How do you deal with Depression?

[propita]

I somehow run out of one med, for hypertension. Off it for a few days, I just took my BP--not terrible, but definitely high. Got pissed realizing it's unlikely ill be off that med. but the insulin-similar thing is my thyroid meds. I'm told that, like diabetes, going off them would be sleep, and hospitalization if I stayed off them. It can be an additional source of depression.

I can't afford to let myself go down that road. Been there, hated myself, managed to not kill myself despite the hate. But I know that path is there. I see it sometimes, I even take a step or two onto it, but then manage to turn around. I'm not sure how. That's how I know that, no matter how good things are, depression is always there, lurking and waiting to attack if I let my guard and emotions down. Maybe my personifying it gives me something I feel I can actually fight against. Sounds crazy, no?

[jayrath]

Holy cow, this is my new favorite thread! I have wanted to start a topic like this for so long, and only now discovered this discussion.

[Sector 7]

Gotham Central wrote:

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Be thankful for that one. Some of us cannot get that. I've heard repeatedly that having someone in your corner and not being alone makes a world of difference.

A few years ago, my soul-mate was taken by a distracted driver. It did not help that I could not legally make any of the decisions, because two males were not recognized as a couple. I had to sit on the sidelines while his parents called all the shots. Half of me died when he finally died.

Yesterday, I was officially diagnosed with depression (among other things I already deal with...). The neurologist wants me taking a Seratonin booster (anti-depressant) which I am not happy doing, but relented. Their staff psychologist retired last month and has not yet been replaced. If he had, doctor would put me in psychotherapy. I'm not ready for that step.

The depression angle is something new for me, so I'm still in shock. Friends have always commented on my optimistic outlook on life. So, calling me depressed isn't making sense... yet.

[thestrangequark]

Deranged Nasat wrote:

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How wonderfully said. Acceptance of life as it comes without seeking to stamp meaning on it - that's definitely the key. If you try to impose your expectations on life, it will disappoint you, frustrate you, and you'll live in a miserable state of mind, trying to grasp onto something that can't be grasped. I'm reminded of Taoism, and its emphasis on harmonious yielding, and of achieving success through surrendering the desire to do so. Channeling your will into harmony with the natural patterns of the universe rather than railing against them, and seeking a means of applying oneself in a non-assertive way to maximise happiness and success.

Why thank you. I don't really strive for harmony or anything, but I like the idea.

Gotham Central wrote:

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Be thankful for that one. Some of us cannot get that. I've heard repeatedly that having someone in your corner and not being alone makes a world of difference.

I'm sure it does, but it's not the only thing in life. I know it's trite, but there's truth to the saying that it's easier to find love once you've learned to love yourself. I've never had a serious relationship. I've definitely never been in love. But I also recognize that the quality and value of my life don't depend on that -- nor should they.

Propita, I'd imagine going without your thyroid meds would be quite dangerous! With insulin, death is pretty quick if one stops taking it. I only lasted a month because I was still taking some insulin, I was just manipulating my injections to keep my blood sugar raised, causing weight loss -- something called diabulimia. As I mentioned, this behavior is considered an eating disorder that is unique to type 1 diabetics. About 30% of women with type 1 diabetes have suffered from it at least once in their lifetimes, sadly. If I stopped taking insulin altogether I think I would last only a few days.

[Kestra]

I have a thyroid disorder too, which is pretty common and generally harmless in that it's so easily treatable. Unfortunately in the past my particular case has perplexed doctors and been linked to my episodes of clinical depression. My level was once so low that the doctors didn't understand why I wasn't in a coma.

Fortunately, it's been pretty under control the past several years so I consider it a non-issue most of the time. I'm just really careful not to miss doses and things like that. I don't like taking another pill every day but I consider myself lucky in that it's just one little pill once a day with no side effects. I know people in the other thread don't like the saying "It could be worse," but growing up in a family of doctors I know just how much worse it could be and I'm grateful for my health, even though it's not perfect.

[Donald Draper]

What does it say about me that reading some of your stories I feel guilty?

Really realizing I have it good. I was in a serious accident and I am lucky to be alive. I had no serious side effects or no major therapy. Thats what is weird about that whole situation at first I no memory of the first week. My earliest memory was being in a hospital and feeling fine. I simply mad that people were controlling me. Because of I have no clear memory of the event I did not really learn anything from.

I should feel like I got a second chance at life and be gratful. But I have no idea what to do with it.

Beyond the specific events I mentioned, It not depression.... Maybe a better would is dissatisfaction. Maybe the best analogy is this

Ever have a piece of food stuck in your teeth? But you try to get it out and you can not any way you try.

Now imagine if you did that almost everyday of your life. Thats how I feel. Trying to figure out who I am. What I want and how I should get it.

[propita]

Do NOT feel guilty!

We each have our issues to deal with in life. Some choose to actually deal with them; others choose to ignore them, hoping they'll go away on their own. Occasionally, something will resolve itself on it own, given time. The trick is figuring out which will and which won't.

Depression for me evidently started in utero, during the physical formation of my brain. It got complicated when young and had enough (too many?) brains to realize something was off, but way too young to do anything or even describe it.

Complications with depression cascade with everything else going on in one's life--that is something that happens to many people, to the point that determining the actual problems is difficult. The issues have overlapped, combined, and fed each other. While there are basic methods of dealing with this, different combinations work for different people.

As for me, I've learned that I must continue taking my BP meds or have severe fatigue, uneasiness, and headaches. And that's after a few days. Thyroid med? I'm up to 175 ugms. MUST be taken everyday. Add the cholesterol meds (overall cholesterol okay but wrong combinations), and I'm taking quite a number of pills a day, including the doctor-ordered OTCs. Yes, that can be depressing, but as others posted above, the pills treat the problems and are a small price to pay for continuing relative health.

So I turn my back on depression one more day, day after day.

[Donald Draper]

Well I asked out a girl I work with tonight. I never done that before. All dating I done has been through online dating sites. I never really like online dating, even though I did met a serious girlfriend that way. But that did not work out well...

Anyways, In the past I usually worked alone. Those I did like usually had boyfriends or were married.

This girl has been showing interest in me for awhile now. I am really attracted to her. So that was appealing. As a result I been more friendly than I usually am with anyone.

All this time, beyond the usual anxiety issue was age. I knew she was younger than me. Was not sure how younger. But I wondered if she knew my age. I am 34, but I but people think I am in my mid 20s. I guess because I take care of myself.

With in the last week or so, are conversations have taken so much of are time we not really working. What really motivated me was some common history. She said has lost a lot of weight and is not used to all the attention from guys she is getting.

At some point she mentioned she is 24 and had decided to change and be an adult. Well 10 year difference! I figured I better tell.

She was surprised but I could not tell if for good or bad. SO tonight among other flirting, she mentioned a guy younger than her being interested in her. But said she did not like that. So I asked her how about older guys. She said that she does likes older guys - No more obvious opening than that!!!!!!!

So we got each others numbers and plan on doing something on Tuesday or Wednesday. Not sure what the age difference will mean. She seems normal. I mean that in the best sense. In a lot of ways I am really starting out and feel like i am in my 20s anyways and I do look it.

So can I get some high fives for scoring a chick 10 years younger than me?

[Deranged Nasat]

^ Well, congratulations. Being in a supportive relationship can do wonders for your mood. I hope this goes well, and at the very least it gives you renewed confidence. Rebuilding a social life is one of the harder parts of dealing with depression, so it's very good news to hear that you've been working successfully at that.

[Donald Draper]

I should add that she would be the first girl I had a date with I am really attracted to. In the past I have taken who ever has shown interest.

Even that serious girlfriend I mentioned in previous posts... I liked her and had feelings for her. But I was never really physically attracted to her. She had weight issues I feel real guilt about it now, but I thought well this is the best I can do. Even though my drive to gain confidence lead to my own weight loss before knowing her.

So when she broke up with me, it made me fell a whole bunch of things. Actually asking this new girl out, whatever happens long term, might be the most important moment in my life.... OK I am being dramatic but there is truth. I never really asked anyone out I know before. I been haunted by this since I was a teen.... Maybe I am over that. FINALLY!

I think it took a serious accident and moving far away from my past to do it. ALso I should give credit to my ex. Without her I not sure if this could have happened. SHe lives in another state, maybe we could just be friends now. No harm. She had to put with a guy with a lot of emotional issues. I put a lot of blame on her. She is my age. But has two daughters and is divorced and is settled in her work. Yet I am more like a 20 something guy. Never were in the same place.

[Tora Ziyal]

Definitely a high five from me!

[T'Preea]

I deal with my depression in such a way that I try to block the feelings. I've dealt with chronic depression for 13 years and I learned to put on a happy face so people don't worry about me. In the end, that happy face becomes part of me and I almost forget how much I hurt inside. I try to surround myself with friends and immerse myself in my work to distract myself from depressing feelings. I have to do this every minute of every day because if I don't, I will feel so down that I'll have to be hospitalized; because I become a danger to myself and others.

[Rageforthemachine]

T'Preea wrote:

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I deal with my depression in such a way that I try to block the feelings. I've dealt with chronic depression for 13 years and I learned to put on a happy face so people don't worry about me. In the end, that happy face becomes part of me and I almost forget how much I hurt inside. I try to surround myself with friends and immerse myself in my work to distract myself from depressing feelings. I have to do this every minute of every day because if I don't, I will feel so down that I'll have to be hospitalized; because I become a danger to myself and others.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cogniti..._psychotherapy

Try and find a therapist that knows how to do it. It is the only thing demonstrated to work with CD and the only thing that has ever helped me.

[Donald Draper]

LIFE IS WEIRD.

So I emailed that ex of mine I have talked in this thread. Told her about this new girl and gave a little apology. I got a Facebook friend request from her.

I was very surprised to see her boyfriend proposed to her yesterday. They are engaged!

She is the one who I said rushes into relationships. She last year said all the time she things marriage is a joke. I hope she is happy. I got issues, she got her own issues.

[Tora Ziyal]

^We all do. And, yes, life is weird. Very weird.