Looking for critiques of my writing - Page 2

Kevin W. · January 3 2013, 10:39 PM

Believe it or not, I do actually have a diagram of the Remington's bridge, though I do admit it's quite old and I may or may not redesign it.

If I redesign it, it'll take cues from the E's bridge, of course.

Sandoval · January 4 2013, 12:10 AM

T'Girl wrote:

This style is fine, by this point I think we all know what a bridge looks like. It isn't necessary describe the interior of the captain's ready room unless there's a feature that is relevant to the story.

Well said.

Kevin W. · January 4 2013, 10:27 AM

Oh, another thing: the division structure in Remington is more sub-divided, like the TMP and TWOK systems.

- Red - Command and administration

- Lavender - Flight operations

- Gold - Operations and security

- Bronze - Engineering

- Blue - Sciences

- White - Medical

Also, green for the Marine Corps and gray for the Starfighter Corps.

Angry Fanboy · January 5 2013, 12:41 AM

I glanced at those and thought they were knives!

T'Girl · January 5 2013, 09:43 AM

Liked the two additional pages, a question. When K'Tan was speaking with Veni, was the universal translator in play, or were they speaking a common language?

Nothing wrong with a common language, Star Trek does this all the time.

Kevin W. · January 5 2013, 09:49 AM

Explaining the language thing would give away a plot point that I don't want to reveal yet. Sorry.

As for the Remington's size and complement, that I'm not totally sure about. Since I'm revamping the design, that's something I'll have to work out later.

Kevin W. · January 27 2013, 06:39 AM

Unfortunately, I've been busy over the past few weeks, but I've added a bit more.

Kevin W. · February 5 2013, 03:05 AM

https://docs.google.com/file/d/0B-DN...it?usp=sharing

Alright, here's the latest update.

Kevin W. · February 5 2013, 06:56 AM

Ok, I have a question for anyone who's reading this: how do you suggest honing my narrative-writing skills? I don't have any issue writing dialogue, but as you can see by comparing my fiction to others, the non-dialogue portions are severely lacking. I just have trouble envisioning how to write it in my head.

Kevin W. · February 9 2013, 04:36 AM

Anyone?

January 3 2013, 10:39 PM	#16
Kevin W. Commander Location: California	Re: Looking for critiques of my writing Believe it or not, I do actually have a diagram of the Remington's bridge, though I do admit it's quite old and I may or may not redesign it. If I redesign it, it'll take cues from the E's bridge, of course. __________________ Ari Gold: "We're gonna get drunk with Russell Crowe and we're gonna head-butt some goddamn kangaroos." Last edited by Kevin W.; January 3 2013 at 11:49 PM.

January 4 2013, 10:27 AM	#18
Kevin W. Commander Location: California	Re: Looking for critiques of my writing Oh, another thing: the division structure in Remington is more sub-divided, like the TMP and TWOK systems. - Red - Command and administration - Lavender - Flight operations - Gold - Operations and security - Bronze - Engineering - Blue - Sciences - White - Medical Also, green for the Marine Corps and gray for the Starfighter Corps. __________________ Ari Gold: "We're gonna get drunk with Russell Crowe and we're gonna head-butt some goddamn kangaroos."

January 5 2013, 12:41 AM	#19
Angry Fanboy Lieutenant Commander	Angry Fanboy I glanced at those and thought they were knives! __________________ Angry Fanboy "Majestic" "Home"

January 5 2013, 09:43 AM	#20
T'Girl Vice Admiral	Re: Looking for critiques of my writing Liked the two additional pages, a question. When K'Tan was speaking with Veni, was the universal translator in play, or were they speaking a common language? Nothing wrong with a common language, Star Trek does this all the time.

January 5 2013, 09:49 AM	#21
Kevin W. Commander Location: California	Re: Looking for critiques of my writing Explaining the language thing would give away a plot point that I don't want to reveal yet. Sorry. As for the Remington's size and complement, that I'm not totally sure about. Since I'm revamping the design, that's something I'll have to work out later. __________________ Ari Gold: "We're gonna get drunk with Russell Crowe and we're gonna head-butt some goddamn kangaroos."

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January 27 2013, 06:39 AM	#22
Kevin W. Commander Location: California	Re: Looking for critiques of my writing Unfortunately, I've been busy over the past few weeks, but I've added a bit more. __________________ Ari Gold: "We're gonna get drunk with Russell Crowe and we're gonna head-butt some goddamn kangaroos."

February 5 2013, 03:05 AM	#23
Kevin W. Commander Location: California	Re: Looking for critiques of my writing https://docs.google.com/file/d/0B-DN...it?usp=sharing Alright, here's the latest update. __________________ Ari Gold: "We're gonna get drunk with Russell Crowe and we're gonna head-butt some goddamn kangaroos."

February 5 2013, 06:56 AM	#24
Kevin W. Commander Location: California	Re: Looking for critiques of my writing Ok, I have a question for anyone who's reading this: how do you suggest honing my narrative-writing skills? I don't have any issue writing dialogue, but as you can see by comparing my fiction to others, the non-dialogue portions are severely lacking. I just have trouble envisioning how to write it in my head. __________________ Ari Gold: "We're gonna get drunk with Russell Crowe and we're gonna head-butt some goddamn kangaroos."

February 9 2013, 04:36 AM	#25
Kevin W. Commander Location: California	Re: Looking for critiques of my writing Anyone? __________________ Ari Gold: "We're gonna get drunk with Russell Crowe and we're gonna head-butt some goddamn kangaroos."