Bill Nye: “Creationism is not Appropriate for Children”

[gturner]

^ What if the simulation included a witten story claiming that 6,000 years ago the simulation had ended, even though that story was just part of the simulation and reality actually began halfway through the season 7 premier of Dr. Who?

Everything prior to that was an illusion, including the season 6 finale, the existence of Moses, Jesus, Muhammed, Martin Luther, George Washington, Ronald Reagan, and DeForest Kelley, along with Star Trek Enterprise and its time-war plotline, and of course the Star Wars prequels.

The Earth is about eight days old, which is obvious to everyone but the idiots who believe it was created on Sept 16, 1965 with the premier of season 2 of Gilligan's Island (in color), or 6,000 years ago with the first airing of a Satan's Succulent Fruit commercial.

[Crazy Eddie]

gturner wrote:

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^ What if the simulation included a witten story claiming that 6,000 years ago the simulation had ended, even though that story was just part of the simulation and reality actually began halfway through the season 7 premier of Dr. Who?

I worked it out a while ago and I am now 100% convinced that not only does God exist, but that he is also a Timelord. Specifically, he is the only one of the Timelords who is capable of crossing his own timeline.

Think of the evidences:
- Nobody knows God's real name, and the ones who KNEW his name weren't allowed to say it.
- God is really bad at keeping track of time (a day to him is a 1000 years to anyone else).
- God is occasionally vengeful and rage-filled, other times lighthearted and benign.
- He occasionally travels with a companion (Adam and Eve, Abraham at times, Daniel, various angels).
- He was killed once by being nailed to a tree (screwdriver doesn't work on wood) but later regenerated.
- His house contains "many mansions" (Bigger on the inside)
- He's known to disappear for long stretches of time, leaving no trace of himself, until he suddenly shows up out of the blue and turns everyone's life completely upside down.
- He believes that some events are destined to happen and it's best not to dwell on these sorts of things if you can't help them.
- Since he can cross his own timeline, there's a bit of predestination where, on a trip to jerusalem during his third regeneration he accidentally knocks up a girl named Mary who turns out to be his mother. Think about it: if Jesus is God, and Jesus is also the SON of God, then it follows that Jesus is also the FATHER of God since they're the same person. Which is a tad creepy, but stranger things have happened when Timelords are involved.

Most importantly, there's a pattern in Christian theology that God appears to be both the cause and solution to all of the world's problems. At Sodom and Gomorrah he is seen warning Lot and his family that the city is going to be destroyed and looking for any excuse to save the city if he can just find enough decent people; he can't, so the city is destroyed anyway. A similar thing happens in Ninevah when God is hanging out with Daniel (after he gets eaten by a whale), and this time Daniel manages to save the city. And the entire "Jesus Messiah" narrative hinges on the concept that the wrath of God must be appeased by blood, in which case God sacrificed himself TO himself to appease his own wrath. All of which kind of reminds me of the Fires of Pompeii, or -- in way -- the accidental smiting of the Sycorax.

So why did Jesus really have to die? My guess is the Daleks found out about this walking space-time inversion of a Timelord that somehow manage to beget himself and correctly interpreted this as a serious threat to their existence, not least of which because of all that spiritually uplifting crap Jesus had been spewing for years about "love your enemy" and so on; it's antithetical to everything the Daleks hold sacred. So they were all set to glass the entire planet, until Jesus figured out what they were up to and arranged to have the Romans and the Jews kill him in a public spectacle. The Daleks went home, Jesus regenerated and hitched a ride with his older self in a TARDIS named "Holy Spirit" whose chameleon circuit consistently disguises it as a portapotty.

Cue music.

[gturner]

^ That was really well thought out. I wonder if it was like the time he let River Song kill him in Lake Meade?

[JarodRussell]

There's that woman that claimed a 3D movie got her pregnant because she cheated on her guy who was gone for several months, and he bought it.

That's the way Mary did it with poor Joseph. He was just a simple minded carpenter after all. He totally believed that she got pregnant without anyone shagging her.

[Robert Maxwell]

JarodRussell wrote:

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There's that woman that claimed a 3D movie got her pregnant because she cheated on her guy who was gone for several months, and he bought it.

That's the way Mary did it with poor Joseph. He was just a simple minded carpenter after all. He totally believed that she got pregnant without anyone shagging her.

She could've just used the old "I sat on a dirty public toilet seat" excuse.

[Mars]

newtype_alpha wrote:

---

I worked it out a while ago and I am now 100% convinced that not only does God exist, but that he is also a Timelord. Specifically, he is the only one of the Timelords who is capable of crossing his own timeline.

Think of the evidences:
- Nobody knows God's real name, and the ones who KNEW his name weren't allowed to say it.
- God is really bad at keeping track of time (a day to him is a 1000 years to anyone else).
- God is occasionally vengeful and rage-filled, other times lighthearted and benign.
- He occasionally travels with a companion (Adam and Eve, Abraham at times, Daniel, various angels).
- He was killed once by being nailed to a tree (screwdriver doesn't work on wood) but later regenerated.
- His house contains "many mansions" (Bigger on the inside)
- He's known to disappear for long stretches of time, leaving no trace of himself, until he suddenly shows up out of the blue and turns everyone's life completely upside down.
- He believes that some events are destined to happen and it's best not to dwell on these sorts of things if you can't help them.
- Since he can cross his own timeline, there's a bit of predestination where, on a trip to jerusalem during his third regeneration he accidentally knocks up a girl named Mary who turns out to be his mother. Think about it: if Jesus is God, and Jesus is also the SON of God, then it follows that Jesus is also the FATHER of God since they're the same person. Which is a tad creepy, but stranger things have happened when Timelords are involved.

Most importantly, there's a pattern in Christian theology that God appears to be both the cause and solution to all of the world's problems. At Sodom and Gomorrah he is seen warning Lot and his family that the city is going to be destroyed and looking for any excuse to save the city if he can just find enough decent people; he can't, so the city is destroyed anyway. A similar thing happens in Ninevah when God is hanging out with Daniel (after he gets eaten by a whale), and this time Daniel manages to save the city. And the entire "Jesus Messiah" narrative hinges on the concept that the wrath of God must be appeased by blood, in which case God sacrificed himself TO himself to appease his own wrath. All of which kind of reminds me of the Fires of Pompeii, or -- in way -- the accidental smiting of the Sycorax.

So why did Jesus really have to die? My guess is the Daleks found out about this walking space-time inversion of a Timelord that somehow manage to beget himself and correctly interpreted this as a serious threat to their existence, not least of which because of all that spiritually uplifting crap Jesus had been spewing for years about "love your enemy" and so on; it's antithetical to everything the Daleks hold sacred. So they were all set to glass the entire planet, until Jesus figured out what they were up to and arranged to have the Romans and the Jews kill him in a public spectacle. The Daleks went home, Jesus regenerated and hitched a ride with his older self in a TARDIS named "Holy Spirit" whose chameleon circuit consistently disguises it as a portapotty.

Cue music.

I'm sure the Christians here would appreciate your comparing Dr Who, a fictional character to Jesus. Just the same, I would prefer that Jesus would not appear in a Doctor Who episode, even if his Tardis can travel to the year 30 AD.

[Crazy Eddie]

Jesus' Tardis can travel far beyond 30 AD, I think. Keep in mind, disguising it as a portapotty means it won't look out of place at the kinds of places Jesus usually hangs out, e.g. construction sites or home renovation projects (being a carpenter and all).

You should seriously think about this the next time you see a random portapotty some place that doesn't seem to have any reason to be there. Look upon that portapotty and know that the Lord is near.

[Mars]

I'm sure the good doctor doesn't want anybody urinating in his Tardis, so it will remain as a Police box, as people don't mess with a police box.

[Crazy Eddie]

Mars wrote:

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I'm sure the good doctor doesn't want anybody urinating in his Tardis, so it will remain as a Police box, as people don't mess with a police box.

I doubt Jesus has ever met the doctor. Or the Master, for that matter. Last time I heard, he was calling himself the Father and the Son in the Holy Spirit (Christians say and the holy spirit, but that's almost certainly a typo).

Besdies, the portapotty TARDIS always appears to be occupied. I think even the Catholics realize this. The priests' confession booth is probably in honor of the Lord's daring escape.

[publiusr]

It looks like things are getting worse
http://io9.com/5949370/georgia-repub...he-pit-of-hell

Two things that make this sadder: Broun is a physician, with an M.S. in chemistry

http://gizmodo.com/5948833/scientist...science-report

[PurpleBuddha]

Mars wrote:

---

I'm sure the Christians here would appreciate your comparing Dr Who, a fictional character to Jesus. Just the same, I would prefer that Jesus would not appear in a Doctor Who episode, even if his Tardis can travel to the year 30 AD.

Why just Christians? I think it is insulting to the doctor to say he might have made so many questionable choices.

[scotpens]

Mars wrote:

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What if it all was a simulation? if that was so, the Earth as we know it could be created in 6 days or less, depending on what software you had initially to create it with, the simulation could include such things as an imaginary past with dinosaur fossils, stars in the sky and more whenever people look further with a larger telescope, when looking through a microscope, appropriate things are created to be seen by the simulated human eye that is consistent with the world as we know know it.

The whole thing could be a simulation in my mind. In that case, you don't exist.

[J. Allen]

publiusr wrote:

---

It looks like things are getting worse
http://io9.com/5949370/georgia-repub...he-pit-of-hell

Two things that make this sadder: Broun is a physician, with an M.S. in chemistry

http://gizmodo.com/5948833/scientist...science-report

Wow, that is truly sad. The Gizmodo article is BS, though.

[Deckerd]

Well the second one is an anti-knowledge rant presumably written to appeal to ignoramuses too lazy to go out and learn.

The first one is a classic breakdown and should not be paraded in public.

[Crazy Eddie]

PurpleBuddha wrote:

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Why just Christians? I think it is insulting to the doctor to say he might have made so many questionable choices.

For that very reason, I expect the Doctor doesn't care much for Jesus (or his father). It might explain why such incredibly weird things always happen around Christmas.