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Old September 13 2009, 11:38 PM   #151
SeerSGB
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

CaptainStoner wrote: View Post
~snip~

No more making up stories about friends coming over. The question is irrelevant! It just feeds the behavior. Don't do that; don't throw the stalker a bone for Christsake.
I would even suggest you don't speak to this person at all, no matter how loud he yells across the street, or honks the horn, whatever.

That's [saying you've got friends over or someone staying with you] dodgy at best anyway. If this jerk is really after her and wants her and isn't taking "No" as an answer, then there's nothing to stop him from coming by and seeing that there isn't someone there or waiting till she's out by herself and pulling something.
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Old September 14 2009, 12:02 AM   #152
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

Raven_Shayde wrote: View Post
msbae wrote: View Post
Buy a Handgun and learn to use it, assuming you don't have one already. Semi-Automatics are best, preferably a 9mm Beretta or Colt 1911 firing .45 ACP.

In fact, don't tell anyone about the gun. Just have it as your little ace in the hole.
Is a gun not a tad excessive though?
How is having the option of killing a potential rapist and murderer if necessary "excessive"?
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Old September 14 2009, 12:03 AM   #153
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

JuanBolio wrote: View Post
Raven_Shayde wrote: View Post
msbae wrote: View Post
Buy a Handgun and learn to use it, assuming you don't have one already. Semi-Automatics are best, preferably a 9mm Beretta or Colt 1911 firing .45 ACP.

In fact, don't tell anyone about the gun. Just have it as your little ace in the hole.
Is a gun not a tad excessive though?
How is having the option of killing a potential rapist and murderer if necessary "excessive"?
Turning into an armed vigilante in your own home versus the tiny chance of that happening?
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Old September 14 2009, 12:04 AM   #154
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

cultcross wrote: View Post
Turning into an armed vigilante in your own home versus the tiny chance of that happening?
If you think you need an arsenal to survive ya might as well just never leave your house.
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Old September 14 2009, 12:07 AM   #155
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

cultcross wrote: View Post
Turning into an armed vigilante in your own home versus the tiny chance of that happening?
How does being armed in case you need to defend yourself make you a vigilante? Granted, there's a small change of anything happening, but if someone is breaking down your door, armed with a gun, how long can you afford to wait for the cops to show up? What if he cut the phone line? What do you do then?
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Old September 14 2009, 12:09 AM   #156
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

JuanBolio wrote: View Post
cultcross wrote: View Post
Turning into an armed vigilante in your own home versus the tiny chance of that happening?
How does being armed in case you need to defend yourself make you a vigilante? Granted, there's a small change of anything happening, but if someone is breaking down your door, armed with a gun, how long can you afford to wait for the cops to show up? What if he cut the phone line? What do you do then?
I don't tend to spend my days worrying about insanely unlikely things happening to me. Also, its the 21st Century. I have a mobile.
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Old September 14 2009, 12:13 AM   #157
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

cultcross wrote: View Post
JuanBolio wrote: View Post
cultcross wrote: View Post
Turning into an armed vigilante in your own home versus the tiny chance of that happening?
How does being armed in case you need to defend yourself make you a vigilante? Granted, there's a small change of anything happening, but if someone is breaking down your door, armed with a gun, how long can you afford to wait for the cops to show up? What if he cut the phone line? What do you do then?
I don't tend to spend my days worrying about insanely unlikely things happening to me. Also, its the 21st Century. I have a mobile.
That's great, but a lot of places don't get service, particularly out in the woods where Cakes is. I agree that such an event is unlikely, but if it DOES happen and you're faced with it, its nice to have an option other than "lay down and die".

Also, you didn't qualify your vigilante remark. Last I checked self-defense wasn't considered vigilantism.
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Old September 14 2009, 12:24 AM   #158
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

Some people don't want to live their lives with a gun on their hip and all that entails. I know that's difficult for people who are cool with that to understand, but I will continue to take my chances in life with only a deterrent weapon and deal with the consequences of that possibly not working rather than spend my days clutching a fucking gun and walking around in fear of the unlikely.

Though I would prefer that the people around me not be armed, and I fear anyone who feels the need to be armed with a deadly weapon, I respect that you have the right to be armed and live like that. You should do the same when someone says that they DON'T want to be armed with a deadly weapon and stop attempting to use fear to force them to adopt your lifestyle. She has other defensive options that she IS willing to adopt; give her helpful advice about those rather than beating the guns drum over and over again.
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Old September 14 2009, 12:28 AM   #159
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

I respect their rights, fully and completely. I merely object to the pigeonholing of gun owners as fearful or as vigilantes.
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Old September 14 2009, 12:49 AM   #160
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

Personally, I think that feeling the need to avail oneself of a tool for killing another human being, assuming it's not borne out of bloodlust or aggression, implies some level of fear. That's not meant in a derogatory way as you appear to have taken it, though.
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Old September 14 2009, 12:54 AM   #161
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

Hmm... well I can't speak for everyone, but fear of that kind is not something that's really present in my life. I simply think its better to be prepared, and if it ever comes down to a situation where its either my life or someone else's, I'd prefer the latter.
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Old September 14 2009, 03:33 AM   #162
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

JuanBolio wrote: View Post
Raven_Shayde wrote: View Post
msbae wrote: View Post
Buy a Handgun and learn to use it, assuming you don't have one already. Semi-Automatics are best, preferably a 9mm Beretta or Colt 1911 firing .45 ACP.

In fact, don't tell anyone about the gun. Just have it as your little ace in the hole.
Is a gun not a tad excessive though?
How is having the option of killing a potential rapist and murderer if necessary "excessive"?
Having firearm for defense available against the POTENTIAL threat is good. Being prepared does not turn one into a vigilante and is not excessive. Even the SCOTUS agrees that citizens are responsible for their own security and the US Law Enforcement agencies are only reactionary forces. Going about your business while prepared for a possible threat is perfectly normal and acceptable in our society. Doing so doesn't mean that one is paranoid, it means that one is prudent. This is much in the same vein that you have a fire extinguisher in your kitchen or you have automobile insurance above and beyond the bare minimums. You don't want to have a kitchen fire or get into a catastrophic wreck, but should it happen, you will be prepared.

However using a firearm against a POTENTIAL threat is a no-no. A firearm should only be used when you feel that your life or the life of another is in danger. A firearm should never be a first line of defense. It should be your 2nd to last, the last being curled up in a ball begging not to die should you every find your self in that situation.

Finally no one should be forced to carry or looked down upon if they choose not to as no one in our nation should be looked down upon for deciding to be prepared. That is a personal decision.

Some have advocated carrying in this thread, some have merely provided data for the OP to make use of or not. In the end the decision is the OPs.

However the OP needs to pay heed to this:

T'Girl wrote: View Post
I've had this happen to me, more than once and I know what you should do.

If he graps you by the arm, it's assault.

If he graps you by the arm, It's false imprisonment

If he trys to kiss you While holding your arm, it's sexual assault

Tell EVERYONE, call the police everytime, insist on a police report - get a copy, keep a log of time, date and places. take photographs or better videos, a camera that imprints time and date is best. all these will help get the eventual restraining order, honey they're almost useless but get one anyway. Don't kick him in the balls, it's not as effective as you think - that's from movies.

The first time you call the police make it a time both he and his wife are home, after the police talk to you they'll drive to his house, everyone wiil see, his wife will see.

Pepper spray doesn't work on ten percent of the population.
That is from someone else who has unfortunately become an expert in this type of situation by being in the OPs position. Again there is a wealth of advice given from folks with a life times experience in this type of situation who are trying to make her aware of the very real potential of danger.
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Old September 14 2009, 04:23 AM   #163
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

Cakes488 wrote: View Post
JustKate wrote: View Post
Here is the situation as I see it:

Most of those who have posted in this thread feel that this situation is more threatening than Cakes does.

This doesn't mean Cakes is wrong, though - we all need to remember that. She's not a fool and she's met the guy whereas we haven't, and that gives her an enormous advantage.

On the other hand, that doesn't mean she's right, either. Some of the people who have contributed to this thread are speaking from direct experience. That's both an advantage and a disadvantage, though. It's an advantage because they might very well pick up clues that the rest of us miss. But it's a disadvantage because they also might project their own experience into what Cakes has experienced.

And of course several of us have thought of possible actions that Cakes didn't think of - including some fairly simple things she could easily do herself (such as getting the pepper spray or whatever, making the house as secure as possible, etc.). The disadvantage is that some of the things that have been suggested, Cakes either doesn't feel right about doing or doesn't feel are warranted at this time.

But after all those pluses and minuses...well, it's Cakes who's going to have to take whatever action is taken. We don't really want her to drop all her instincts and her experience and do whatever we say, do we? Well, OK, maybe we kind of do...but kind of don't, too. I mean, that wouldn't be right. And it wouldn't be Cakes, either.

So...just be careful, OK? For the sake of our peace of mind, maybe you could be a little more cautious than perhaps you are inclined to be? I for one would really appreciate it!
Yes I'm cautious...I have to tell you upstate is perfect place for having sex...but it's few and far between (really far right now ) that I bring men up there because i'm overly cautious about people knowing my address and location up there. I'm a New Yawka...I'm pretty aware of my surroundings and clockin who's doing what.

Thank you for articulating for me Kate...I appreciate it and I've left details out of the story because I really didn't want to type every detail of the story I figured nobody really wants to read that.

kimc wrote: View Post
A guy looking twice at a woman is not committing a crime. it was the barging into her house uninvited bit that got to me. You don't do that to someone you respect and it seems he has no respect for her as as person with rights. Not good.

The guy sounds creepy. Stay safe!
So about this barging in buisness...this was one of the shortcuts I took in telling the story... Now he did come in the screened in porch... but he was over the weekend before (the weekend the advances that were made and rebuffed) ...he gave me $ for weed and he was still under the impression that we're friends and he at the very least had found a weed buddy. So he walked in and I ushered him out...believe me I wasn't my friendly self and I immediately gave him back his $$ and he said oh you don't need to do that and I said yeah I do because we're not going to be smoking together and we're not hanging out. It's inappropriate and I feel bad doing it behind Jeans back. He said Ok yes you're right...at that point I expected an apology for his actions of the weekend before but there was none forthcoming. We made small talk about july 4th and he was on his way. So the bottom line is I think he still thought we were cool and he was walking into his new found friends place...the place he was in last weekend and he thought it was ok...I set him straight on that...he hasn't done it again. Doesn't explain the are you alone shit but I think that he's just hoping there's some chance we can still hang out...so that's why I'm going to go over it again with him and I think rather than saying I'll have Jean explain it to you ...I'm going to ask him if he comprehends what the fuck I'm saying. Cuz I'll break the shit down again and again to get it through his fuckin skull that there is absolutely zero chance of us hangin out in any way, shape, or form.
Paragraphs, please!

I would love to give my two bits, but I can barely read this!
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Old September 14 2009, 12:13 PM   #164
JuanBolio
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

FrontLine wrote: View Post
Having firearm for defense available against the POTENTIAL threat is good. Being prepared does not turn one into a vigilante and is not excessive. Even the SCOTUS agrees that citizens are responsible for their own security and the US Law Enforcement agencies are only reactionary forces. Going about your business while prepared for a possible threat is perfectly normal and acceptable in our society. Doing so doesn't mean that one is paranoid, it means that one is prudent. This is much in the same vein that you have a fire extinguisher in your kitchen or you have automobile insurance above and beyond the bare minimums. You don't want to have a kitchen fire or get into a catastrophic wreck, but should it happen, you will be prepared.

However using a firearm against a POTENTIAL threat is a no-no. A firearm should only be used when you feel that your life or the life of another is in danger. A firearm should never be a first line of defense. It should be your 2nd to last, the last being curled up in a ball begging not to die should you every find your self in that situation.

Finally no one should be forced to carry or looked down upon if they choose not to as no one in our nation should be looked down upon for deciding to be prepared. That is a personal decision.
I agree completely. If I came across as having implied that a gun should be pulled at the first hint of danger, then I have to say that was not at all my intent.
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Old September 14 2009, 01:59 PM   #165
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

Absolutely do not buy a handgun if you don't already have one. Its a statistical fact that homeowners in possession of firearms have a higher rate of injury and death when it comes to burglaries/home invasion. You're just looking for trouble if you wield one.

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