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Old January 6 2011, 01:00 AM   #16
Mr. Laser Beam
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Re: Funniest Trek Quotes

"Double dumbass on you!"
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Old January 6 2011, 04:06 AM   #17
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Re: Funniest Trek Quotes

Uhura "What happened?"
Spock "The occipital area of my head seems to have impacted with the chair."
Uhura "No, Mister Spock. I meant what happened to us?"

- Uhura and Spock, after the Enterprise is hurled away from the planet
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Old January 6 2011, 04:08 AM   #18
Mr. Laser Beam
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Re: Funniest Trek Quotes

^ Which episode was that from?
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Old January 6 2011, 04:17 AM   #19
kes7
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Re: Funniest Trek Quotes

Spock: [The Horta] found humanoid appearance revolting, but she felt she could get used to it.
McCoy: Oh, she did, did she? Now tell me, did she happen to make any comment about those ears?
Spock: Not specifically, but I did get the distinct impression she found them the most attractive human characteristic of all. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that only I have—
Kirk: She really liked those ears?
Spock: Captain, the Horta is a remarkably intelligent and sensitive creature with impeccable taste.
Kirk: Because she approved of you.
Spock: Really, Captain, my modesty—
Kirk: ...Does not bear close examination, Mr. Spock. I suspect you're becoming more and more human all the time.
Spock: Captain, I see no reason to stand here and be insulted.
I love this.

Also, Data, regarding Spot (the cat) after Spot has destroyed Geordi's quarters: "Spot does not respond to verbal commands. "

A short time later: "DATA: Geordi, I have taken your suggestion regarding Spot. I have begun training her.
LAFORGE: Really?
DATA: Yes. I am studying several new techniques. I began with simple conditioned response exercises and followed with environmental enhancement. Next I plan to explore bioconditioning devices.
LAFORGE: Devices?
DATA: Such as sensor nets for behaviour modification or biofeedback motivators. Unfortunately, I have been less than successful.
LAFORGE: I've got an idea. How about a phaser? A low stun setting at just the right moment might do the trick.
DATA: Geordi. I cannot stun my cat. "
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Old January 6 2011, 05:42 AM   #20
Mr Leslie
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Re: Funniest Trek Quotes

Mr Leslie wrote: View Post
Uhura "What happened?"
Spock "The occipital area of my head seems to have impacted with the chair."
Uhura "No, Mister Spock. I meant what happened to us?"

- Uhura and Spock, after the Enterprise is hurled away from the planet
That Which Survives
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Old January 6 2011, 07:14 PM   #21
Savage Dragon
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Re: Funniest Trek Quotes

Gary7 wrote: View Post

McCoy: "Jim, I think I liked him with a beard better. Gave him character. Of course almost any change would be a distinct improvement."
Kirk: "What worries me is the easy way his counterpart fit into that other universe. I always thought Spock was a bit of a pirate at heart."
Spock: "Indeed gentlemen. May I point out that I had an opportunity to observe your counterparts here quite closely. They were brutal, savage, unprincipled, uncivilized, treacherous -- in every way splendid examples of homo-sapiens, the very flower of humanity. I found them quite refreshing."
Kirk: "I'm not sure, but I think we've been insulted."
McCoy: "I'm sure."
I love this one just because I can totally hear McCoy in my head saying "I'm sure."
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Old January 6 2011, 07:39 PM   #22
Tora Ziyal
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Re: Funniest Trek Quotes

"Congratulations, you are fully dilated to ten centimeters. You may now give birth." (Worf to Keiko O'Brien)
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Old January 6 2011, 08:18 PM   #23
JiNX-01
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Re: Funniest Trek Quotes

My favorite Archer/T'Pol exchange EVER.


T'POL: (running on treadmill) How's your dog?
ARCHER: (starts another treadmill) Nice of you to ask. We'll know in a couple of hours. (T'P speeds up her machine, he does the same) Have you heard from your friends on the surface?
T'POL: Not yet.
ARCHER: I guess they haven't finished compiling their list of punishments.
T'POL: They're not interested in punishing you. They only want an appropriate apology.
ARCHER: I'm sorry.
T'POL: For what?
ARCHER: Just practicing.
T'POL: (speeding up her machine again, so he does the same) You shouldn't have brought your dog on a diplomatic mission, especially considering we had previously offended the Kreetassans.
ARCHER: They knew we were bringing him. We even sent his genetic specs. (getting breathless) They could have asked us to leave him behind. They didn't. Porthos has the right to a little fresh air.
T'POL: You're once again ignoring the consequences of your actions.
ARCHER: What's that supposed to mean?
T'POL: You obviously place more importance on the quality of the air your pet breathes than on the quality of the plasma that drives your ship. (speeds up her machine again)
ARCHER: What the hell does one have to do with the other? Isn't it logical I could care about my ship and my dog? (speeds up his treadmill)
T'POL: I'm not questioning your pluralities. I'm questioning your priorities.
ARCHER: (sweating and panting) I really thought you were beginning to understand something about human feelings.
T'POL: Not when it pertains to primitive quadrupeds who haven't developed the ability to speak or to use a toilet. (stops her treadmill and gets off)
ARCHER: What's the matter?
T'POL: I obviously can't keep up with you.
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Old January 6 2011, 08:55 PM   #24
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Re: Funniest Trek Quotes

Partially for content, partially for Stewart's delivery:
-------------
Picard: Um...eh, it's not over between us, er, Lwaxana. Um...er, you're mine. And uh, I will er, not let you go. I insist you return to my side immediately.
Lwaxana: You mean, you still care?
Picard: My love is a fever, longing still for that which longer nurseth the disease..[...]

Picard: Mister Worf! Arm phaser banks and photon torpedos. If Lwaxana Troi is not back in my arms in ten seconds, throw everything you've got at the Krator!
DaiMon: But you will destroy Lwaxana!
Picard: "When I have plucked the Rose, I cannot give it vital growth again. It must needs wither." Nine. Eight. "'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all!" Seven. Six.
DaiMon: No, wait --
Picard: Five. Four. Three.
DaiMon: BEAM HER TO THEIR BRIDGE! Now!
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Old January 6 2011, 09:18 PM   #25
kirsten187
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Re: Funniest Trek Quotes

Adam: "Gonna crack my knuckles and jump for joy, I got a clean bill of health from Dr. McCoy!"

Where is that from? I love it.
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Old January 6 2011, 09:57 PM   #26
Tora Ziyal
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Re: Funniest Trek Quotes

^Sounds like The Way to Eden.
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Old January 7 2011, 02:10 AM   #27
Nerys Myk
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Re: Funniest Trek Quotes

Yea, Brother
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Old January 7 2011, 09:20 PM   #28
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Re: Funniest Trek Quotes

McCoy - "Damn it, do you want an acute case on your hands? This woman has immediate postprandial upper abdominal distension! Out of the way...get out of the way."
Kirk - "What did you say she's got?"
McCoy - "Cramps."
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Old January 7 2011, 09:41 PM   #29
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Re: Funniest Trek Quotes

From STSFS Kirk how many fingers do I have up?
McCoy that's not dam funny ? That green blooded son of a bitch it's his revenge for all the arguments he lost .?
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Old January 7 2011, 10:28 PM   #30
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Re: Funniest Trek Quotes

McCOY: Hi. ...Busy?
SPOCK: Uhura is busy. I am monitoring.
McCOY: Umm. Well, I just wanted to say it sure is nice to have your katra back in your head, not mine. What I mean is I may have carried your soul, but I sure couldn't fill your shoes.
SPOCK: My shoes.
McCOY: Forget it! ...Perhaps we could cover a little philosophical ground? Life, Death, Life. Things of that nature?
SPOCK: I did not have time on Vulcan to review the philosophical disciplines.
McCOY: Come on Spock, it's me, McCoy! You really have gone where no man has gone before. Can't you tell me what it felt like?
SPOCK: It would be impossible to discuss the subject without a common frame of reference.
McCOY: You're joking!
SPOCK: A joke is a story with a humorous climax.
McCOY: You mean I have to die to discuss your insights on death?
SPOCK: Forgive me, Doctor, I am receiving a number of distress calls.
McCOY: I don't doubt it!

SPOCK: Gracie is pregnant.
(the pick-up screams to a halt)
GILLIAN: All right. Who are you? And don't jerk me around any more. I want to know how you know that.
KIRK: We can't tell you that. ...Please, let me finish. I can tell you that we're not in the military and that we intend no harm towards the whales.
GILLIAN: Then what...
KIRK: In fact, we may be able to help you in ways that, frankly, you couldn't possibly imagine.
GILLIAN: Or believe, I'll bet.
KIRK: Very likely. ...You're not exactly catching us at our best.
SPOCK: That much is certain.
KIRK: I have got a hunch we'd all be a lot happier discussing this over dinner. What do you say?
GILLIAN: You guys like Italian?
SPOCK/KIRK: No. Yes. No. Yes.
KIRK: Yes, I love Italian and so do you.
SPOCK: Yes.


GILLIAN: Sure you won't change your mind?
SPOCK: Is there something wrong with the one I have?
KIRK: Just a little joke. Goodbye, old friend.
GILLIAN: Wait a minute! How did you know Gracie's pregnant? Nobody knows that.
SPOCK: Gracie does. ... I'll be right here.
GILLIAN: Is he just going to hang around the bushes while we eat?
KIRK: It's his way.
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