DS9 Caption Contest #65: What a fortunate turn of events!

[Triskelion]

Quark: Major Kira, You know that smoky cloud of light thing Odo envelops you in?
Kira: Uh...
Quark: Yeah, he was picking your pocket. I want my dirty playing cards back, Odo!



O'Brien: All right, we've narrowed down the smell. Now which one of us is going to tell Worf about his halitosis?
<All look at Dax>
Dax: No way. I'm still paying for telling him about his overuse of capital 'H.'
Bashir: Honor.
Kira: House.
O'Brien: Hhhhhali-tosis.

[Triskelion]

O'Brien: I've asked you here to come up with a password for the station self-destruct.

Dax: Nine.
Kira: Six.
Bashir: Quark.
O'Brien:<drops pad> Oh, shart.
Computer: Quark Shart Sixty Nine enabled.

<All agree, get up and leave>





Odo, is that...the Founder?
I'm afraid so, Major. She moonlights as a Dabo girl at Quark's.
Those are some...epic knockers.
Yes they are, Major. Yes they are.



Sisko: I've found your contact lens.
Worf: Good. Now I can actually calibrate the station defenses.
Sisko: What the hell have you been doing all this time?
Worf: Whittling wheapons with Whil Wheaton.



Eyes open, people. It's got to be around here somewhere.

Sorry everyone.

In the future, Odo, when you see a vole, make sure the keys you throw at it say "Constable" and not "Custodian."




Jackpot! Kai Winn and Keiko in a pantomime horse.

[Ln X]

Sisko (o/s): Today people I think it's time we addressed the matter of those Cardassian latrines...

Silence follows...


Odo: So that's what Morn looks like naked.
Kira: He's so... androgynous...


Sisko: Are you really going to throw your career away just because this ship doesn't replicate mint frosting?



Sisko: So we pay our respects to captain Jellico-

<Dax spits on the floor>

Sisko: Dax now is the not the time for your jokes, I know Jellico was an asshole, but at least show the dead some respect.

[Nerys Myk]

Ln X wrote:

---

Sisko: So we pay our respects to captain Jellico-

<Dax spits on the floor>

Sisko: Dax now is the not the time for your jokes, I know Jellico was an asshole, but at least show the dead some respect.

Dax: That's how Trills show respect.

Sisko: No, its not.

Dax: Meh, it was worth a shot.

[R. Star]

Sisko: Pew pew... pew pew!



Sisko: Did I ever tell you that I boned your wife in the mirror universe? Man she was HAWT!

[Ln X]

Santa Kang wrote:

---

Dax: That's how Trills show respect.

Sisko: No, its not.

Dax: Meh, it was worth a shot.

Kira: On Bajor you know we don't have funerals or commemorations like this, once the person has died the body is simply a shell.

Sisko: Okay! Is there anyone who actually cares that captain Jellico died in the line of duty fighting the Dominion? Anyone?

[Isis]

In the 24th Century, holiday parties were still awkward.





Bashir (OS): "You're out, Jadzia. I didn't say 'Simon says put your hands on your hips.'"

[Triskelion]

O'Brien <com>: A little to the left, sir.
Sisko: Wait - my left or your left?
O'Brien: Sir?
Sisko: My left or your left?
Kira: Chief, haven't you fixed the transporter molecular imaging scanner yet?
O'Brien: Working on it, Major. In the meantime stand perfectly still if you don't want to become Siamese twins with Captain Sisko.
Kira: What planet is that?
Sisko: Whose left?
Worf: It is no planet! He is referring to the conjoining of identical twins, Major.
Dax: Sounds like a good way to get a favorable performance review.
Kira: Why, Dax?
Dax: Simple; if you don't like your results, threaten to resign your commission. According to the Federation Charter, it would be considered illegal conscription to be forced into Starfleet activities. You could go wherever you wanted and the Captain would be forced, by mandate of the charter, to protect your right with his life.
Sisko: Here? My left or your left, Chief!
Worf: You do not know the Chief's orientation! If you were any other man....
Kira: I bet he would ask me to shave his head.
O'Brien: Just - don't move, sir. Standby for transport.
Sisko: Chief, don't rematerialize my head stubble.
O'Brien: I never do, sir.
Odo: I miss Gul Dukat.

[Isis]

The DS9-Cowboys & Aliens crossover was not well received.

[Triskelion]

Who does your goatee work, Worf?
Students of the Promenade Beauty Academy.
Can they restore eyebrows?
Mention my name for a five percent discount.

[Mistral]

Santa Kang wrote:

---

Sisko: "Who put the Hello Kitty stickers on the panel?"

Worf: *sigh* "Alexander was on board yesterday..."

Sisko: "And the peanut butter on the controls?"

Worf: "Oh, that was me. Sorry."

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Sisko: Look, Mr. Worf, why not just give it a try? The rest of the crew is hooked.

Worf: Sir, I must protest! I am not a Brony man!

[Annorax]

Goddamnit, Worf, I don't care if you think you can decloak the Defiant behind every Romulan you see & destroy them before they get their shields up! Starting wars is MY job, not yours!