"Congratulations, you are fully dilated to ten centimeters. You may now give birth." (Worf to Keiko O'Brien)
My favorite Archer/T'Pol exchange EVER. T'POL: (running on treadmill) How's your dog? ARCHER: (starts another treadmill) Nice of you to ask. We'll know in a couple of hours. (T'P speeds up her machine, he does the same) Have you heard from your friends on the surface? T'POL: Not yet. ARCHER: I guess they haven't finished compiling their list of punishments. T'POL: They're not interested in punishing you. They only want an appropriate apology. ARCHER: I'm sorry. T'POL: For what? ARCHER: Just practicing. T'POL: (speeding up her machine again, so he does the same) You shouldn't have brought your dog on a diplomatic mission, especially considering we had previously offended the Kreetassans. ARCHER: They knew we were bringing him. We even sent his genetic specs. (getting breathless) They could have asked us to leave him behind. They didn't. Porthos has the right to a little fresh air. T'POL: You're once again ignoring the consequences of your actions. ARCHER: What's that supposed to mean? T'POL: You obviously place more importance on the quality of the air your pet breathes than on the quality of the plasma that drives your ship. (speeds up her machine again) ARCHER: What the hell does one have to do with the other? Isn't it logical I could care about my ship and my dog? (speeds up his treadmill) T'POL: I'm not questioning your pluralities. I'm questioning your priorities. ARCHER: (sweating and panting) I really thought you were beginning to understand something about human feelings. T'POL: Not when it pertains to primitive quadrupeds who haven't developed the ability to speak or to use a toilet. (stops her treadmill and gets off) ARCHER: What's the matter? T'POL: I obviously can't keep up with you.
Partially for content, partially for Stewart's delivery: ------------- Picard: Um...eh, it's not over between us, er, Lwaxana. Um...er, you're mine. And uh, I will er, not let you go. I insist you return to my side immediately. Lwaxana: You mean, you still care? Picard: My love is a fever, longing still for that which longer nurseth the disease..[...] Picard: Mister Worf! Arm phaser banks and photon torpedos. If Lwaxana Troi is not back in my arms in ten seconds, throw everything you've got at the Krator! DaiMon: But you will destroy Lwaxana! Picard: "When I have plucked the Rose, I cannot give it vital growth again. It must needs wither." Nine. Eight. "'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all!" Seven. Six. DaiMon: No, wait -- Picard: Five. Four. Three. DaiMon: BEAM HER TO THEIR BRIDGE! Now!
Adam: "Gonna crack my knuckles and jump for joy, I got a clean bill of health from Dr. McCoy!" Where is that from? I love it.
McCoy - "Damn it, do you want an acute case on your hands? This woman has immediate postprandial upper abdominal distension! Out of the way...get out of the way." Kirk - "What did you say she's got?" McCoy - "Cramps."
From STSFS Kirk how many fingers do I have up? McCoy that's not dam funny ? That green blooded son of a bitch it's his revenge for all the arguments he lost .?
McCOY: Hi. ...Busy? SPOCK: Uhura is busy. I am monitoring. McCOY: Umm. Well, I just wanted to say it sure is nice to have your katra back in your head, not mine. What I mean is I may have carried your soul, but I sure couldn't fill your shoes. SPOCK: My shoes. McCOY: Forget it! ...Perhaps we could cover a little philosophical ground? Life, Death, Life. Things of that nature? SPOCK: I did not have time on Vulcan to review the philosophical disciplines. McCOY: Come on Spock, it's me, McCoy! You really have gone where no man has gone before. Can't you tell me what it felt like? SPOCK: It would be impossible to discuss the subject without a common frame of reference. McCOY: You're joking! SPOCK: A joke is a story with a humorous climax. McCOY: You mean I have to die to discuss your insights on death? SPOCK: Forgive me, Doctor, I am receiving a number of distress calls. McCOY: I don't doubt it! SPOCK: Gracie is pregnant. (the pick-up screams to a halt) GILLIAN: All right. Who are you? And don't jerk me around any more. I want to know how you know that. KIRK: We can't tell you that. ...Please, let me finish. I can tell you that we're not in the military and that we intend no harm towards the whales. GILLIAN: Then what... KIRK: In fact, we may be able to help you in ways that, frankly, you couldn't possibly imagine. GILLIAN: Or believe, I'll bet. KIRK: Very likely. ...You're not exactly catching us at our best. SPOCK: That much is certain. KIRK: I have got a hunch we'd all be a lot happier discussing this over dinner. What do you say? GILLIAN: You guys like Italian? SPOCK/KIRK: No. Yes. No. Yes. KIRK: Yes, I love Italian and so do you. SPOCK: Yes. GILLIAN: Sure you won't change your mind? SPOCK: Is there something wrong with the one I have? KIRK: Just a little joke. Goodbye, old friend. GILLIAN: Wait a minute! How did you know Gracie's pregnant? Nobody knows that. SPOCK: Gracie does. ... I'll be right here. GILLIAN: Is he just going to hang around the bushes while we eat? KIRK: It's his way.
You forgot the best line of all, as Lwaxana is sitting on Picard's lap : "Set course for Betazed...WARP NINE!"
McCoy "You're proposing that we go back in time, find humpback whales, then bring them forwards in time, drop them off and hope the hell they tell this probe what to go do with itself." Kirk "That's the idea." McCoy "Well, that's crazy!" From Star Trek 4: The Voyage Home
Jeez... some of these are hilarious quotes... others look like the script for entire scenes... kinda missing the point don't you think? Wouldn't that be better for. Funnniest scenes thread? Funniest quote narg from DS9: Money is money, but women are better.
Star Trek 3 SFS on board the Excelsior: elevator voice: Level, please. Scotty: Transporter room. elevator voice: Thank you. Scotty: Up your shaft.
Any time Lwaxana says "Mr. Woof". Troi's line in "A Fistful of Datas" when she shows up in the Old West holodeck program. "Ah suggest y'all find anothuh line o' work..." Just hearing Marina talk like that is major .
In the same genre is Spock's "I would advise youse to shut up and keep dialin' " from A Piece of the Action.