DS9 Caption Contest #51: Dukat, Loser of Popularity Contests!

Dukat: "I am telling you, Major: Your Mom used to love to do it on this table."
Dax: "Awwwwkwaaard!"



Quark: "Man, America's Next Top Model is really scraping the bottom of the barrel."

 

Kira: "Ha-Ha you sharted!"

 

Seeing as fire would seem to be our gul's only friend...



Oh, and as I watched him on the stage,
My hands were clenched in fists of rage!
No angel born in Hell...
Could break that Satan's spell!

And as the flames climbed high into the night--
To light the sacrificial rite--
I saw--Satan laughing with delight
The day...the music died....

 

Quark: "I had no idea how skilled you are at Photoshop, Odo. Wow! Dukat is sure gonna be mad with this one..."

 

Dukat: "Welcome, to the one and only true fire hot spring on Bajor... the only one run by a Cardassian, too! I hope you brought your own towels, though."

 

REALTOR DUKAT: Yes, the house is a fixer upper, but what about this view!!!!

 

Dukat: I say we up the stakes. Whoever loses this game of DS9opoly gets killed off the show. Deal?

Dax: One of you is so dead.

 

DAx: Guys!! I think I finally found where the cardassian built the bathroom on this station! It's ..here!
Dukat: Nope! try again!
Kira: Forget it, Dax, I'm taking the shuttle to Bajor, anyone else needs to pee?


Dukat didn't know that bajoran farts were worse than tear bombs, or else he wouldn't have started the farting contest with Kira


DUKAT: Why did you make me pull your finger?!

 

Dukat: Yes captain this is hell... We have trapped in here the kindred spirits of Alexander the Great, Genghis Kahn, Napoleon, Hitler, Stalin, JFK, Gaddafi, George Bush senior and junior, and many other noteworthy figures of your race.
Sisko: So what am I doing here?
Dukat: Tut tut. Did you really think you would get away with the atmospheric poisoning of those Maquis worlds without consequences to your soul?
Sisko: Nope... Just tell me one thing, is Eddington in here to?
Dukat: Nah, he's in heaven...
Sisko: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

 

Moments after Kirk kicked Kruge off a nearby ledge, Dukat popped in to take advantage of the opportunity.

Dukat: "Greetings, Admiral. Pardon me while I savor the ambiance!"

 

Along those lines...


Dukat: No, no, NO! How many times do I have to keep telling you it's "Rock, Paper, Scissors, Lizard, Dukat!"

• Scissors cut paper
• Paper covers rock
• Rock crushes lizard
• Lizard poisons Dukat and Dukat comes back to life and incinerates lizard
• Dukat smashes scissors
• Scissors decapitate lizard
• Lizard eats paper
• Paper tries to expose Dukat, but Dukat's greatness is just too much and paper crumples to ashes
• Dukat vaporizes rock
• Rock crushes scissors

And SISKO! ::looks up at the office: YOU'RE IN MY SPOT!!!"

 

Quark had to learn it the hard way... you don't interrupt Odo when he's in his private video arcade

 

Dukat: "Well, that's the last time we have Mexican Night in my ship's mess hall."

 

Nine out of ten Broadway producers agree: nobody does "jazz hands" like a Pah-Wraith.

 

Dukat: "That's right-you've won what's behind Wall of Flame #1! A new shuttle! Actually, it melted so you're just getting a puddle of alloys and some titanium scraps but still..."

 

QUARK: Would you look at that!
ODO: Curious. They don't look quite real...




DUKAT: I'm telling you, they're soft, supple and magnificent to behold. The experience will fill you with... how did she put it? "Great joy and gratitude."
GARAK: Putting aside for the moment that nobody here seems to care, Dukat, the real question would seem to be - are they real?
KIRA: Even Odo couldn't tell.



TROI: I know what you're thinking sir. And yes, they're real. Just ask Will. Or Worf!



DUAKT: Bazinga!

 

Do you mean "complicit"?

 

Right...my bad.

 

DUKAT: ...and then you say, 'I'd like to buy a vowel.' So the scantily-clad female flips over one of the letters –

GARAK: Wait. What does the doughy male co-host have to do with it?

DUKAT: I'm getting to that.

BASHIR: [sighs] Somebody spin already!





"This has been a test of the Emergency Occupation System. If this had been the actual Occupation..."

 

Kira: Check-mate!
Bashir:....No...
Kira: Uh...I wanna buy a vowel?
Bashir: No...
Kira: May I make a phonecall home?
Bashir:No!