The Voyager Christmas Special

[teacake]

It's Kris Kringle time on Voyager and everyone draws names from a Santa hat Paris has replicated for the occasion. After a week of madcap activity in which plots and plans are almost undone by bumbling merrymakers the crew (the ones that count at least) gather in Voyager's mess for an exchange of gifts. Leola root gingerbread men with pointy ears are passed around. The EMH generously provides a recording of himself singing Winter Wonderland until there's a mysterious tachyon burst which puts an end to it. There may be some real Saurian brandy in the punch.

Let the gift giving begin! Whose name did everyone get?


7: I prepared your gift after reviewing your personnel file. It seems your species highly values water judging by your over indulgence of this resource when you first came aboard. Hopefully you'll find this quantity useful in learning the skill of moderation.

7 thrusts a 300ml bottle of water into Neelix's hands.

Neelix: Oh umm.. I guess you must be quite pressed for time, I know stellar phenomenon keep you very busy..

7: If you are referring to the lack of paper around the gift, wrapping is irrelevant.


Janeway kneels and down and hands Naomi, who has been so excited by this evening she's almost bouncing, with a beautifully wrapped present. Naomi tears off the paper and holds out a real old fashioned book.

Janeway: My father gave me this book when I was just a little older than you Naomi. I couldn't think of a finer gift to pass on to a young woman with your promise. I hope you will you treasure this as I have.

Naomi, reading: Mycenaean Greece, Pre-Cursor to an Ancient World.

Janeway: The detail of the pottery is fascinating, we would spend hours pouring over the illustrations. To know our past Naomi is to truly know where we are going.

Naomi: To.. the Alpha Quadrant?


Neelix interrupts Naomi beaming and huffing as he clutches a lumpily wrapped gift.

Neelix: Ah Captain.. I have something for you and Merry Christmas! Happy Holidays! A fine Solstice!

Janeway takes the gift from Neelix and unpeels several layers of paper. Inside it is a bulbous root.

Janeway: Not leola I hope?

Neelix: Oh no no Captain, something better. The Fafa root from Parthex, all the caffeine of a pot of coffee in every teaspoon! And already freeze dried so it will last indefinitely! This way you could add it to any beverage you like and have all the benefits of coffee!

Janeway fixes Neelix with the Death Glare.

Janway: Are you telling me we are running out of coffee?

Neelix: Oh well no, not as such, there is a bit of a supply dip but engineering has been working double shifts to correct that deflector dish issue so there's been a bit more of a demand..

Janeway grasps Neelix's elbow and steers him towards the corner of the room.

Janeway: And that's precisely where this Fafa thing comes in Mr. Neelix..


Tuvok stands stiffly as Harry Kim passes him a small parcel.

Kim: Merry Christmas Tuvok!

Tuvok: Yes, I have heard that is the case.

Kim: Well aren't you going to open your gift?

Tuvok untapes the paper and pulls out a pair of green wool socks.

Tuvok: These are not regulation uniform.

Kim: It's for your days off. You know, for relaxing in.

Paris, overhearing: Aren't those the socks your mom made you bring with you Harry? The itchy ones you won't wear?

Harry stutters and mumbles.

Paris slaps Kim and Tuvok on the back simultaneously.

Paris: Never mind, I'm sure Vulcan feet are tough!

Kim: I still think you rigged it so you and B'Elanna got each other. What did you give each other anyway?

Paris: A gentleman never tells Harry and speaking of which I think the Doctor is coming your way.


The Doctor presses a small device into Harry's hand.

Harry: Don't tell me, this is the hologram of you singing isn't it?

The Doctor: Of course not Ensign, I have personalized this gift for you. It's not something everyone would appreciate. It's a hologram of myself playing all the clarinet pieces you've been working on. I'm hoping my naturally superior technique will be of use to you.

Harry: That's very thoughtful..

Paris: And it makes a great coaster too!


Tuvok approaches the Doctor who is swiveling his head from side to side looking to see who might be looking for him.

Tuvok: I have spent some time thinking of your gift Doctor. It presented me with quite a challenge. I asked myself what would not be so easily acquired via replication or programming and I believe this is an apt choice.

Tuvok presents the Doctor with a Vulcan oil lamp.

Tuvok: Meditation may not be possible for a hologram, but I am willing to aid you should you choose to pursue such an endeavor.

The Doctor, squinting at the lamp: Oh, well it's quite rustic isn't it?


7 is suspiciously smelling a cup of egg nog when Naomi approaches with a plate covered by a napkin.

7: Naomi Wildman. Seasons Greetings is I believe an appropriate salutation.

Naomi: Yes. And well.. Neelix helped me with this but it was my own idea. It's a cake, a shortcake they call it. With strawberries. I know you like them.

7 takes the plate and underneath the napkin is revealed a lovely small cake with cream, covered in strawberries with a fork next to it. She dutifully takes a bite and pauses mid chew.

7: This cake is.. pleasing.

Naomi beams at her.


Merry Holidays Voyager forum!! I'm hanging a huge hunk of mistletoe over you all!!

Please post your Xmas VOY ideas

Oh and Lynx sorry Kes isn't in the Christmas Special, I hear she's very busy in a workshop making nifty things

[R. Star]

Haha, you know your gift for Tuvok.... I could totally picture him in an elf outfit.

[Guy Gardener]

I'm picturing a crocodile Dundee "Not, that's a knife" for as far as what Tuvok has to use to cut his tough Vulcan toe nails now.

[teacake]

And here is T.D. Possum's Christmas in the Delta Quadrant ad!

[Timewalker]

Chakotay smiles as Icheb hands him a festively-wrapped present. "Thank you, Icheb."

"You're welcome, Commander. I have been observing you for several months, and I believe you will find this useful and beneficial."

Chakotay unwraps the gift to find... a box of Kleenex. "Um... it's... it's..." he stutters, not at all sure what to say.

Icheb explains, "I have occasionally passed your cabin when you were meditating. 'A-coo-chi-moy-a' is a very unusual way of sneezing. Is it common to all humans, or only those from your planet?"

[teacake]

OMG I had forgotten completely about Chakotay

But he's all taken care of now. As to Icheb, he needs a nice reindeer sweater

[teacake]

And this is ADORABLE.. and unashamedly J/7. I already posted my gift to the J/C'ers in the stickied fanfics and vids thread.

[Violet.Phoenix]

This is awesome. Merry Christmas everyone!

[Lynx]

teacake wrote:

---

Oh and Lynx sorry Kes isn't in the Christmas Special, I hear she's very busy in a workshop making nifty things

Well, I can live with that. I'm sure she is contributing to the gathering in some way.




What bothers me more is to find out what Neelix gave to Samantha Wildman.

By the way, Merry Christmas to all of you!


Our heroes are gathered before the Christmas party starts, except for Naomi and Samantha Wildman who were busy with the preparations. They all are in a good mood despite the fact that B'Elanna seems to have a bad hair day

[Guy Gardener]

Chakotay looks at his present from Icheb... A single tear rolls down his cheek.

"You heartless tree killing bastard! YOU KILLED A TREE! Why I 'oughta..."

Chakotay leaps over the mess table, launching his massive hands towards the boys tiny neck, wringing it in like the year new.

[teacake]

Harry Kim's Post Christmas Over Indulgence Nightmare


Seven: Obviously you've suggested a visit to the holodeck in the hopes of creating a romantic mood. Are you in love with me, Ensign?

Harry: I'll never join you!

Seven: Then you wish to copulate?

Harry: No! I mean, I, I don't know what I mean.

Seven: Harry, you do not yet realize your importance. With our combined strength we can..

Harry: Look, this is a little sudden. I was just trying to.. Part of the team, you know? Maybe we should just quit for now.

Seven: Don't be alarmed. I won't hurt you.

Harry: You've told me enough! It was you who killed me!

Seven: No. I am your father.

[R. Star]

^
I can think of nothing better calculated to traumatize poor Harry even more.

[Guy Gardener]

Again? Choking once is inexcusable, and after rethinking and reviewing that night, that intense depth of familiar in the mess a billion times...

He's not that hot.

And I have a very long argumental supposition which climaxes in that she smells like a lot of poo.

I saw something recently where the boyfriend said that he wanted his girlfriend to be more "yielding" and she had no idea what the fuck that meant. She started acting "sleepy" which he didn't like either.

[teacake]

She does NOT smell like poo.

[Guy Gardener]

Have you seen/read dune?

Does Seven go to the toilet?

Seven is wearing and has always worn a stillsuit.

When she jumps up and down, sure her boobies go up and down, but her catheters (plural) also go sloosh, sloosh, sloosh.

Good with the bad.