TNG Caption This #214: The Picard!

LeadHead · May 21 2011, 07:12 AM

Good evening Ladies and Gents! Apologies for posting this new one so late, just another busy Friday for yours truly.

First up to the plate, we have the "Action Hero Haircut" Award, going to....

Herkimer Jitty wrote:

Geordi: "Sure, it looks good now, but what about when I'm rolling under a blast door?"

Next up, we have the "Danger, Gomtu, Puns!" Award going to...

Mr. Laser Beam wrote:

Tam Elbrun's attempt at stand-up comedy was a real Groener.

in the third position on the lineup we have the "Defending the honor of the girl you like whose married to someone else" Award, going to...

Smellincoffee wrote:

LaForge: Bitch, you did NOT just call LEAH BRAHM's WORK DERIVATIVE!
Data: Easy, my man. I got this.

Batting cleanup, we have the "Insert Name Here, signed Jean-Luc Picard" award, going to...

Nerys Myk wrote:

WORF: The Captain wants to know if you want anything special in the letters he'll be sending to your parents.

Pinch Hitting, we have the "Okay, that closes one plot hole" Award, going to...

BlobVanDam wrote:

Crusher - I'm afraid you've both contracted a very rare space disease. I can give you a hypospray to cure it, but you'll still suffer the symptoms for the next day or so. The symptoms are bloating and an aged appearance.
Riker - Well make it quick Doc, I need to go to the holodeck and think over this Pegasus thing.

Supernuke wrote:

Worf: I have called this meeting because all of you have been spending too much time looking at yourselves in the mirror. Curious, the captain was supposed to be here...

Congratulations to all of our winners, and many thanks to all of our contestants! Now, the next few contests I'm planning on having them center on a character in general, so why not start with the Captain?

LeadHead · May 21 2011, 07:17 AM

Picard: Yup, I'm your God. Thought I'd have hair didn't ya?

Picard: Wait, Number One, he might become a recurring character. Oooo maybe not.

By the later half of the series Patrick Stewart just stood still during action scenes, hoping nobody would notice.

Data: Heading for Shuttlebay 2.

Picard: Which one is that?

Data: Crap! I was hoping you knew!

Picards attempt to cook dinner for the crew had disastrous results.

BlobVanDam · May 21 2011, 07:43 AM

Patrick Stewart - Ah Mr Braga, this is what I think of your script. Killing off Kirk, yeah that's gonna happen.....

Patrick Stewart - No, hold off for a minute Frakes, and let's listen to his idea. Did he mention the Borg? This one actually might not suck.

Picard - Don't change the channel, I was watching that. It's called "Girls Gone Warp". I think you'll like it.

Nerys Myk · May 21 2011, 08:01 AM

JJ ABRAMS (o.s.): Annnnd cut.

PICARD: Stand down Mister Riker. Laser pointers are fun till you put someone's eye out.

CONN: Get your hands off of my chair before I turn around and slap you!

Finn · May 21 2011, 12:37 PM

Wesley: (very groggy, mumbling) Captain...what did you do to me...

Picard: Ogawa! He's coming around!

Ogawa: Shit, I'll give him something before Beverly shows up....

Riker: Damn...No Deanna boobs jiggling.

Data: I can see the quarters she wanted from here. I wish she was still around, walking around in there....

Small children of the Enterprise: Ohhhh!

A small boy: *raises hand*

Picard: *smiles* Nathan

Nathan: Are you Gandalf?

Picard: *chuckle* No

A little chubby Bolian girl: Dr Xavier?

TigerOfDarkness · May 21 2011, 09:42 PM

Picard: Force-fields up full, lock phasers on target.
Riker: Noooooooo, bellaaaayyyy that phaasserrr ooorrderrrr
...

The photocopier failed to meet the demand for signed photos...

LeadHead · May 21 2011, 09:43 PM

Alien: Am I alive?

Picard: Not for long. Mister Worf.

Worf: Aye Sir.

Nerys Myk · May 21 2011, 09:56 PM

ALIEN: Dude, wear a hat or something the glare off your head is killing me!

Herkimer Jitty · May 21 2011, 10:04 PM

Not Picard: "Yo, Being of Light here. Count Iblis is evil as fuck."

Picard: (Sigh) "Again with the Romulans..."

Picard: "Thank god, after 12 days in this can, I need to take wicked piss. I miss our old shuttlecraft."

Emeril Picard: "BAM! Kicked it up a notch!"

Picard: "Wait, Numbah One. This is my favorite part."

Isis · May 22 2011, 12:49 AM

Picard: "I hate getting stuck behind these big starships. You can't see a thing, and we're liable to be here all afternoon."

Isis · May 22 2011, 01:59 AM

Picard decided that from now on he'd better stick with store-bought gifts.

Jonas Grumby · May 22 2011, 04:01 AM

Picard: "James T. Kirk, I can't hear the sound of how awesome you are over the sound of how awesome I am!"

Picard: "No, Will, don't fire! Although he may be a deranged, megalomaniacal criminal now, he was once a great and noble man! He deserves better than to be dispatched by that tiny little pussified weapon!"

Nerys Myk · May 22 2011, 04:21 AM

DATA: I fail to find the humor in the way the ship slows down but then as we approach, it speeds up.

Isis · May 22 2011, 04:23 PM

Picard: "Will, don't be so fast in pulling the trigger. Lwaxana still owes me a sh*tload of money."

Vassa · May 23 2011, 07:32 AM

Well Mr. Crusher you had quite the busy day...

Hubbel: Helm not responding Sir! It's been disabled.
Riker: Damn Wesley!

Picard: Ensign Crusher you will cease evasive maneuvers immediately.
Data: Damn Wesley!!

Beverly(off-screen): Jean-Luc be careful that is one of Wes' experiments!
Picard: Damn Wesley!!

Picard: No Will, just stun him! If you kill him he won't learn nothing!
Riker: Damn!

May 21 2011, 07:43 AM	#3
BlobVanDam Fleet Captain Location: Australia	Re: TNG Caption This #214: The Picard! Patrick Stewart - Ah Mr Braga, this is what I think of your script. Killing off Kirk, yeah that's gonna happen..... Patrick Stewart - No, hold off for a minute Frakes, and let's listen to his idea. Did he mention the Borg? This one actually might not suck. Picard - Don't change the channel, I was watching that. It's called "Girls Gone Warp". I think you'll like it.

May 21 2011, 08:01 AM	#4
Nerys Myk Admiral Location: House of Kang, now with ridges	Re: TNG Caption This #214: The Picard! JJ ABRAMS (o.s.): Annnnd cut. PICARD: Stand down Mister Riker. Laser pointers are fun till you put someone's eye out. CONN: Get your hands off of my chair before I turn around and slap you! __________________ Nerys Myk's Midnight In Never Land A novel of Dark Fantasy @ Amazon.com

May 21 2011, 12:37 PM	#5
Finn Vice Admiral Location: West of Boston	Re: TNG Caption This #214: The Picard! Wesley: (very groggy, mumbling) Captain...what did you do to me... Picard: Ogawa! He's coming around! Ogawa: Shit, I'll give him something before Beverly shows up.... Riker: Damn...No Deanna boobs jiggling. Data: I can see the quarters she wanted from here. I wish she was still around, walking around in there.... Small children of the Enterprise: Ohhhh! A small boy: raises hand Picard: smiles Nathan Nathan: Are you Gandalf? Picard: chuckle No A little chubby Bolian girl: Dr Xavier?

May 21 2011, 09:42 PM	#6
TigerOfDarkness Fleet Captain Location: UK	Re: TNG Caption This #214: The Picard! Picard: Force-fields up full, lock phasers on target. Riker: Noooooooo, bellaaaayyyy that phaasserrr ooorrderrrr ... The photocopier failed to meet the demand for signed photos... __________________ If we don't get off this planet we'll all die here.

May 21 2011, 09:43 PM	#7
LeadHead The Not-Quite-So-Brave-As-Sir-Lancelot Location: Somewhere with Internet access.	Re: TNG Caption This #214: The Picard! Alien: Am I alive? Picard: Not for long. Mister Worf. Worf: Aye Sir. __________________ Current Caption Contests: TNG TOS Movies I-X

STAR TREK

CSI

ABOUT US

May 21 2011, 07:17 AM	#2
LeadHead The Not-Quite-So-Brave-As-Sir-Lancelot Location: Somewhere with Internet access.	Re: TNG Caption This #214: The Picard! Picard: Yup, I'm your God. Thought I'd have hair didn't ya? Picard: Wait, Number One, he might become a recurring character. Oooo maybe not. By the later half of the series Patrick Stewart just stood still during action scenes, hoping nobody would notice. Data: Heading for Shuttlebay 2. Picard: Which one is that? Data: Crap! I was hoping you knew! Picards attempt to cook dinner for the crew had disastrous results. __________________ Current Caption Contests: TNG TOS Movies I-X

May 21 2011, 09:56 PM	#8
Nerys Myk Admiral Location: House of Kang, now with ridges	Re: TNG Caption This #214: The Picard! ALIEN: Dude, wear a hat or something the glare off your head is killing me! __________________ Nerys Myk's Midnight In Never Land A novel of Dark Fantasy @ Amazon.com

May 21 2011, 10:04 PM	#9
Herkimer Jitty Rear Admiral Location: Herkimer Jitty	Re: TNG Caption This #214: The Picard! Not Picard: "Yo, Being of Light here. Count Iblis is evil as fuck." Picard: (Sigh) "Again with the Romulans..." Picard: "Thank god, after 12 days in this can, I need to take wicked piss. I miss our old shuttlecraft." Emeril Picard: "BAM! Kicked it up a notch!" Picard: "Wait, Numbah One. This is my favorite part." __________________ Fans are like space heaters. All we have to offer is hot air.

May 22 2011, 12:49 AM	#10
Isis Commodore	Re: TNG Caption This #214: The Picard! Picard: "I hate getting stuck behind these big starships. You can't see a thing, and we're liable to be here all afternoon."

May 22 2011, 01:59 AM	#11
Isis Commodore	Re: TNG Caption This #214: The Picard! Picard decided that from now on he'd better stick with store-bought gifts.

May 22 2011, 04:01 AM	#12
Jonas Grumby Vice Admiral Location: Somewhere in the South Pacific	Re: TNG Caption This #214: The Picard! Picard: "James T. Kirk, I can't hear the sound of how awesome you are over the sound of how awesome I am!" Picard: "No, Will, don't fire! Although he may be a deranged, megalomaniacal criminal now, he was once a great and noble man! He deserves better than to be dispatched by that tiny little pussified weapon!" __________________ "There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats." - Albert Schweitzer Last edited by Jonas Grumby; May 23 2011 at 03:51 AM.

May 22 2011, 04:21 AM	#13
Nerys Myk Admiral Location: House of Kang, now with ridges	Re: TNG Caption This #214: The Picard! DATA: I fail to find the humor in the way the ship slows down but then as we approach, it speeds up. __________________ Nerys Myk's Midnight In Never Land A novel of Dark Fantasy @ Amazon.com

May 22 2011, 04:23 PM	#14
Isis Commodore	Re: TNG Caption This #214: The Picard! Picard: "Will, don't be so fast in pulling the trigger. Lwaxana still owes me a sh*tload of money."

May 23 2011, 07:32 AM	#15
Vassa Commander	Re: TNG Caption This #214: The Picard! Well Mr. Crusher you had quite the busy day... Hubbel: Helm not responding Sir! It's been disabled. Riker: Damn Wesley! Picard: Ensign Crusher you will cease evasive maneuvers immediately. Data: Damn Wesley!! Beverly(off-screen): Jean-Luc be careful that is one of Wes' experiments! Picard: Damn Wesley!! Picard: No Will, just stun him! If you kill him he won't learn nothing! Riker: Damn!