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Old September 10 2009, 11:57 PM   #61
Michael Chris
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

In all honesty, if someone is acting that way, I really doubt that telling his wife would do anything positive. I would agree with the rest that you really should notify the police as soon as possible. That is really not normal behavior.
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Old September 11 2009, 12:03 AM   #62
Freakness
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

seriously, call the police!
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Old September 11 2009, 12:11 AM   #63
RJDiogenes
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

I agree with the consensus. From the description, this guy has the potential to be dangerous. Tell the local police, carry mace and do not be alone up there. And make sure all the neighbors know about him.
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Old September 11 2009, 12:16 AM   #64
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

Have you called the police yet? If you haven't, please do so right now. Make an appointment to speak with them before you go to the house this weekend. Get the restraining order, too.

We're all worried for you, Cakes. Please be very careful and take care of yourself.

And keep us posted.
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Old September 11 2009, 12:37 AM   #65
Australis
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

Agree with most of what is on here.

Do you know any of the police in the local station - have an informal talk with them, make them aware that there might be a problem.

Talking to the wife now might short circuit the whole thing. The only issue might be if you are believed or not.

Idea: take a video camera or mobile phone, keep it close. If he appears on the road or at the door, record him yelling out - chances are he'll do it again. Show his wife, show the police. Evidence speaks louder than anything you could say.

If I pulled shit like this, my SO would bite my head off. At the knees.

AND I'd deserve it.
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Old September 11 2009, 12:37 AM   #66
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

As the resident married, hedonistic, ethical slut, with an open marriage I have this to say:

1) Call the cops NOW and file a report. Every time he touches you that is an instance of simple battery, which is the unlawful laying of ones hands upon the other

2) Narc out to his wife. Narc out to your neighbors. You have to make people aware. By doing so they may actually start looking out for you. Don't cover for this creep. You need witnesses. By keeping silent you may never find out if any other neighbors are aware of this. By keeping silent you harm your self. Screw him and his reputation

3) Get some sort of defensive weapon you can conceal (pepper spray, taser, pistol*, carbine, M109 Howitzer, etc..). Learn how to use what ever you choose.

Do all three in that order, one right after the other, not one or the other. Get witnesses, video tape things, etc.. If anything keep repeating step #1 every time you feel threatened. If necessary and you have the evidence, go for a restraining order.

The guy is a creep / stalker / rapist in waiting. The 1st time you made it clear that the answer was no he should have heeded your statement and taken it to heart. The fact that he hasn't, and appears to be operating from the idea of "no means maybe" is scary. As for having your friend pay him a visit, that can be dicey. There is no way to tell how this nut job would react.

Oh and don't threaten him at all. Just take action and call the police. In this day and age the "no" is good enough. If he doesn't get the message, than too bad on him. Threatening him may cause him to take action before you can

Some other advice, make sure you have good dead bolts on all the doors and make sure you have locks on the windows.

JustKate wrote: View Post
Guns are comforting only if you're comfortable with them. On the other hand, pepper spray or a taser take little or no training, are extremely effective, and aren't likely to injure innocent passers-by.
I understand what you are saying but that is the worst advice. Be it a 25mm Bushmaster chain gun, pepper spray, a taser or a wooden spoon, you have to practice with the weapon of your choice for it to be effective when you need it. If you dont the chances of being able to employ it in a high stress situation will be some where between slim and none.


*= Since you live on Long Island and vacation in upstate NY you can own a pistol. You just cant drive across the bridge and transit NYC to get to upstate NY with you. So if you choose to buy one, then buy the pistol upstate and secure it there, or buy it on Long Island. There are quite a few gun shops near New Hyde Park and Mineola on the Jericho Turnpike. Buy it there and have them ship it to a gun dealer upstate and store it there. Or you could take the ferry and bypass NYC all together.
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Old September 11 2009, 12:53 AM   #67
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

FrontLine wrote: View Post
JustKate wrote: View Post
Guns are comforting only if you're comfortable with them. On the other hand, pepper spray or a taser take little or no training, are extremely effective, and aren't likely to injure innocent passers-by.
I understand what you are saying but that is the worst advice. Be it a 25mm Bushmaster chain gun, pepper spray, a taser or a wooden spoon, you have to practice with the weapon of your choice for it to be effective when you need it. If you dont the chances of being able to employ it in a high stress situation will be some where between slim and none.
FrontLine, with all due respect - you have some really good advice here - the way to use pepper spray is to (1) point it and (2) spray it. That's pretty much it. Sure, you should probably do that a couple of times before you need to - actually, I believe the directions specify that you have to to ensure the nozzle is full and ready to go in case you need it - but I very much doubt that anything more than that would be helpful. It's not like you need to aim at a target or anything. You just need to know which part to point at an intruder and which part to push. And to make sure you're not standing downwind.

Tasers no doubt require a little bit more practice, but nothing compared to that required to be effective with a gun. That's all I was trying to say.

And Cakes has made it absolutely clear she doesn't want a gun.

Last edited by JustKate; September 11 2009 at 01:09 AM.
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Old September 11 2009, 12:55 AM   #68
Shaw
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

This all sounds very alarming (and I haven't gotten past the first page ).

Cakes, you've gotta take care of yourself. I wouldn't expect the wife stuff to work as it sounds like this is something he has done quite often (and gotten away with). You've already warned him, so I'm not sure why you haven't contacted the authorities and started protecting yourself.
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Old September 11 2009, 01:07 AM   #69
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

Locutus of Bored wrote: View Post
- Talk to the police, get all of the previous incidents on file no matter how insignificant you might consider them, and get a restraining order immediately.

- Talk to some trusted neighbors and let them know the situation. Even if you don't want to make waves or are embarrassed (which you shouldn't be), simply knowing that others are aware of the situation should give you some piece of mind and give you a safe place to go if you're outside alone and he starts bothering you. It also alerts the neighbors that what he's doing is not harmless flirting if they see him talking to you, and that they should come over and simply say "hi" and stand with you.

- Be absolutely firm with him in any future encounters and leave no doubt that you have filed a police report and do not want him to speak to you or come near you again. It would be preferable to have someone with you when you say this, but I know that's not always possible.

- Get some pepper spray or mace to carry around at all times, perhaps even a small knife if you're comfortable with that. But be conscious of local laws.

- Improve the security of your house as best you can. The large glass patio doors are a problem, but a long bar can prevent them from sliding open. He can still break the glass of course, but unless he's really determined (in which case he can kick in the front door or break a window too) usually not having a quick, easy, and quiet entry point will do the trick.

- I would avoid telling the wife. It sounds like the right thing to do to confront her with the information, but it could potentially open a big can of worms both for you and for her with a creep like this. He could get violent with you for "messing up" his relationship, because guys like this never take responsibility for their own actions. She could deny it and get on your case too or badmouth you around the neighborhood. She could confront him and end up getting beaten as a result, or worse. If he gets arrested for doing this again the cat will be out of the bag anyway.

- Even if it doesn't seem like a big deal, please take this very seriously. The fact that the guy keeps asking if you're alone and walks into a screened in part of your house is just a huge danger sign. I don't want to alarm you, but he really does sound like a rapist scouting out a new victim. If you can have someone stay with you for a while I would do it. It doesn't even necessarily have to be a guy, because just having another person there can act as a deterrent many times.

We could all be wrong and this guy could just be some creep with serious boundary issues and the inability to take no for an answer, and it won't go any further than that. But all the warning signs of something worse are there, so it's better to not take any chances and stay safe.
As usual, LoB posts the truth. This, this and this.
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Old September 11 2009, 02:49 AM   #70
Colonel Green
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

Cakes488 wrote: View Post
This crappy house isn't even worth a security system
Perhaps not, but is your life?
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Old September 11 2009, 03:39 AM   #71
FrontLine
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

JustKate wrote: View Post
FrontLine wrote: View Post
JustKate wrote: View Post
Guns are comforting only if you're comfortable with them. On the other hand, pepper spray or a taser take little or no training, are extremely effective, and aren't likely to injure innocent passers-by.
I understand what you are saying but that is the worst advice. Be it a 25mm Bushmaster chain gun, pepper spray, a taser or a wooden spoon, you have to practice with the weapon of your choice for it to be effective when you need it. If you dont the chances of being able to employ it in a high stress situation will be some where between slim and none.
FrontLine, with all due respect - you have some really good advice here - the way to use pepper spray is to (1) point it and (2) spray it. That's pretty much it. Sure, you should probably do that a couple of times before you need to - actually, I believe the directions specify that you have to to ensure the nozzle is full and ready to go in case you need it - but I very much doubt that anything more than that would be helpful. It's not like you need to aim at a target or anything. You just need to know which part to point at an intruder and which part to push. And to make sure you're not standing downwind.

Tasers no doubt require a little bit more practice, but nothing compared to that required to be effective with a gun. That's all I was trying to say.

And Cakes has made it absolutely clear she doesn't want a gun.
With due respect I will have to disagree with you. Yes having the tool is critical and gives an edge, but with out training in its use, it leaves one exposed. Self defense / Personal protection is something that must be practiced. Its not simply about pulling and randomly spraying. You have to practice pulling it out of your purse / off your belt. You have to practice taking aim with the spray (you do have to aim it) while someone is coming after you / in a stressful situation. If you dont do that, if you dont prepare you are much more likely to fumble / spray yourself in the face / miss entirely. Interestingly you are less likely to do this with a taser or a pistol. But one should always train. As for the not wanting, I saw that as CANT own one and I was showing her how she could if she so chose to.

Oh and screw the pepper spray. This product by kimber is a lot more effective and easier to use (I.e. less of a chance of spraying your self and better aimability)
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Old September 11 2009, 04:09 AM   #72
Cakes488
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

Mutenroshi wrote: View Post
Tell the cops, file a complaint and get a restraining order.

And get married!
LOL I see you just want to add to my problems!


Locotus & the restraining order advocates... Me and the neighbors just don't hang out like this...thank god. It's very rural..praise be. I haven't even seen my other neighbors this season. When he's over no other neighbors can see. They're not miles away but there's a bit of woods inbetween. I've had a good run of steady company and I'm covered the next two weekends...but you bet your bippy I'll be going alone again....I like it and this little prick ain't gonna stop that. I'm sorry but he's not scaring me...actually it's he who should be scared because he's going to be getting a new asshole and I understand that it's quite painful without anesthesia. I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt just one more time now and consider him a pest....restraining order is over the top at the moment...it is. Now. If he does it after this ass ripping than we gotta problem.

kimc wrote: View Post
1) Get a restraining order
2) Let your neighbors know and ask them to help keep an eye on things
3) Don't talk to the guy again, ever.
4) Don't be alone at this house until things are safer.

Chances are you're not the only one this guy is stalking. There may also be some open cases the cops are trying to resolve. Letting the police know is not just to your benefit but to the benefit of everyone in the neighborhood.

Whether or not this guy is married not relevant. From what you say he's stalking you and he could escalate.
It could escalate but I don't think it will. I want to make clear that he hasn't touched me after that first day....which granted he did repeatedly.. but I don't think he would dare put a hand on me again as he will pull back a nub. Oh and yeah and once again I'm definitely going there again alone...I'm not paying this mortgage so the mice can have the place full time.....fuck that.

FrontLine wrote: View Post
As the resident married, hedonistic, ethical slut, with an open marriage I have this to say:
As for having your friend pay him a visit, that can be dicey. There is no way to tell how this nut job would react..
First I love the description of yourself!!

People in my life know about this. The neighbors don't fall in that category. And the point is to stay away from these people...it's my getaway!! LOL I do agree to ask him if I need to tell Jean about this. I think that would be quite effective because I don't think I'll be telling Jeanie...I think that statement would squash this shit and shirvel up what little dick he has. But I see I'm in the minority with this mode of thinking.

I think my friend would be effective too. He's nice and tall.


sidious618 wrote: View Post

As usual, LoB posts the truth. This, this and this.
You're coming with me to get this pepper spray! LOL Dick's sporting goods gotta have it.
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Old September 11 2009, 04:15 AM   #73
Bears Discover Fire
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

Numerous people have said this already so let me just reiterate:

Stalker.

Restraining order.

Mace. Preferably with suspect identification ink.

Psychotic people have a way of ruining your life in a matter of seconds. I speak from experience on this one.
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Old September 11 2009, 04:21 AM   #74
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

Bears Discover Fire wrote: View Post
Numerous people have said this already so let me just reiterate:

Stalker.

Restraining order.

Mace. Preferably with suspect identification ink.

Psychotic people have a way of ruining your life in a matter of seconds. I speak from experience on this one.
Cakes, listen to Bears, she knows what she is talking about here.
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Old September 11 2009, 04:32 AM   #75
Gryffindorian
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

Oh, Cakes. Forget the pepper-spray mace; if you can't hit your target from a distance, it's useless. Use this mace instead.

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