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Old November 7 2013, 10:01 PM   #46
Kommander
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Re: Angst-Ridden Dating Rant #17

sttngfan1701d wrote: View Post
Kommander, if you're not gonna follow anyone's advice, what's the point of this?
"It's advice, not binding arbitration." -Dan Savage

I thought some people might have some insightful things to say, and some people did. I acknowledged it whet it happened. What, asking other people for opinions means I have to give up free will and my sense of judgement? That doesn't make any fucking sense whatsoever.

sttngfan1701d wrote: View Post
And Scout101 is right re: the fedora and the facial hair. You look fairly ridiculous. Now, I'm sure that makes me a judgmental asshole or whatever in your mind, but look at it for what it is....unless you find a girl who dresses "trad" herself or appreciates your quirks, or get a group of friends that have similar quirks, you're going to be viewed as a little "off."
Jesus Tittyfucking Christ again with the shallow fucking bullshit! There are plenty of things to give me shit about in this thread without resorting to this kind of stupid bullshit.

sttngfan1701d wrote: View Post
And you're doing yourself no favors by being antagonistic to everything. Jumping to conclusions via Facebook photos and people you haven't met. At this point, talk to the girl. Ask her out. But unless you change the way you behave or think about other people, the side of you that you've shown in this thread will come out and I guarantee you she won't like you.
Asked and answered.

sttngfan1701d wrote: View Post
Your ego is huge. You need to work on that.
Really? I thought I was standing up for myself. Huh. You're right, I shall humble myself by posting hostile, unsubstantiated replies in advice threads and get all irate when the OP doesn't follow my advice 100% to the letter. I'll also be sure to place heavy emphasis on criticizing their appearance and wardrobe because that's really fucking important.
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Old November 7 2013, 10:24 PM   #47
Kommander
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Re: Angst-Ridden Dating Rant #17

Melakon wrote: View Post
Okay, some of this is making sense to me now. I know from my own experience that artists can be obsessive, thin-skinned when it comes to criticism, and "odd", and they hate being called out on it.
I'll definitely give you "odd." Obsessive, kind of. As has been established, I like to analyze the hell out of everything. As far as criticism goes, I love constructive criticism. Other types are kind of pointless. "Oh, you thought it sucked? Doesn't really help me in not sucking. Why do you think it sucked. Oh, because I'm a dick? Thanks for the input. Have a nice day." As for being called out on it, it depends on the situation. How do you think I did here? (This post specificly, not the whole thread.)

Melakon wrote: View Post
Has expressing some of your doubts about relationships through your music helped at all?
Right now I'm focusing on covers. Singing feels good in general so it helps with all kinds of things. Also if I identify with the song it helps me to sing it like I mean it.
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Old November 7 2013, 10:32 PM   #48
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Re: Angst-Ridden Dating Rant #17

Kommander wrote: View Post
How do you think I did here? (This post specificly, not the whole thread.)
On that post, fine, and I think you're calming down on some of the others. I was never pro or semi-pro with art, but I used to act, play keyboard, draw, paint, and now mostly focus on 3d imagery. And I once moderated a forum site full of artists, and they would always leap to fray if someone criticized their work.

Worst mistake I ever made was selling all my synthesizers. I should have kept one, as I wish I had something to play on.
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Old November 7 2013, 11:03 PM   #49
Kommander
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Re: Angst-Ridden Dating Rant #17

Melakon wrote: View Post
On that post, fine, and I think you're calming down on some of the others.
I decided the hyperbolic angry tone wasn't coming across as I intended. My debate skills are getting a workout though. As for the responses, even the comments on the YouTube video I made on this topic were more civil and reasonable.

(I didn't actually make a video, calm down everyone.)

Melakon wrote: View Post
And I once moderated a forum site full of artists, and they would always leap to fray if someone criticized their work.
As critical as I am of my own creative works (I write fiction too), there's not much one could say that is anywhere neat as bad as my own thoughts. As far as music goes, I actually don't like the sound of my own voice and it's rare that I think I sounded okay. I pretty much have to rely on others for feedback.
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Old November 7 2013, 11:10 PM   #50
sttngfan1701d
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Re: Angst-Ridden Dating Rant #17

Kommander wrote: View Post
I thought some people might have some insightful things to say, and some people did. I acknowledged it whet it happened. What, asking other people for opinions means I have to give up free will and my sense of judgement? That doesn't make any fucking sense whatsoever.
No, it means that if you have a problem in your life, and in this case a problem that you FREELY ADMIT keeps coming up, to the point that you air our your thoughts repeatedly and solicit advice....that maybe, just maybe, you need to get over yourself. I've never seen any of your posts before this thread but it's now clear to me that you are an ego-driven, antagonistic person that projects on other people in order to make yourself feel better about your own issues. You want to tell everyone that you're so self-aware that you've already come to every conclusion they offer, but you don't want to go the extra step and try to CHANGE things so you can change your situation. And you do it by antagonizing people and being overly defensive. So, really, how self aware is that?

Everyone has issues in college. Yours aren't uncommon. Neither is your background, which you've elaborated on. But NOTHING will change unless you get the hell over yourself. Because this side of you WILL sabotage your relationships going forward and eat you alive from the inside. But yeah....what do I know? I guess you should ruminate on it forever before making a decision on what to do. And while you're doing that, these same issues with dating and your social life will come up again and again.

And as for the criticisms of your wardrobe...okay, maybe that's shallow of people. But let me just say that, just by the way you REACT to such criticism, it doesn't matter what you wear. Even if someone really doesn't care about your style choices and wants to get to know you as a person, and makes an innocuous joke about your fedora or something, your bitter, vitriolic personality that comes out when you perceive that you're under attack is enough to make them think twice about your character. So what's worse...someone being shallow or someone whose skin is so thin that they lash out at everything, real and imagined, just so they can keep wallowing in their own quagmire of issues?

Look, you've demonstrated in this thread that you're smart. You have what you need to change. All you need is to be smart enough to realize it and stop lashing out. Otherwise, this shit is just going to come up again and again.
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Old November 8 2013, 12:11 AM   #51
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Re: Angst-Ridden Dating Rant #17

Kommander wrote: View Post

Asked and answered.
So you asked the girl out? What did she say?
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Old November 8 2013, 01:01 AM   #52
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Re: Angst-Ridden Dating Rant #17

Kommander shows a thinking pattern that I had when I was, like, 12 or 14 and in love and jealous the first couple of times. Making assumptions about situations I knew nothing about. Everyone else just wanted her and it was a big conspiracy against me. And I thought I'd knew it all because I already made all these experiences, and you know, I figured it all out. I also was the deep thinker, the analyzer. And I knew I was da shiznit. And I would beat the shit out of those guys if I got the chance. I also never took any advice on my style.

Dude, believe me, you are wrong. About everything. Accept that, then take a lot of steps back, take a lot of deep breaths, and then look again at the bigger picture. Oh and lose that Fedora. And the beard. And if you have to wear a suit, then get one that fits. Seriously.

Kommander wrote: View Post
Next semester, I'm sitting in Creative Writing class on the first day, and she walks in. I know what the more rational among you are thinking: This is obviously a sign from the All-Father. Odin granted me another chance to get to know her with the caveat that I not be such a pussy this time. Creative writing is generally filled with more outgoing people than psychology classes and more opportunities to interact with other students, and provided a better atmosphere for getting to know her. The mysterious anxiety thing was a complication, but I managed to talk to her while being somewhat charming and witty. Although, at this point, she had a boyfriend and, as most people are monogamous, I thought it best that I not make any overt advances.

The semester ended, and I've kept contact with her on Facebook. A few weeks ago, I was scrolling through my feed and I passed something she posted. I noticed her profile picture was just her, and not her looking all happy with her boyfriend, and this caught my attention. So, I pull up her page and noticed all the happy relationship pictures were gone and her relationship status changed to "single." At this point Odin appeared in my bedroom and said in his booming voice: "You know what you have to do. Don't be a pussy!" and I said "Wow, Odin! This is an honor. Although, I expected you to look more like Anthony Hopkins." And then Odin said "Hey, fuck you!" and then left after helping himself to a bottle of mead from my refrigerator. It would have been nice if he'd asked, but whatever, he's Odin. So, anyway, I decided Odin was right and that it was time for an overt advance. So I decided to leave a comment on a picture she posted.

Then that anxiety thing kicked in and I didn't like anything I wrote. So, I killed the anxiety with a bottle of mead and then wrote the best Facebook comment in the history of forever. She was all like "omgwtfbbq best thing ever that was awesome you're awesome." I impressed her mom too. So, since then I've been leaving flirty comments an her stuff and her mom has been encouraging be because she's an awesome wingman apparently. I haven't asked her out yet. She works a lot, she just got out of a short but apparently intense relationship, and on top of that, her dad died recently. She's got enough on her mind without worrying about dating me. Sticking with the flirting for now feels right. No need to rush things. That, and I'm a huge chicken shit pussy of a coward.

So, everything is awesome. Didn't the title say something about angst-ridden ranting? Which, I did that, but why would I bother if everything is awesome?

This weekend, she had a thing for a friend's birthday at some bar. She posted a bunch of pictures of her and some other women doing the things women do when they go out to the bar. Then, her ex-boyfriend posted two pictures from the night on her wall. Selfies he took. One with his arm around her, and one of them kissing.

That's not what I'm angry about. She's an adult. If she wants to kiss her ex-boyfriend I couldn't give less of a shit. I'm angry because as far as I can tell, he crashed the party and made a lame-ass attempt to get back with her. She looked like she was tolerating it rather than enjoying it. Essentially, she put up with it because she was too nice to tell him to fuck off.


I'd like to castrate him with my Swiss Army Knife and no anesthetic for forcing himself on her like that, but really, it's her problem, not mine. The real problem is that I've been through this kind of bullshit enough times to know that he posted those pictures for me. He's saying: "Back off, she is mine and I'm an insecure douchenozzle."
All of this is you just crushing on her and nothing more, right? You are not remotely close to being together at any point of this story, are you? And not only do you think you know what's going in inside their heads or what happened when you weren't there, you also think you have the right to judge them, and to make assumptions about them. And of course you think it's all directed at you.

Seriously, this is silly and you are wrong, believe it.
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Old November 8 2013, 01:14 AM   #53
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Re: Angst-Ridden Dating Rant #17

^ You know how it is when you're in your twenties. Anyone giving you advice because they've already been there, automatically doesn't know what he's talking about.

It's like Mark Twain (supposedly) said: "When I was 17, I thought my father was the stupidest man I'd ever known. When I was 21, I was amazed how much the old fool had learned in 4 years." (paraphrased)
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Old November 8 2013, 01:17 AM   #54
mickmike
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Re: Angst-Ridden Dating Rant #17

I'm having images of Kommander going nuts picard style over the fedora comments

everyone: Kommander! Just blow up the damn fedora!

Kommander: No! Nooooooooooo! *smashes display case full of fedora's*
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Old November 8 2013, 01:20 AM   #55
teacake
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Re: Angst-Ridden Dating Rant #17

^
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Old November 8 2013, 01:22 AM   #56
JarodRussell
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Re: Angst-Ridden Dating Rant #17

Sometimes I wonder about these... items some people pick up. Here it's a Fedora. For my brother it was one of these cowboy dustcoats and boots for sometime. Until he finally realized how ridiculous he looked in it. Is it because you create an inner image of yourself, thinking you look like Clint Eastwood, and that makes you feel more comfortable? Wasn't there a thread once about a guy who dressed in a Starfleet uniform all the time because it made him feel more secure or something?
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Old November 8 2013, 01:47 AM   #57
Melakon
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Re: Angst-Ridden Dating Rant #17

JarodRussell wrote: View Post
Wasn't there a thread once about a guy who dressed in a Starfleet uniform all the time because it made him feel more secure or something?
I've not been here long enough to know the answer to that I think. Though in 1996, during the Clinton/Whitewater trial, there was an alternate juror who showed up in full uniform.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Star_Tr...hitewater_jury
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Old November 8 2013, 02:33 AM   #58
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Re: Angst-Ridden Dating Rant #17

Yeah I think that may be who Jarod is thinking of.

And I want to be clear that has nothing to do with the fedora, in my mind anyway. To everyone I would say "wear what you like" but don't expect everyone agree with you about how it looks.
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Old November 8 2013, 01:11 PM   #59
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Re: Angst-Ridden Dating Rant #17

The fedora only came up because HE mentioned it a couple times, and how he thought he looked great in it. He showed a picture to mock someone he thought looked bad in it, and then a picture of him "pulling it off". Except not so much. We're shallow for not agreeing with him, however.
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Old November 8 2013, 01:18 PM   #60
Kommander
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Re: Angst-Ridden Dating Rant #17

sttngfan1701d wrote: View Post
[I've never seen any of your posts before this thread
So you're basing your opinion of me on a small, unrepresentative sample size and filling in the rest with your past experiences with others. This is precisely what I did originally. The difference is, I acknowledged that there was a good chance I was not perceiving the situation properly. There's also the whole "I'm being hyperbolic and satirical to make this entertaining" thing most people seem to be overlooking. That probably wouldn't have been a good thing to do if i was really desperate for good advice. However, some people had some good things to say, and this thread is all kind of entertaining. I hope others are having fun too.

sttngfan1701d wrote: View Post
but it's now clear to me that you are an ego-driven, antagonistic person that projects on other people in order to make yourself feel better about your own issues.
I'm the only person in this thread who has acknowledged that I'm wrong about things. The comments about my ego have come from those who can't seem to handle it that some dipshit on the internet doesn't think of their posts as sage-like advice that should be followed to the letter. Yes, I'm the one who is being egotistical and projecting.

sttngfan1701d wrote: View Post
You want to tell everyone that you're so self-aware that you've already come to every conclusion they offer, but you don't want to go the extra step and try to CHANGE things so you can change your situation. And you do it by antagonizing people and being overly defensive. So, really, how self aware is that?
Yes, I should just listen to anyone that insists that they know what they're talking about, because being hostile and making declarative statements are the marks of a good, reasonable argument. Seriously, reading some of these posts I feel like I'm watching Fox News.

sttngfan1701d wrote: View Post
I guess you should ruminate on it forever before making a decision on what to do. And while you're doing that, these same issues with dating and your social life will come up again and again.
Ruminating forever and being instantly decisive are not the only two options. Yes, I think things through. A lot of times, I end up making the right decision, or at least making the wrong decision.

Essentially, the question I asked in the OP is how to deal with possessive, confrontational men when interacting with women. What I gathered is that if this kind of behavior gains favor with the girl I'm probably better off backing away from the situation. Otherwise, the behavior will probably piss her off and isn't a problem. I thought it possible there were other options. Maybe there are, maybe there aren't. Being polyamorous, I'd like to think that effective communication may work. If I can sit down with the guy and discuss why he's feeling jealous and possessive, something may come of it. Usually that's not possible, but sometimes it is.

In order to attempt it, I have to understand why men act like this. I really don't understand why people act this way simply because someone else wants to interact with the object of their affection. So I began searching for a way to identify with them, and I found it: when someone is actively trying to prevent me from interacting with someone else.

Many people accused me of being the very same jealous, possessive guy that I'm complaining about. That's understandable. In trying to understand these men, I drew parallels between their behavior and my own emotions. I got angry, jealous, and possessive and discovered that, yes, I do understand their motivations. The next time I find myself confronted by one of these men, whether in my current situation or elsewhere, I now stand a better chance of solving the problem if I can get the other guy or guys to sit down and talk.

sttngfan1701d wrote: View Post
And as for the criticisms of your wardrobe...okay, maybe that's shallow of people. But let me just say that, just by the way you REACT to such criticism, it doesn't matter what you wear.
Considering the way people have responded to the criticisms I've made about their posts in this thread, I've demonstrated that I take criticism very well.

sttngfan1701d wrote: View Post
Even if someone really doesn't care about your style choices and wants to get to know you as a person, and makes an innocuous joke about your fedora or something, your bitter, vitriolic personality that comes out when you perceive that you're under attack is enough to make them think twice about your character.
I honestly don't give a shit if people don't like the way I dress. Unlike some people in this thread, I understand that not everything I say or do is going to be universally liked or accepted. My primary criticism is that people seemed to think it was important. A lot of people like the way I dress and comment on it in my daily life. Some people don't like it, and also comment. Not a big deal really. Usually their funny about it.

sttngfan1701d wrote: View Post
So what's worse...someone being shallow or someone whose skin is so thin that they lash out at everything, real and imagined, just so they can keep wallowing in their own quagmire of issues?
They're the same really.

sttngfan1701d wrote: View Post
Look, you've demonstrated in this thread that you're smart.
No, I've demonstrated that I'm intelligent. If I was smart I would use that intelligence to make good decisions.

sttngfan1701d wrote: View Post
You have what you need to change. All you need is to be smart enough to realize it and stop lashing out. Otherwise, this shit is just going to come up again and again.
Yes, I'm aware that some people don't like it when I stand up for myself. Not standing up for myself is what caused the problems, it's not the solution.

mickmike wrote: View Post
So you asked the girl out? What did she say?
I meant that the issue had already been addressed. I have not asked her out, which I've also already addressed.

Melakon wrote: View Post
^ You know how it is when you're in your twenties. Anyone giving you advice because they've already been there, automatically doesn't know what he's talking about.
Experience is meaningless. People learn the wrong lessons from experience all the time. Saying "I have experience" as the sole support for an argument is even more meaningless.

In order for it to mean anything, one has to demonstrate that their experience was meaningful. I see this all the time with non-monogamy. Someone comes along and says "I had a threesome once and things turned out horribly" and infer from this that all people who choose non-monogamy are doomed to repeated failure, completely dismissing that lots of people are successful with various forms of non-monogamy, and that strictly monogamous relationships fail all the time as well. I listen to people that establish credibility.

mickmike wrote: View Post
I'm having images of Kommander going nuts picard style over the fedora comments

everyone: Kommander! Just blow up the damn fedora!

Kommander: No! Nooooooooooo! *smashes display case full of fedora's*
Sounds like something I'd enjoy doing.

Scout101 wrote: View Post
The fedora only came up because HE mentioned it a couple times,
I mentioned it once, only insofar as it exists, before people started giving me shit about it.

Scout101 wrote: View Post
and how he thought he looked great in it.
I never said great.

Scout101 wrote: View Post
We're shallow for not agreeing with him, however.
No, you're shallow for making a big fucking deal about it like it's some indicator of how shitty a person I am. I'm surprised no one's making as big a deal about the handful of typos I've made. I guess that demonstrates that you people aren't completely petty.
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