I'm borrowing this idea from another Trek forum I belong to. This Ain't The Valentine Opening teaser: NX-01 Bridge Ensign Sato: The captain is so humble. He won't even take credit for founding the Federation. Ensign Mayweather: Yeah, humble. Lt. Reed: That's enough out of you, Mr. Mayweather! Surgeon General Phlox (over the comm): I heard he isn't even taking credit for writing his speech! Riker: This is bull****. I'm outta here. NX-01 Bridge: CAPTAIN Archer enters. Ensign Sato: Captain, you're being hailed. Capt. Archer: I TOLD you I'm not taking credit for founding the Federation! Ensign Sato: Sir, it's Admiral Shran. He wants to meet with you. Capt. Archer: He's an admiral?! Ensign Sato: He was promoted years ago. NX-01: Ready room. Capt. Archer: Shran, I thought you were dead! Admiral Shran: NOT. DEAD. Just hiding. My daughter has been kidnapped by my former partners in crime. They think I've stolen the Jewel of the Nile. Capt. Archer: We'll use the protein resequencer to make a phony jewel and trade it for your daughter. Admiral Shran: That's it? That's the entire plot? For a series finale?!! I wanna talk to Braga! Commodore Troi: No, that's not the entire plot. After you save your kid, Trip will kill himself trying to save Captain Archer. Admiral Shran: Just Archer? Shouldn't he at least be saving the ship or a planet or an orphan trapped in a burning building? I wanna see Braga! Lt. Porthos: Braga's working on "Threshold." Rigil Kent X: Cantina Chief Petty Officer Jahmel: Daddy! You came to save me! Admiral Shran: I want you to go with the nice Vulcan lady. Kidnapper: It's faaaaake!!!! Archer (from catwalk): Set weapons on stun. FIRE! (Lots of shooting). We won't see them again! Now I have to get back to my speech. NCC-1701-D Riker (viewing pictures of dead Pegasus crew): I'm so sad. My friends are dead. And Supreme Ruler Pressman is forcing me to lie to my captain, because I don't have any Free Will. Hee. No pun intended. ... So, Deana, you up for dinner? Commodore Troi: I'm dating Reg and he's the jealous type. Riker: I thought you were dating Worf. Troi: Nope, Barclay ran him off. Ship's Mess Hall: Captain Archer: To The Next Generation. If it hadn't been for the incredible success of that series, we wouldn't be here. Commander Tucker: That's true. We be in a finale written for us. (Over the comm): Reed alert! Reed alert! All security personnel and MACOs are confined to quarters! Captain Archer: Guess we'll have to handle this one. Hope I have time to rehearse my speech! Commander Tucker: Shall we stop by the armory? Captain Archer: Nah. We can handle it. Sickbay: Surgeon General Phlox: His lungs have been completely cooked. Captain Archer: Well, I guess it's time to break out "Bartlett's Famous Cliches." Trip's quarters: Subcommander T'Pol: Trip said I wouldn't miss my mother so much after a few years. Captain Archer: Time heals all wounds. So you up for some dinner? I'll read my speech to you. Subcommander T'Pol: I would, but Trip is the jealous type. Captain Archer: Uh, Trip is dead. Subcommander T'Pol: I got an advance copy of "The Good That Men Do." Trip is NOT. DEAD. Captain Archer: Sorry to hear that, (T'Pol storms out of the room). Captain Archer: Damn. Did I say that out loud? Lt. Porthos: Yes. Galley: Chef Riker: So what do you all think of Trip? Hoshi: He was an ignoramous who could barely speak English. And he learned about engines by working on engines. Malcolm: When I met him I thought he was a hick. Now I realize he was bumpkin. Phlox: He spurned my second wife. He's a puritanical nitwit. Travis: T'Pol: He is awesome in bed. And the sex is great, too! Archer: Bummer. Lt. Porthos: Frankly, I liked Sim. At Charter signing: Reed: Our seats suck! Archer is going have his pick of assignments. I plan to follow him like a crazed stalker wherever he ends up. Hoshi: I'm just grateful to be here. Travis: Riker: Deana, I know what to do now. When Enterprise is trapped by the Romulans inside the asteroid, I'll tell Capt. Picard that we have a way out using the cloaking device from the Pegasus.
I liked Travis' part best. This sorta thing is kinda like Monty Python. Either you laugh, or you don't.
My apologies. I should have explained: The idea is to take a Trek episode and write a a truncated version while having fun with the plot.
There were parts where I chuckled. Though here's what I don't get: if this comes from another Trek forum, why does it have the "Not. Dead" gag? Didn't that originate here on Trek BBS?