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Old October 10 2009, 01:36 AM   #1
Dusty Ayres
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Uncomfortable Plot Summaries

  • 25TH HOUR: White New Yorkers commit crimes against both law and ethics; feel bad for being caught, rather than for doing it at all.
  • 300: Gays kill blacks.
  • 8 MILE: White man successfully co-opts black culture to impress other whites.
  • A CIVIL ACTION: Underqualified lawyer doesn’t listen to clients, royally botches case.
  • A CONFEDERACY OF DUNCES: Social deviants make life difficult for genius.
  • A CRY IN THE DARK: Dogs eat baby, confusion follows.
  • ALIEN: Ship fails to deliver cargo, crew don’t get bonus.
  • ALIENS: An unplanned pregnancy leads to complications.
  • AMADEUS: Man with health problems receives help from rival.
  • AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON: Tourist causes riot.
  • ATLAS SHRUGGED: Selfish industrialist destroys economy.
  • AUNTIE MAME: Spinster exposes child to sexual fetishists, socialists; thwarts marriage to good Republican girl.
  • BATMAN: Wealthy man assaults the mentally ill.
  • BEAUTY AND THE BEAST: Peasant girl develops Stockholm Syndrome.
  • BENJI: Family abandons beloved pet, forcing it to engage in a dangerous cross-country journey.
  • BEOWULF: Colonists hire assassin to drive natives from land.
  • BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA: Redneck trucker kills Chinese immigrants.
  • BILLY ELLIOT: Union worker turns back on strikers for personal gain.
  • BLADE: Obsessed loner stalks minority group.
  • BLADE RUNNER: Man with no apparent skill stumbles into escaped robots, fails to kill most, fucks one.
  • BLAKE’S 7: Terrorists fight government, die.
  • BOOGIE NIGHTS: Deformed boy goaded into life of crime.
  • BOTTLE ROCKET: Mentally unstable man fosters friend’s descent into mental instability, finds love.
  • BREAKFAST AT TIFFANY’S: Pretty redneck girl fools socialites, flirts with gay gigolo.
  • BREWSTER’S MILLIONS: Black man abuses line of credit.
  • BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER: Teenage serial killer destroys town in fit of semi-religious fervor.
  • CHANGE OF HABIT: Rock star regrets not looking closer at contract with movie studio.
  • CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY: Deranged pedophile big-business industrialist tortures and mutilates young children.
  • CHASING AMY: Homosexuality proved to be passing fancy and sign of sexual deviance.
  • CHEERS: Alcoholic cuts lime in bar as penance for his womanizing ways.
  • CHINATOWN: Father desires closer relationship with his children.
  • CHRISTMAS VACATION: Incestuous relatives teach family the meaning of Christmas.
  • CLERKS: Aimless loser remains in dead-end job, abusive “friendship.”
  • CLOAK AND DAGGER: Spoiled teens discover drugs make them special.
  • CONAN THE BARBARIAN: Petty thief murders religious leader.
Of special interest to Trekkers:

  • STAR TREK THE MOTION PICTURE: Megalomaniac can’t let go of past glory, drives successor to suicide.
  • STAR TREK III: Military officers steal vessel and destroy it to eliminate a handful of enemies while engaged on an extremely vague rescue mission.
  • STAR TREK IV: Interplanetary fugitives poach wildlife from a past age to cover up an act of genocide.
  • STAR TREK VI: Racist military commander past his prime nearly ruins galactic peace.
Browncoats, watch out:

FIREFLY: In an analogue of the post-Civil War west, a white man on the losing side bosses around a black woman.

SERENITY: Men fight for possession of scantily clad mentally ill teenage girl.

Uncomfortable Plot Summaries
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Old October 10 2009, 02:46 AM   #2
DevilEyes
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Re: Uncomfortable Plot Summaries

Dusty Ayres wrote: View Post
Of special interest to Trekkers:

  • STAR TREK THE MOTION PICTURE: Megalomaniac can’t let go of past glory, drives successor to suicide.
  • STAR TREK III: Military officers steal vessel and destroy it to eliminate a handful of enemies while engaged on an extremely vague rescue mission.
  • STAR TREK IV: Interplanetary fugitives poach wildlife from a past age to cover up an act of genocide.
  • STAR TREK VI: Racist military commander past his prime nearly ruins galactic peace.
Browncoats, watch out:

FIREFLY: In an analogue of the post-Civil War west, a white man on the losing side bosses around a black woman.

SERENITY: Men fight for possession of scantily clad mentally ill teenage girl.

Uncomfortable Plot Summaries
You forgot to mention:

STAR TREK: Over-sexed officer routinely places crew in danger.

And in the comments:

Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan:
Government stooge kills senior citizen after forcing him to move and then demolishing his new home.

My favorites from the list are:


DIE HARD: Dysfunctional cop saves marriage by murdering foreign national.
DOCTOR WHO: Elderly man serially abducts young women.
GHOSTBUSTERS: Unemployed college professors destroy hotel with nuclear weapons.
GROUNDHOG DAY: Misanthropic creep exploits space/time anomaly to stalk coworker.
LORD OF THE RINGS: Midget destroys stolen property.
RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK: American yahoo murders soldiers and desecrates religious artifacts for money.
SNOW WHITE AND THE SEVEN DWARFS: Layabout stepdaughter shacks up with seven miners.
STAR WARS: A NEW HOPE: Religious extremist terrorists destroy government installation, killing thousands.
STAR WARS: EMPIRE STRIKES BACK: Boy is abused by midget, kisses sister, attempts patricide.
STAR WARS: RETURN OF THE JEDI: Handicapped mass murderer kills septugenarian, is lauded.

I like the way it makes those plots look disturbing, while making really the plots of really disturbing movies look so innocuous and family-friendly (Deliverance, Lolita, Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me). And the summary of Se7en is so wrong it makes you laugh and feel guilty about it.

However, I have to say that some summaries are quite accurate in fact and pretty much pinpoint the real idea of the movie, whether the people who came out with it realize it or not (The X-Men, Vertigo).
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Last edited by DevilEyes; October 10 2009 at 04:23 AM.
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Old October 10 2009, 04:18 AM   #3
Temis the Vorta
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Re: Uncomfortable Plot Summaries

ALIENS: An unplanned pregnancy leads to complications.


LORD OF THE RINGS: Midget destroys stolen property.


FIREFLY: In an analogue of the post-Civil War west, a white man on the losing side bosses around a black woman.
OOOUCH!

And Mal & Zoe were among my favorite character pairs....

No Star Wars prequels? They are the most sitting of sitting ducks!

The Phantom Menace:
Unsupervised tot wreaks havok.

Attack of the Clones: Attempting to impress hot chick, horny adolescent recites horrendous dialogue and undermines democracy.

Revenge of the Sith:
Still horny, aforementioned adolescent destroys democracy, fights mentor, gets legs burned off, and errr destroys fond memories of millions of childhoods.

Last edited by Temis the Vorta; October 10 2009 at 04:28 AM.
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Old October 10 2009, 04:19 AM   #4
DevilEyes
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Re: Uncomfortable Plot Summaries

Temis the Friendly Ghost wrote: View Post
ALIENS: An unplanned pregnancy leads to complications.
They have the same summary for Terminator and Rosemary's Baby. And one of the commentators has the same summary for the New Testament.

another good one from one of the comments:

TERMINATOR 2: An escaped mental patient, a steroid-addled sociopath and a juvenile delinquent cause hundreds of millions of dollars worth of property damage, set scientific research back 30 years.
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Old October 10 2009, 04:33 AM   #5
Temis the Vorta
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Re: Uncomfortable Plot Summaries

Or,

Revenge of the Sith
: Democracy sucks.
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Old October 10 2009, 04:49 AM   #6
Dusty Ayres
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Re: Uncomfortable Plot Summaries

Temis the Friendly Ghost wrote: View Post

FIREFLY: In an analogue of the post-Civil War west, a white man on the losing side bosses around a black woman.
OOOUCH!

And Mal & Zoe were among my favorite character pairs....
Now I know and understand (though I still don't agree with) that analysis of Firefly by that Aussie feminist that accused Joss Whedon of rape.
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Old October 10 2009, 04:59 AM   #7
Temis the Vorta
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Re: Uncomfortable Plot Summaries

Dusty Ayres wrote: View Post
Temis the Friendly Ghost wrote: View Post

FIREFLY: In an analogue of the post-Civil War west, a white man on the losing side bosses around a black woman.
OOOUCH!

And Mal & Zoe were among my favorite character pairs....
Now I know and understand (though I still don't agree with) that analysis of Firefly by that Aussie feminist that accused Joss Whedon of rape.

Dollhouse
is far more damning of the guy's mentality. Zoe & Mal was pretty charming, really.
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Old October 10 2009, 05:11 AM   #8
Lindley
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Re: Uncomfortable Plot Summaries

Temis the Friendly Ghost wrote: View Post

Dollhouse
is far more damning of the guy's mentality.
The people running the Dollhouse may be the protagonists, but don't be fooled into thinking they're supposed to be the good guys.

Not that there's any real distinction between right and wrong on the series from a storytelling perspective. It's mostly just examining a "what if this technology existed" scenario from as many angles as possible.

It starts with prostitution, moves on to super-soldiers, then immortality, and finally.....wholesale destruction of civilization.

"A brothel!? You're telling me that the tech that punt-kicked the ass of the human race started out as a way to make a more convincing hooker?"

"They really thought they were helping, huh? Giving people what they needed. Is this what we needed?"
"No. Kids playing with matches...and they burnt the house down."
-Dollhouse: Epitaph One
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Last edited by Lindley; October 10 2009 at 06:13 AM.
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Old October 10 2009, 07:12 AM   #9
auntiehill
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Re: Uncomfortable Plot Summaries

BLAKE’S 7: Terrorists fight government, die.
Well, yeah, I guess that's pretty much it.

But Avon was a really cool terrorist.
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Old October 10 2009, 07:50 AM   #10
Rii
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Re: Uncomfortable Plot Summaries

PREDATOR: American military-industrial complex ruins first contact with alien life.


It's not on the list, but the description of The Thin Red Line as "a bunch of first-year philosophy students invade Guadalcanal" has always amused me.
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Old October 10 2009, 08:17 AM   #11
The Borgified Corpse
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Re: Uncomfortable Plot Summaries

ALIENS: An unplanned pregnancy leads to complications.
In some ways, I think this may be a more accurate summary of Alien 3 or Alien Resurrection.
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Old October 10 2009, 08:44 AM   #12
The Borgified Corpse
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Re: Uncomfortable Plot Summaries

A few of my other favorites:

TITANIC: Crazy old widow disregards lifelong memories of husband, children, and grandchildren in favor of that one time she fucked a bum.
TORCHWOOD: Bisexual is inefficient manager.
WATCHMEN: Homosexual destroys New York, blames God.
THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST: Mel Gibson fulfills fantasy of showing a Jew beaten to a bloody pulp and killed on-screen.
RAMBO III: The United States provides arms, equipment and training to the terrorists behind 9/11.
MILK: Uppity queer dies.
FERRIS BUELLER’S DAY OFF: Amoral narcissist makes world dance for his amusement.
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Old October 10 2009, 10:24 AM   #13
Zulu Romeo
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Re: Uncomfortable Plot Summaries

BEAUTY AND THE BEAST: Peasant girl develops Stockholm Syndrome.
So true.
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Old October 10 2009, 11:09 AM   #14
Aragorn
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Re: Uncomfortable Plot Summaries

Should we start making our own?

COLLATERAL: White business man from out-of-town killed on subway by black man.

ENEMY OF THE STATE: Black guy is kept down by the man.

I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER: Big breasts cause fisherman to go psycho.

RUSH HOUR: Racists tolerated in the workplace because they're not white.

TITANIC: Rich British brat refuses to share flotation device with poor American guy, lets him drown instead.

TWISTER: Self-absorbed ex-couple fall back in love with each other while those less fortunate around them lose everything and suffer greatly.

UNDERWORLD: Vampires would rather run around pretending like they're inside The Matrix than do actual vampire stuff.

THE USUAL SUSPECTS: Criminal escapes by lying to cops.
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Old October 10 2009, 11:12 AM   #15
Ben Sisko3
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Re: Uncomfortable Plot Summaries

Here are some additions that could work. Beware spoilers!

District 9 - White government worker supports campaign to return illegal immigrants to their home after torturing many of them and killing several of their children.

Iron Man - Critically wounded philanderer/alcoholic/weapons manufacturer has epiphany, stops selling weapons, becomes one.

Frost/Nixon - Foppish Brit embarrasses former American leader on international television, is hailed as person of high moral standing.

The Incredible Hulk - Split personality causes terrible problems for a scientist, his loved ones, the US military and private property.

Carnivale - Filthy transient insurgent and allies in caravan attempt to murder an extremely religious and important western leader because God told them to. They fail.

Y: The Last Man - Man, searching for his girlfriend in a post-apocalyptic world for five years, only cheats on her a few times.

A Boy and His Dog - After beating her small-town family and friends violently after being politely invited into their home, a young rapist forces himself upon and murders a woman, then feeds her to his "talking dog".

Transmetropolitan - Renegade chain-smoking journalist has unhealthy obsession with politicians' bowel movements.

The Truman Show - Ignorant, ungrateful brat walks out on supportive father figure and community without so much as a "thank you" simply because he's tired of living at home.

The Prisoner - A man learns to lovingly accept conformity through his increasingly unacceptable individuality.

Farscape - Illegal immigrant murders a soldier, teams up with convicted felons and attempts to bring down the political structure of his new home.

THX 1138 - Man escapes confining totalitarian society, presumably dies of starvation or sunstroke.

The Night of the Hunter - Young children, unable to accept their new stepfather, run away despite his best efforts to get them to acclimate to their new lives.

Network - Newsman who threatens public suicide receives public execution.

Casablanca - Bartender gives up the chance to spend the rest of his days with an ex-girlfriend, heads off to a foreign country to live with another man.

Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid - Bolivian army swiftly deals with two insurgents.

Being There - Mentally deficient reincarnation of Christ selected by Illuminati to become next American President.

Primer - Two scientists team up to give the audience a headache.

Kings - Monarch turns his back on his god, wonders why bad things happen to him, attempts to repress his divinely-selected competition.

Supernatural - Man and young girl spend years attempting to release their father from prison after he is jailed on false charges. Before, during and after this, they are repeatedly confronted by two brothers who really like shooting and stabbing them.

Children of Men - Babies stop wars for at least 15 seconds.

Animal Man - Author convinces main character "it was all a dream." It was.

Lost Highway - Creepy videographer has the ability to bi-locate, laugh in stereo.

Blade Runner - Secret policeman trained to pursue, murder minority group is tasked with homicide, has sex with robot.

Star Wars - Son rejects father's legacy as a hero-turned-villain, decides to forge his own path of heroism, becomes skilled mass-murderer who resembles his father more and more on a daily basis. Later discovers he has a sibling he never knew he had who has similar abilities, and together the two team up with robots, aliens and humans to take down an evil empire.

Invincible - Son rejects father's legacy as a hero-turned-villain, decides to forge his own path of heroism, becomes skilled mass-murderer who resembles his father more and more on a daily basis. Later discovers he has a sibling he never knew he had who has similar abilities, and together the two team up with robots, aliens and humans to take down an evil empire.

Wonder Woman - Foreign diplomat attempts to be taken seriously on matters of huge importance by the nations of the world while only wearing a bathing suit.

Rescue Me - Mentally ill alcoholic firefighter repeatedly fails to commit suicide after 9/11 and destroys the lives of those around him.

Battlestar Galactica - Universe's oldest living man, his promiscuous wife and their three friends create an army of man-like machines for an armada of silent killers, hope for the best, and are murdered for their troubles.
OR
Battlestar Galactica - Self-involved scientist's libido leads to the creation of the human race as we know it. You're welcome.

The Mist - After the military causes the accidental deaths of untold innocents, a woman in a small town starts a Christian revival camp that grows rapidly.

The Essex County Trilogy - Six Degrees of Canadian Bacon.

Helter Skelter - Hippie leader arrested, convicted on charges of impersonating a deity.

King Lear - Dying, crazy leader takes all his advice from a peppy lunatic.

Henry V - Believing he will be welcomed with open arms and his men greeted as liberators, the son of a nation's former leader launches an invasion of a much weaker nation in his father's name.

Hung - The Punisher slays the wicked with his colossal artillery.

Civil War (Marvel Comics) - The Military Industrial Complex attempts to arrest the symbol of the United States before passing the proper legislation. An Aryan kills a giant black man.

Children of the Atom - Superpowered minority group looked upon with fear, disgust, concern and suspicion.

X-Men - Superpowered minority group looked upon with fear, disgust, concern and suspicion.

Rising Stars - Superpowered minority group looked upon with fear, disgust, concern and suspicion.

The 4400 - Superpowered minority group looked upon with fear, disgust, concern and suspicion.

Heroes - Superpowered minority group looked upon with fear, disgust, concern and suspicion.

Lost - Ex-monk and former soldier turned mentally-disturbed alcoholic time traveling Scotsman crashes an airplane and ruins the lives of all aboard, but they are able to forgive him on account of how damn lovable he is

Prison Break - Convicted attempted bank robber tries to free assassin, pedophile, Mafioso from jail; hilarity ensues.

Promethea - A young woman steps through the looking glass of reality and her life is radically altered by what she sees and learns there, much of which serves as ironic reflections of her own world.

The Lady Vanishes - A mysteriously nigh-indestructible senior citizen routinely evades capture, torture, murder with ease.

Secret Invasion - Angry minority group launches attack on New York City in the name of God after activating several sleeper agents who have been hiding in plain sight for years.

Smallville - See Peter Pan.

Oz - After ingesting too many intoxicants, a down-to-earth audience surrogate is whisked away to the wondrous Emerald City, which features warped versions of friends, family and acquaintances from his home life, and encounters several obstacles -- attempted murder, kidnapping and persecution -- in an attempt to return home.

South Park - A young boy in a small mountain town possesses the mysterious ability to frequently resurrect himself, seemingly through sheer force of will.

Arlington Road - A traumatized college professor begins stalking his neighbors and interfering in their lives to the point where his behavior becomes erratic and unpredictable, leading those close to him to wonder if he's gone crazy with survivor's guilt.

The Avengers - A 90-year-old steroid junkie, an alcoholic philandering billionaire, a schizophrenic deity, a wifebeating scientist with personality disorders, his vertically-challenged wife, a homeless man, a cancer patient, several sideshow freaks and two incestuous European siblings are all that stand between the Earth and total destruction.

Dr. Strangelove - In a time of global catastrophe, one British officer learns that committing crimes against a major soda conglomerate is immoral, no matter what's at stake.
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