Movie Caption Contest #102: Blu-Ray Blues - The Wrath of Khan

<Kirk pulls out cell phone, begins filming. The others blink at him.>
Kirk: "YouTube, bitches."

 

Spock: "Ok, is everyone here? Alright, then lets begin today's lesson on Human Origami."

 

McCoy: "Until I see his insurance card, I ain't doin' shit."

 

KIRK: "So young... what a tragic waste. Scotty, you have my deepest -- Hey, wait a minute, is this...? Holy shit, it is! Scotty, why didn't you tell me your nephew was the boy from the Witch Mountain movies? Wow, he was right under my nose the whole time, and I didn't even ask for an autograph. Stupid, stupid... Wait... this is his blood on my uniform! I gotta go preserve this outfit -- and then see what this baby'll go for on e-bay!"

>Kirk leaves. Scotty and McCoy stand around for a moment in silence.<

McCOY: "Uhhh... I'm so sorry Scotty. So, do you want me to start the embalming process, or would you rather go with cremation?"

 

PRESTON:"There...isssssssssssssssssssssss...a-no-therrr...

HAM...AC-TOR."

(*Dies with final breath*)

 

SCOTTY:"How many bloody times over the past 20 years do I have to tell ye, man...

That's NOT how ye do a Titty Twister on a human."

 

<Spock puts McCoy gently to the ground. He looks at the Reactor Room, considers, spreads McCoy's legs, kicks him in the nuts, turns, and pulls on gloves as he enters Reactor Room.>

 

Spock: "I'm sorry, Doctor. I have no time to discuss this logically - and seeing as how Mr. Scott is faking being unconscious, it looks like it's up to me."
<Scotty squeezes eyes tighter but doesn't move.>

 

Kirk: "It's all my fault."
Preston: "No ..."
Kirk: "I ..."
Preston: "... shit."





<Spock catches McCoy, drags him into Reactor Room, and uses McCoy's limp arms to open the chamber and manipulate the dilithium crystals. Once finished, he drops McCoy's burned body in the corner, revolves the door, walks out, and brushes himself off.>
Spock: "Fuckin'-A."

 

McCoy: "Oh for the love of god! A hickey? A HICKEY??!?!??! Was he at least still ALIVE when you gave this to him Jim??

 

Scotty: "He was also into animals"
Kirk: "Send the sheep in too then. For some counceling"
Scotty: "And farm equipment"
Kirk: "And farm- what?"
Scotty: "It gets cold and boring in the highlands"

 

"Intriguing doctor. What makes you think a pack of 19th century Native Americans are lose in engineering?"

 

Kirk: By the way, is the galley serving roast beef tonight?

 

Scotty: He dinnae have a girlfriend Admiral!
Kirk: Bones, does anyone out in the ward have a girlfriend?
McCoy: Yes.
Kirk: Bring him here, and get me a Phaser.

 

McCoy: Sorry, Scotty, there's nothing I can do. It's a pre-existing condition and his Starfleet Medical won't pay out.
Kirk: The word is not given then.

 

MCCOY: I can save him!!! Get me some exotic salt shakers and a spray bottle!

 

McCoy: It's bad, but I've had worse, we can save him.
Kirk: Huh, looks like he as a organ donor.
McCoy: Really....how about that...yeah..so...uh....I'm sorry Scotty there's nothing I can do.
Kirk: I'll get the guy in Cuba on the line and tell we've got another "special delivery"

 

KIRK: Anyone else thinking that white on our uniforms was a mistake?

...come on its a bitch to keep clean!!!!!

 

McCoy: "Gottle o geer! Gottle o geer!"

Kirk: "Bad taste, that man!"

 

Scotty: Let me know when yer done with 'im, Doctor. I've got a dinner party entrance to make.



Spock: Dammit Scott fell asleep. So much for the string bass comedy bit.
McCoy: Well don't blame me, I hit every note!
Spock: Nice rendition of the 1812 Overture, by the way.
McCoy: Nice for you. I need a new pair of pants.