TOS Caption Contest #156: Three Kirks, One Smirk

So that's where Chris Pine has got to lately





and alex thought he had it bad in Clockwork Orange. At least he didn't have to sit through the entire collection of K/S

 

Kirk: "How can you check my teeth from in there?"
Noel: "Don't you worry about that Captain Halitosis, I mean Kirk."

 

Kirk (to self): "Wow, I really have to hand it to Dr. Van Gelder. This is a great way to avoid postal fees when I send Christmas gifts to Tantalus Five."

 

Dread Pirate Roberts: The battle of wits has begun. Inhale this but do not touch. What you do not smell is iocane powder. It is odorless, tasteless, and dissolves instantly in liquid and is one of the more deadly poisons--

Kirk [dipping finger in vial, tasting powder]: Huh, I don't taste anyth--[keels over]

Dread Pirate Roberts: Oh, for Christ's sakes.

 

When Kirk started smelling every set of wind chimes he could get his hands on, McCoy knew it was time to take him off active duty.

 

Noel: "You got me crotchless panties for Christmas."
Kirk: "Yeah."
<Noel turns dial all the way up.>

 

KIRK IN CHAIR: For the last time! I'm not Chris Pine!

 

Kirk in the chair: "You're Captain Kirk. YOU'RE CAPTAIN KIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRK!"

 

Kirk: Why am I the one who has to sit in this Barcalounger thing?

Noel: Captain, you're the only one of the crew that has the Ancient gene. Now concentrate and bring Atlantis's stardrive online so we can get the hell out of here.

Kirk: Okay, here goes.

[Kirk begins to concentrate. Farts loudly. Then the lights go out and the windshield wipers turn on.]

 

"You are repulsed by fattening foods..."




"If they hand you a stone-like prop made by Takei..."

 

SHATNER: That was "Rocket Man". Now, "Lucy In the Sky With Diamonds."

KIRK: "Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!"

 

Shatner: "You won't take a shit without endorsement money of some kind."

 

Shatner: "The money for your first Star Trek convention will be, dare I say, out of this world."

 

Kirk: "Noel, I don't care how much you torture me. I'm not taking your ugly sister to the cotillion."

 

Soo..Captain..

Think of it..you ...me.. some sheet plastic..and a bottle of olive oil...