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Old February 18 2011, 07:55 AM   #1
Gaith
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Gaith Presents: The Hitchhiker's Guide to Dating 21st-Century Women

Hola Everyone,

Well... I don't really know of a clever way to present this, so I'll cut to the chase: I've written a guide for how to date modern women. It's called "The Hitchhiker's Guide to Dating 21st-Century Women", and yes, the tone and prose is an extended stylistic homage to Douglas Adams, because a) I thought that'd be a funny approach to such a banal subject and b) I probably wouldn't have written it otherwise.

This guide represents all the really important stuff I've learned about dating in the past two years or so, and while I'm no expert on the subject - seriously, my track record is pretty pathetic - I do think/hope that some people might find it helpful. I know I certainly wish that I'd had this pamphlet (as I refer to it) back during my college years. It might not have made much difference at all, but then again, it just might have changed all sorts of things. Either way, it's based on knowledge and experience I wouldn't give up for anything, and now that I've written it, I figure I might as well release it.

While I go into a fair bit of detail on many dating-related subjects, from asking a girl out to sex, here's a preview of sorts:

The Guide wrote:
The second most important thing when it comes to dealing with women is Confidence. The most important thing is to not be a sodding git, but the inability to respect and treasure women is an affliction no pamphlet can cure; therefore, if you are so hobbled, please either burn this or pass it on to someone worthier forthwith.
Now, suppose you’re a non-git who nevertheless doesn’t possess confidence: how, then, can you acquire and embody it? The entire and simple answer to that question lies in the Three Steps.
These three steps are (explanation and commentary presented in the pamphlet itself):

The Guide wrote:
1. Recognize your desires
2. Accept your desires
3. Express your desires

The HGTD21CW is available entirely free of charge, in both regular-page and e-reader-friendly (specifically, designed-for-Kindle) pdfs. Maybe I totally wasted my time writing it, maybe a few people will enjoy it, or maybe it'll catch like wildfire and burn the Internet down. Okay, probably not the latter. But you guys are the first to hear of it!

So-o, there it is. Uh... enjoy?
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Old February 18 2011, 07:58 AM   #2
BolianAuthor
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Re: Gaith Presents: The Hitchhiker's Guide to Dating 21st-Century Wome

I shall read it.

EDIT: I'm reading it.

And since nobody replied about it in my thread, I'll say that I've decided to go back to that store and talk to that girl I saw today, and attempt to ask if she'd like to have coffee or something... because I'd rather risk making a fool of myself and being rejected, than not try and not know.
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Old February 18 2011, 08:18 AM   #3
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Re: Gaith Presents: The Hitchhiker's Guide to Dating 21st-Century Wome

Read it... that was pretty good!
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Old February 18 2011, 07:32 PM   #4
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Re: Gaith Presents: The Hitchhiker's Guide to Dating 21st-Century Wome

Apart from the whole casual sex fixation thing, you sound like you know what you're doing. I enjoyed reading it, you have a lot of interesting approaches, and a very fun turn of phrase!
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Old February 19 2011, 01:48 AM   #5
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Re: Gaith Presents: The Hitchhiker's Guide to Dating 21st-Century Wome

Overall I like it, although I think you should change the title to The Hitchhiker's Guide to Getting Laid. That seems to be the ultimate goal, so why not be honest about it? "Dating" is a whole other issue, if it is to continue after the "getting laid" step has been reached.
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Old February 19 2011, 01:55 AM   #6
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Re: Gaith Presents: The Hitchhiker's Guide to Dating 21st-Century Wome

I would never date a man who hated the prequels, much less have casual sex with him.

"Always remember, your focus determines your reality."
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Old February 19 2011, 02:10 AM   #7
Gaith
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Re: Gaith Presents: The Hitchhiker's Guide to Dating 21st-Century Wome

@ BA: Thanks!


An Officer wrote: View Post
Apart from the whole casual sex fixation thing, you sound like you know what you're doing. I enjoyed reading it, you have a lot of interesting approaches, and a very fun turn of phrase!
Thanks again! I'm both amused and intrigued, though, by this "whole casual sex fixation thing", as I consider myself to be relatively uninvested in emotion-free bonking. That said, I am generally in favor of it when the circumstances are right (i.e., it just happens, and isn't something you're fixated on or go out with the specific intention of finding), and I do think that trying some can be very helpful in learning to be comfortable with your own sexuality. For example, I went on three dates last summer with a wonderful woman who I was emotionally attracted to. She found me cute, but for both personal and practical reasons was resistant to the idea of giving me an even chance, and we never got past the kissing stage. If not for the unapologetically sexual way I courted her, however, we wouldn't even have gotten that far; I wouldn't have had what chances I did to demonstrate my emotional interest, and we probably wouldn't have had the fun second two dates.

So, while I don't say that everyone should give casual sex a try, I do say don't knock it until you've tried it. (Not speaking to anyone in particular here, just rambling.)

Anyway, keep the comments/thoughts coming!
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Old February 19 2011, 02:27 AM   #8
Gaith
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Re: Gaith Presents: The Hitchhiker's Guide to Dating 21st-Century Wome

jeskawest wrote: View Post
Overall I like it, although I think you should change the title to The Hitchhiker's Guide to Getting Laid. That seems to be the ultimate goal, so why not be honest about it? "Dating" is a whole other issue, if it is to continue after the "getting laid" step has been reached.
I think you're describing what's increasingly becoming a distinction without a difference. According to one recent study cited in Science Daily, "couples who became sexually involved as friends or acquaintances and were open to a serious relationship ended up just as happy as those who dated and waited." So, it really boils down to this: if you date someone with the hope of starting a relationship, you hope for eventual sex with that person. Since sex outside of relationships has become de rigueur, would you rather wait and risk no sex at all if nothing develops, or jump right in and get some action before finding that nothing will develop? YMMV, but I tend to err on the latter side.

I guess I could well have written material on how to date after the first sex, but a) I doubt that there'd be much to say apart from "repeat prior dating sequences" (if it ain't broke...) and b) my practical experience in that stage is, alas, about nil.

Still, interesting suggestion re: the title; I shall think on it.


teacake wrote: View Post
I would never date a man who hated the prequels, much less have casual sex with him.

"Always remember, your focus determines your reality."
... And I don't "hate" the prequels; I just think I should expect from more movies than "well, I didn't hate it" if I'm to accept them as full-fledged entries in the venerable Star Wars saga.

And you do realize that your own grammar holds that you have more restrictive standards for casual sex partners than for dating partners, right?
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Old February 20 2011, 12:54 AM   #9
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Re: Gaith Presents: The Hitchhiker's Guide to Dating 21st-Century Wome

Gaith wrote: View Post
"couples who became sexually involved as friends or acquaintances and were open to a serious relationship ended up just as happy as those who dated and waited."
Yeah, yeah, well, good for them. I still prefer to date and wait. Obsolete though that may be.

would you rather wait and risk no sex at all if nothing develops, or jump right in and get some action before finding that nothing will develop?
See above.

So, while I don't say that everyone should give casual sex a try, I do say don't knock it until you've tried it.
I'm not knocking it. Just saying it isn't for me. Nothing wrong with that, is there? Or are we not as diverse as we claim to be?
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Old February 20 2011, 01:10 AM   #10
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Re: Gaith Presents: The Hitchhiker's Guide to Dating 21st-Century Wome

Dude, stop overreacting. Gaith has his idea of what works and he never said you couldn't do what you wanted. He specifically said that not everyone needs to try it! Goodness.
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Old February 20 2011, 01:44 AM   #11
Gaith
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Re: Gaith Presents: The Hitchhiker's Guide to Dating 21st-Century Wome

Kestra FTW!


@ MLB, your rolleyes smilie, as well as your general tone, constituted "knocking it". And, if you read the Guide, it specifically says that there's no shame in waiting more than three dates.
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Old February 20 2011, 01:59 AM   #12
Mr. Laser Beam
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Re: Gaith Presents: The Hitchhiker's Guide to Dating 21st-Century Wome

Gaith wrote: View Post
your rolleyes smilie, as well as your general tone, constituted "knocking it".
And your use of phrases like "sex outside of relationships has become de rigeur" isn't?

And, if you read the Guide, it specifically says that there's no shame in waiting more than three dates.
I did read it. Nice to know that I have "musty religious views"...
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Old February 20 2011, 03:18 AM   #13
Gaith
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Re: Gaith Presents: The Hitchhiker's Guide to Dating 21st-Century Wome

Hey, some people like musty. If it works for ya, party on.
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