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Old July 28 2013, 12:38 PM   #106
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Re: Kate Mulgrew - Orange is the New black

JanewayRulz! wrote: View Post
It even had Red acting all maternal over the Butch Boo, salting her corn on the cobb at the party. (NO... that ISN'T a euphemism for sex EITHER! Sheezz.)
OH.. but it is. Captain Janeway is no newbie to subtext and she salted that corn like a MAN *cough*




I love her nail polish
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Old July 28 2013, 01:19 PM   #107
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Re: Kate Mulgrew - Orange is the New black

Guy Gardener wrote: View Post
There was some point in the series where Piper asked for a female Guard, and the bloke says "something" like "Well that will take a minimum of three hours, so we can all wait her for three hours or pornstache can frisk you."

Are we sure that wasn't with the screw driver?

If Pornstache didn't spend all his time grabbing her boobs, he would have found the screw driver in Piper's pocket.

Oh, that was the screwdriver ep, but it was the young black woman who demanded a female and the big quiet white guard dragged her away at the supervisor's direction, kicking and yelling to SHU to "wait" for the female guard.

The supervisor with the mustache then looks directly at Piper and says they all have the right to ask for a female... BUT submitting to a male frisk would go "a long way" towards making the women look innocent in his eyes.

Pornstache then goes into the frisk with a mortified Piper and the supervisor is "kind" enough to turn his back so he won't see Pornstache grope her breasts. Then he moves onto Nikki and does the same to her a$$.
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Old July 28 2013, 01:23 PM   #108
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Re: Kate Mulgrew - Orange is the New black

teacake wrote: View Post
JanewayRulz! wrote: View Post
It even had Red acting all maternal over the Butch Boo, salting her corn on the cobb at the party. (NO... that ISN'T a euphemism for sex EITHER! Sheezz.)
OH.. but it is. Captain Janeway is no newbie to subtext and she salted that corn like a MAN *cough*




I love her nail polish


Are you suggesting the Cook "topped" the very "Butch" Boo?

Does that mean Boo used to be Mrs. Red, 4 Mrs. Red's ago?

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Old July 28 2013, 01:42 PM   #109
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Re: Kate Mulgrew - Orange is the New black

I know it isn't, but from this angle that looks like Kate and Garrett.

Garrett is quite a big boy full of pudding these days.
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Old July 28 2013, 01:56 PM   #110
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Re: Kate Mulgrew - Orange is the New black

Okay Harry can be Red's prison wife. It's a deal.
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Old July 28 2013, 02:08 PM   #111
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Re: Kate Mulgrew - Orange is the New black

Are you sure you two (Guy & Teacake) aren't related?
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Old July 28 2013, 02:14 PM   #112
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Re: Kate Mulgrew - Orange is the New black

The admin here got right up my ass, strongly suggesting that I was only allowed to propose marriage to just three board members per year from now on.

We'll see if Teacake makes the cut next year.
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Old July 28 2013, 11:13 PM   #113
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Re: Kate Mulgrew - Orange is the New black

Guy Gardener wrote: View Post
The admin here got right up my ass, strongly suggesting that I was only allowed to propose marriage to just three board members per year from now on.

We'll see if Teacake makes the cut next year.

She must be on pins AND needles!

SPOILERS

SPOILERS

SPOILERS

Episode #5 The Chickening

AKA: Surrealism meets Litchfield.

Its Sunday.

She's been in prison about 3 weeks.

Piper grabs a book, her private stash of peanut butter and a cup of coffee from the breakfast line and walks out into the brisk fall morning to commune with nature and pretend for a few moments that she isn't in prison sharing a cubical with a slave trader and her life hasn't turned into a big load of manure.

Funny, now that she's "allowed" to eat, she skips the food for a little alone time in the yard.

Did you know the inmates do Tai Chi there?

Piper looked surprised.

That's probably why seeing the live brown chicken strutting about didn't phase her much... after all, in the last three weeks she's seen just about everything, right?

Right.

After 3 weeks, she STILL hasn't learned to keep her mouth shut.

"You need to talk to Red."

I didn't know that Russians liked chicken so much, but when Red waxed almost orgasmically about the idea of eating this non-processed meat, hell I wanted to run out there to find it and Red could KEEP her Biore Strips!

There's an old saying, "you hold them cheap, his cliffs of fall, you who have not hung there."

I think the corollary would be, "You can't understand what calls another person so you reinvent their motivation into something that makes sense."

Red just wants to eat something fresh, something untainted and will pay for the privilege.

But that's not enough for her fellow inmates. They assume there's a deeper meaning to the hunt for the elusive chicken. Its smuggling drugs or money, or candy (????) or a gun, so off they go like a scene from "Its a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World" (The 1963 version)

Its pretty funny. Its really pitiful too when you consider that their lives are reduced to "bragging" about seeing a chicken, something only the crack heads... and Piper, have ever claimed to have seen.

Since not much is happening this week... its not like she can tell her fiancé and her best friend in the visitation room about the screwdriver, Piper does brag about seeing the chicken. "Red said I'm not useless!" Then she remembers there is a life outside of these walls and asks about the soap business. We learn that they haven't told "Barney's" that Piper is in jail, and that the VERY pregnant Paulie doesn't want to expand their business while Piper is unable to help. Larry complains that he & Piper need the missing income... BUT doesn't offer to help. Piper suggests a phone conference with their liaison at Barney's to foster the lie that everything is normal with the soap company.

When the 2 minute warning sounds, Piper thinks to ask if Larry's lawyer dad has made progress at unsealing the indictment and finding out whether Alex turned her into the Feds. When Paulie wonders why its so important, Piper forgets herself and is honest about her emotions. So honest that Larry realizes that Alex is in the same prison. SO now we have ONE minute left for Larry's insecurity to surface, for Paulie to put her foot in her mouth about Piper's sex life and Larry's rent free existence, and for Piper to reassure Larry about her fidelity and disabuse Paulie of her belief that prison can "turn" anyone "gay".

I notice she didn't mention the "Gay for the stay" phenomenon.

Piper should have stopped with the chicken story.

Loved Nikki in this one, (well, not the "sex in the chapel scene" but in the end I don't think Nikki enjoyed it either ), loved her calling Red... "Mom!", loved her ogling the yoga class from her seat in the AA class, loved her response to Tastee's rock bottom story ("He was dead.") as she looked shocked then gave her buddy a one armed hug across the racial divide.

Really loved the psycho drama that unfurled when Alex stood up to "share" her story with the AA class, and due to proximity with the entire yoga (including Piper) class.

It seems, somewhere down the line... Alex went from "importing" heroin to using heroin. She blames her conversion on external circumstances... she was going through a breakup at the time... no, she corrected herself, when she was ABANDONED... that she started using her product. Piper can't just sit and stretch while listening to this, so she rolls up her mat and starts to leave while Alex waxes nearly orgasmically about her new "partner".

"Heroin was the best girlfriend I ever had. She always made me feel better and she was always available. But even the best girls will fuck you over, you know."

Piper is walking out at this point and adds her own 2 cents.

"Yeah, you would fucking know, wouldn't ya!"

Loved Tricia's response as Piper exits stage right, "Damn, I thought yoga was supposed to relax you?"

I think Nikki caught the elusive look that passed over Alex's face while Piper stalked away. Like she predicted "last week" Nikki will eventually learn all the secrets that bind these two together.

Didn't see much of Miss Claudette in this one, she was busy in the prison library reading about appealing convictions in the Federal courts.

Did see the transsexual Sophia chatting up Butch Boo about her loss of a legal supply of estrogen. Loved Boo's idea of hitting up the old lady Lifers for THEIR supply, which lead to Sophia's sudden urge to spend time with the Catholic Nun. This Nun is a hoot, and after stringing Sophia along for most of the day, she informed Sophia in NO uncertain terms that she would not give up her estrogen to Sophia.

It was funny when she did it, but the Nun was right. Sophia didn't need the elusive estrogen... she needed to confront her feelings over her son Michael.

We did get a healthy (???) dose of Tiffany this week. The toothless white trash convict who has become a holy roller. She disses the Nun ("You {the female Chaplin} and that Pope's bitch are running the place." Loved the Nun's retort... "I prefer to think of myself more as the Pope's homie". )

Tiffany has made her own cross... literally, and has dragged it into the chapel to "hang" it up. Of course, that's against the rules and we see her carrying it back out of the chapel in a crass imitation of the Passion of Christ.

Why crass? Puhlease... its a GLOW IN THE DARK cross!

Tiffany and her white trash posse try to hang the cross later in the day, but instead they pull the ceiling down on top of themselves. Its funny then scary the way Pornstache yells at her... and sad the was she finds scapegoats to blame for her damage. No, not the Catholics OR the Wiccans this time... it was the transsexual standing in the room telling her "That's not a load bearing pipe" as her posse hefted the cross. God punished the transsexual by collapsing the ceiling in a chapel he/she never used???

Speaking of life outside the prison... I am starting to like Larry's dad, even IF he's an "ass man". He has such a dry sense of humor...

"You want to know if {Alex} fingered her? I think that's been established."

...and he has his eyes wide open about his son...

"Maybe its time you get a job."

... & what life is like in prison for his "future daughter in law".

"Listen Larry, don't tell her. {about Alex "fingering" her} Prison is a fishbowl, the last thing she needs is an enemy to obsess over, to do something stupid out of anger. Let serve her time and leave without any trouble."

His mother still gives me the willies, but his dad seems like a keeper, especially when he points out that the "truth" is over rated and Larry should keep her focused on her life outside of the prison, her business, the elusive wedding... whether it happens or not.

I did like Piper's speech to Red about the woman who will find the chicken will be the one who wants it the most, who dreams about it, who can "prepare" it the best, not just the one who has a dog.

A nice philosophy for life. Too bad Larry and Paulie weren't around to hear it.

Did love Red's retort when they were both face down in the grass, with Pornstache lecturing them, "I will never listen to you again."

At least Piper is starting to catch a clue about NOT offering too much information when she defied Mr Healy's contention there was no chicken but STOPPED herself from disputing his opinion on female ejaculation. (Remember, Nikki discovered that personal fact about Piper last week.)

I liked the end, kind of.

I liked the fact that Piper left the phone hanging from the wall, and left Paulie hanging on the line alone with the liaison from Barney's while she ran out of the building to chase the chicken.

I liked it... but was stunned to be so starkly reminded that the elusive thing they all seek... is beyond their grasp, out in the free world.
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Old July 28 2013, 11:36 PM   #114
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Re: Kate Mulgrew - Orange is the New black

I've left out the Hispanic dysfunctional family, the mother that abrogated that privilege to her oldest daughter while she went out on the town with her drug pushing lover. The same lover that used her kitchen to package their "product". The same lover she took a dive for, going to prison in his stead. The same lover she quizzes her children about on their 1st visitation day, (Mama was wearing orange) rather than quizzing the kids about themselves. The same lover the oldest teenaged daughter went home and seduced on the kitchen counter.

And Nikki thinks SHE has Mommy issues!

The prison romance between the Hispanic daughter and the prison guard proceeds, with cutesy notes being passed secretly. Momma sees all and tries to warn the wayward daughter off but has no success. So she takes the problem in her own hands... literally, and seduces the young guard in the closet.

Not sure why she thought that would help.

Not sure if she was trying to "help" or whether she was trying to get revenge for her daughter's seduction of Cesar.

Whatever the motivation, it just shows this family needs more help than prison counselor, Officer S. Healy can provide.
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Old July 28 2013, 11:55 PM   #115
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Re: Kate Mulgrew - Orange is the New black

His only advice is to tell women not to sleep together.

I think those two are good with that.
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Old July 29 2013, 01:40 AM   #116
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Re: Kate Mulgrew - Orange is the New black

Guy Gardener wrote: View Post
His only advice is to tell women not sleep together.

I think those two are good with that.

Yeah, that is his stock answer, AFTER taking copious notes on exactly what happened during that unholy union.
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Old July 29 2013, 03:14 AM   #117
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Re: Kate Mulgrew - Orange is the New black

It's been years, and he still hasn't figured out how to make his wife gibber and cackle like what echoes the dorm rafters when all the straight girls are sleeping justly... So, YES, dear god YES he's taking notes.
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Old July 29 2013, 03:18 AM   #118
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Re: Kate Mulgrew - Orange is the New black

Its the pedicures, and Red finally wised him up about that!
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Old July 29 2013, 03:21 AM   #119
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Re: Kate Mulgrew - Orange is the New black

JanewayRulz! wrote: View Post
Then she remembers there is a life outside of these walls and asks about the soap business. We learn that they haven't told "Barney's" that Piper is in jail, and that the VERY pregnant Paulie doesn't want to expand their business while Piper is unable to help. Larry complains that he & Piper need the missing income... BUT doesn't offer to help. Piper suggests a phone conference with their liaison at Barney's to foster the lie that everything is normal with the soap company.
If those people were any more self absorbed they would have been sucked into another dimension.

I guess Larry is too busy wanking and writing about wanking to make soap. Also he will now be very busy worrying about Piper dropping the soap, perhaps soap is just a trigger word for him and he can't be pouring all those blueberries and spices into molds without thinking about his precious Piper picking pussy over him. That tongue twister would surely be his personal torture the day it entered his head, an ear worm straight to the brain.

Sophia didn't need the elusive estrogen... she needed to confront her feelings over her son Michael.
Actually she probably does need the estrogen since she has no testosterone. But then I guess she'd end up like Varys if she had nothing.
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Old July 29 2013, 03:22 AM   #120
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Re: Kate Mulgrew - Orange is the New black

Guy Gardener wrote: View Post
It's been years, and he still hasn't figured out how to make his wife gibber and cackle like what echoes the dorm rafters when all the straight girls are sleeping justly... So, YES, dear god YES he's taking notes.
It hasn't been that may years, 2 years to go until the green card.
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