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Old October 19 2009, 05:05 PM   #31
Mr Awe
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Re: Admiral Brukk's Lonely Hearts Club

Wolvermouse wrote: View Post
All I can do is hope that something will happen, fate will take its course, or something to take away by lonliness.
I notice a totally external locus of control in these statements. I suspect this is a common theme in lonliness, except cases where isolation may be due to physical immobility or other severe health conditions.

"The time wasn't right, I didn't have the money, etc"

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Old October 19 2009, 06:20 PM   #32
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Re: Admiral Brukk's Lonely Hearts Club

Brukk wrote: View Post
Would you say the Internet sex thing is a good way to go though?
If you want to spend the rest of your life soaking in a vat of penicillin, maybe...
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Old October 19 2009, 06:41 PM   #33
Warped9
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Re: Admiral Brukk's Lonely Hearts Club

Much of what I've read here sounds so familiar that I could have probably written it myself.

I'm something of a loner in that I don't mind doing many things on my own. Also I've never been a "gang" person and prefer the company of a few good friends over hanging out with large groups of people that I know only passingly. I've never believed that you could be really good friends with scores of people although you can be easy going and get along well with most people you encounter.

I also don't feel the compulsion to fill my time with noise. My pursuits can go on for hours without having to turn a radio or TV on just to hear voices and fill the quietude.

Recently I just moved to a new community--and one that's smaller--where I have family and in that sense I won't be as lonely as before. Still, that said I still get lonely in the romantic sense, and I feel it more acutely than usual at times, particularly around holidays, birthdays and whenever there's something I'd like to share.

I'm certainly not repulsive or unappealing. I may have some difficulty reading signals but I'm much better than when I was younger. I don't wear my interests on my sleeve and I'm informed and interested enough to talk about pretty much anything from the trivial to the meaningful.

I, too, have wondered if I will be alone for the rest of my life, but I try not to dwell on it. I hope not. I've loved three women in my life and sadly none panned out, yet I still carry warm feelings for each of them. And I carry no resentment towards my failed loves because I try not to take it too personally. They made their choices because they felt they were the right ones and whatever they were looking for they just didn't see it in me. I know they also harbour no ill feeling towards me and I still communicate with two of them somewhat regularly.

Yet an ember of hope still burns. I'm a decent looking fellow with good manners, an easy going nature, clean and decently groomed. I carry no extra weight and I'm slim with a job that keeps me reasonable fit for my age. I also have a wicked sense of humour and a healthy romantic streak.

If I had to list the strikes against me presently (as I perceive them) when it comes to women they be:
- Presently don't have a car.
- Money was very tight until just recently.
- I've never been particularly ambitious in the conventional sense eager for an exceptional job and making lots of money.
- I'm sometimes unsure regarding reading signals.
- I've never been aggressive when it comes to women.

On the last point I also learned very quickly and early not to be a wuss or a doormat. I can be easy going, but I draw the line if someone tries to take advantage of me or take me for granted. I will assert myself.

I might also add another strike: I'm reasonably intelligent. And I've been told that often enough as well. But what I really mean to say is that I'm not likely someone who could be easily wrapped around one's finger. I can be just too damned stubborn for that. In that respect (and a few others) I'm very much like my father, which is good because dad has never been anyone's fool.
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Last edited by Warped9; October 19 2009 at 06:56 PM.
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Old October 19 2009, 07:26 PM   #34
AstroSmurf
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Re: Admiral Brukk's Lonely Hearts Club

I have been reading through this thread and reflecting on my own post. Everyone brings a unique perspective. And from that I have come to the realization that my biggest issue is that finding someone to be with is not really a high priority for me. For the most part, I am fine on my own and always have been. If my physical needs are being met than I don't really need a constant companion. I also don't believe in a soul-mate or love-at-first-sight. I believe instead in a relationship based on friendship and symbiosis. So far I haven't found that and I am not willing to settle.

My only real drive to find a "husband" would be to raise a child. I know I need to do it soon since I do not want to be chasing a three-year-old at forty. I will be 35 in January so I guess I need to get crackin!
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Old October 19 2009, 07:41 PM   #35
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Re: Admiral Brukk's Lonely Hearts Club

^^ True. At some times more than others I crave emotional and physical intimacy and affection as well as the feeling that someone "gets" and accepts you. I also want to be on the same or similar intellectual and playful level with shared values more than shared interests.

But I don't feel truly desperate for it. And I don't feel the compulsion to chase women just to satisfy physical cravings. I suppose because deep down I long for the intimacy of a connection rather than just scratching an itch. I've even passed up sexual opportunities because I really wasn't interested in the woman. And yet I do think of sex often enough.

Hmm. Man, I must be royally messed up.

In the past I've had very good friends who were women and I loved those relationships. Ideally I'd love that sort of connection yet with the physical intimacy in the mix. Of course I might just be dreaming in HD.
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Old October 19 2009, 08:38 PM   #36
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Re: Admiral Brukk's Lonely Hearts Club

my problem isnt loneliness, I have alot of family around. I actually enjoy being alone but what makes it hard is that others dont seem to understand that. They expect a 35 years old woman to be or have been married or be going out with lots of friends & boyfriends. I have a hard time trying to explain that I am not like that & they just look at me funny. I could tell them I have Aspergers but they wouldnt understand what that is either.

I dont think I could handle a romantic relationship. I would need to know how to have a platonic relationship first, which Ive never been successful in having. I tend to be so self absorbed in my own things & hobbies that i would end up boring or trying to avoid the other person. Unless that person was exactly like me with my same interests but my interests are so odd that I dont think Id ever find a like minded indvidual, at least not around where I live. All everyone wants to do around here is outdoor activities or go clubbing.
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Old October 19 2009, 08:47 PM   #37
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Re: Admiral Brukk's Lonely Hearts Club

^^ I can somewhat understand that feeling. I often feel at odds with what most people around me are interested in as opposed to what interests me.
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Old October 19 2009, 11:05 PM   #38
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Re: Admiral Brukk's Lonely Hearts Club

I have such a brutally high standard in terms of women I would be interested in that the possibility of one coming along is far from probable, at least in my present situation. In all reality, I am lonely; I don't really like living a solitary life. On the same scale, I find it preferable over the companionship of most people.

Realistically, my goals are professional. If I have some sort of business that I can pour my allegience and passion into, that is what I'll root my purpose in. Everything else is secondary. I suppose in a certain sense, that is one reason, if not the reason why romantic relationships don't come naturally for me. I have a certain system of professionalism/formalism and drive to accomplish that I use as a shield.

Folks who just want to have fun living rub me the wrong way - not because there is anything wrong with them - but because it just isn't my nature. My dream is to change the world; and I do have an idea of distinct things that I want to achieve for the betterment of humanity between now and the time I die. Surely, I may not achieve those things; but the last thing I need is social baggage that wouldn't support my vision, or worse yet, would get in the way of it. (Lord knows, one's self can be a big enough roadblock to success at times!)

Being 21, I know I've got time... but having never actually been involved in a romantic relationship of any form, it is definitely something that I am thinking about more as time goes on. My general expectation is that when I get more established, in the 25-35 age range, I'll meet the right person. I like to fall back on the old Warren Buffett quote, which goes... "You don't have to do that many things right; just avoid making too many mistakes."
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Old October 20 2009, 10:59 AM   #39
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Re: Admiral Brukk's Lonely Hearts Club

Mr. Laser Beam wrote: View Post
Brukk wrote: View Post
Would you say the Internet sex thing is a good way to go though?
If you want to spend the rest of your life soaking in a vat of penicillin, maybe...
Are you really, really the one to give advice about sex? Don't want to be mean to you dude, but suffice to say we have different views on things.
melancholymecha wrote: View Post
my problem isnt loneliness, I have alot of family around. I actually enjoy being alone but what makes it hard is that others dont seem to understand that. They expect a 35 years old woman to be or have been married or be going out with lots of friends & boyfriends. I have a hard time trying to explain that I am not like that & they just look at me funny. I could tell them I have Aspergers but they wouldnt understand what that is either.

I dont think I could handle a romantic relationship. I would need to know how to have a platonic relationship first, which Ive never been successful in having. I tend to be so self absorbed in my own things & hobbies that i would end up boring or trying to avoid the other person. Unless that person was exactly like me with my same interests but my interests are so odd that I dont think Id ever find a like minded indvidual, at least not around where I live. All everyone wants to do around here is outdoor activities or go clubbing.
I'm an Aspie as well, but I'm almost the opposite. Everyone in my family knows and understands what I am and seem to be content with that. It seems at times that my parents don't even expect me too meet someone again because of my condition. And that kinda pisses me off a bit, since I really do want to meet someone, I'm just clueless as to how I'll get to a point where I'm happy enough with myself that someone else might be as well.
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Old October 20 2009, 11:32 AM   #40
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Re: Admiral Brukk's Lonely Hearts Club

Well, I am never truly lonely with my friends, family, and you guys, but it would be nice to go out on a date. Hopefully once things settle down for me I'll find something. If not I live near many bars!
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Old October 20 2009, 01:55 PM   #41
Mr. Laser Beam
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Re: Admiral Brukk's Lonely Hearts Club

melancholymecha wrote: View Post
I tend to be so self absorbed in my own things & hobbies that i would end up boring or trying to avoid the other person. Unless that person was exactly like me with my same interests but my interests are so odd that I dont think Id ever find a like minded indvidual, at least not around where I live. All everyone wants to do around here is outdoor activities or go clubbing.
Do you like baseball?
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Old October 21 2009, 01:54 AM   #42
melancholymecha
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Re: Admiral Brukk's Lonely Hearts Club

^nope, cant say Im interested in any kind of sports.

Everyone in my family knows and understands what I am and seem to be content with that. It seems at times that my parents don't even expect me too meet someone again because of my condition.
my family is like that with me too. The problem is with like more distant relatives, my sister's friends, or coworkers, where they dont know you well...it feels like I have to explain why Im not in the "norm" for my age group...
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Old October 21 2009, 05:52 AM   #43
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Re: Admiral Brukk's Lonely Hearts Club

" For a crowd is not company; and faces are but a gallery of pictures; and talk but a tinkling cymbal, where there is no love."

Sorry, I know that's really random, but it seemed relevant.
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Old October 21 2009, 05:54 AM   #44
Mr. Laser Beam
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Re: Admiral Brukk's Lonely Hearts Club

melancholymecha wrote: View Post
^nope, cant say Im interested in any kind of sports.
A challenge, then...
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Old October 21 2009, 10:29 AM   #45
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Re: Admiral Brukk's Lonely Hearts Club

Kreepy Kestra wrote: View Post
" For a crowd is not company; and faces are but a gallery of pictures; and talk but a tinkling cymbal, where there is no love."

Sorry, I know that's really random, but it seemed relevant.
Nice. Where's that from?
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