Hello, all. I’m delighted to have discovered this forum, and I very much appreciate your making it happen--thank you! I recently finished writing a TOS love story that begins as Spock is entering pon farr. This story, The Adept, is atypical in several respects: It showcases an original character as well as Spock. It doesn’t conclude with the cessation of the pon farr. It was written by one professional editor (me) and reviewed by another. It’s a cross between a novella (length appx. 60K words) and a monograph, drawing on multiple Trek episodes to create a composite portrait of Spock. (I’ve included source notes for the curious.) Intrigued? View the story at https://www.fanfiction.net/~ladytanna or request the PDF. All comments welcome.
Liked the writing style; read three chapters plus skipped around a bit here and there; didn't care for the plot; had a hard time getting past the guest character and the author sharing the same name.
Thank you for your candor; I appreciate it. I'm curious--what would you do to improve the plot of The Adept? This is my first foray into long-form prose; no doubt I'm making every rookie mistake in the book (pun resolutely stood by ), and I would like to know how to become a better writer. May I ask why you had difficulties with my using the same name for the author and the guest character? My reasons for doing so were practical, but if your reaction is typical and I'm stepping on the toes of an entire readership, I'd very much like to know why.
I can't speak for the above responder, but there's a phenomenon in fanfiction circles known as the self-insert fiction which can often involve characters which may be stereotyped as a "Mary Sue"*. Turns out the term stems from a mid-70s Star Trek parody fanfic; the link above contains more information and a loose definition of such. If you already know any of this, my apologies. It's not uncommon, of course, for a guest character in a work of fiction with a regular cast to become the focus of attention, and even then slightly less common but not unheard of for the character to share the actor's name. As far as self-inserts in fanfic go, some people have a hard time getting past that, even if the character in question carries on to not in fact fit the other typical traits of such a character. *for a hilarious take on the archetype, check out this three-part comic. Note that it evolves to reference quite a few other "fandoms" throughout its run. I lol'd. Some thoughts as I continue to read: Spoiler: the end of chapter three. "we are one"? Poor Saavik! Spoiler: chapter three. Nice extension of Spock's marvelous never before seen before or after third-season ability to sight-read a classical piece written by a human on a Terran instrument.
^^^^ This. The whole "Mary Sue" thing. As to the plot, it seemed to be going the way of the trashy romance novel (sorry, no better way to describe it ... and maybe I didn't read far enough) which just simply isn't my cup of tea. Some people might like that sort of thing. I'm more into crime-drama and action-adventure.
That was fun. I gave it somewhat of a speedread but I liked it very much. I'm also not fond of purely love stories, particularly in a setting like Trek, but your writing is excellent and the story had several nice elements that work in an extended format. (Is this extended? I dunno. I always have trouble comparing online fiction to a straight-up novel.) That said, let's tackle the elephant in the room here. Spoiler: The name's Sue, Mary Sue. p.s. this is freaking long; spoilers ahoy! Let me refer to this article that is best viewed alongside the other TV Tropes link above: http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/CommonMarySueTraits Here's what features I see in that rundown that seem to be exhibited in the fictional Lady T'Anna: "Highly persuasive, regardless of the actual content of their conversations." There are some elements of this, although much can be forgiven as the character is an ambassador. "Is either brave and cheerful (despite her past" This, in small part. She's very well put together for someone who's been through everything she's been through. "A perfect singing voice. Most often shows up in Mary Sue Classic." Ayup. That said, Spock receives the following quality also common to Mary Sues: "Extreme proficiency with an instrument of her choice." "Just random magical powers, such as telepathy in a universe where it's never even been mentioned." Are we to imply from the story that T'Anna is more than a Flint who simply moves from place to place, but a being who has lived several finite lifetimes? The parallels are not unwelcome, though, especially since that's one of those wild Ancient Aliens-esque characters from Trek that I really dig! I like what's done here, especially the tie to Saavik, but it's a quality that's on the list nonetheless. No Physical Appearance or Accessories tropes that I could identify. Maybe the "spritzer", but somebody had to explain where soft drinks went in the 23rd century. "Some Wish Fulfillment with a character you think is hot isn't that bad. But Mary Sue seems to grab their attention straight away. Even if they already have a stable love interest in canon" You split the difference here. Tying T'Anna into Saavik in such a way is something I liked, as I mentioned. But pretty much off the bat, Spock is into this lady. The use of pon farr as a device disguises it but it's still there. "She's dating the author's favorite character" Just guessing here, but if so, eh, it's a related trope. Haven't we all been there at least once, though? "Mary Sue is always on the Spotlight-Stealing Squad. Without her, there would not be a story." Nail, meet head. Still, it's bound to happen. "Perform a Heroic Sacrifice as a way to prove that she's Too Good for This Sinful Earth." Okay, so no sacrifice here but still, the MARY SUE DIES trope is in full force. "She might turn out to secretly be half-human, half-(insert species here)." There's precedent in canon. No worries, and this is more like 1/16th Klingon in her case? "She will often have a tragic family life. Coming from an abusive background is quite common." Yup. This is also fairly well-telegraphed early on in the story; not sure if you were going for that but be mindful if not. "May be named after the author in some form." Yeah, you went there. Would be curious to know if a simple name change would help the reaction to the story. Just make sure you don't pick one of these! *wipes sweat from brow* So, okay. You wrote a fanfic, gave the lead character your name, and wrote a love fantasy story about one of, if not your absolute favorite character. A lot can be forgiven in this case because it's very well done. Many of the tropes in the Mary Sue rundown above are not as much about the character being squeezed in where they don't belong as much as they are about just flat-out bad, bad writing. You appear to be completely resistant to this affliction. One other note stands out here, however. This is taaaaaaaaalky. It works here, and many of the official Trek novels suffer from the same thing, but one thing that's been pointed out in the transition from TOS to, well, everything else, is that the amount of exposition seems to have increased exponentially, to the point where there are complaints about briefing-room scenes on the Ent-D and such. A good example would be the technobabble spouted by Scotty in TNG: "Relics" compared to "I'm givin' it all she's got, cap'n!" YMMV but just something else to be mindful of. It's clear you like to write, and you're good at it, but it can certainly run away from you. One last article you may want to take a look at is the following: http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/SoYouWantTo/AvoidWritingAMarySue For future reference, of course. I'd argue that the small selection of Mary Sue tropes exhibited above mark the Lady T'Anna as an "accidental Sue", but it never hurts to re-examine, especially if you plan on future stories. Spoiler: *whispers* (p.s. many Trek fans are dudes and as such may not be able to appreciate the nuances of a Trekmance. Don't let that discourage you from writing what you love, but don't be afraid to branch out either. They can't all be "City On The Edge Of Forever"! Okay, I sound like Maurice talking about fanfilms I'll stop now!
Sgt G, I think I can safely say without revealing any spoilers that no romance novel would end the way my piece does. And I very much doubt that such novels would treat Spoiler: the life circumstances of a major character the illness of a major character as a central theme, either, although I can't say for certain because I don't read them--to each his or her own, right? I can do without flash-bang myself, as I much prefer character development over action or special effects, but I quite like police procedurals and other mysteries, and I'd be more than happy to compare notes offthread if you're so minded. BeatleJWOL, you are a very gracious person, and I thank you. Most people wouldn't take the time or trouble that you did in composing your very charitable response, and I appreciate both. I wish I knew the answer to your question. The definition of what constitutes a novel vs. a novella seems to be elastic, especially when it comes to material that's presented online. Spoiler: The name's Sue, Mary Sue. p.s. this is freaking long; spoilers ahoy! Let me refer to this article that is best viewed alongside the other TV Tropes link above: http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/CommonMarySueTraits Here's what features I see in that rundown that seem to be exhibited in the fictional Lady T'Anna: "Highly persuasive, regardless of the actual content of their conversations." There are some elements of this, although much can be forgiven as the character is an ambassador. Which I most emphatically am not. I am not good at living out of suitcases, shutting myself in conference rooms for days on end, or soothing overlarge egos. Guilty as charged. That goes back to the first season of TOS. We learn in "Charlie X" that Spock plays the Vulcan harp, and as you note (if you can forgive that pun), we discover in the third season that Spock can sightread on a Terran piano. I wanted to give him and T'Anna an obvious commonality, and music seemed to me to be the (forgive me again!) logical choice. Yes, that was what I was after. Down the hatch, just like they do now. More than. Definitely more than. Laughing! May I borrow that, please? That's excellent! As I said, you're being charitable. I would actually argue that there is a sacrifice. T'Anna knows that the drug poses the very gravest risk to her health, but she takes the risk anyway because she knows that hundreds of lives hang in the balance. Forgive the correction, but T'Anna is one-fourth Vulcan and three-fourths human. It's her human uncle who marries a Klingon. Although now you have me wondering how a human-Vulcan-Klingon hybrid would act . . . Thank you for the heads-up. I was definitely going for that, although the beans don't get spilled until the first Sickbay meld. T'Anna isn't my given name. I've chosen variants of it to be as consistent as I can across multiple forums/fansites (some of them play nicely with apostrophes in usernames, while others don't). Having known this character as T'Anna for more than two years now, I just can't see changing her name. (The name "T'Anna" was claimed on another forum, so I had to think of an alternative. Adding "Lady" made sense because in TAS, Spock's mother, as the wife of an ambassador, is referred to as "Lady Amanda.") *does the same* Thank you so very much for being so patient and so thorough in your responses. I was inclined to go down the list in order to address it point by point, only to discover that you'd beaten me to it without benefit of meld. See, this is where I get frustrated with myself. I know that some of the exposition is long and ponderous, but I hardly know how to reword it given that Spock habitually uses ten words where two would do. And I don't entirely trust the TOS scripts for guidance on this either, because they contain examples of Spock making grammatical errors (!) and saying other things that, IMO, he just wouldn't say--such as describing the Aurora's power as "seriously overheating." Seriously, "seriously"? Spock doesn't do slang, for goodness' sakes! Indeed. Thank you for this article; I didn't know it was out there, although I've gone up hill and down dale with the TV Tropes site. Talk about a treasure trove! Spoiler: *whispers* You are, as I've said, very kind. And I thank you for your kindness.