TOS Caption Contest #223: Captains, Some Courageous, Some Not

KIRK (thinking) Pike. Pike. Pike. That's all he talks about. Damn it, I'm his Captain now!!!!

 

Kang: "Your follicles are weak, old man"

Kirk: "Hey!"

 

Kirk: "Jumped up Starfleet bureaucrat. Thinks he can run a ship, coming on board throwing his weight around. Couldn't command his way out of paper bag."
Mendez: "I can hear you Kirk. Don't think I can't. I'm making a list. Once I'm assigned to this ship as its rightful commander, I'll make sure you'll spend the rest of your career swabbing the shuttle deck clean."
Pike: beep beep beep
Mendez: "Your name will go on the list too. What is it?"
Kirk: "Don't tell him, Pike!"
Mendez: "Pike, right."
Pike: beep beep beep beep!

 

SPOCK: Captain Pike was too embarrassed to ask himself, so I will ask for him.

*AHEM*

Beep-beep-beep-beep-beep? Beep-Beep?

 

TRACEY: I don't know about the rest of you...but this E Pleb Neesta stuff sounds kinda hot.

 

SPOCK: My client is quite certain who attacked him. The sound was very unique.

 

Kirk: "Betty!"
Kang: "Veronica!"

 

Kirk: "Nichelle!"
Kang: "Majel!"
Roddenberry (OS): "Hey! Do you mind!"

 

Kirk: "Nichelle Nichols!"
Kang: "Zoe Saldana!"

 

Kirk: "How about both together?"
Kang (lowering sword): "Oh, my God, yes! Come on, I'll buy you a drink!"

 

In the third season, the writing made the characters seem very cartoonish.

 

Kang: "Aha, you're mine!"

Kirk: "No, I'm Kirk."

 

Kirk and Kang (simultaneously): Nichelle Nichols! Zoe Saldana!

 

Kirk: Klingon season!
Kang: No, human season!
Kirk: Okay, human season.
Kang: No! Klingon season.

 

Mendez: The vote is tied, one to one. Fleet Captain Pike, how do you vote? Should Spock be ejected into space?

Beep, beep.

Mendez: Yes! Yes! There you have it. Guard!

Kirk: Wait, there's something familiar about this....

 

Zhang: "Hey look, Captain, there's the new Enterprise as designed by former TOS caption contest winner Adam Ihle*."

Mason: "What? Sorry, I'm distracted."

* = On a side note, I'm so proud. He went from Photoshopping censor bars to hide Sulu's generous manhood to designing 1701-F. They grow up so fast. *sniff*

 

TRACEY: I'm your prisoner. What will you do with me now?

SPOCK: First Mister Sulu will have to frisk you. Secondly...Mister Sulu will frisk you.

Then cuddling.

Finally, before you are transferred to the Enterprise brig...more frisking.

 

The second season of FEDERATION IDOL began to show cracks when Pike kept saying no to everyone.

 

Mendez: "So did Medicare pick up the entire cost of your Hover-round?"

 

SPOCK: Captain Pike's injuries are most tragic and senseless, gentlemen. He had been repeatedly warned NOT to put aluminum foil in the galley's microwave.