I need to run this by some people...

[Kestra]

Nah, I'm good. I'm generally not fond of hugs. What did you want to discuss?

[teacake]

Kommander wrote:

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What? Someone questioning my appeal to women? This has never happened before. I am confused and hurt by this. Seriously, this is going to take some time to sort out. There may be crying.

I don't allow crying in my presence, cyber or otherwise, unless there is an understanding between the cryer and his/her partner or potential partner that my listening to the crying is done out of an impartial and respectful desire to partake of the human condition and that there will be no personal, ie possibly bonding element between the cryer and myself as a result of the crying.

[Kommander]

Namikaze wrote:

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I lurk more than I post, I suppose it is because I think it is redundant offer my two cents when everyone else has, especially when threads like this give me a headache because they become more about the contemplation of the act of asking a girl out rather than sharing the outcome of the attempt.

I somehow overlooked your post before. Sorry, didn't mean to ignore you.

As much as it looked like it, this really wasn't a "I like a girl and I'm nervous about asking her out" thread. That was more of a separate issue. I understood long before starting this thread that the solution was "find the balls that you've clearly misplaced and fucking ask her out!" However, understanding something logically and being in the proper emotional state to do it are two separate things. Although, several people pointing this out probably helped with that.

The point of the thread was more "I have an idea for something that is in line with my penchant for being exceedingly obtuse. However, if too overt it may appear creepy, and if too subtle won't be noticed and be a waste of time. How likely is it that I can pull off something between the two extremes." Which, several people pointed out that my original title was probably too overt, and I decided they were right. Although, at first I thought she didn't get it, but given recent developments, I'm pretty sure she got it and understood what I was getting at. So, I probably pulled it off.

Also, it has come to my attention that my avatar of the Weird Kid from Misfits was probably shaping the perception of this thread, even for those that aren't familiar with the show or character. So, I changed my avatar to the fictional character I most identify with and best represents my personality: Shawn Spencer from Psych. If one goes back and imagines Shawn narrating all my posts, this thread will probably make a lot more sense.

Kestra wrote:

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What did you want to discuss?

Facetiousness. When is it appropriate to be facetious? How does one determine if another is being facetious? How does being facetious affect one's ability to communicate?

teacake wrote:

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I don't allow crying in my presence, cyber or otherwise, unless there is an understanding between the cryer and his/her partner or potential partner that my listening to the crying is done out of an impartial and respectful desire to partake of the human condition and that there will be no personal, ie possibly bonding element between the cryer and myself as a result of the crying.

That's probably the best impersonation of me I've seen in quite a while.

[Kestra]

I don't do well with facetiousness from people that I don't know. Especially over the internet. Plus my humor filter is a bit broken at the moment, sorry!

[Gaith]

Kommander wrote:

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The two are actually somewhat similar, hence the point of the comic.

Hombre... nay. The point of the comic is that Calvin is a conceited child, and the humor lies in the fact that his stuffed tiger is wiser and more mature than he is. We're meant to agree with Hobbes at Calvin's expense.

Kommander wrote:

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This does not apply to my way of thinking, and would take a very long time to explain. It's easier just to say, read up on polyamory if the subject is of academic or personal interest to you. I can probably dig up some links if you'd like.

You'd like to date several women, including her, and she doesn't want to date you at the moment. Ergo, seems to me your best course is to look for dates elsewhere. What am I missing?

Kommander wrote:

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I don't trust myself to decide if her boyfriend is a dick or not. To put it bluntly: he's interfering with what I want, I'm biased, and I'm not going to be a dick.

Impartiality is important in courtrooms; in dating, not so much. Nor are personal biases and correct judgments necessarily incompatible. Anyhow, one can always consult with friends or other clear-minded parties to make a determination on said bf's possible dickitude...

[Kommander]

Gaith wrote:

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Hombre... nay. The point of the comic is that Calvin is a conceited child, and the humor lies in the fact that his stuffed tiger is wiser and more mature than he is. We're meant to agree with Hobbes at Calvin's expense.

Analogy noted. Also, being condescending is not the same as providing support for an argument. I've overlooked it until now but it's really becoming tiresome.

Gaith wrote:

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You'd like to date several women, including her, and she doesn't want to date you at the moment. Ergo, seems to me your best course is to look for dates elsewhere. What am I missing?

I don't have a preference for the number of women I am romantically involved with or date, but I don't want to be limited to one. I don't decide what kind of relationship I want with someone before I know what's possible. I like this girl and am attracted to her, and she seemed to feel similarly, so a dating-type situation seemed like it might work. However, her and her boyfriend have decided to restrict the types of relationships they can form with others, so dating won't work. However, friendship may work, so we're trying that. If we decide in the future that friendship isn't working or that something else might work better, we'll discuss it and make changes then.

Kommander wrote:

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Impartiality is important in courtrooms; in dating, not so much. Nor are personal biases and correct judgments necessarily incompatible. Anyhow, one can always consult with friends or other clear-minded parties to make a determination on said bf's possible dickitude...

"He doesn't respect you, you deserve better, and you should leave him." That would be telling her what to do and what she should believe. Seems kind of controlling and manipulative.

"He was being very disrespectful toward you. Is that the kind of boyfriend you want?" pretty much expresses the same thought. However, it leaves it up to her to make the decision herself and shows that I do respect her.

The first makes him look bad, and makes me look bad to a lesser degree. The second makes him look bad, but also makes me look good. The choice seems pretty clear.

Let's say he is a dick, she realizes that, and she leaves him and her and I start dating. Eventually, someone else is going to come along that wants me out of the way, and is likely to try to convince her that I'm a dick. He'll have a much harder time doing that if I focus on making myself look good rather than making others look bad. Also, if I have to be manipulative to maintain a relationship, it's probably not a very fulfilling one.