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Old September 10 2009, 07:31 PM   #31
JustKate
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

^ That's what makes it sound...a little scary and obsessive, Cakes honey - that you're telling him something that he ought to find very interesting (though disappointing, too, of course) and yet he's clearly Not. Listening. Some guys, and they are the worst possible kind of guys, really don't seem to understand "no."

Last edited by JustKate; September 10 2009 at 07:58 PM.
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Old September 10 2009, 07:41 PM   #32
iguana_tonante
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

I just add my drop of water to the ocean: threatening of telling his wife is not gonna work. I mean, any sane person already knows that this sort of behaviour will most likely get reported to his wife. So if he pulls this shit, he doesn't care about consequences.

So: cut all interaction with him; alert the cops; make sure your house is secure; get some mace or pepper spray.

Keep us in the loop, Cakes.
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Old September 10 2009, 07:47 PM   #33
antichristhill
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

It IS obsessive and scary. Call the cops, tell his wife, have your biggest male friend pay him a visit with a baseball bat. Lock your doors. Tell everyone you know--TWICE.

If your instincts say "something is wrong here" then it IS wrong. It may be nothing, but think about how many women go missing each year because they were more worried about being "nice" than telling their uber-creepy neighbor to back the fuck off.

Tell EVERYONE about this guy---tell other neighbors, your co-workers, any cop who will listen. I had an old college buddy who was more worried about being nice and didn't want to cause "trouble." That is, until the stalker broke down her door in a drunken rage one night. Luckily, she'd told neighbors about the guy, and they all came running when they heard her screaming. Don't screw around with these psychos. He may be just another harmless jerk....or he may not.
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Old September 10 2009, 07:57 PM   #34
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

Those are huge warning signs!! He's not listening to "no!" Take that seriously. Tell him if does anything else again you'll call the cops. You're not joking around. He's already gone too far. You may even want to call the cops now. I'm somewhat concerned about your safety.

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Old September 10 2009, 08:05 PM   #35
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

auntiehill wrote: View Post
It IS obsessive and scary. Call the cops, tell his wife, have your biggest male friend pay him a visit with a baseball bat. Lock your doors. Tell everyone you know--TWICE.

If your instincts say "something is wrong here" then it IS wrong. It may be nothing, but think about how many women go missing each year because they were more worried about being "nice" than telling their uber-creepy neighbor to back the fuck off.

Tell EVERYONE about this guy---tell other neighbors, your co-workers, any cop who will listen. I had an old college buddy who was more worried about being nice and didn't want to cause "trouble." That is, until the stalker broke down her door in a drunken rage one night. Luckily, she'd told neighbors about the guy, and they all came running when they heard her screaming. Don't screw around with these psychos. He may be just another harmless jerk....or he may not.
I enthusiastically agree with everything here EXCEPT for the part about having a large male friend pay him a visit. That, unfortunately, might give HIM leverage if this has to turn into a legal situation. It also shows him he's getting to you, further inflaming the behavior.

And none of us want you to live in fear, but we do want you to be cautious, and take the threat seriously. I do think telling his wife is a good idea, but like I said before, prepare yourself emotionally for that to not work.

As far as you being direct with him... OK, first, let me state I'm in NO WAY saying any of this is your fault. This individual is very sick. I do just want to mention one thing though, in the OP, you said you told him "he's married and nothing will ever happen so I gave him a pass because he was drunk and I figured it was over and that he probably felt stupid the next day". It is possible, that despite you meaning "FUCK OFF!", this person heard "I want to, but you're married". Which the stalker processes as a green light.

Again, I do not want to sound like I'm blaming you, just maybe trying explain how you were "targeted".
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Old September 10 2009, 08:05 PM   #36
TheOneWhoKnocks
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

the potential for danger with this guy is pretty high, lots of red flags, go to the cops, get a restraining order, go to a sporting goods store, get some pepper spray, and if he persists after the spray, kick him in the junk, get behind him,put one hand on his chin, one hand on the back of his head, and twist until you hear a crunch
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Old September 10 2009, 08:10 PM   #37
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

Another married-for-almost-25-years guy here.

It doesn't sound to me like the simple threat of telling his wife will do much good, if any. The number of chances you've given the creep are more than he deserves, so simply tell his wife straight out. This isn't vengeance so much as it's concern for your peace of mind as well as physical safety.

No matter how direct you've been before, it hasn't worked because the guy has come back. A more concrete action seems to be required.
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Old September 10 2009, 08:11 PM   #38
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

flamingliberal wrote: View Post
I'm not a man, married or otherwise, but that's not relevant to your situation.

Cakes488 wrote: View Post
Then I started noticing that every time he passes by in his car that he is staring at my place as he goes by and it just creeps me the fuck out. There's a bend in the road...muthafucka should be lookin straight ahead....what's he trying to see...??? Me in a skanky t-shirt?

Anyway, so it's the next weekend now (end of July) and he "runs" into me again which was totally manufactured by him and he asks me if I'm alone there... I've had a pretty steady guest list upstate since July -- so someone was always coming up to "save" me....

So I think this is all over and done with but here again last weekend this bastard stops his car in front of my house and yells out to me (my house is about 75 feet from the road too...its not right there) and asks me if I was alone again. (and I was!) . I mean WTF here???
I lied and told him I had some friends coming up..I was put on the spot and caught off guard because I couldn't believe that he was asking me this yet again. And more importantly why is he asking me....WHY?????????? I was very clear!!!!!!
He's stalking you, and he sounds dangerous. I certainly hope that you are securely locking your doors and accessible windows at all times.

So here's my question. Obviously I want this hairy little beast to leave me alone and it's a shame too as he was a good neighbor to talk to from time to time...but anyway I was thinking that if he asks me this crap again I'm going to say "what part of we're not hanging out do you not understand? If you can't comprehend this then I'll be forced to go to Jean (his wife) and have her explain this to you"...
No, don't say "we're not hanging out". He's a stalker, and you're not 12. Tell him bluntly that he is not welcome to speak to you and that if he comes onto your property ever again, you will call the police. In fact, I would alert the local police to the situation in order to expedite the restraining order process should it become necessary.

Finally, just tell his wife. Now. This asshole does not deserve further warnings. After you do that though, do not go there alone or let yourself be in any situation where you are alone and accessible to this person. Also, get some mace or pepper spray and carry it with you.
I was thinking this also. He's had plenty of chances. After the first warning, that was it. Don't threaten to tell his wife, tell his wife. You threaten and he'll have time to make sure you don't make good on that threat.

J.
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Old September 10 2009, 08:35 PM   #39
captcalhoun
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

1) call the cops and tell them.

2) call the cops and tell them.

3) get a permit and the biggest, most fuck-off gun you can.

4) make sure he sees you carrying said BFG.

5) call the cops and tell them.

6) learn to shoot.

i'm serious about the gun. it's why you have gun laws, right? i mean, it's your choice whether you go for something military-grade like one of those civilianised M-16s or just a big-ass pump-action shotty, or something more discreet like a large calibre pistol, but you wanna make sure he gets the message, he fucks with you, you introduce him to your friend PAIN.
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Old September 10 2009, 08:43 PM   #40
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

A taser right to the jimmy! Or pepper spray.
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Old September 10 2009, 08:43 PM   #41
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

I have to agree with all those before me that advised that you get a restraining order immediately and invest in some kind of defense (like a gun and training).

As for telling his wife... I don't think that will do much. If it was me, I don't think my wife would believe you at all. Even if she did believe you, a little assurance from me would probably undo that "damage." One thing's for certain -- I'd be pretty pissed at you for rocking my boat.

Don't tell the wife. Do tell the police.
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Old September 10 2009, 08:44 PM   #42
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

I worry about you threatening him in case he suddenly gets nasty when you do. I'd go directly to the cops in this case and issue a restraining order. Also, from now on I'd make sure you have solid locks on all your doors and windows just in case. I doubt it'd go that far but better safe than sorry plus it'll give you a sense of security.
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Old September 10 2009, 08:47 PM   #43
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

What makes you think his wife doesn't already know? Wives pretty much know their husbands better than they know themselves. I am sure she already knows he has the hots for you.

Just tell the police before something bad happens. I mean better alive than dead.
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Old September 10 2009, 08:58 PM   #44
JustKate
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

Guns are comforting only if you're comfortable with them. On the other hand, pepper spray or a taser take little or no training, are extremely effective, and aren't likely to injure innocent passers-by.

Not that I'm actually advocating a weapon. I am advocating great caution, though. He is clearly NOT a normal person, nor is this a normal attraction.
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Old September 10 2009, 09:37 PM   #45
Cakes488
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

auntiehill wrote: View Post
It IS obsessive and scary. Call the cops, tell his wife, have your biggest male friend pay him a visit with a baseball bat. Lock your doors. Tell everyone you know--TWICE.

If your instincts say "something is wrong here" then it IS wrong. It may be nothing, but think about how many women go missing each year because they were more worried about being "nice" than telling their uber-creepy neighbor to back the fuck off.

Tell EVERYONE about this guy---tell other neighbors, your co-workers, any cop who will listen. I had an old college buddy who was more worried about being nice and didn't want to cause "trouble." That is, until the stalker broke down her door in a drunken rage one night. Luckily, she'd told neighbors about the guy, and they all came running when they heard her screaming. Don't screw around with these psychos. He may be just another harmless jerk....or he may not.
OMG I cannot tell my other neighbors...I just cannot do that......yet. I've been very direct but I've still been kinda "nice" about it...from now on my teeth are bared. For the moment I'm putting him in the harmless jerk category...after our next "chat" he may need to be reclassified...like as in pond scum. I have told my family and friends...I was actually on the phone with my sis in law when he yelled from the street. After her I called everybody else saying you are not going to fucking believe that this muthafucka asked if I was alone again.

Foley0402 wrote: View Post
I enthusiastically agree with everything here EXCEPT for the part about having a large male friend pay him a visit. That, unfortunately, might give HIM leverage if this has to turn into a legal situation. It also shows him he's getting to you, further inflaming the behavior.

And none of us want you to live in fear, but we do want you to be cautious, and take the threat seriously. I do think telling his wife is a good idea, but like I said before, prepare yourself emotionally for that to not work.

As far as you being direct with him... OK, first, let me state I'm in NO WAY saying any of this is your fault. This individual is very sick. I do just want to mention one thing though, in the OP, you said you told him "he's married and nothing will ever happen so I gave him a pass because he was drunk and I figured it was over and that he probably felt stupid the next day". It is possible, that despite you meaning "FUCK OFF!", this person heard "I want to, but you're married". Which the stalker processes as a green light.

Again, I do not want to sound like I'm blaming you, just maybe trying explain how you were "targeted".
You bring up a good point that maybe he thinks I would do "something" with him IF he weren't married. But about the targeting....(I left this out of the OP because I didn't want to make it too long with every detail) He used weed as a way to get close to me and open this can o' worms.... as in he wanted to smoke some and have a weed buddy...I was humored him with this and I said sure we can smoke once in awhile I even have a joint on me right now....but it quickly went to him sitting literally on top of me with his arms around me...and kissing me because he was "so happy to find a weed friend"...as you all know I said what the fuck are you doing Dennis...get off of me and he proceeded ot say he was just soooo happy to find a weed friend in me that he couldn't contain himself. He still went for me 2 more times...maybe it was 3...but he didn't get the message that first day and I suppose he's still not getting it now.

J. Allen wrote: View Post

I was thinking this also. He's had plenty of chances. After the first warning, that was it. Don't threaten to tell his wife, tell his wife. You threaten and he'll have time to make sure you don't make good on that threat.

J.
What are you trying to say here....that he'll kill me before I make good on the threat?


captcalhoun wrote: View Post
1) call the cops and tell them.

2) call the cops and tell them.

3) get a permit and the biggest, most fuck-off gun you can.

4) make sure he sees you carrying said BFG.

5) call the cops and tell them.

6) learn to shoot.

i'm serious about the gun. it's why you have gun laws, right? i mean, it's your choice whether you go for something military-grade like one of those civilianised M-16s or just a big-ass pump-action shotty, or something more discreet like a large calibre pistol, but you wanna make sure he gets the message, he fucks with you, you introduce him to your friend PAIN.

I am not buying a gun. I cannot buy a gun.

Shikarnov wrote: View Post
I have to agree with all those before me that advised that you get a restraining order immediately and invest in some kind of defense (like a gun and training).

As for telling his wife... I don't think that will do much. If it was me, I don't think my wife would believe you at all. Even if she did believe you, a little assurance from me would probably undo that "damage." One thing's for certain -- I'd be pretty pissed at you for rocking my boat.

Don't tell the wife. Do tell the police.
LOL you'd be pissed at me for rocking your boat but in reality you rocked it yourself.

sidious618 wrote: View Post
I worry about you threatening him in case he suddenly gets nasty when you do. I'd go directly to the cops in this case and issue a restraining order. Also, from now on I'd make sure you have solid locks on all your doors and windows just in case. I doubt it'd go that far but better safe than sorry plus it'll give you a sense of security.
If someone wants to break into my house...it's really not that hard. I have 4 foot screen windows on the porch....I'm a fucking sitting duck up there.

Galactus wrote: View Post
What makes you think his wife doesn't already know? Wives pretty much know their husbands better than they know themselves. I am sure she already knows he has the hots for you.

Just tell the police before something bad happens. I mean better alive than dead.
Yeah I don't think she knows...it's not like we've interacted all that much over the years. It's pretty hard to run into each other unless you're trying. And this crap just started on the weekend that she wasn't there and she is always there.

I hope I'm making sense..I know I'm skipping around a lot. I felt OK when I started this thread and now I feel infinitely worse. I was taking this lightly but now I'm a little worried.
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