TOS Caption Contest #291: The Caption with Tribbles

Kirk: Do you want to install the XSpamSpy Viagara Media Toolbar AutoDownloader? Wow, that sounds fun! Click yes to upgrade your settings. Yes. Allow remote assistance? Yes. Oh, popups have bogged down the memory core to a crawl. Now, where is that reset button....reset button...reset button...reset button....
Chekov: Court martialable offense...Court martialable offense...Court martialable offense...Court martialable offense...

 

KIRK:...and stop with that story of an ugly 25th century's starship with an authorized cloaking device because who's there because Charles Darwin activate a Morrocan artifact stolen by the Kardashian family.

 

KIRK: Of course this is a space station!

 

Chekov: "He played the sax, had no B.O."
Hadley: "But his whiskers scratched, so she let him go!"
Leslie: "Burma Shave!"
Uhura: "Here's lookin' at you, kid!"
Kirk: "Alright, that's it! Scotty, I want all crew access to that new-fangled holodeck contraption restricted starting right now!"

 

KIRK: In some other reality you're probably a genius, Chekov. Sadly in this one, you're an idiot!

 

KIRK: Wait - that previous viewscreen channel. I'm sure that was Uhura's quarters.
CHEKOV: .. keptin... not now...

 

KIRK: Who ate all the green gumdrops? They have special properties.
UHURA: Stand up and salute when the Captain's talking to you, Pavel. Oops, he already did.

 

Chekov: Think unsexy thoughts. Think unsexy thoughts. Think...

 

Leslie: "What's that repeating "thumping" sound coming from the underside of the navigation console?"

Chekov: "It's nothing, just ignore it, and it will go away."

Leslie:" Look, I'm done with my systems test, how's about I crawl under there and take a look?"

Chekov: "Really you don't have too."

Leslie: "It's no problem, I'll just grab my tricorder."

 

Ensign Pavel Chekov: "Keptain, nothing works and all the buttons on my panel are changing to blue!"

Captain James T. Kirk: " The old 'blue control panel of death', eh? Come on Mister Chekov, you KNOW that for the panel to work you have to log in as 'Administrator'. That knowledge goes WAY BACK to the late 20th century when the wonderful all encompassing OS we use in the 23rd century was first created."

 

Kirk: ... and when you press these two buttons together it puts us into God Mode.

Helmsman: Reading infinite torpedoes... infinite shields. All speeds available through transwarp!

Chekov: No wonder he beat the Kobyashi Maru test...

 

Tribble: Wow, I can hear the sound of the ocean! Quite an echo in there.

Uhura: Yes, it's curious...I even took a scan of Pavel's head and found nothing.

 

Chekov (thinking): "'Pavel, beam over here at once!' she says. 'I've got something soft and warm and furry and I want to show you how to make it purr!' she says."

 

Kirk: According to this, six D-7s are about to attack us.

[loud gurgling percolator sound from Chekov]

Announcer: Where will you be when diarrhea strikes?

 

Tribble: "Kill me."

Chekov: "Vhat? Vhy?"

Tribble: "If you had to give birth to ten offspring every couple hours or so, you'd understand."

 

CHEKOV: Explain it again. Vhy am I de vun going undercover on de all female planet?

 

*Earlier*



Kirk: "Oh look, Oregon scored another touchdown. Guess who's going on the next landing party, Mr. Can't Read a Points Spread to Save His Life?"

 

KIRK: Mr. Chekov... are you... playing with yourself?
CHEKOV: ...
EVERYONE ELSE: ...

 

New Contest!