TNG Caption This! 301: Fate protects fools children & Caption Contests

LeadHead · January 20 2013, 03:22 AM

Happy Saturday everyone!

First up to the plate, we have the "Prime Guideline, or is it a Directive?" Award, going to:

Herkimer Jitty wrote:

Picard: "Commander, Starfleet is not in the business of interfering with other cultures."

Riker: "Since when?"

Next, we have the "Multi-Purpose Room" Award, going to:

Honorable Ensign wrote:

Picard: Excuse me, ma'am, but you'll have to finish up. This area is scheduled for shuttle launches now.

Next, we have the "No Fancy Stylists for you!" Award, going to:

Holdfast wrote:

CRUSHER: Look, on my salary, I have to go to Supercuts, OK?!

Next, we have the "Alternate Ending to When the Bough Breaks" Award, going to:

R. Star wrote:

Riker: Should we begin planning a rescue mission?
Picard: I don't -want- to rescue those kids. They deserved to get kidnapped and Child Protective Services should be called in on the deadbeat parents that thought it was a good idea to bring them on a starship.

Next, we have the "Worf's first assignment award" going to:

Triskelion wrote:

Worf: Lieutenant Worf, reporting for duty sir.

Picard: I'll enter your duty into the log with the rest of the regular duties, Lieutenant. It's long log today.

Riker: Your first assignment is to assess your Tactical Progress and dump all your TP reports to the poop deck commander. Then wash your hands of it. If we think you're good, we'll leave you a stool for your station.

Worf: Yes sir! Thank you sir!

Ensign: What a douche.

A Special Award goes to:

inflatabledalek wrote:

Revealed at last: The real reason Leadhead hasn't been able to start the contests on a Saturday constantly lately.

He likes to watch ballet of course.

And... oh, wait... it is Saturday! Huh.

These two photoshops fought it out in my brain, both won and my brain lost. So they both get the award!

Nerys Myk wrote:

CRUSHER: What? The Doc on the Galactica smokes like a chimney!

And...

NX-01 wrote:

Crusher - Hey Jean-Luc!! I didn't distract you on your go!! I have to remove the butterflies!!!

Picard (Chanting) - Choke Choke Choke!!!!

Riker - OMG! These are the people I trust my life to!!!

TrickyDickie wrote:

Worf: "My targ has fallen and he can't get up!"

Congratulations to our winners and many thanks to everyone who participated!

Continuing forward with our journey through the Trek Seasons to celebrate passing the 300 contest mark, we will spend next week in Season 2. Originally I was thinking of doing "The Measure of the Man" but I plan to do that later and maybe have some of the scenes from the Extended Edition make an appearance. So I decided to go with another big favorite of mine from Season 2, "Contagion!"

Enjoy!

LeadHead · January 20 2013, 03:31 AM

Picard: Note to self: ask Worf not to write his security reports in Klingon.

The fad of Tallscreens in the 24th Century didn't last very long.

Worf: Did somebody order a drunk android?

LeVar: Jonathan, if he plays his cards right, he could become a popular characters!

Director: Lunch time!

Patrick: So long, suckers!

R. Star · January 20 2013, 03:40 AM

Thanks for the win!

Picard: Pew pew! Take that Romulans!
Riker(on comm): Captain Picard to the bridge! We just fired on a Romulan warbird!
Picard: Oh... I forgot to remove ship control functions from my PADD before I started a game of Galaxy Fighter.

Worf: No one will ever suspect that it is -I- who am Future Guy! Muahahaha!

Worf: Walk or I will carry you!
Data: Carry please. Thank you.

LaForge: Commander, you got to give me some dating tips. This walking toaster has gotten laid more times than me!

Picard: Ambassador Troi is coming? Abandon ship!

Jonas Grumby · January 20 2013, 04:03 AM

Worf: It doesn't look 3-dimensional! It just looks...weird!"
Geordi (OS): "Put on the cardboard specs!"

Worf: "I've discovered the problem, sir. He's been taking time away from plugging into his battery charger and spending it plugging into Lieutenant Yar instead."
Bridge crew (in unison): "TMI!"

JirinPanthosa · January 20 2013, 04:31 AM

Now that the show has caught on, Patrick Stewart carefully goes over his six year contract, looking for a loophole.

Worf installed a 24th century nanny cam on the bridge, to see who's been messing with his screen saver.

The real doll Tasha ordered before she died finally arrived in the mail.

GEORDI: He isn't even really an android! He's a guy with white makeup!"
RIKER: Are you sure?
GEORDI: I caught him in the bathroom!
DATA: I do not know what you mean. Does not compute!

PICARD: My arms are all blurry. What was in those brownies, number one?

Nerys Myk · January 20 2013, 04:47 AM

GEORDI: How many times do I have to tell you? His nose isn't growing.

Triskelion · January 20 2013, 12:40 PM

TFTW Leadhead!

Nine letter word meaning "What a Captain calls an XO." Begins with an N, ends with an E.

Naugahyde.

Computer. Dark Side of the Moon. With lasers.

What? The protestors objected to my coat of targ pelts.

Geordi: Commander, if you must insist on a staring contest with an android, at least let me turn it on first.

Riker: Well there was two hours well spent.

The sign says it's supposed to make your hair stand up when you touch it. The sign should say "Out of order."

inflatabledalek · January 20 2013, 02:34 PM

Damn you Leadhead for starting the contest on the correct day and ruining my joke! DAMMMMMMMMNNNNNNNNN YOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Or: FTW.

Picard: Three hours of Googling and I'm no closer to finding out what the hell this yellow thing actually is...

Worf: The colours are definitely more muted than the season one remaster.

Worf: Has anyone seen Data? I can't find him.

Geordi: It turns out that "Fully functional" means he has female sexual organs as well.

Picard: For a ancient alien race with technology so advanced it seems almost God like, their interior decoration skills leave a lot to be desired.

The Laughing Vulcan · January 20 2013, 03:14 PM

Picard: "The Start Button! Where's the Start Button? ***ing Windows 8!"

Worf: "These yellow pixels lack honour!"

Worf: "I'll be in my bunk."

Geordi: "I can fix him, but it will invalidate his warranty."
Riker: "Do it. What idiot installs McCafee as standard?"

Sargon: "...Because it is possible you are our descendants, Captain Picard. Six thousand centuries ago, our vessels were colonizing this galaxy, just as your own starships have now begun to explore that vastness. As you now... no... wait. wait! Where are you going?"
Picard: "We ain't falling for that shit twice!"

Isis · January 20 2013, 03:28 PM

Picard: "Can it wait? Can't you see I'm doing my crosswords."

Worf (to self): "Deanna says I need more culture. OK, so I spent weeks painting this, but it doesn't do a thing for me. Maybe I should try ballet."

Worf: "Where's the closest FedEx box? Lady Gaga needs this costume overnighted."

LaForge: "See? All you have to do is order it online and it gets sent right out." < brief pause > "We should have gotten an EZPass years ago."

Picard (to self): "Where's Data? Installing a lamp-buying subroutine was clearly a bad idea."

shivkala · January 20 2013, 03:57 PM

Picard: Damn it, I knew this would happen. I waited a while for the new PADD and it says here that they're introducing a new one!

Worf: Sir, I've discerned the pattern. It's bridge, Ten-Forward, Stellar Cartography, Cargo Bay 3, Dr. Crusher's quarters, Engineering, then it restarts.

Picard: Wait, what was that last one?

Worf: Engineering?

Picard: No, the one before that one...

Worf: This is the last time I agree to role-play Empire Strikes Back with Data. I want to play Han, but no...I have to play Chewbaca and he's C-3PO.

Burton: He just doesn't seem to get it, can you explain it, please?!

Frakes: Mr. Fünke.

Fünke: That's Dr. Fünke...

Frakes: Whatever. Look, Brent's here, he's just at lunch. It's fine, we don't need a stand-in for this scene. Now will you please get the hell off of the set?

Fünke: Ah, man, I just whited myself, too.

Burton: That was great! Ever consider directing?

Frakes: Ha, I don't know...you really think I'd be good at it?

Picard soon realized that while he was busy playing with the van de Graaff generator, the rest of the tour group had moved on.

Triskelion · January 20 2013, 10:22 PM

Mister Data, send an engineering team down to analyze this equipment. In the meantime I must observe great care and appropriate safety measures from a distance.

Yes sir. That particular brand of cotton candy machine has been known to overfluff, sir.

TiberiusMaximus · January 20 2013, 10:43 PM

Picard: "Oh look, Commander Worf's diary. (mocking tone) 'Dear Diary. Today I was grumpy and told people they had no honor. Then I got beat up by a random alien. It was the best day ever.'"

Worf: What'd y'all order a dead android for?

LeadHead · January 20 2013, 11:10 PM

Worf: Oh, this wasn't Lore? Wish I hadn't ripped out his positronic brain.

uberfalcon · January 21 2013, 12:36 AM

PICARD: Three stars on every level is impossible... Stupid Angry Birds...

January 20 2013, 03:31 AM	#2
LeadHead The Not-Quite-So-Brave-As-Sir-Lancelot Location: Somewhere with Internet access.	Re: TNG Caption This! 301: Fate protects fools children & Caption Cont Picard: Note to self: ask Worf not to write his security reports in Klingon. The fad of Tallscreens in the 24th Century didn't last very long. Worf: Did somebody order a drunk android? LeVar: Jonathan, if he plays his cards right, he could become a popular characters! Director: Lunch time! Patrick: So long, suckers! __________________ Current Caption Contests: TNG TOS Movies I-X

January 20 2013, 03:40 AM	#3
R. Star Commodore Location: Terra 3	Re: TNG Caption This! 301: Fate protects fools children & Caption Cont Thanks for the win! Picard: Pew pew! Take that Romulans! Riker(on comm): Captain Picard to the bridge! We just fired on a Romulan warbird! Picard: Oh... I forgot to remove ship control functions from my PADD before I started a game of Galaxy Fighter. Worf: No one will ever suspect that it is -I- who am Future Guy! Muahahaha! Worf: Walk or I will carry you! Data: Carry please. Thank you. LaForge: Commander, you got to give me some dating tips. This walking toaster has gotten laid more times than me! Picard: Ambassador Troi is coming? Abandon ship! __________________ "I was never a Star Trek fan." J.J. Abrams

January 20 2013, 04:03 AM	#4
Jonas Grumby Vice Admiral Location: Somewhere in the South Pacific	Re: TNG Caption This! 301: Fate protects fools children & Caption Cont Worf: It doesn't look 3-dimensional! It just looks...weird!" Geordi (OS): "Put on the cardboard specs!" Worf: "I've discovered the problem, sir. He's been taking time away from plugging into his battery charger and spending it plugging into Lieutenant Yar instead." Bridge crew (in unison): "TMI!" __________________ "There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats." - Albert Schweitzer Last edited by Jonas Grumby; January 20 2013 at 04:36 AM.

January 20 2013, 04:31 AM	#5
JirinPanthosa Captain	Re: TNG Caption This! 301: Fate protects fools children & Caption Cont Now that the show has caught on, Patrick Stewart carefully goes over his six year contract, looking for a loophole. Worf installed a 24th century nanny cam on the bridge, to see who's been messing with his screen saver. The real doll Tasha ordered before she died finally arrived in the mail. GEORDI: He isn't even really an android! He's a guy with white makeup!" RIKER: Are you sure? GEORDI: I caught him in the bathroom! DATA: I do not know what you mean. Does not compute! PICARD: My arms are all blurry. What was in those brownies, number one?

January 20 2013, 04:47 AM	#6
Nerys Myk Admiral Location: House of Kang, now with ridges	Re: TNG Caption This! 301: Fate protects fools children & Caption Cont GEORDI: How many times do I have to tell you? His nose isn't growing. __________________ Nerys Myk's Midnight In Never Land A novel of Dark Fantasy @ Amazon.com

STAR TREK

CSI

ABOUT US

January 20 2013, 12:40 PM	#7
Triskelion Commodore Location: Across a sea of suns	Re: TNG Caption This! 301: Fate protects fools children & Caption Cont TFTW Leadhead! Nine letter word meaning "What a Captain calls an XO." Begins with an N, ends with an E. Naugahyde. Computer. Dark Side of the Moon. With lasers. What? The protestors objected to my coat of targ pelts. Geordi: Commander, if you must insist on a staring contest with an android, at least let me turn it on first. Riker: Well there was two hours well spent. The sign says it's supposed to make your hair stand up when you touch it. The sign should say "Out of order." __________________ Star Trek Voyager: Shock Nova Flicker Burn Theater Presents: Zontar the Thing from Venus

January 20 2013, 02:34 PM	#8
inflatabledalek Captain	Re: TNG Caption This! 301: Fate protects fools children & Caption Cont Damn you Leadhead for starting the contest on the correct day and ruining my joke! DAMMMMMMMMNNNNNNNNN YOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Or: FTW. Picard: Three hours of Googling and I'm no closer to finding out what the hell this yellow thing actually is... Worf: The colours are definitely more muted than the season one remaster. Worf: Has anyone seen Data? I can't find him. Geordi: It turns out that "Fully functional" means he has female sexual organs as well. Picard: For a ancient alien race with technology so advanced it seems almost God like, their interior decoration skills leave a lot to be desired. __________________ TRANSFORMATION: CRAFTY [mind] BANKERS Meet the five new Autobots in my look at Rock and Roll Out! Part 1

January 20 2013, 03:14 PM	#9
The Laughing Vulcan Admiral Location: At The Laughing Vulcan's party...	Re: TNG Caption This! 301: Fate protects fools children & Caption Cont Picard: "The Start Button! Where's the Start Button? ***ing Windows 8!" Worf: "These yellow pixels lack honour!" Worf: "I'll be in my bunk." Geordi: "I can fix him, but it will invalidate his warranty." Riker: "Do it. What idiot installs McCafee as standard?" Sargon: "...Because it is possible you are our descendants, Captain Picard. Six thousand centuries ago, our vessels were colonizing this galaxy, just as your own starships have now begun to explore that vastness. As you now... no... wait. wait! Where are you going?" Picard: "We ain't falling for that shit twice!" __________________ "Don't try to live so wise. Don't cry 'cause you're so right. Don't dry with fakes or fears, 'Cause you will hate yourself in the end." Anime @ MyReviewer

January 20 2013, 03:28 PM	#10
Isis Commodore	Re: TNG Caption This! 301: Fate protects fools children & Caption Cont Picard: "Can it wait? Can't you see I'm doing my crosswords." Worf (to self): "Deanna says I need more culture. OK, so I spent weeks painting this, but it doesn't do a thing for me. Maybe I should try ballet." Worf: "Where's the closest FedEx box? Lady Gaga needs this costume overnighted." LaForge: "See? All you have to do is order it online and it gets sent right out." < brief pause > "We should have gotten an EZPass years ago." Picard (to self): "Where's Data? Installing a lamp-buying subroutine was clearly a bad idea."

January 20 2013, 03:57 PM	#11
shivkala Rear Admiral Location: Patrolling Sector 2814	Re: TNG Caption This! 301: Fate protects fools children & Caption Cont Picard: Damn it, I knew this would happen. I waited a while for the new PADD and it says here that they're introducing a new one! Worf: Sir, I've discerned the pattern. It's bridge, Ten-Forward, Stellar Cartography, Cargo Bay 3, Dr. Crusher's quarters, Engineering, then it restarts. Picard: Wait, what was that last one? Worf: Engineering? Picard: No, the one before that one... Worf: This is the last time I agree to role-play Empire Strikes Back with Data. I want to play Han, but no...I have to play Chewbaca and he's C-3PO. Burton: He just doesn't seem to get it, can you explain it, please?! Frakes: Mr. Fünke. Fünke: That's Dr. Fünke... Frakes: Whatever. Look, Brent's here, he's just at lunch. It's fine, we don't need a stand-in for this scene. Now will you please get the hell off of the set? Fünke: Ah, man, I just whited myself, too. Burton: That was great! Ever consider directing? Frakes: Ha, I don't know...you really think I'd be good at it? Picard soon realized that while he was busy playing with the van de Graaff generator, the rest of the tour group had moved on. __________________ "When I reach for the edge of the universe, I do it knowing that along some paths of cosmic discovery, there are times when, at least for now, one must be content to love the questions themselves." --Neil deGrasse Tyson

January 20 2013, 10:22 PM	#12
Triskelion Commodore Location: Across a sea of suns	Re: TNG Caption This! 301: Fate protects fools children & Caption Cont Mister Data, send an engineering team down to analyze this equipment. In the meantime I must observe great care and appropriate safety measures from a distance. Yes sir. That particular brand of cotton candy machine has been known to overfluff, sir. __________________ Star Trek Voyager: Shock Nova Flicker Burn Theater Presents: Zontar the Thing from Venus

January 20 2013, 10:43 PM	#13
TiberiusMaximus Fleet Captain Location: A ship, a living ship, full of strange alien lifeforms.	Re: TNG Caption This! 301: Fate protects fools children & Caption Cont Picard: "Oh look, Commander Worf's diary. (mocking tone) 'Dear Diary. Today I was grumpy and told people they had no honor. Then I got beat up by a random alien. It was the best day ever.'" Worf: What'd y'all order a dead android for? __________________ "Quite possibly, the five Jem'Hadar could turn Data into a collection of four spasming limbs, one helpless torso, and one head that shouts insults at them like the Black Knight from the Monty Python sketch." -Timo Saloniemi

January 20 2013, 11:10 PM	#14
LeadHead The Not-Quite-So-Brave-As-Sir-Lancelot Location: Somewhere with Internet access.	Re: TNG Caption This! 301: Fate protects fools children & Caption Cont Worf: Oh, this wasn't Lore? Wish I hadn't ripped out his positronic brain. __________________ Current Caption Contests: TNG TOS Movies I-X

January 21 2013, 12:36 AM	#15
uberfalcon Ensign Location: Erf	Re: TNG Caption This! 301: Fate protects fools children & Caption Cont PICARD: Three stars on every level is impossible... Stupid Angry Birds...