Short Attention Span Theater

Discussion in 'General Trek Discussion' started by JiNX-01, Aug 31, 2010.

  1. JiNX-01

    JiNX-01 Admiral Admiral

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    I'm borrowing this idea from another Trek forum I belong to.

    This Ain't The Valentine

    Opening teaser: NX-01 Bridge
    Ensign Sato: The captain is so humble. He won't even take credit for founding the Federation.
    Ensign Mayweather: Yeah, humble.
    Lt. Reed: That's enough out of you, Mr. Mayweather!
    Surgeon General Phlox (over the comm): I heard he isn't even taking credit for writing his speech!
    Riker: This is bull****. I'm outta here.

    NX-01 Bridge: CAPTAIN Archer enters.
    Ensign Sato: Captain, you're being hailed.
    Capt. Archer: I TOLD you I'm not taking credit for founding the Federation!
    Ensign Sato: Sir, it's Admiral Shran. He wants to meet with you.
    Capt. Archer: He's an admiral?!
    Ensign Sato: He was promoted years ago.

    NX-01: Ready room.
    Capt. Archer: Shran, I thought you were dead!
    Admiral Shran: NOT. DEAD. Just hiding. My daughter has been kidnapped by my former partners in crime. They think I've stolen the Jewel of the Nile.
    Capt. Archer: We'll use the protein resequencer to make a phony jewel and trade it for your daughter.
    Admiral Shran: That's it? That's the entire plot? For a series finale?!! I wanna talk to Braga!
    Commodore Troi: No, that's not the entire plot. After you save your kid, Trip will kill himself trying to save Captain Archer.
    Admiral Shran: Just Archer? Shouldn't he at least be saving the ship or a planet or an orphan trapped in a burning building? I wanna see Braga!
    Lt. Porthos: Braga's working on "Threshold."

    Rigil Kent X: Cantina
    Chief Petty Officer Jahmel: Daddy! You came to save me!
    Admiral Shran: I want you to go with the nice Vulcan lady.
    Kidnapper: It's faaaaake!!!!
    Archer (from catwalk): Set weapons on stun. FIRE! (Lots of shooting). We won't see them again! Now I have to get back to my speech.

    NCC-1701-D
    Riker (viewing pictures of dead Pegasus crew): I'm so sad. My friends are dead. And Supreme Ruler Pressman is forcing me to lie to my captain, because I don't have any Free Will. Hee. No pun intended. ... So, Deana, you up for dinner?
    Commodore Troi: I'm dating Reg and he's the jealous type.
    Riker: I thought you were dating Worf.
    Troi: Nope, Barclay ran him off.

    Ship's Mess Hall:
    Captain Archer: To The Next Generation. If it hadn't been for the incredible success of that series, we wouldn't be here.
    Commander Tucker: That's true. We be in a finale written for us.
    (Over the comm): Reed alert! Reed alert! All security personnel and MACOs are confined to quarters!
    Captain Archer: Guess we'll have to handle this one. Hope I have time to rehearse my speech!
    Commander Tucker: Shall we stop by the armory?
    Captain Archer: Nah. We can handle it.

    Sickbay:
    Surgeon General Phlox: His lungs have been completely cooked.
    Captain Archer: Well, I guess it's time to break out "Bartlett's Famous Cliches."

    Trip's quarters:
    Subcommander T'Pol: Trip said I wouldn't miss my mother so much after a few years.
    Captain Archer: Time heals all wounds. So you up for some dinner? I'll read my speech to you.
    Subcommander T'Pol: I would, but Trip is the jealous type.
    Captain Archer: Uh, Trip is dead.
    Subcommander T'Pol: I got an advance copy of "The Good That Men Do." Trip is NOT. DEAD.
    Captain Archer: Sorry to hear that,
    (T'Pol storms out of the room).
    Captain Archer: Damn. Did I say that out loud?
    Lt. Porthos: Yes.

    Galley:
    Chef Riker: So what do you all think of Trip?
    Hoshi: He was an ignoramous who could barely speak English. And he learned about engines by working on engines.
    Malcolm: When I met him I thought he was a hick. Now I realize he was bumpkin.
    Phlox: He spurned my second wife. He's a puritanical nitwit.
    Travis:
    T'Pol: He is awesome in bed. And the sex is great, too!
    Archer: Bummer.
    Lt. Porthos: Frankly, I liked Sim.

    At Charter signing:
    Reed: Our seats suck! Archer is going have his pick of assignments. I plan to follow him like a crazed stalker wherever he ends up.
    Hoshi: I'm just grateful to be here.
    Travis:

    Riker: Deana, I know what to do now. When Enterprise is trapped by the Romulans inside the asteroid, I'll tell Capt. Picard that we have a way out using the cloaking device from the Pegasus.
     
  2. Sector 7

    Sector 7 Vice Admiral Admiral

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    Poor Richard had it right, "Neither a borrower nor a lender be.":vulcan:
     
  3. sojourner

    sojourner Admiral In Memoriam

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    Just around the bend.
    I don't get it!?!
     
  4. Mr. Laser Beam

    Mr. Laser Beam Fleet Admiral Admiral

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    "Lt. Porthos" :guffaw:
     
  5. Shatnertage

    Shatnertage Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

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    Made me laugh. You captured the pith of the episode (better than the episode).
     
  6. Nardpuncher

    Nardpuncher Rear Admiral

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    You don't get it?!!? What about me!?!?!?
    No, seriously, I don't get it either.
     
  7. SPCTRE

    SPCTRE Badass Admiral

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  8. TiberiusMaximus

    TiberiusMaximus Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

    I liked Travis' part best.

    This sorta thing is kinda like Monty Python. Either you laugh, or you don't.
     
  9. M'Sharak

    M'Sharak Definitely Herbert. Maybe. Moderator

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    More than a little, yes.
     
  10. JiNX-01

    JiNX-01 Admiral Admiral

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    My apologies. I should have explained: The idea is to take a Trek episode and write a a truncated version while having fun with the plot.
     
  11. RandyS

    RandyS Vice Admiral Admiral

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    Your attention span is too short.
     
  12. Nardpuncher

    Nardpuncher Rear Admiral

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    Or not short enough!
     
  13. Gary7

    Gary7 Vice Admiral Admiral

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    That's a good way of putting it. :techman:

    It had some funny moments. :)
     
  14. The Wormhole

    The Wormhole Fleet Admiral Admiral

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    There were parts where I chuckled. Though here's what I don't get: if this comes from another Trek forum, why does it have the "Not. Dead" gag? Didn't that originate here on Trek BBS?
     
  15. barnaclelapse

    barnaclelapse Commodore Commodore

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    Heh. Funny stuff.