Star Trek: From Risa With Love--An Adventure Of Dr. Julian Bashir

[Enterprise1981]

Even knowing that you had non-Star Trek alums in mind in the roles of the primary villains in your story, Rush, I still couldn't help imagine the voices of John Fleck (Tal Shiar Chairman Koval) and John Durbin (the Syndicate boss in "A Simple Investigation" and Gul Lemec in TNG: "Chain of Command")-- possibly because the latter is featured prominently in one of my stories currently in progress.

[Rush Limborg]

Hmm...interesting. So, which one as Crolin, and which one as Crant?

[Enterprise1981]

I would say Fleck would be Crant since his interactions with Bashir were reminiscent of Bashir and Koval.

[The Badger]

So Bashir wakens to find himself tied to the bed by a beautiful leather clad blonde? Some guys get all the luck.

An excellent story through out, with a satisfying conclusion. Out of curiosity I'd like to read your alternate version of Crant and Crollin's fate, but from what you say this does indeed sound like a superior resolution.

And congratulations for Cynthia Holland too. Given her background and role in the story, there's a very high Mary Sue quotient there, but you made the character work. Like Crant, she's someone I'd like to see again.

[Rush Limborg]

The Badger wrote:

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So Bashir wakens to find himself tied to the bed by a beautiful leather clad blonde? Some guys get all the luck.

Absolutely!

As Bashir himself noted in the beginning of the sequence, her body language throughout--especially the moment where she moves completely atop him--is one of seduction. One could call it symbolic of the constant seduction of the "spy life", a seduction Bashir encounters over and over again....

An excellent story through out, with a satisfying conclusion.

...And congratulations for Cynthia Holland too. Given her background and role in the story, there's a very high Mary Sue quotient there, but you made the character work. Like Crant, she's someone I'd like to see again.

Thank you, very much.

Interestingly enough, when starting the as-yet-unfinished Section 31 tale, I was afraid she was coming across as just that--a Mary Sue. In that case...I think there are rare instances where such stereotypes are actually most effective.

"True Q", for example, begins with Amanda Rogers as a flesh-and-blood Mary Sue (down to Riker briefly flirting with her)...but the mystery of her powers makes it different--and the revelation that she's a Q, and Q's mentoring of her, suddenly breaths new live into the "Mary Sue" tradition.

In my case, the "Mary Sue" stereotype--an innocent, beautiful, eager-to-please girl who 1) is the best at what she does, and 2) catches the eye of one of the show's male leads--actually provides a drastic contrast to the dark, twisted netherworld of Section 31.

Out of curiosity I'd like to read your alternate version of Crant and Crollin's fate, but from what you say this does indeed sound like a superior resolution.

Ask, and ye shall recieve. Here we go:

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
"From Risa With Love"
Alternate Climax



Crolin snorted. “Duty.” He reached into a compartment under his desk, pulling a disruptor of his own. “Now, Dr. Bashir, you will appreciate the consequences of your ‘duty’. I sincerely hope it will be worth it—for both of you.”

Bashir smiled, as he stepped back until he stood just in front of Crant and the others. “Oh, I think it will.”

And with that—he swung around, yanking Crant’s gun-arm around, so that he shot a guard in the chest. Bashir released him, quickly enough to keep Crant from grabbing hold of him. Using his own momentum, he collided with the guard with the bruise—narrowly avoiding the disruptor beam from Crolin.

Bashir grabbed the guard’s disruptor, shooting the third at point-blank. He then lunged for Crant, knocking him flat with the butt end of the gun. The bruised guard, reached for another disruptor—but Bashir was ready, whirling around to fire. Three out, one down—one to go.

He turned to face Crolin—

But just smiled, as he took note of what had apparently happened. As Crolin had stepped forward to assist his men, Cynthia had lunged to the side, the chair colliding with the Syndicate boss. His disruptor had flown across the room as a result…and now, he was at their mercy.

Bashir kept his disruptor aimed at the man, as he walked over to the desk. “All right, Crolin. Now, the way I see things, you’re going to have to do exactly as I say if you want to survive. Do we understand one another?”

Crolin looked around him, weighing his options. Finally, he straightened up, and nodded. “We do, Doctor.”

“Good. Now first—untie Miss Holland.”

Crolin stared at him for a moment. Finally, he tended to the knot.

When Cynthia was free, she went straight to the bodies of the guards, grabbing the weapons. She carried them over to the desk, where she set them down, taking one along with the device.

Bashir smiled. “Very good. Now, I think you’d better watch Mr. Crant. He probably won’t be too pleased when he wakes up.”

Cynthia chuckled, and turned to watch Crant’s unconscious form.

He turned back to Crolin. “Now, as for you—we’ll be taking that device to Miss Holland’s superiors, which means as far as the Syndicate is concerned…you’re a miserable failure.” He narrowed his eyes. “And we all know how the Syndicate views miserable failures…wouldn’t you agree?”

Crolin swallowed hard, and nodded. “What do you want?”

“Just that you turn yourself over to the Risan authorities immediately—request asylum. They’ll contact the Federation Security Service…and they’ll put you in Witness Protection—if you’ll provide information on the Syndicate which I think we both know you possess.”

“He…can’t….”

Bashir turned to see Mr. Crant sit up with a grunt.

“He can’t. The Syndicate doesn’t take kindly to—”

“Can—and will,” Bashir said, with a smile. “Frankly, Mr. Crant, he has no other choice. Either die right now, or turn himself in, with a…slight chance of survival.”

“If he’d do that—I’d kill him right this moment.”

Cynthia scoffed at this. “With what?”

“Actually,” Bashir’s smile widened, “That’s not a bad idea.”

“What?” said Crant and Crolin—in unison.

Bashir chuckled. “Not really…but that’s the story you’re going to tell the Syndicate, Mr. Crant. With any luck…they’ll promote you, and make you crime boss of your own. And to be honest,” he raised an eyebrow, “That’s what you want, isn’t it? A chance to put your brilliance to good use, instead of subordinating it to him? Admit it…you saw all the errors Crolin made—how he rushed everything, how he allowed slight, subtle clues to creep up, for observant people to see…and it frustrated you, didn’t it?”

Crant spread out his hands. “Not particularly. I thought it was brilliant, myself…but as you implied, it’s often the little things that matter. Perhaps…”

Bashir nodded. “Perhaps you allowed yourself to shrug off those ‘little things’, because Crolin was able to get away with such things many times before. You acclimated yourself to them, as it were.”

Crant shrugged.

“But, of course…mistakes tend to grow…and now, they became just noticeable for people like Miss Holland, here.”

Crant chuckled. “Yes…I suppose.”

Bashir turned back to Crolin. “I suggest you go now, sir.”

Crolin took one last look at all of them. Finally, he rushed out.

Crant burst out laughing. “Well! Somehow, I’m not surprised.”

“Now,” Bashir narrowed his eyes at him, “I expect you to keep your end of the bargain.”

Crant raised an eyebrow. “Oh?”

“Well, let me put it this way…you told me you admired how worthy I was, as an opponent?”

Crant nodded. “I still do, to be honest.”

“Of course. And I’d wager we’ll encounter each other again. But until that happens…I trust you’ll make sure the Syndicate doesn’t learn about my…interference here? After all, I hate the idea of looking over my shoulder for the rest of my life.”

He nodded again. “As would I.”

Cynthia’s eyes narrowed, as she whispered, “Doctor, this is a mistake. We should arrest him, too—we can’t risk it.”

Bashir thought for a moment…and sighed, shaking his head. “Look, we can’t be certain of what they told their superiors. At least here, they have the scapegoat of Crolin’s incompetence. If they go after us, it won’t be as clean and neat for them. They’ll have to spend time looking for Crolin and Crant, to kill them before they talk, and so on. Here, at least as far as they’re concerned, they have nothing to worry about…and FSS can glean Crolin for all the information he’d got, without any trouble.”

Cynthia let out a sigh of her own, and spread out her hands in defeat.

Crant stood up, and brushed himself off. “Well, you are brilliant, Doctor. And you needn’t worry—because you’re right. It’s cleaner, this way.”

Bashir nodded.

“However…don’t expect the information Crolin has to be of much use—because I fully intend to restructure the branch formerly under his command.”

“Well—I suppose we’ll have to act quickly, then.”

Mr. Crant laughed. “You can try to. But take care, Doctor Bashir—Agent Holland—because I won’t be open to such deals the next time we encounter one another.”

Bashir smiled. “Well, in that case—I’d advise you to take care.”

“Really? And why would I do that?”

Bashir narrowed his eyes. “Because, like the Syndicate, Mr. Crant…I always collect on my debts.”

Mr. Crant nodded, the smile still on his face. And then he turned and left them, to see his ambitions fulfilled.

* * *

Some things to notice:

Much of the dialogue, I managed to salvage for the "new" ending, putting new spins on them with a somewhat different context.

In this version, Crolin's not nearly as tough in a fight. In the ending I used, he takes part in trying to pin down Bashir. Here, he's content to stand off at a distance and look for an opening to shoot--and is overpowered by the "chair thing" (which is Cynthia's idea, not Bashir's). Frankly this, and his "manipluation", made him look way too weak, I thought.

The same goes for Crant: for all the build-up I'd written about his being Bashir's equal and worthy opponent (who is simply held in check by Crolin's command), there's no pay-off--he is just manipulated by Bashir into taking power.

That's the last problem: I feel that the idea of Bashir setting up Crant to replace Crolin deliberately--it's frankly a bit foolish of him, as Cynthia fears. In the re-done ending, I emphasize more that he simply has no choice but to let Crant escape, and take power. In this ending, he's arrogantly trying his hand at Machiavellian scheming. As I've said, it also contradicts the "out of his league" element of the tale.

However, there is one thing in this version that I miss--and that is the fact that here, I have Cynthia take part in the action more, holding Crant at bay with a disruptor, etc. Having a longer action scene with Crolin--and having Crant defeat him--made that impossible, unfortunately.

[Admiral Shran]

I just finished Chapter 3. Excellent work so far. The dialogue is what really catches my attention. Too often I find that the fiction I read gets overly bogged down in the descriptions - but not here. Without good conversation, all the description in the world isn't worth much. It almost reads like a script for a stage play with scene descriptions (a la Arthur Miller's The Crucible), which is very nice.

I'm not sure if Holland is a double agent for the Orions or not yet. A Section 31 operative? Maybe. Can't wait to read more tomorrow.

Rush Limborg wrote:

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Bashir walked off, shaking his head with a silent chuckle as the woman carried on in her duties. I actually enjoyed that…. I wonder—was this how Jadzia felt, all those times with me?

I'm sure she did. For proof look no further than when Bashir first meets Leeta.

[Rush Limborg]

Admiral Shran wrote:

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I just finished Chapter 3. Excellent work so far. The dialogue is what really catches my attention. Too often I find that the fiction I read gets overly bogged down in the descriptions - but not here. Without good conversation, all the description in the world isn't worth much. It almost reads like a script for a stage play with scene descriptions (a la Arthur Miller's The Crucible), which is very nice.

Thanks, Shran!

(When you're done with this one--I think you'd like reading up on my many Tales Of Ezri Dax--provided, of course, you don't mind the spoler of her current position in the novels. There are a couple of DS9 tales with her, which don't have any spoilers, really.... I think you'd like them. )

I'm not sure if Holland is a double agent for the Orions or not yet.

Wow. As you no doubt have read, you're not the only reader who's thought that....

A Section 31 operative? Maybe. Can't wait to read more tomorrow.

Looking forward to it!

I'm sure she did. For proof look no further than when Bashir first meets Leeta.

Yep. And of course that scene in "The Alternate", when she deliberately gives him the wrong idea, and then crushes it, much like Julian does, here. When she leaves the Infirmary in that ep, he snickers to himself in bitter amusement, and mutters, "She enjoys it. Somehow...she takes a perverse pleasure in it...."

[TiberiusMaximus]

Excellent conclusion, Rushbo! Dude, that was an awesome story. Classic Julian Bashir, and you write him very well. Crant, Crolin, Cynthia, and Sorak were also very well written and engaging. Beyond the characterization, the plot itself was marvelous. Fleming himself would be proud!

Also, don't take this the wrong way, but it was cool to see you write something that didn't revolve around Ezri. We all love our Dax, but you know what they say about variety. All in all, a great story, Rush! Keep it up.

[Rush Limborg]

TiberiusMaximus wrote:

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Excellent conclusion, Rushbo! Dude, that was an awesome story. Classic Julian Bashir, and you write him very well. Crant, Crolin, Cynthia, and Sorak were also very well written and engaging. Beyond the characterization, the plot itself was marvelous. Fleming himself would be proud!

Wow. Thank you, sir! Thank you, very much!

Also, don't take this the wrong way, but it was cool to see you write something that didn't revolve around Ezri. We all love our Dax, but you know what they say about variety. All in all, a great story, Rush! Keep it up.

Thanks.

[The Badger]

Thanks for posting the alternate version. Very interesting, I think it would have worked well as an ending. But the version you used worked better, for the reasons you highlighted.

[Rush Limborg]

Thanks, Badger!

Who knows--I may actually salvage the rest of it for another tale....

[Enterprise1981]

Having read the actual ending, I was sort of lukewarm about the "alternate climax". But either climax creates great future story opportunities for Crant.

[Rush Limborg]

Well, of course, the actual ending is "canon", for my universe. The other one's just for entertainment.

Thanks for reading!

[Trelane]

Here you go. A 'movie poster' or 'e-book cover' for Rush.

http://img41.imageshack.us/img41/4060/ds9risa.png

[Rush Limborg]

^

Brilliant! Captured the "Ian Flemming" style well!

(Kinda wonder what it would look like, were it to also feature the sillihouette of a tux-endowed Bashir with a gun....)

Thanks!

(Next thing, I'll find someone posting lyrics to "From Risa With Love", based on the original James Bond song!)

BTW--any thoughts on the tale, itself, good sir?