How do you deal with Depression?

[Josan]

Kelthaz wrote:

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Pets are a fantastic way to deal with depression. Obviously they won't fix the underlying issues, but they work wonders to elevate your mood.

They do indeed. Unfortunately for me separation from my pet is part of my current depression. My girlfriend and I separated last month (her idea, not mine) and I had to move out. Rented a room (all I can presently afford) and so I'm without my partner of seven years and our puppy, my best friend since he was born three years ago.

I don't know if this separation is temporary or permanent (I hope for the former and fear the latter). I just know how much I miss both of them. And I know my little boy misses me too. She dropped off some mail for me last week, bringing the little guy along and when she rolled down the car window he leapt out the window and just clung to me for the entire time we talked.

[Kestra]

Josan wrote:

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They do indeed. Unfortunately for me separation from my pet is part of my current depression. My girlfriend and I separated last month (her idea, not mine) and I had to move out. Rented a room (all I can presently afford) and so I'm without my partner of seven years and our puppy, my best friend since he was born three years ago.

I don't know if this separation is temporary or permanent (I hope for the former and fear the latter). I just know how much I miss both of them. And I know my little boy misses me too. She dropped off some mail for me last week, bringing the little guy along and when she rolled down the car window he leapt out the window and just clung to me for the entire time we talked.

I don't know the specifics, but it's too bad she couldn't have moved out and you couldn't keep the dog with you. My husband is going to have to pry our cat out of my cold, dead hands. There is no way I am going anywhere without him. Ever.

[Gotham Central]

I'm curious what one should do about depression when the depression itself is more situational than biochemical. I've seen therapists and taken medication, but the reality is that since the underlying situation never changes the depression never really goes away. There comes a point when it all seems pointless.

[Josan]

Kestra wrote:

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I don't know the specifics, but it's too bad she couldn't have moved out and you couldn't keep the dog with you. My husband is going to have to pry our cat out of my cold, dead hands. There is no way I am going anywhere without him. Ever.

The house is hers. She was the primary income in the relationship. It was supposed to be equal but I lost my job just before we/she bought the house. And as much as I miss my little man, she's in a much better position to take of him financially.

Gotham Central wrote:

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I'm curious what one should do about depression when the depression itself is more situational than biochemical. I've seen therapists and taken medication, but the reality is that since the underlying situation never changes the depression never really goes away. There comes a point when it all seems pointless.

Do the best you can. Find distractions. Work on things in stages.

At least that's what I'm trying. My depression is strictly situational. It's not easy. I'm desperately looking for work. Missing my partner of the last seven years and our puppy. No family to turn to. A few friends but none that can help in any way other than talking here and there.

There's not much more a person can say without knowing the situation. And even then words only go so far.

I've been seeing a therapist. Started out because after I lost my job when we were buying the house, I lost all confidence in myself. The bitter irony for me is just as I was starting to get it back she asked me to leave.

[Donald Draper]

THe reason I started this thread, I mean what motivated me that day was my job had reduced my work hours. RIght after somebody sided swiped me. I was lucky, it just cracked my headlight.

But I just did not know now to deal with it. I got all nervous that day. It was the guys fault all he got was some scratches. So I drove off. I am living in a new state, I got out of state plates. If the cops got involved it would have increased my parents car insurance which I am on.

Little things. But things I have to worry about. It is situational. I worry about things I am not sure what I am supposed to do about.

On top of that. Ok I have 6 years of janitorial work. So when I moved it was easy to find something like that. Low pay, part time. A start.

Than the store I worked at needed a security guard too. So I was great more hours, work experience. But I probably not someone who should have taken it.

Generally it easy, at worst boring. Just a greater at the front of the store. Last night a guy gave every sign he was a shop lifter. Just asking for a receipt got him really mad. I radioed for my supervisor and held his arm to stop him. The guy hit me in the jaw and than went back to look for it. Than he hit some young kid, 16 years old, even though he had pay for it. Than all these other employees get in a fight with this guy.

The guy drove off before the police showed up. We had his plate number. The cops said they could not do anything. I should not have tired to stop him even though he was acting like a shoplifter. So it cancelled out that he hit a minor for no reason!

I don't think I am trouble. But it makes me wonder if this job is worth. Before this the owner of the store had cut my hours. The manager said the owner no longer wanted me to do security. He would not tell me why but I think I know.

After the election out of no where this older owner made a snide comment about how he knows I voted for Obama, thats why I have this job. Meaning a small job like a cleaner. I never talk politics at work. So he knows because of my bumper stickers.

So I have no idea what will happen now. How the owner will react now. I would be happy to just do the just I was hired for cleaning. In a perfect world I will get a call for one of the better jobs I have applied for sense I moved at the end of July.

But I need money.... I am living with my sister. Even given that her brother almost died a year ago. She seems more concerned about getting monthly rent than the stress this is giving me. So I supposed to just silently suffer though this.

In the long run this will blow over. But also over time stuff like this builds up under the surface. Creating a distrust and resentment to people.

It hard for me to enjoy stuff when my whole life is controlled by stuff I have no control of.

[Gotham Central]

Donald Draper wrote:

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THe reason I started this thread, I mean what motivated me that day was my job had reduced my work hours. RIght after somebody sided swiped me. I was lucky, it just cracked my headlight.

But I just did not know now to deal with it. I got all nervous that day. It was the guys fault all he got was some scratches. So I drove off. I am living in a new state, I got out of state plates. If the cops got involved it would have increased my parents car insurance which I am on.

Little things. But things I have to worry about. It is situational. I worry about things I am not sure what I am supposed to do about.

On top of that. Ok I have 6 years of janitorial work. So when I moved it was easy to find something like that. Low pay, part time. A start.

Than the store I worked at needed a security guard too. So I was great more hours, work experience. But I probably not someone who should have taken it.

Generally it easy, at worst boring. Just a greater at the front of the store. Last night a guy gave every sign he was a shop lifter. Just asking for a receipt got him really mad. I radioed for my supervisor and held his arm to stop him. The guy hit me in the jaw and than went back to look for it. Than he hit some young kid, 16 years old, even though he had pay for it. Than all these other employees get in a fight with this guy.

The guy drove off before the police showed up. We had his plate number. The cops said they could not do anything. I should not have tired to stop him even though he was acting like a shoplifter. So it cancelled out that he hit a minor for no reason!

I don't think I am trouble. But it makes me wonder if this job is worth. Before this the owner of the store had cut my hours. The manager said the owner no longer wanted me to do security. He would not tell me why but I think I know.

After the election out of no where this older owner made a snide comment about how he knows I voted for Obama, thats why I have this job. Meaning a small job like a cleaner. I never talk politics at work. So he knows because of my bumper stickers.

So I have no idea what will happen now. How the owner will react now. I would be happy to just do the just I was hired for cleaning. In a perfect world I will get a call for one of the better jobs I have applied for sense I moved at the end of July.

But I need money.... I am living with my sister. Even given that her brother almost died a year ago. She seems more concerned about getting monthly rent than the stress this is giving me. So I supposed to just silently suffer though this.

In the long run this will blow over. But also over time stuff like this builds up under the surface. Creating a distrust and resentment to people.

It hard for me to enjoy stuff when my whole life is controlled by stuff I have no control of.

Dude I know the feeling!

My life is equally a mees.

I have no friends, never been on a date (can't even get partners for the meaningless sex thing either), and the only way I cope is by eating and spending money on stuff I don't need with cash I should be saving. At work I get to hear about everyone's dating life, about all the new babies people are having, the houses they are buying and see all of the newlyweds.

Its kind of an endless spiral that does not have a resolution. Medication and therapy cannot erase the fact that my life is prerry empty and generally sucks.

That's why I stopped medication and therapy. Once you realise that you cannot control the way the world responds to you it all strats to feel pretty pointless.

[thestrangequark]

^You cannot control what the world does, but you can control how you react. You could go back to therapy and continue getting help for your eating and spending problems. You could start a diet and exercise routine. There are many things that you can do to make your life better, and there's no shame in asking for help.

When I was 12 I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes, the same disease that killed my older brother when he was 16. Of course, I knew even then that I would die of it someday, and that for the rest of my life I would have to be on a strict diet and exercise regimin, I'd no longer be carefree about my health as kids are. When I was 26 I realized that despite all the hard work I was doing, my blood sugars were still going to go out of control. I was frustrated, and for the first time, angry at having gotten this disease. I didn't have control over anything, and everything sucked (not just the diabetes, a lot about my life was difficult). I was 15lbs overweight and I hated it, but despite my strict diet and exercise I couldn't lose it. So, I did what you're recommending. I gave up. I took the control over the one thing I could -- I stopped taking insulin.
The excess weight melted off in two weeks. I could eat whatever I wanted. I could live like everyone else. Of course, I knew in the back of my head that I was killing myself, but I just pushed that thought aside. What's the point if I can't control anything anyway? Inevitably, everything went to shit. Two months later, I nearly died, was in intensive care for days, and it took over a year to fully recover.
Giving up makes things worse, not better.
It took me awhile to understand that the fact that life isn't fair, and is beyond our control, is a good thing. It's an empowering thing. What a horrible world if life were fair! If every Paris Hilton deserved their fortune and every starving child deserved their plight! If you embue every moment and aspect of your life with meaning then all you see is punishment and reward, seemingly dealt to the least-deserving people. But if you recognize it for what it is, a tiny, meaningless flash in the middle of an incomprehensibly huge explosion, you can see that what meaning it holds is yours to determine. Just because life will shit on you sometimes doesn't mean you need to help it take down its pants and squat.

[Donald Draper]

I mentioned earlier that I have lost around 100 pounds over the last 7 years. What motivated me was realizing that while there are a lot of things I can not control I could change that.

Its not easy. But you don't have to lose as much as I did. The big drop for me was stopping drinking soda completely. I drank way too much and all day. I convinced myself over the years I need Mountan Dew for the caffeine for energy. But from things I started to read, it was what was making me so tired. The carbonation was giving me digestive issues. After the caffeine wore off I would just feel exhausted. For than anything the amount of sugar and calories was great than regular foods I had.

I could have limited the amount I drank. But cutting it out completely showed me how much it alone was doing to me. It was like a control in an experiment. Over time it also changed my sense of taste completely. So other sweets actually tasted too sugary for me . I only have sugary stuff once in awhile. Its seems more special now.

[thestrangequark]

^Firstly, congrats on the weight loss! Secondly, not sure if you're replying to me or to Gotham Central, if it's to me, I do appreciate the thoughtful response, but my particular illness means my dietetic needs are very specific, and also metabolic nature of the illness means that it is especially difficult to lose weight, even the 15 pounds I still would like to lose which I gained back after the diabulimia experience. I've never been more than 15-20 pounds overweight, but I'd still like to lose it. As an aside, diabulimia is the name of that specific eating disorder I described, and is unique, obviously, to patients with type 1 diabetes. I actually have an implant in my arm right now that will be there for the next 3 days and is part of a study to see what's going on in my body and why my metabolism is so messed up.

[Donald Draper]

It was to Gotham Central. You are correct there are health issues and genetics that affect a person's weight that can not be controlled.

Here are two pictures of my nephew and me. The first was taken in 2003 and the second in 2010. I had the second one taken to copy the first as close as possible.

[Gotham Central]

My weight is not so much an issue anymore...well its an issue in that its something that I worry about, but its not a visible issue. I lost over 150lbs and workout 5-6 days a week 2-3x a day now. Admittedly the gym does cause me a lot of stress since it reminds me that I will have to stay locked in there forever just to keep the weight off and many of the people there remind me that no mater how much I work out I will NEVER look as good as they do.

One of the problems is that I eat when I'm depressed and when I'm bored which is often for both. So its foruntate that I workout as often as I do. How long I'm able to keep up that routine is an open question given that I seem to be putting auite a bit of stress on my joints that they increasingly do not like.

[Garak]

Good on you for losing that weight, man. No small feat, very impressive.

[Deranged Nasat]

thestrangequark wrote:

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If you embue every moment and aspect of your life with meaning then all you see is punishment and reward, seemingly dealt to the least-deserving people. But if you recognize it for what it is, a tiny, meaningless flash in the middle of an incomprehensibly huge explosion, you can see that what meaning it holds is yours to determine. Just because life will shit on you sometimes doesn't mean you need to help it take down its pants and squat.

How wonderfully said. Acceptance of life as it comes without seeking to stamp meaning on it - that's definitely the key. If you try to impose your expectations on life, it will disappoint you, frustrate you, and you'll live in a miserable state of mind, trying to grasp onto something that can't be grasped. I'm reminded of Taoism, and its emphasis on harmonious yielding, and of achieving success through surrendering the desire to do so. Channeling your will into harmony with the natural patterns of the universe rather than railing against them, and seeking a means of applying oneself in a non-assertive way to maximise happiness and success.

[Rageforthemachine]

I was chronically depressed for 30 years. For most of that time I was passively suicidal. On mental health newsgroups I used to frequent I was even called "the suicidal one". A good bit of bandwidth on this website is taken up with my depressive whining. I felt my life was hopeless and I was simply someone who was incapable of managing life. So it was quite a surprise to me when I realized a few months ago that I know longer considered myself a "depressed person".

I say this as testament to the fact that even within its darkest constraints there is room for growth and change in depression. I would say seeking psychological counseling is of primary importance simply because most depressed people have a tendenccy to live inside their own minds. The only feedback they receive is their depressed inner monologue. CBT has long been considered the gold standard for depression treatment, but increasingly other therapies are coming to the forefront. ACT, mindfulness based therapies, interpersonal therapy, and DBT are all effective. There are also self-help books for all of these therapies. In fact a lot of researchers think it is the B in CBT(behavioral change) that is really the effective component so any therapy that gets you moving and engaged in life can be a great help. I was fortunate enough after a dozen years of ineffective therapies to discover a hospital next to me offered a relatively new form of therapy called CBASP that specifically treats chronic depression. Even just a friendly face to lean can make a world of difference so help is out there.

I believe one of the insidious things about depression is how easily you can become comfortable with it. It can protect you from what you fear. It can give you an identity when you feel you have nothing else. It tells you you are safe and warm in bed, there is no reason to get out. It becomes very familiar and often the familiar no matter how painful seems preferable to the unknown.

The most important thing you can do in depressiuon is not to surrender to the inertia. Go out for a walk, read a book, watch a funny TV show, cook a fancy meal, or anything that might bring you pleasure or a feeling of accomplishment. And above all maintain and expand relationships. It took me a long time to accept the wisdom of my therapist when she told me "depression isn't an emotional problem it is an interpersonal problem. The best thing I even did during my depression (and during my life" was stick with a totally unexpected romantic relationship despite its painfulness at times. In two months that girl will become my wife. If I had surrendered to the depression I fear would be alone in a one room apartment today.

I sneered at people who used to say this to me but depression is not a life sentenced and even small changes can make a big difference. Good luck to all of us battling this.

[Gotham Central]

Rageforthemachine wrote:

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The best thing I even did during my depression (and during my life" was stick with a totally unexpected romantic relationship despite its painfulness at times. In two months that girl will become my wife. If I had surrendered to the depression I fear would be alone in a one room apartment today.

Be thankful for that one. Some of us cannot get that. I've heard repeatedly that having someone in your corner and not being alone makes a world of difference.