smoking!


Rob
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Old March 30 2010, 07:56 AM   #13
DeVario
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Re: Ruin the Remake

SCARFACE II: THE NEW KINGPIN

Lame sequel-in-name-only, starring some mainstream rapper as a common thug named Tony Baloney who works his way up the ladder to become one of the top drug lords in the dirty south. And unlike the 1983 version, this one doesn't end with Tony losing everything and getting killed, but ends on a "high note" (so to speak) with Tony beating all the "bad guys" and eventually becoming the biggest and most badass kingpin in America. The cast will be filled out with a bunch of other mainstream rappers who think they are also actors. The soundtrack would be full of auto-tune garbage like Lil Wayne, T-Pain, Soulja Boy, etc.

The movie comes out, and all the little wannabe thugs/gangstas praise the hell out of it, saying that this is what the 1983 film should have been!

When Brian DePalma, Martin Bregman and Al Pacino are asked about their thoughts on it, they angrily say "no comment!"
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Old March 30 2010, 10:42 AM   #14
pork3
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Re: Ruin the Remake

Moby Dick
----------
The whale bites off Ahab's penis.
Ahab can't fuck anymore, so he decides to stick his leg up the whale's ass in reprisal.
The whale decides to eat his leg.
Ahab commits suicide, but not before pissing on the whale out of the gaping hole in his torso.
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Old March 30 2010, 01:44 PM   #15
RobertScorpio
Pariah
 
Location: San Diego
Re: Ruin the Remake

pork3 wrote: View Post
Moby Dick
----------
The whale bites off Ahab's penis.
Ahab can't fuck anymore, so he decides to stick his leg up the whale's ass in reprisal.
The whale decides to eat his leg.
Ahab commits suicide, but not before pissing on the whale out of the gaping hole in his torso.
^^ this would win the SUNDANCE BEST PICTURE award
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