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Go Back   The Trek BBS > Star Trek TV Series > The Next Generation

The Next Generation All Good Things come to an end...but not here.

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Old December 24 2012, 02:00 AM   #16
Jonas Grumby
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Re: TNG Caption This! 297: Brace for Holidays!



Riker: "This is excellent, wholesome, down-to-earth food! I'm surprised! Given the look of your eating utensils, I was expecting some kind of pretentious crap!"
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Old December 24 2012, 02:20 AM   #17
JirinPanthosa
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Re: TNG Caption This! 297: Brace for Holidays!



PICARD: A toupee, number one? Are you insinuating something?
RIKER: It's either that or make another trip to Risa.



Riker likes to challenge Worf to eating contests, which he secretly tapes and posts on YouTube.



DATA: Thank you for the wrapping paper. I will make good use of it.
PULASKI: Um...yes! The wrapping paper is the gift. You're welcome?



DATA: I've noticed human art frequently covers the subject of nudes. I've taken a step further and painted the inside of the human uterus.



DATA: Deanna, I'd like to introduce you to my brother. A positronic brain Dr Soong created before experimenting with human forms.
TROI: Wh...
DATA: You accept me as human because I'm sentient and not just because I look human, right?
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Old December 24 2012, 08:15 AM   #18
Triskelion
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Re: TNG Caption This! 297: Brace for Holidays!



Your - beard trimmer, Number One?
I'm going Beaver Trapper, Captain.



Riker: What kind of meat did you say this was, Keiko?

Keiko: I didn't.

Worf: It is awful. I love it!



Lieutenant Worf, what is this?
It's the latest release from Old Quarter, the hottest boy band on Qo'noS.
...
Ok, it's more opera.



What is it, Data?
It's an abstract to commemorate my time on Risa. I call it "Clash of the Adam's Apples."



Worf: Lieutenant Selar is deft at stealing apples. But not deft enough.
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Old December 24 2012, 05:37 PM   #19
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Re: TNG Caption This! 297: Brace for Holidays!



Geordi: Data is continuing his exploration of humanity with art.

Riker: Art? This is a bunch of crap.

Data: Yes, commander. But as I have been learning, sometimes people love crap.
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Old December 24 2012, 07:34 PM   #20
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Re: TNG Caption This! 297: Brace for Holidays!



Data: So, Worf gave me a honor blade.
Councilor Troi a box of chocolates.
Doctor Pulaski a antique oil can.
Commander Riker a musical instrument.
And Wesley a container of sticky white fluid.

Riker: "Wes, you really need to put your penis away.

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Old December 24 2012, 10:54 PM   #21
Holdfast
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Re: TNG Caption This! 297: Brace for Holidays!



PICARD: A Klingon dagger! Hang on; isn't this the one used in ritual suicides?





RIKER: Every Christmas is the same; Worf always overcooks the turkey.





DATA: Klingon Opera? You shouldn't have. Really.





RIKER: Traditionally, the baubles hang on a tree.





TROI: Data! Not without mistletoe, I won't!
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Old December 24 2012, 11:24 PM   #22
Merlanthe
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Re: TNG Caption This! 297: Brace for Holidays!




RIKER: I was searching Beverly's office for her stash of drugs like you told me to when i found these.

PICARD: So this is what she did with Wesleys...you know...after she castrated him...

RIKER: Do you think maybe if we gave them back to him that he might not be such an annoying sissy?

PICARD: ...or we could attatch them to a photon torpedo and fire them into the sun.

RIKER: Why would we do that?

PICARD: Because it would be fun, Fun, FUN, in the sun, Sun, SUN!

RIKER: ...Did you start the drugs without me?

PICARD: Goldfish are standing on my toes Number One!



RIKER: I must say i always thought the reason you castrated Wesley was so you could keep em in a jar on the shelf in your office for show but all this time you've been secretly saving them for a when it was finally your turn to cook christmas dinner. Thats one hell of a secret ingrediant Beverly.

OR

Upon hearing that the secret ingrediant in Beverly's home cooked christmas dinner was Wesleys castrated testicles Worf attempted to regurgitate his food unnoticed whilst everyone else was busy trying to digest Rikers cheesy one liners.




DATA: I had heard that it is traditional to sing christmas carols and perform a nativity before the giving of presents but since none of you are willing to join me i will instead perform a one man rendition of A Christmas Carol in the original Klingon.




DATA: Gentlemen how do you like my portrait of Counselor Troi so far.

RIKER: Well you certainly got the dimensions right and you managed to convey her essential...err...personality quite accurately.





DATA: Why yes Counsellor your rear end does appear quite large in that outfit. It also makes you appear shorter and wider than you actually are. It does however provide a good view of your cleavage which is likely why the captain and other senior officers have not insisted that you wear your actual uniform.

TROI: ........................

DATA: Have i said something wrong Counsellor? You did ask for an honest analysis of the situation?
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Last edited by Merlanthe; December 24 2012 at 11:34 PM.
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Old December 25 2012, 01:39 AM   #23
Nerys Myk
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Re: TNG Caption This! 297: Brace for Holidays!



TROI: I'm sensing sexual tension and desire. Hot passionate Vulcan on Klingon sex...

.........they're right behind me aren't they??
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Old December 25 2012, 11:04 AM   #24
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Re: TNG Caption This! 297: Brace for Holidays!



Worf: If she were Klingon, I would split her like a Tamarian metaphor.
Selar: Can I help you, Lieutenant Worf?
Worf: Kahless, his robe open.
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Old December 25 2012, 07:20 PM   #25
Finn
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Re: TNG Caption This! 297: Brace for Holidays!

captain crow wrote: View Post



Riker: Data's cat pissed in the mashed potatoes.
Worf: It's delicious!
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Old December 25 2012, 11:31 PM   #26
Nerys Myk
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Re: TNG Caption This! 297: Brace for Holidays!

captain crow wrote: View Post



Riker: Data's cat pissed in the mashed potatoes.
WORF: I know, tastes like chicken.

RIKER: The potatoes?

WORF: The cat.
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Old December 26 2012, 01:04 AM   #27
inflatabledalek
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Re: TNG Caption This! 297: Brace for Holidays!



Troi: How sad would you have to be to be taking part in a caption contest first thing on Boxing Day?

Data: Very, very, very sad.
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Old December 26 2012, 06:24 AM   #28
Triskelion
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Re: TNG Caption This! 297: Brace for Holidays!



Worf: And now I will demonstrate how Klingons celebrate Boxing Day.
Pulaski: That won't be necessary, Worf.
Worf: In the interest of cultural relativism, I must insist.



A Ressikan flute, Number One?
Yeah, spaceport shop had 'em in bags of ten for a dollar.




Riker: Nice fork. After dinner I'll tune the piano.




What's so funny, Geordi?

You should see what's going on in the UV band.




Data: You bore them with stories of your sheltered royal sphere, Counselor. I will rummage through their quarters while Worf and Selar slip away to engage in coitus.

Troi: "Make yourself at home" is just a figure of speech, Data.

Worf: "Still...."
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Old December 26 2012, 06:29 AM   #29
Nerys Myk
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Re: TNG Caption This! 297: Brace for Holidays!



PICARD: A Penis Rock? I seem to recall Kirk's was bigger.

RIKER: You're not Kirk.
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Old December 26 2012, 03:56 PM   #30
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Re: TNG Caption This! 297: Brace for Holidays!

inflatabledalek wrote: View Post


Troi: How sad would you have to be to be taking part in a caption contest first thing on Boxing Day?

Data: Very, very, very sad.
Butthead: Hahaha hahaha... she said box...
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