DS9 Caption Contest 98: Hell to the Chief

This week we tackle the man who was dumped on so much through the seven-year run that they had to include waste reclamation in the station's design. He never broke, though -- wife possessed, child abducted by a time cave? At least there's Brazilian coffee, double-strong and double-sweet. Before we visit his misadventures, though, here are the best from Bashir's shenanigans.

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And finally...

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And now, the man the writers loved to abuse, Miles Edward O'Brien! LET HIM HAVE IT!

 

O'BRIEN: This game's bollocks. Let's go play cricket.



O'Brien should have stayed away from the brown acid.

 

O'Brien: I swear if Rom says that tenors joke one more time...
Rom (off screen): ...Get it? The team that plays after us...

 

O'BRIEN: We're over a century off. Can you imagine two bigger idiots?

LENNY & SQUIGGY: Hello!

 

BASHIR: You know the logical way to prove Vulcans are better than humans? Baseball!
O'BRIEN: Quiet. If Vulcans think they've proven they're better than us they'll leave us alone when we go cure plagues and save the entire quadrant from Borg assimilation and Dominion slavery.



O'BRIEN: I'm detecting toxic levels of THC in the atmosphere. It must be the 60s.



7 WORST WEATHER DISASTERS AFFECTING STAR TREK ACTORS IN 2014 (SHOCKING)



QUARK: Chief...Tell Odo...I love...him...



O'BRIEN: Even my clones get tortured?

 

Couldn't resist improving my previous submission.

 

Bashir: So let me get this straight. It's the 24th century, and still nobody's figured out the Infield Fly Rule?



Kira: Don't look now, Chief, but there's a Fear Clown and a Ferengi behind you.



O'Brien: You see? I was right all along! That cloud totally looks like a giant space hippopotamus! I CALLED IT!



Quark: You will find my secret stash of latinum in the cargo bay marked...aaaaaaaaaarrrrgh. (dies)



O'Brien: I don't believe it. You dragged me a dozen light years away from DS9 just to talk about Amway?!?!?

 

The DS9 Repertory Playhouse presents "Romeo and Juliette"

 

Thanks for the win

Julian: Miles is there something wrong with your arm? You have kept it over your chest all afternoon.
Miles: Garak made these baseball shirts right? Well he and I have had our differences in the past.
Julian: Ok but what does that have to do with your arm over your chest?
Miles: Well all your shirts may say Niner.....but mine says Boner!

 

After passing out drunk from drowning his sorrows after loosing big time at the dabo table, Quark was roughly roused by O'Brien.
Quark: What....what do you...want?
O'Brien: I just overheard a report from Odo that Quark's piston broke in his bar so I thought I'd better come down and repair it!

 

Al: Well Sam, according to Ziggy you have leapt into the body of someone called Kira Nerys!
Sam Beckett: Oh boy!

 

Bashir: So let me get this straight. The shirts don't refer to the size of our penis'

O'Brien: They do, but in centimeters

Bashir: Damn the metric system



O'Brien: Okay you unwashed savages, let me go and I'll bring back the sun.



Quark: Okay, but no tongue.

 

Thanks for the win!



O'Brien: The A's traded Cespides? Don't they know he's a fan favorite?



O'Brien: Sorry, Major. Your earring's not in this time period either.



O'Brien: Once upon a time, there was an episode of Deep Space Nine that was a cautionary tale for Trek writers until "Threshold."



Odo: No, no. You're doing it wrong. Put your back into it.



O'Brien and O'Brien 2: I have a clone? He's the clone. What you mean, 'He's the Clone?'

Sisko: It's a good thing one of you is going to die in about 30 seconds.

 

Bashir: Wait, shouldn't there be horses?


O'Brien: I said Scotch. NEAT.

 

O'BRIEN: We're not playing water polo, this is field hockey.

 

O'Brien: Do you think it would be cheating?

Bashir: Yes.

O'Brien: Oh, come on.

Bashir: You can't program the transporter to beam our pitches directly past the batter into the strike zone!



Quark quickly realized his "Arm Wrestling for free drinks" promotion was a major mistake.

 

This is not what I meant when I suggested we used cloud storage!!!

 

O'Brien: Well we could have afforded the new photon torpedoes if you hadn't blown the budget on fancy doors!

 

Miles: Well there is one good thing about playing this archaic game.
Julian: Oh yes, what's that?
Miles: These baseball caps are perfect for hiding our bald spots!

 

*iPhone 5S rings*

Braga: Hey Rick

Berman: Brannon, it has been ages

Braga: You won't believe this. I caught this Deep Space Nine episode. One of those Torture Miles stories.

Berman: The one where he was in a mind jail?

Braga: No, where he was a clone


Berman: oh...

Braga: Know what came to mind?

Berman: Harry Kim?

Braga: Yeah, have the clone Harry get promoted before the clone dies

Berman: Yeah! That would have awesome!