Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter produced by Tim Burton in the works

[Temis the Vorta]

Good gravy, this sounds like the weirdest movie ever. But I'll be the first in line because this is my kind of weird.

It's a 3D re-imagining of Lincoln's life that depicts the 16th president as an axe-throwing, highly accomplished killer of vampires, an obsession of his since those bloodsuckers supposedly took the life of his mother. Taking revenge, Lincoln wreaks havoc on the vampires and their slave-owning protectors. Only in Hollywood would such wild fantasy with the reputation of one of America's greatest Presidents be in such demand. Fox wanted the project so badly that when the filmmakers came onto the lot, the studio had bloody axes and bloody footprints strewn about, and arranged for a bugle player in a Confederate uniform playing "Taps" to accompany them to the meeting with studio executives.

Who in the world can they get to play Abe? Gotta be about 6'4", skinny and not Hollywood-handsome.

Isn't there another story that has Lincoln teaming up with Queen Victoria to hunt vampires?

[Admiral_Young]

^ Yes. I'm currently reading the book, the author is currently in the middle of adapting his book into script form.

[Temis the Vorta]

Maybe they can use that for the sequel?

[Shurik]

After Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter, it's really hard to be surprised by such things ...

[Captaindemotion]

^ Or Bubba Ho-Tep.

[Caretaker]

Interesting. I was kind of hoping Burton's next film would be the "haunting adaptation" of Goodnight, Moon starring Johnny Depp.

[Aragorn]

Frankenvorta wrote:

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Who in the world can they get to play Abe? Gotta be about 6'4", skinny and not Hollywood-handsome.

The actor doesn't have to be 6'4". Just surround him with Dustin Hoffman, Al Pacino, Sylvester Stallone, Jamie Bamber, James Callis, Michael J. Fox and Emilio Estevez.

[flandry84]

Maybe Tim Robbins...although,Lincoln was a Republican..

[Mr. Adventure]

I still think this project sounds *too* deliberate and calculated.

[Gaith]

So in other words, the only development since our last discussion on this matter (active in July) is that the project got a studio. And this earth-shattering news requires an entirely new thread, does it?

This particular project makes me sick. You want to take a nice hot dump on Jane Austen's books, I think that's hopelessly juvenile, but whatever. But to turn a real-life manic-depressive statesman who felt immense pain over the war he thought he had no choice but to prosecute - a war that led to a bullet in his brain, remember - into a gleeful butcher of men... that's worse than juvenile, it's an insult to the Lincoln family's memory, not to mention our national memory. Want to write about a Confederate vampire-hunting woodsman? Fine. Make up your own fucking character, or at the very least have the decency to make a surrogate Lincoln, no matter how thinly veiled.

If this project actually gets made, may it tank harder than Jonah Hex and blight the movie-making careers of those involved. May the director be reduced to a gaffer and the suits reduced to fetching new suits' coffee.

[Temis the Vorta]

Hey if you don't like it, nobody's forcing you to post here. Someone got a gun to your head?

Lincoln would probably find this movie amusing. Or confusing. Probably both.

[stj]

However could the supposed evil of vampires ever compare to the evil of the slaveholders? But, if your hero isn't fighting the villains, he's not a hero. If you've got no hero and failed villains, you don't even have melodrama. All that's left is camp.

[Ar-Pharazon]

Captaindemotion wrote:

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^ Or Bubba Ho-Tep.

A very under-rated Bruce Campbell flick. In my DVD collection though.

Frankenvorta wrote:

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Someone got a gun to your head?

Now that's just plain mean


This movie could go very hard in either direction, good or bad.

[Skywalker]

They should make it 87 minutes long.

[Awesome Possum]

I'd do it as a History Channel-style docu-drama. Show scenes of Lincoln killing vampires, but also have experts discussing it.

I've started on the book, I'm enjoying it so far.