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Old September 11 2009, 04:43 AM   #76
Cakes488
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

Bears Discover Fire wrote: View Post
Numerous people have said this already so let me just reiterate:

Stalker.

Restraining order.

Mace. Preferably with suspect identification ink.

Psychotic people have a way of ruining your life in a matter of seconds. I speak from experience on this one.
I don't think he's psychotic though! He's not stalking...he's not around every corner or peeping in my window. Isn't that stalking?

Drone36929 wrote: View Post
Oh, Cakes. Forget the pepper-spray mace; if you can't hit your target from a distance, it's useless. Use this mace instead.

Or a baseball bat with nails in it oughtta work.
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Old September 11 2009, 05:10 AM   #77
Captain Ice
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

Cakes488 wrote: View Post
I don't think he's psychotic though! He's not stalking...he's not around every corner or peeping in my window. Isn't that stalking?
Yes, however every behavior of his that you have described here is also stalking.

I'm of two minds regarding whether or not telling his wife will do anything positive in this situation. It could resolve the situation, but I think that's highly unlikely. I'd bet dollars to donuts that he has her so manipulated that she'll either never believe you, or she'll blame you for it all.

Some general advice though

1. You say the house isn't worth putting money into a security system. However, in this case it is not your house that you are protecting with it, but rather the house's contents...YOU! Ask yourself if your life is worth the money it would take to install the security system, should it become necessary.

2. Check any deadbolts or locks installed in the house and make sure they work. If there are no deadbolts, install them. If the house lacks window locks, install them. Any single cylinder deadbolt located on a door with a window in it or immediately next to it needs to be replaced with a double cylinder deadbolt as a part of this. Frontline's bar across the window preventing it from opening is also a good idea.

3. Call the Police. TONIGHT. It may be possible to file a report over the phone. You should also make an appointment to meet with a local cop to talk about this.

4. Ask the local sheriff/police department about having someone walk through your home and make recommendations regarding improving you home's security.

Lastly, one final question that I'm very surprised no one else has asked. These homes are vacation homes and neither of you are there often. However, how do you know he's not snopping around your home when you are not there? How do you know that he has not already broken into the home or identified a way to get into the home quietly and without anyone seeing him?
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Old September 11 2009, 05:58 AM   #78
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

One thing about the mace: Price counts. The cheaper end of the scales tends to be the crapper (ie weaker) type. What you need, if it's available in your area, is a good brand with a adhesive (ie doesn't wash off easy) and a dye ink (as was mentioned up thread). My advice: Go to the local battered womens shelter, YWCA, or rape crisis center tell them your situation and they might have some recommendations. Your better quality firearms stores will also be able to help you.

One woman I worked with had a problem with her ex-husband not getting the hint that "Divorce means no more sex" and kept showing up using the excuse that he paid alimony, that meant she had to give him sex. Nothing got through his head-- arrests, restraing order, pissed off big brother, so she got a can of Easy Off oven cleaner and carried it with her. One spray of that in the face the night he got drunk and kicked in the back door to her house and the fucker got the hint.
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Old September 11 2009, 08:25 AM   #79
JuanBolio
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

As a man with a fairly good grasp of the male mind and having known some psychos in my day, I have to agree with the general consensus around here, as much as it pains me to do so:

Tell the cops (though I think an actual restraining order is premature at this point).

Tell his wife (but be prepared for possible repercussions after she confronts him).

Tell your family and friends who he is, where he lives, what he drives, etc.

ARM YOURSELF. Fuck pepper spray, GET A GUN, and learn how to use it if you don't know already. If you don't like guns or are uncomfortable with them, fuck pepper spray - get bear spray. Anything that can drive off a charging grizzly bear will wreck his shit. Back it up with a knife, and keep both on you at all times when you of the house, and somewhere accessible while in the house, as he knows where you live, how to get in, when you're home, etc. Let him know you are armed, preferably with visual proof. Also keep something you can use to defend yourself in every room and outside. These things don't have to be dedicated weapons - just anything that will hurt and/or maim.

I realize that he doesn't seem dangerous to you, and you know what? I kinda agree. I was very close to telling you just to threaten him, but cautiously, and be prepared for his possible reaction. However, this guy is displaying some nasty warning signs. Asking if you're alone? Scoping out your house as he drives by? Granted he's a coward, but he wants something from you and doesn't like taking no for an answer. Better to be safe than sorry, especially since you guys aren't great friends in the first place. Nothing lost if you're wrong and all this is an overreaction.

Captain Ice wrote: View Post
2. Check any deadbolts or locks installed in the house and make sure they work. If there are no deadbolts, install them. If the house lacks window locks, install them. Any single cylinder deadbolt located on a door with a window in it or immediately next to it needs to be replaced with a double cylinder deadbolt as a part of this. Frontline's bar across the window preventing it from opening is also a good idea.

3. Call the Police. TONIGHT. It may be possible to file a report over the phone. You should also make an appointment to meet with a local cop to talk about this.

4. Ask the local sheriff/police department about having someone walk through your home and make recommendations regarding improving you home's security.

Lastly, one final question that I'm very surprised no one else has asked. These homes are vacation homes and neither of you are there often. However, how do you know he's not snopping around your home when you are not there? How do you know that he has not already broken into the home or identified a way to get into the home quietly and without anyone seeing him?
Cakes, listen to Captain Ice. Captain Ice is wise.
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Last edited by JuanBolio; September 11 2009 at 08:43 AM.
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Old September 11 2009, 08:50 AM   #80
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

Cakes488 wrote: View Post
I don't think he's psychotic though! He's not stalking...he's not around every corner or peeping in my window.
Then I'm confused...

Cakes488 wrote: View Post
Back in July he started making unwanted advanced towards me while his wife was not there for the weekend. I was very very direct and blunt and told him to get the fuck off me and our "relationship" shan't be taking that turn. He still kept grabbing me, attempting to kiss me and just touching me in general.
the next weekend he comes right into my screened in porch...INTO MY HOUSE ...thank god my nephew was with me) .
Then I started noticing that every time he passes by in his car that he is staring at my place as he goes by and it just creeps me the fuck out.
Anyway, so it's the next weekend now (end of July) and he "runs" into me again which was totally manufactured by him and he asks me if I'm alone there...
last weekend this bastard stops his car in front of my house and yells out to me (my house is about 75 feet from the road too...its not right there) and asks me if I was alone again. (and I was!) .
What part of him continuing to make advances after being explicitly told not to, touching you and trying to kiss you against your will, entering your home without your permission, and constantly staring at you and asking if you're alone doesn't strike you as stalking and the actions of a potential rapist?

If the events described above are accurate, you seriously need to stop minimizing his behavior. Clearly it "creeped you the fuck out," so why are you backing off from your initial impression when people are universally telling you that it's a dangerous situation?
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Old September 11 2009, 08:53 AM   #81
Itisnotlogical
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

Nothing deters a freak like a pocket knife, some pepper spray, a good blaster at your side, etc.

But definitely the police, or if you can't notify the police in time the best thing to do is to always go somewhere with a big, strong, mammoth man whenever possible. Trust me, if at all possible, get a weapon, learn how to use it, and carry it everywhere you go. Something about him entering your home on a whim tells me you're going to be glad of having a large, pointy object to poke him with. Or a small metal contraption which can fire projectiles at the speed of sound
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Old September 11 2009, 08:57 AM   #82
JuanBolio
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

You know Cakes, after looking at your myspace page and the photos there upon, I'm inclined to retract my statements about you needing to be armed. You ARE armed - with very nice arms. Dude doesn't stand a chance.

Then I looked at your interests. If I ever happen to be wandering aimlessly about upstate New York with a sack full of reefer (which is a distinct possibility, from where some of my stoned hikes have led me), we should hang out... and not in a way that would incline you to twist my head off.
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Old September 11 2009, 08:58 AM   #83
Mark de Vries
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

I'm not going to declare this guy a stalker, just because I wouldn't know when a person moves from being a pest to being a stalker!

In my opinion (unmarried, but a guy), if you want to wait one more time, make sure he knows damn well what the result will be if he shows his face on your vicinity again: tell him in blunt and simple words (preferrably with only one or two syllables ) that he can expect a heap of trouble with his wife, the police and anyone else you can think of. Whether that's true is secondary, just as long as he knows he shouldn't come near you again. Because until now he's certainly not been listening to reason.

Filing a complaint would be the best thing to do if your final warning has no effect. But you may want to inform the police about him already, just to make sure they're aware of the situation.

Guns and other weapons: don't do it. I fear that'll lead to more trouble for you than he's worth. What you're going to do, anyway, kill him?
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Old September 11 2009, 09:00 AM   #84
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

Call the cops! Of all the things, that's the smartest to do. The wife could respond in a million ways to you narcing him out, many not good, and he could respond in equal ways that could be not good. But the cops will have your back if any of that happens, so no matter what you decide, cover your six with police attention.
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Old September 11 2009, 09:06 AM   #85
Sephiroth
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.



take your pick
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Old September 11 2009, 09:12 AM   #86
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

After JuanBolio's MySpace/pic comment - seconded on that. Good arms that put half our female talent roster to shame! Though if anything gets physical, never be afraid to use handles. I love dirty tactics to win

Five pages in theres not much I can add...

I'll just second (or fifteenth) the police route. It's a good way to protect yourself from being labeled a bullshitter if it escalates - especially if his wife is informed and he decided to lay the blame on you.

And seconding the telling off the neighbours. It may have happened with someone else, some intel could be a good move.

Oh, and good luck
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Old September 11 2009, 09:13 AM   #87
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

Sephiroth, are you under the impression that she is going back to save Marsellus Wallace from Zed and the Gimp?
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Old September 11 2009, 09:14 AM   #88
Itisnotlogical
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

Cakes, I must confess I'm very worried about you. I was just skimming through the posts and I'm afraid every time I see you haven't posted for a while. Granted I wasn't all the way on the other side of the country in Modesto CA, I would tell this bastard that enough's enough.
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Old September 11 2009, 09:22 AM   #89
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

Locutus of Bored wrote: View Post
Sephiroth, are you under the impression that she is going back to save Marsellus Wallace from Zed and the Gimp?
she could throw the TAS DVD's like ninja stars
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Old September 11 2009, 09:23 AM   #90
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

I'm so lame that was seriously the first thing I noticed in the pic.
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