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Old September 13 2009, 09:46 AM   #136
Raven_Shayde
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

msbae wrote: View Post
Buy a Handgun and learn to use it, assuming you don't have one already. Semi-Automatics are best, preferably a 9mm Beretta or Colt 1911 firing .45 ACP.

In fact, don't tell anyone about the gun. Just have it as your little ace in the hole.
Is a gun not a tad excessive though?
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Old September 13 2009, 12:34 PM   #137
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

in this case, no. what WOULD be excessive would be a LAW. or an RPG-7. or an M-203.
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Old September 13 2009, 03:50 PM   #138
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

While I haven't read every post in this thread, here is my two cents.

First and foremost I do believe you know better than anyone else how to handle this situation. You've been given advice of many types and it's now up to you to pick and choose what best fits you.
Do not under any circumstance tell his wife or threaten to tell his wife. You can't expect her to fix this situation which is ultimately your problem to fix. You may go the restraining order route or go to the police or anything else but it is YOU who must do this work.
You have no idea what the dynamic is between this man and his wife. She might be understanding and sympathetic but I truly doubt it unless she is looking to dump his sorry ass. In all probability she is looking to keep her marriage working and she will side with him. Yes, it could be that this is a pattern of his that she is aware of but then again, she has continued to remain with him. You have very little chance of winning by asking her to deal with this situation.
I gather you have spoken of having gentleman callers at your home. She may very well believe that you have your sights on her husband and that your whole story is fiction.
There is so much that can go wrong with telling the wife. Who knows, he might even do her harm if she confronts him with your accusations.

The next time he calls out to you asking if you are alone - ignore him. Why in the world are you even answering his questions? Don't have anything more to do with him in regards to chores around the house. Stop being the 'nice girl' as we were taught to be. No more debating with him, no more talking it out, no more of any of this shit.
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Old September 13 2009, 04:28 PM   #139
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

Cakes488 wrote: View Post

Ok tender time is over now...that little boo-hoo session lasted about 10 minutes...so you can go back to reaming me now. But seriously, it's not that I was waiting to hear what I wanted to hear...it's just that I expected to hear that a lot sooner...it's what I was expecting to hear. I've consulted with my family and friends again who are close to the situation and know every last detail...they do think any type of restraining order is a bit much at this moment. To get a R. Order doesn't someone need to do something to be restrained. I mean what am I gonna put on it that the guy asked if I was alone so I want him restrained? I think that is the way to go AFTER I refresh his memory that we shan't be hanging out in any capacity. And I'm not ignoring the advise...I'm not! Just because I'm choosing to not act on it at this time does not mean I'm completely ignoring it...quite the contrary. I will get the best mace/bear mace I can find next week.
You are way behind the game here, Cakes. This man essentially molested you with the drunken pawing. Alcohol does not produce that behavior; it reveals it. You are in danger, and you haven't been reacting appropriately.
YOU ARE BEING STALKED. And you're getting some mace, what, next Tuesday, along with getting the replicators on-line?
I agree with those who say: don't tell his wife. That's just going to open up a can o' psycho in all liklihood. If he's cheating, she knows.
But you really should have put in a complaint to the police by now.
To think you've lived with this BS all summer!
No more making up stories about friends coming over. The question is irrelevant! It just feeds the behavior. Don't do that; don't throw the stalker a bone for Christsake.
I would even suggest you don't speak to this person at all, no matter how loud he yells across the street, or honks the horn, whatever.
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Old September 13 2009, 05:28 PM   #140
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

Drone36929 wrote: View Post
Cakes, I worry about you, dear. You've already told this guy off. You should tell his wife what's going on, and if it persists, call the cops on him.
Take this advise with a grain of salt, and get counseling.
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Old September 13 2009, 05:37 PM   #141
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

Kail wrote: View Post
Drone36929 wrote: View Post
Cakes, I worry about you, dear. You've already told this guy off. You should tell his wife what's going on, and if it persists, call the cops on him.
Take this advise with a grain of salt, and get counseling.
I'm not sure what you're driving at there.
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Old September 13 2009, 05:56 PM   #142
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

Raven_Shayde wrote: View Post
Personally I'd knee him in the testicles. Best course of action or is that just me? . I hate unwanted male attention. At the least it's annoying, at worst can be potentially dangerous.
Certainly the best way to get arrested for assault and have the cops ignore you when he actually does something dangerous.
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Old September 13 2009, 06:39 PM   #143
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

Pingfah wrote: View Post
Raven_Shayde wrote: View Post
Personally I'd knee him in the testicles. Best course of action or is that just me? . I hate unwanted male attention. At the least it's annoying, at worst can be potentially dangerous.
Certainly the best way to get arrested for assault and have the cops ignore you when he actually does something dangerous.

Witnesses would also be required for said arrest. If it were me I'd ensure there weren't any
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Old September 13 2009, 06:58 PM   #144
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

Raven_Shayde wrote: View Post
Pingfah wrote: View Post
Raven_Shayde wrote: View Post
Personally I'd knee him in the testicles. Best course of action or is that just me? . I hate unwanted male attention. At the least it's annoying, at worst can be potentially dangerous.
Certainly the best way to get arrested for assault and have the cops ignore you when he actually does something dangerous.

Witnesses would also be required for said arrest. If it were me I'd ensure there weren't any
Well yeah, If you're going to attack a crazy stalker guy without actually disabling him, it's always best to make sure there's nobody around to help when he comes after you with a chainsaw, I mean that's just common sense
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Old September 13 2009, 07:52 PM   #145
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

Raven_Shayde wrote: View Post
msbae wrote: View Post
Buy a Handgun and learn to use it, assuming you don't have one already. Semi-Automatics are best, preferably a 9mm Beretta or Colt 1911 firing .45 ACP.

In fact, don't tell anyone about the gun. Just have it as your little ace in the hole.
Is a gun not a tad excessive though?
There is no move that's too extreme when it comes to your own personal defense.
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Old September 13 2009, 07:58 PM   #146
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

Pingfah wrote: View Post
Raven_Shayde wrote: View Post
Personally I'd knee him in the testicles. Best course of action or is that just me? . I hate unwanted male attention. At the least it's annoying, at worst can be potentially dangerous.
Certainly the best way to get arrested for assault and have the cops ignore you when he actually does something dangerous.
Not to mention maybe really pissing off the jerk. Kicking a guy in the nuts will work most times; some times it just pisses them right off and they will beat the hell out of ya' for your trouble.

The Safest thing is keeping as much distance as possible. And that means Gun, tazer, or even mace.
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Old September 13 2009, 08:52 PM   #147
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

I've had this happen to me, more than once and I know what you should do.

If he graps you by the arm, it's assault.

If he graps you by the arm, It's false imprisonment

If he trys to kiss you While holding your arm, it's sexual assault

Tell EVERYONE, call the police everytime, insist on a police report - get a copy, keep a log of time, date and places. take photographs or better videos, a camera that imprints time and date is best. all these will help get the eventual restraining order, honey they're almost useless but get one anyway. Don't kick him in the balls, it's not as effective as you think - that's from movies.

The first time you call the police make it a time both he and his wife are home, after the police talk to you they'll drive to his house, everyone wiil see, his wife will see.

Pepper spray doesn't work on ten percent of the population.

The first time this happen to me, it was the older cop who told me to buy a gun. The 9mm semi-automatic is best. Get a small "carry pistol", something that will fit in your pusre or pocket, keep it with you, it doesn't do any good if it's in a drawer and you're in the next room.

A local woman's group can give you support.

I'm sorry to tell you these things


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Last edited by T'Girl; September 13 2009 at 09:38 PM.
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Old September 13 2009, 10:15 PM   #148
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

Why does no one respect the fact that the woman said she does not want a gun? If she's not willing to kill the guy on sight, and it sure doesn't sound like she is, the gun is more likely to be used on her.
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Old September 13 2009, 10:18 PM   #149
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

flamingliberal wrote: View Post
Why does no one respect the fact that the woman said she does not want a gun? If she's not willing to kill the guy on sight, and it sure doesn't sound like she is, the gun is more likely to be used on her.
Agreed. Not only that, but if she feels uncomfortable around a gun she could easily miss and hit someone else, herself, or just anger the guy more. In this case a gun does not seem like a good idea.
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Old September 13 2009, 11:34 PM   #150
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

Report this to the police, immediately. He has already assaulted you, but even if you don't want to pursue a complaint about the incident that has already occurred, you need to make it clear that you are ready and willing to go down that road if he doesn't back off. We in the UK have something called a TAU, a 'Treat As Urgent' marker, which would note that calls from you or your house should be treated as a top priority with a potential immediate threat to life and limb - something similar may be an option in the US as well.
If he comes back and you feel threatened, leave immediately, go to a friends or a family members, or even just to a payphone, and call 911. Don't try and fight him unless it becomes absolutely necessary (ie he has you cornered or something), and even then only to the extent necessary to get past him. You will achieve nothing by fighting him other than escalating the situation and potentially getting yourself much more severely hurt (and no, that's not because you're a woman, I'd say that to anyone: you don't know you can take him. Nobody does). And bringing a gun into the mix is just ridiculous. Already tense situations are not helped or resolved by introducing firearms. Plus, in order for it to be useful you'd basically have to have it strapped to your hip 24/7 while at home - are you really about to do that?
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