DS9 Caption Contest #65: What a fortunate turn of events!

[Nerys Myk]

SISKO:Guys, I'm gonna lay down some cover fire....try and swing around behind them... Guys? Guys? Crap!

[Triskelion]

O'Brien: Ok now the orcs are attacking.
Kira: Come on, do we have to do this?
O'Brien: You had a crystal dragon. I get orcs.
Dax: War-Hammertime! Break it down!
Bashir: I cast a pox on myself.



Odo: If one of you ne'er do wells photoshops in a penis rock I'm running you in!




Look, I'm sorry Mister Worf, but the role of Maria went to Doctor Bashir.

He is not even female!

What can I say? He nailed it. Better brush up on your snap-fighting.




Sisko: So...nobody remembers the combination? Sigh. We need a choreographer.






Flap, shuffle, ball change, pas de bourre, pirouette

Double wings, tap springs,

Fish flop, flap flam, shuffle ball change

Arabesque, cabriolet,

Cincinnati Cincinnati

Left-right shooter, left-right shooter,

Barrel-blow, barrel-blow,

Jazz hands!

[Jonas Grumby]

O'Brien (sighs): "Okay, so far we've interviewed and voted on four candidates for the new operations position. Two were hot, young studs and two were gorgeous, young women. Each got two 'yes' votes and two 'no' votes. I think it's pretty clear whats going on here."

[Ln X]

Bashir thinking; God this meeting is going on for hours! I can't look to my left because Miles doesn't like me staring, I can't look rightwards because the major scowls at me when I eye her up, I can't look at Jadzia because then that will be to obvious. No, I'll just focus on some point on our commander's shiny forehead... Is that a mole I see? God! I don't want to see it! But I'm so tired and this room is so stuffy!

Just take a quick peek rightwards Julian to the major, just one peek, just scratch your hair or something and casually glance rightwards pretending to look at the wall so as to stare at those lovely breasts of the major's...

Kira: What about my breasts?

Bashir: Sorry?

Dax: I think Julian's been daydreaming again.


Odo: Quark in drag?
Kira: That's just wrong, may the Prophets burn my eyes and purge my memory of such a sight!


Sisko: Listen Mr Worf, penile dysfunction is nothing to be ashamed about, I mean Jadzia, she's an understanding woman right? I mean when you and her... you know, it's not so important? Right?
Worf: But how can I live down the humiliation?


Jadzia: We shouldn't have invited both Zek and Ishka to this conference.
Kira: It's disgusting! They're rolling around on the floor making out!
Sisko: Look at all those wrinkles to!
Odo: It's the laughter which really annoys me...
Worf: The two squeak like rodents.

[Triskelion]

Worf: It's just...when you call my girlfriend "Old Man" it feels like you're dishonoring my house.

Sisko: There you go, slugger. I knew you could share.

Worf: So you'll stop?

Sisko: Oh, no. No. Not after I've seen his low hanging fruit in the locker room, if you know what I mean.



No I do not do the Cardassian neck trick in the bedroom. Isn't that right, Major?

Believe me, he won't.



O'Brien: So I wonder how Ops is doing.

Bashir: Are you quite sure we should have outsourced it to the Pakleds?



Sisko: Just keep at it and we'll get through this, people. We've got a lot of decks to cover.

Worf: I do not believe a visual anion sweep has the same value. This is a false economy.

Sisko: I have to tick the little box on my report saying it was performed.

Kira: I don't care, I have the contract on the hazard cleanup crew that's going to mop up the biological waste after the station blows up.

Sisko: I don't care what you do, Major, as long as my box is ticked.

Dax: Anionanionanionanionanionanionanionanionanionanion .




Kira: Do you have the job ad for the station Intercultural Marketing Executive yet, Odo?

Odo: Yes, Major, here it is:
"Key Responsibilities:
Work with interstellar research suppliers to design, coordinate, and execute research projects in the telematics area from inception to completion.

• Analyze primary and secondary research data, competitor actions, monitor exo-societal/technical trends, and review research in the telematics, subspace, and LCARS applications areas
• Report and present findings, and make insightful and actionable recommendations/strategies to interplanetary authorities
• Conceptualize new business models to bring innovative telematics solutions to spacefaring organizations.
• Identify market/cost advantages, determine feasibility, risks, and temporal anomalies.
• Collaborate with engineers to translate research conclusions into actual telematics projects/products/Starfleet materiel and intelligent energy clouds.

Space Requirements:

• 1 – 2 years of experience in planetary research analysis needed
• Bachelor degree in business focusing on market research, social science, statistics, exolinguistics or related field (advanced degree a plus) or Bachelor degree in Electrical or Mechanical Engineering with a MBA
• Experience with a wide variety of qualitative and quantitative research techniques, and a fundamental understanding of advanced statistical concepts and astrogation
• Knowledge of LCARS statistical software strongly preferred
• Detail oriented with a strong work ethic and analytical thinking organ (preferably inside the body)
• Strong report writing and universal translation skills
• Ability to work well independently, within a team setting, and with artificial lifeforms.
• MS Excel and PowerPoint skills required."

Kira: No, this isn't for an onboard Federation marketing position. This is for the Pakled branch.

Odo<deletes ad, taps some keys>: "Must flatter rich Federation Caucasians excessively, keep scorn for the Federation to yourself, and keep clothes on at work."

Kira: I don't know, Odo.

Odo: "Must flatter rich Federation Caucasians excessively."

Kira: Now that's a qualified intercultural marketing executive!

Odo: I look forward to deferring to his "worldview."

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Thanks for the win...



O'Brien: "... and these are the nozzles on Cardassian type three replicators dispenser tubes. Note the extra flanges to add a prestirred texture to Kanar and similar beverages..."
Bashir: "These... are your vacation slides?"
O'Brien: "Wait, we're getting to the good bit. The conduits around the secondary fusion reactors, the lead shielding is..."
Jadzia: "We could have gone to Sisko's recitation of the statistics from the 2025 World Series."
Kira: "I could have listened to Odo's review of petty crime reports..."



Kira: "What are you still doing here?"
Odo: "It's over."
Kira: "Go home."



Sisko: "You're telling me that Jadzia had a Curzon flashback during sex?"
Worf: "Yes..."
Sisko: "To that time when Curzon spent a week in a Klingon prison for..."
Worf: "Yes..."
Sisko: "And you're freaked out, because Jadzia freaked out."
Worf: "Worse. She seemed to enjoy it more."



Odo: "Am I chief of security aboard this station?"
Sisko: "Yes Constable, I have every confidence in you..."
Odo: "Then assume the position. I'm instituting mandatory body cavity searches of all the senior staff in case of hidden changelings."
Jadzia: "You just had to involve us in your sordid little sex games, didn't you Nerys?"



Mirror Sisko: "Do I look bad ass now, bitch!"
Intendant: "Shave your head, grow a beard and then we'll talk, my little Terran love toy."

[T'Girl]

Tres_Kings wrote:

---

No I do not do the Cardassian neck trick in the bedroom.

I want to asks so bad, but I won't.

[Nerys Myk]

OBRIEN: Okay, enough bloody sharing about bloody feelings. Lets drink!

JADZIA: Who has to die to get a real counselor on this station?

[Triskelion]

Dax: McDonald's sucks. Humans have no taste.
O'Brien: Tell it to the two hundred other Trill here, besides yourself.



Kira: Children? We'd name them after famous security guards, of course. Let's see, there's The Bodyguard and Paul Blart.
Odo: Didn't Steven Segal ever play a security guard?
Kira: No. Sigh - I checked.



Sisko: I'll gladly pay you Tuesday for a bregit lung today.




Sisko: And now to the team-building exercise of the meeting.
Kira: This is the worst.
Dax: For crying out loud let's stop doing this crap.
Odo: Isn't there some other way we can all throw an hour out the airlock? Doing our jobs, for example?
Worf: I did not have a vision of Kahless at Boroth only to participate in such a farce.
Sisko: I know it sucks, people. I hate it too. I'm with you. Now let's all Gangnam style ironically. One two three...




To the anti-gravity wagon!

[Nerys Myk]

SISKO: Wait, your ATM pin number is 1234?

WORF: Yeah, it's also my computer password.

SISKO: No wonder Picard wanted you out of Security.

[Smellincoffee]

Sisko: Yippie-oh-ki-yay, motherf-
(explosion)


Reactions were universal when Jadzia Dax returned to Deep Space Nine wearing the tunic from her visit to Kirk's Enterprise.


Sisko: Okay, the Klingons have two corners of the board purchased, with hotels. But we're not FINISHED, people, we have the utilities!

[Jonas Grumby]

Sisko: "Okay, let's try it again. From the top."
Worf: "I still do not understand the title of this dance."
Odo: "The 'French Mistake'? Hell, it could mean almost anything."
Dax: "I think it probably refers to something sexual."
Kira: "Yeah, you would."
Sisko: "Ah, one, two, three, four..."

[Nerys Myk]

ODO: Oh they're out there, Major. With their photoshops, their in-jokes and their innuendo. Out there waiting to insult and degrade us for a cheap laugh.

KIRA: And they're fans?

ODO: Frightening, isn't it?

[Jonas Grumby]

Kira: "Keiko...?"
Keiko (OS): "Yes. It's a school girl uniform. Two sizes too small. Miles asked me to wear it."
Odo: "Well...it's really none of our business..."

[Nerys Myk]

Jonas Grumby wrote:

---

Kira: "Keiko...?"
Keiko (OS): "Yes. It's a school girl uniform. Two sizes too small. Miles asked me to wear it."
Odo: "Well...it's really none of our business..."

Keiko: "Yet you just snapped a picture using the camera on your tablet."