VOY Caption Contest 81; How The Mighty Have Fallen!!!

[Turd Ferguson]

"Don't worry, Mr. Vulcan, the Doctor has been training me to fill in as his nurse. Now, did he say to scan you with the medical tricorder or with the violets? I think he said the violets."



"You know, Kathryn, we're going to be down here for the rest of our lives, and I'm going to get this out in the open. That bun of yours drives me wild and your smoker's rasp of a voice is like the singing of angels."




Seven: Intriguing. I know Kung Fu.

Hirogen: Show me.



"If my calculations are correct, when this baby hits warp 8.8, you're gonna see some serious shit."

[Mistral]

Thanks for the win!-Mistral

Velocity wrote:

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Moset: "Is this what you Earthlings call a duck?"

EMH: "Ah-no."

[R. Star]

LeadHead wrote:

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The Doctor: You know, we could've just looked through a microscope at the parasite, we didn't have to turn it into MegaParasite to get a better look at it.

Moset: Worry not Doctor, I actually adjusted our holographic matrices. We've been shrunk to subatomic porportions.

[Eydie Munroe]

Neelix: Mr. Vulcan, I realize this might be a bad time, but you promised we could spend the night together, and well...I'm horny as hell.


Chakotay: Kathryn, no matter how much you watch the sky, the Starbucks delivery shuttle won't be coming back until tomorrow when he's scheduled to.


Seven: We must go that way.
Hirogen: Why?
Seven: Because if you don't, I'm going to knock your block off.


Chakotay must be driving again...


Doctor: You know, if you just cleaned the place a little more often, you wouldn't get any silverfish.

[Leviathan]

Moset: ...are you gonna eat that?

[Bob Karo]

Doctor: Okay, Crell. You're the expert. How do we kill it?

Mosset: We could step on it.

Doctor: ...

Mosset: With, like, a really BIG boot!

Doctor: Seriously?

Mosset: Come on! Anti-matter powered gigantic boot. It will be awesome!

Doctor: We'll call that "Plan B."

[JanewayRulz!]

NEELIX: Trust me, Mr Vulcan... chew this once a day and it will rid you of the heartbreak of halitosis.



Chakotay: I told you not to piss off the Vulcan.
Janeway: One little joke too many about Ponn farr... you'd think he'd be used to it by now.




Seven: What do you think of my solution?
Hirogen: Impressive, but dress shields in your body suit would have been another alternative to the sleeveless look.




Janeway: Bridge to the holodeck... shut down that Gawd damned Captain Proton program NOW!



Cardassian Doctor: What do yout think this means?
Bob Picardo: It means the production department blew it's budget on Dark Frontier I&II and so we're stuck with this crappy piece of rubber instead of a kewl looking alien.

[Schistocerca]

Thank you for the win





Hirogen: "Now place the palm of your left hand in the armpit on your right side and lower and raise your right elbow five times in quick succession!"
Seven: "And you are sure this technique will win me the annual Voyager armpit farting contest?"
Hirogen: "With practice and determination....yes!"





The massage was going well until the alien asked if the Doctor did any "Extras" for cash whilst her boyfriend watched?

[Eydie Munroe]

Chakotay: You just had to gloat the last time you beat Tom at pool, didn't you?

[Keturah]

Cardassian: With a little butter, they're actually quite tasty!

[Finn]

Janeway: It's somewhere in these hills

Chakotay: What is?

Janeway: Coffee

[Kirby]

"Everybody was Kung Fu Fighting!"





Doctor: What do you mean that it's sting 'rocks you like a hurricane?'

[Velocity]

Janeway: What the hell was THAT?

Paris: Neelix was whipping up a leola root souffle, wearing that polyester suit of his and...

Janeway: I always said he'd work up enough static charge to fell a moose, one day.

[Ln X]

Chakotay: Any word on the next caption contest?
Janeway: I heard something about it happening three days from now this Friday...

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Chakotay: So where are we?

Janeway: I don't know. We should have taken that left turn at Starbase Albuquerque!




EMH: Your prognosis, Doctor?

Moset: It's not lupus.